No sooner had the League of Nations met at Geneva than news came of the
pending retirement of Mr. CHARLIE CHAPLIN. We never seem to be able to
keep more than one Great Idea going at a time.
* * *
"Have you read Mrs. Asquith's Book?" asks an evening paper
advertisement. "What book?" may we ask.
* * *
"In our generation," says Dean INGE, "there are no great men." It is
said that Sir ERIC GEDDES will not take this lying down.
* * *
Since the Gloomy Dean's address at Wigmore Hall it is suggested that the
world should be sold to defray expenses while there is yet time.
* * *
"What is wanted to-day," says Mr. H. M. RIODEN, "is a Destruction of
Pests Bill." "Jaded Householder" writes to say that when this becomes
law anybody can have the name of his rate-collector.
* * *
"M. RHALLIS, the new Greek Premier," says _The Evening News_, "is a
regular reader of _The Daily Mail_." We had felt all along he was one of
us.
* * *
"Dendrology," says a contemporary, "is an admirable pursuit for
women." We seem to remember, however, that one of the earliest female
arboriculturists made a sad mess of it.
* * *
According to the U.S.A. Bureau of Standards the pressure of the jaw
during mastication is eleven tons to the square inch. If this is
propaganda work on behalf of the United States' bacon industry we regard
it as particularly crude.
* * *
A Sioux City millionaire is said to have paid two hundred pounds for a
goat. He claims that it is the only thing in Iowa that has whiskers and
isn't thirsty.
* * *
"Mr. Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, has just visited
Edinburgh, his birthplace, after an absence of fifty years," says a news
item. We can only say that if he invented _our_ telephone he had reason
to keep away.
* * *
"After all," says an evening paper, "the Coalition is only human." _The
Times_, however, is not quite so sure about it.
* * *
It is said that Mr. BOTTOMLEY is about to make a powerful announcement
to the effect that the present year will be nearly all over by
Christmas.
* * *
In connection with the Ministry of Health Bill, we read, not a penny
of additional expenditure or expense will fall on the ratepayer or
taxpayer. People are now wondering whether the Government thought of
that one themselves.
* * *
Balls made of newspapers soaked in oil are said to be a good substitute
for coal. It seems as if newspapers are determined to get a good
circulation somehow.
* * *
Cars that run into four figures were to be seen at many stands at the
recent Motor Show. In the ordinary way motor-cars run into as many
figures as get in their way.
* * *
It appears that the man who was knocked down in Charing Cross Road by
a motor-scooter was one of the middle class, and so could not afford to
have it done properly by a motor-car.
* * *
It is rumoured that a Radical paper is about to offer a prize of one
hundred pounds for the best design for a _Daily Mail_ halo.
* * *
A man charged at the Guildhall admitted that he had been convicted
sixty-seven times. Indeed it is understood that he has only to say
"Season" to be admitted to any police-court.
* * *
"Pussyfoot beaten," announces a headline. We hear, however, that he
intends to have another try when the water-rate is not quite so high.
* * *
A Streatham youth has been fined ten shillings for causing a disturbance
by imitating a cat at night. He said everything would have gone off well
if somebody had not made a noise like a policeman.
* * *
"All men are cowards," declares a lady-writer in a weekly journal. Still
it should be remembered that one of us married the lady who is now known
as "Mrs. Grundy."
* * *
In describing a storm a local paper recently stated that waves seventy
feet high lashed themselves to fury against the rocks. We have always
been given to understand that waves never exceed fifteen feet, but we
suppose everything has gone up since the War.
* * *
"When is the Government going to commence operations in connection
with the Channel Tunnel?" asks a correspondent in a daily paper. We
understand that unless the English homing rabbit, recently released at
Calais, puts in an appearance on this side once again, the idea will be
abandoned as impracticable.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "SHALL I DUST THE BRICKY-BRACK, MUM?"
"NOT TO-DAY, NORAH. I DON'T THINK WE CAN AFFORD IT."]
* * * * *