A TALE OF SORROW.
"I was younger than you, Gertrude," said she, "when my trial came, and
hardly the same person in any respect that I have been since you first
knew me. My mother died when I was too young to retain any recollection
of her; but my father soon married again, and in that step-parent I
found a love and care which fully compensated my loss. I can recall her
now as she looked towards the latter part of her life--a tall, delicate,
feeble woman, with a very sweet face. She was a widow when my father
married her, and had one son, who became my sole companion, the partner
of all my youthful pleasures. You told me, many years ago, that I could
not imagine how much you loved Willie, and I then had nearly confided to
you my early history, and to convince you that my own experience taught
me how to understand such a love; but I checked myself, for you were too
young then to know so sad a story as mine. How dear my young playmate
became to me no words can express. The office which each filled, the
influence which each of us exerted upon the other, created mutual
dependence; for though his was the leading spirit, the strong and
determined will, and I was ever submissive to a rule which to my easily
influenced nature was never irksome, there was one respect in which my
bold young protector and ruler ever looked to me for aid. It was to act
as mediator between him and my father; for while the boy was almost an
idol to his mother, he was ever treated with coldness and distrust by my
father, who never appreciated his noble qualities, but seemed always to
regard him with dislike.
"That my father's sternness towards her son was distressing to our
mother I doubt not; for I remember the anxiety with which she strove to
conceal his faults and the frequent occasions on which she instructed me
to propitiate the parent, who, for my sake, would often forgive the boy,
whose adventurous disposition was continually bringing him into
collision with one of whose severity, when displeased, you can judge. My
step-mother had been poor in her widowhood, and her child having
inherited nothing which he could call his own, was wholly dependent upon
my father's bounty. This was a stinging cause of mortification to the
pride of which even as a boy he had an unusual share; and often have I
seen him irritated at the reception of favours which he well understood
were far from being awarded by a paternal hand.
"While our mother was spared to us we lived in comparative harmony, but
when I was sixteen years old she suddenly died. Well do I remember the
last night of her life, her calling me to her bedside and saying,
'Emily, my dying prayer is that you will be a guardian angel to my boy!'
God forgive me," ejaculated the tearful blind girl, "if I have been
faithless in the trust!
"He of whom I am telling you was then about eighteen. He had lately
become a clerk in my father's employ against his will, for he desired a
collegiate education; but my father was determined, and at his mother's
and my persuasion he was induced to submit. My step-mother's death knit
the tie between her son and myself more closely than ever. He continued
an inmate of our house, and we passed a deal of time in the enjoyment of
each other's society; for my father was much from home, and when there,
retired to his library, leaving us to entertain each other. I was then a
school-girl, fond of books, and an excellent student. How often, when
you have spoken of the help Willie was in your studies, have I been
reminded of the time when I received similar encouragement and aid from
my youthful friend, who was ever ready to exert hand and brain in my
behalf! But we were not invariably happy. Often did my father's face
wear a frown which I dreaded to see; while the disturbed and
occasionally angry countenance of his step-son denoted that some storm
had occurred, probably at the counting-house, of which I had no
knowledge, except from its after effects. My office of mediator, too,
was suspended from the fact that the censure arose concerning some
supposed mismanagement of business matters by the young and
inexperienced clerk. Matters went on thus for six months, when it became
evident that my father had either been influenced by insinuations from
some foreign quarter, or had himself conceived a new idea. He is honest
and straightforward in his purposes, whatever they may be, and incapable
of carrying out any species of artifice. We saw that he was resolved to
put a check upon the freedom of intercourse which had subsisted between
the two youthful inmates of the house, to forward which purpose he
introduced in the position of housekeeper Mrs. Ellis, who has continued
with us ever since. The almost constant presence of this stranger, and
the interference of my father with his step-son's familiar intimacy with
me, indicated his intention to destroy the closeness of our friendship.
"It is true, I lent myself unhesitatingly to a species of petty
deception to elude the vigilance which would have kept us apart. My
father, however, saw more of our man[oe]uvring than we were aware of,
and imagined far more than ever in reality existed. He watched us
carefully, and, contrary to his usual course of proceeding, forbore for
a time any interference. I have since been led to think that he designed
to wean us from each other in a less unnatural manner than that which he
had at first attempted, by taking the earliest opportunity to transfer
his step-son to a situation connected with his own mercantile
establishment in a foreign country, or a distant part of our own; and
forbore, until his plans were ripe, to distress me by giving way to the
feelings of displeasure which were burning within him--for he was, and
had ever been, as kind and indulgent towards his undeserving child as
was consistent with a due maintenance to his authority.
"Before such a course could be carried out, however, circumstances
occurred, and suspicions became aroused, which destroyed one of their
victims, and plunged the other----"
Here Emily's voice failed her. She laid her head upon Gertrude's
shoulder and sobbed bitterly.
"Do not try to tell me the rest, dear Emily," said Gertrude. "It is
enough for me to know that you are so unhappy. Do not distress yourself
by dwelling, for my sake, upon past sorrows."
"Past!" replied Emily, recovering her voice and wiping away her
tears. "No, they are never past. Nor am I unhappy, Gertrude. It is
but rarely that my peace is shaken; nor would I now allow my weak
nerves to be unstrung by imparting to another the secrets of that
never-to-be-forgotten time of trial, were it not that, since you know so
well how harmoniously and sweetly my life is passing on to its great and
eternal awakening, I desire to prove to my darling child the power of
that heavenly faith which has turned my darkness into marvellous light,
and made afflictions such as mine the blessed harbingers of ever-during
joy.
"I was suddenly taken ill with a fever. Mrs. Ellis, whom I had always
treated with coldness, and often with disdain, nursed me by night and
day with a care and devotion which I did not expect, and under her
nursing, and the skilful treatment of Dr. Jeremy, I began to recover.
One day, when I was able to be up and dressed for several hours at a
time, I went for change of air and scene into my father's library, and
there lay half reclining upon the sofa. Mrs. Ellis had gone to attend to
household duties, but before she left me she placed within my reach a
small table, upon which were arranged various phials, glasses, etc., and
other things which I might require before her return. It was in an
evening in June, and I lay watching the approach of sunset from an
opposite window. I was oppressed, with a sad sense of loneliness, for
during the past six weeks I had enjoyed no society but that of my nurse
and periodical visits from my father; and felt, therefore, no common
pleasure when my most congenial but now nearly forbidden associate
entered the room. He had not seen me since my illness, and after this
protracted and painful separation our meeting was tender and
affectionate. He had, with all the fire of a hot and ungoverned temper,
a woman's depth of feeling, warmth of heart, and sympathising sweetness
of manner. Well do I remember the expression of his noble face, the
manly tones of his voice, as, seated beside me on the wide couch, he
bathed the temples of my aching head with eau-de-cologne, which he took
from the table near by, at the same time expressing again and again his
joy at once more seeing me.
"How long we had sat thus I cannot tell, but the twilight was deepening
in the room when we were suddenly interrupted by my father, who entered
abruptly, came towards us with hasty steps, but stopping short when
within a yard or two, confronted his step-son with such a look of angry
contempt as I had never before seen upon his face. The latter rose and
stood before him with a glance of proud defiance, and then ensued a
scene which I have neither the wish nor power to describe.
"It is sufficient to say that in the double accusation which my excited
parent now brought against the object of his wrath, he urged the fact of
his seeking by mean, base, and contemptible artifice to win the
affections, and with them the expected fortune, of his only child as a
secondary and pardonable crime compared with his deeper, darker, and
just but detected guilt of forgery--forgery of a large amount, and upon
his benefactor's name.
"To this day, so far as I know," said Emily, with feeling, "that charge
remains uncontradicted; but I did not then, I do not now, and I never
_can_ believe it. Whatever were his faults--and his impetuous temper
betrayed him into many--of this dark crime--though I have not even his
own word of attestation--I dare pronounce him innocent.
"You cannot wonder, Gertrude, that in my feeble condition I was hardly
capable of realising at the time, far less of retaining, any distinct
recollection of the circumstances that followed my father's words. A few
dim pictures, however, the last my poor eyes ever beheld, are still
engraved upon my memory and visible to my imagination. My father stood
with his back to the light, and from the first moment of his entering
the room I never saw his face again; but the countenance of the object
of his accusation, illumined as it was by the last rays of the golden
sunset, stands ever in the foreground of my recollection. His head was
thrown proudly back; conscious innocence proclaimed itself in his clear,
calm eye, which shrunk not from the closest scrutiny; his hand was
clenched, as if he were vainly striving to repress the passion which
proclaimed itself in the compressed lips, the set teeth, the deep and
angry indignation which overspread his face. He did not
speak--apparently he could not command voice to do so; but my father
continued to upbraid him in language cutting and severe, though I
remember not a word of it. It was fearful to watch the working of the
young man's face, while he stood there listening to taunts and enduring
reproaches which were believed by him who uttered them to be just and
merited, but which wrought the youth to a degree of frenzy which it was
terrible to witness. Suddenly he took one step forward, slowly lifted
the clenched hand which had hitherto hung at his side. I know not
whether he might then have intended to call Heaven to witness his
innocence of the crime, or whether he might have designed to strike my
father; for I sprang from my seat prepared to rush between them, and
implore them for my sake, to desist; but my strength failed me, and,
with a shriek, I sunk back in a fainting fit.
"Oh, the horror of my awakening! How shall I find words to tell it?--and
yet I must! Listen, Gertrude. He--the poor, ruined boy--sprung to help
me; and, maddened by injustice, he knew not what he did. Heaven is my
witness, I never blamed him; and if, in my agony, I uttered words that
seemed like a reproach, it was because I was too frantic, and knew not
what I said!"
"What!" exclaimed Gertrude, "he did not----"
"No, no! he did not--he did _not put_ out my eyes!" exclaimed Emily; "it
was an accident. He reached forward for the eau-de-cologne, which he had
just had in his hand. There were several bottles, and in his haste he
seized one containing a powerful acid which Mrs. Ellis had found
occasion to use in my sick-room. It had a heavy glass stopper--and
he--his hand being unsteady, and he spilt it all----"
"On your eyes?" shrieked Gertrude.
Emily bowed her head.
"Oh, poor Emily!" cried Gertrude, "and wretched, wretched young man!"
"Wretched indeed!" ejaculated Emily. "Bestow all your pity on him,
Gertrude, for his was the harder fate of the two."
"Oh, Emily! how intense must have been the pain you endured! How could
you suffer so, and live?"
"Do you mean the pain from my eyes? That was severe indeed, but the
mental agony was worse!"
"What became of him?" said Gertrude.
"I cannot give you an exact account of what followed. I was in no state
to know anything of my father's treatment of his step-son. He banished
him from his sight and knowledge for ever; and it is easy to believe it
was with no added gentleness, since he had now, besides the other crimes
imputed to him, been the cause of his daughter's blindness."
"And did you never hear from him again?"
"Yes. Through the good doctor--who alone knew all the circumstances--I
learned that he had sailed for South America; and in the hope of once
more communicating with the poor exile, and assuring him of my continued
love, I rallied from the sickness, fever, and blindness into which I had
fallen; the doctor had even a thought of restoring sight to my eyes.
Several months passed, and my kind friend, who was persevering in his
inquiries, having learned the residence and address of the ill-fated
youth, I was commencing, through the aid of Mrs. Ellis (whom pity had
now won to my service), a letter of love, and an entreaty for his
return, when a fatal seal was put to all my earthly hopes. He died in a
foreign land, alone, unnursed, and uncared for; he died of that
southern disease which takes the stranger for its victim; and I, on
hearing the news of it, sunk back into a more pitiable malady; and--and
alas, for the encouragement of the good doctor had held out of my
gradual restoration to sight!--I wept all his hopes away!"
Emily paused. Gertrude put her arms around her, and they clung closely
to each other; grief and sorrow made their union dearer than ever.
"I was then, Gertrude," continued Emily, "a child of the world, eager
for worldly pleasures, and ignorant of any other. For a time, therefore,
I dwelt in utter darkness--the darkness of despair. I began, too, again
to feel my bodily strength restored, and to look forward to a useless
and miserable life. You can form no idea of the utter wretchedness in
which my days were passed.
"But at last a dawn came to my dark night. It came in the shape of a
minister of Christ, our own dear Mr. Arnold, who opened the eyes of my
understanding, lit the lamp of religion in my now softened soul, taught
me the way to peace, and led my feeble steps into that blessed rest
which even on earth remaineth to the people of God.
"In the eyes of the world I am still the unfortunate blind girl; cut off
from every enjoyment; but so great is the awakening I have experienced
that to me it is far otherwise, and I am ready to exclaim, like him who
in old time experienced his Saviour's healing power, 'Once I was blind,
but now I see!'"
Gertrude half forgot her own troubles while listening to Emily's sad
story; and when the latter laid her hand upon her head, and prayed that
she too might be fitted for a patient endurance of trial, and be made
stronger and better thereby, she felt her heart penetrated with that
deep love and trust which seldom come to us except in the hour of
sorrow, and prove that it is through suffering only we are made
perfect.