I am glad to be next to a Russian. Believe me, France has always been
the best friend of Russia.... No, _that_ was not France--it was the
Corsican. Altogether a different thing.... _Were_ we at the Crimea? It
is possible--through the perfidy of those English.... Try some of this
old sherry. Your shark-fin soup is delicious.... As I was saying, we
are a Republic now, and adore Liberty.... Siberia must be a charming
place, and the climate ravishing. You have never been there? A
pleasure to come!... Take a _carafe_ of champagne--there is plenty
more. We are a democratic nation, and the hearts of our populace go
out to an autocrat. I know well that all autocrats are not nice--but
_yours!!_ _Do_ have some more champagne.... These are _Cailles
Schuvaroff_. They are Russian--so they _must_ be good!... Do you know
that my wife and I kissed the hands of (_ten--fifteen--fifty--two
hundred_) Russian sailors through the portholes of your flagship this
afternoon?... Not at all--we quite enjoyed it.... There is a proposal
to present your Admiral with a model of the Tour Eiffel in brilliants.
I remember it was exhibited in Paris at a franc for admission--but
few people went. I wish he may get it. I subscribed ten
(_Napoleons--francs--centimes_) towards the fund for presenting
commemorative brooches to the wives, daughters, and sweethearts of
your seamen. I hope they will all arrive quite safely.... Have you
received a silver cup with a suitable inscription? Only a yellow
champagne-glass with a motto! That is mean, miserable, shabby! I will
speak to a waiter about it.... Why do you not drink? Fill your glass.
I am filling mine.... Have you heard that our warm-hearted nation has
forwarded to the Russian Fleet one hundred cases of the best blacking?
The Triple Alliance is trembling in its shoes.... You drink nothing!
All the same, it seems to me your Tsar might have sent _more_ ships
while he was about it. Yes, I repeat; more--and bigger ones. It would
have been more polished. But you Russians are _not_ polished; you are
cold, brutal, phlegmatic. You remind me of an Englishman I once saw
on the stage of the Varietes. But he had red whiskers, and said, "Aoh,
yes!" You drink too much. The Russians are all intemperate--it is the
climate. So long as you help us to our revenge, we do not care _what_
you are. I speak quite frankly. This is a great day for France. As
a Frenchman, I shall never see caviar again without a thrill of
heartfelt emotion. But your shark-fin soup was disgusting--beastly. It
is that which is making me so ill.... _Au revoir_, dear friend. I am
going under the table for a little while--to think.
* * * * *
Mrs. R. wants to know what was the classic story about Ajax and
Telephone? "So," says she, "as _that_ was hundreds of years ago, it
isn't such a _very_ new invention."
* * * * *
[Illustration: UNCALLED-FOR REVELATIONS.
_Tommy_ (_to Caller_). "OH, WE'VE BEEN HAVING SUCH FUN! PAPA HAS BEEN
PUTTING ON MAMMA'S HAIR AND FRIGHTENING BABY!"]
* * * * *