WITH the aid of this ingenious little instrument, the horoscope, which
is simple in construction, easily cleaned, and to be had of all
respectable dealers throughout the kingdom in gold, silver,
mother-of-pearl, ormolu, aluminium, and other suitable materials, a
clear insight may be obtained, on a fine evening, into the more salient
events of the year one thousand eight hundred and seventy-two.
The observations we have been enabled to make with one of these
instruments (fitted with the patent self-acting forecaster) are so
startling that, without loss of time, we hasten to lay them before the
world, for the guidance and direction of reigning Sovereigns, Cabinet
Ministers, School-Boards, Members of Parliament, Mayors, Magistrates,
Mothers of Marriageable Daughters, Managers of Theatres, Newspaper
Editors, Speculators, and others, who may be desirous to make their
arrangements at once for the ensuing twelve months.
Parliament will meet early in February, a few days after it ceases to be
legal to slaughter pheasants. It will be prorogued early in August,
about the period when grouse-shooting becomes a lawful pastime.
The HOME SECRETARY will withdraw several measures in the course of the
Session.
The London School-Board, by the active interposition of its Beadles,
will clear the streets of from ten to twenty children.
Australian meat will appear on the bill of fare at the Lord Mayor's
banquets.
In the month of February a most serious astronomical occurrence will
take place, one which ought to make a great noise in the world, and is
likely to be attended with disastrous consequences to those who may be
unfortunate enough to be on the spot--_the full moon will fall_ on
Saturday, the 24th.
There will be at least one new cookery-book published during the year.
Good port wine will become scarcer and dearer than ever.
The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER will, in his annual Budget, propose a
tax upon one or more of the following articles:--calling cards, dolls,
pins, perambulators, umbrellas, and wigs.
The Mines Regulation Bill will be brought before Parliament; also the
COLLIER affair.
There will be a show (the first) of guinea-pigs, white mice, parrots,
bullfinches, and squirrels at the Crystal Palace. The DUCHESS OF
LAUNCESTON, LADY IDA DOWN, and the Honourable MRS. ALFRED WARBLEMORE
will act as Judges.
Several new animals will be added to the collection in the Zoological
Gardens.
The jury in the Tichborne case will retire when the trial is concluded,
and, after deliberating for several days, will return into Court late at
night, and deliver their Verdict amidst breathless silence. The LORD
CHIEF BARON will have a sleeping apartment fitted up in the Westminster
Sessions House, that no time may be lost in calling him up to receive
the verdict.
Several Colonial Bishops will return home.
An eye should be kept on the Pope, the Orleans Princes, the Irish Roman
Catholic Bishops, the Publicans, the Republicans, the Spiritualists, the
Ritualists, SIR CHARLES DILKE, MR. WHALLEY, MR. BUTT, and MR. BROCK, the
pyrotechnist, as they may all be expected to do extraordinary things.
An eminent Archdeacon of the Established Church, well known in the West
of England, will conduct the services at MR. SPURGEON'S Tabernacle, and
MR. SPURGEON will exchange pulpits with him.
A new Opera will be brought out on the last night but two of the season.
There will be some failures in the City, and constant stoppages in the
streets.
The British Public will remit large sums of money for the relief of the
Chinese, and allow charitable institutions at home to languish for want
of funds.
MR. JOHN BROWN, MR. THOMAS JONES, MR. WILLIAM ROBINSON, MR. JAMES
THOMPSON, MR. CHARLES JACKSON, and MR. HENRY SMITH will contract
matrimonial alliances after harvest.
The Gulf Stream will be heard of again, probably for the last time, the
tendency of modern scientific investigation being to show up that
bugbear as a humbug.
MR. DISRAELI will deliver an address _de omnibus rebus et quibusdam
aliis_, at Glasgow at Easter, and on Cottage Cookery at Hughenden in the
autumn.
Letters will be addressed to MR. GLADSTONE demanding explanations from
him as to his religion, his relations, his favourite poet, and his
private account at his banker's.
Oysters will be sixpence apiece.
Spain will have one or two new Ministries.
The estimates will include a vote for the purchase of robes and a wig
for the new SPEAKER.
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[Illustration: A VOICE FROM THE SEA.]
"O LET ME KISS HIM FOR HIS MOTHER!"
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