OUR NEW HOME
OUR last Sunday! I've been crying off and on all day, when nobody was
near me to see. It's all so sweet and sad here, and the future makes me
afraid. Yesterday we all went round in a bunch to every house in the
village to say good-bye. It took us all day, and it was awful doing it,
for Denys and Aylwin hate girls' tears, and I had to choke mine back
all the time.
Everybody was so kind, and so sorry that we were going! And now to-day
it has been worse than ever. Church this morning made me miserable. I
couldn't sing a single hymn. We all went to father's grave afterwards
and Mr. Scammell, who came over to take the services, followed us there
and tried to cheer us up. I ran indoors very quickly.
In the afternoon it was so sunny we all went into the garden and
wandered round and round, and then we sat together on the seat outside
father's study and talked.
I began it. I said to Denys that one thing we must all remember was
father's last words.
"What were they?" Aylwin asked.
"'Hold fast!' He said to me:
"'Grisel, remember—tell the boys—I charge you—Hold fast! Hold fast!'"
"What did he mean?" Lynette asked with a grave face.
"I'm sure it's in the Bible," I said; "I know 'hold fast' is mentioned
there."
"Yes, but hold fast to what?" said Denys. "I think we'd better get a
Bible and look. A concordance would be the thing."
Aylwin dashed into the house for the concordance and Lynette dashed
after him for the Bible. They raced each other back, and knocked Puff
over on the gravel path. He yelled, and I had to comfort him, and seat
him up beside me, before we could go on. Then Denys took hold of the
concordance, and Aylwin seized the Bible.
"You call out, and I'll turn up!" he said. "This is a kind of
Sunday-school!"
"We won't make fun of it!" I murmured.
Lynette gave me a little pinch.
"Don't be too dismal, Grizzy!" she said.
And then the boys began. The first verse they found was:
"'Hold fast that which is good.'"
Then they called out some others:
"'Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard.'"
"'That which ye have already hold fast till I come.'"
"'Hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.'"
"The question is," said Denys gravely, "which verse did father mean?"
"It was his charge to us," I said; "we must find out."
"All those verses mean the same thing," said Denys in his judge-like
manner.
Aylwin dropped the Bible.
"Then we needn't worry," he said.
"But we must. It must be our motto, our charge," I said eagerly. "And
I think father must have wanted to say that we must hold fast to what
he had taught us. He knew that we should be all alone, and that there
would be nobody left to help us to be good!"
"I think the easiest to remember is the first," said Lynette.
"I like 'That which ye have already hold fast till I come,'" I said.
Lynette made a little grimace.
"Yes, Grizzy, you have goodness in you to hold fast to, but what about
us who haven't? If I hold fast to what I have already, it will be
badness, and I don't think father would mean that."
"Well," said Denys, "we'll take the shortest and easiest: 'Hold fast
that which is good.' That is our charge, and we'll have to remember it."
Aylwin jumped up from the seat. "And now we've done school, and I'm off
to see old Andy."
Lynette and Puff went off with him to see our donkey. Denys and I sat
still.
"It's rather true what Lynette said," he remarked; "we must get the
thing first, before we hold fast to it."
"I think father meant to hold fast to the good teaching we have had. We
know what is good and right, Denys; it's the holding fast to it that's
so difficult. We've been taught all these years how to live, now we've
got to do it."
"There's the rub!"
"Yes," I said in a whisper, "but though father has been taken from us,
Jesus Christ hasn't. He will help us."
Denys nodded.
We didn't say any more, and the rest of the day has gone now, and I'm
going to bed.
It's the last night I shall ever sleep here, and I feel as if I shall
never be really happy again. We had "There is a blessed Home" in the
evening service. I wish an earthquake would swallow us all up and take
us there at once. Then we'd be with father and mother again. I'm quite
certain we shall never "hold fast" properly all our lives. And, if we
live to be a hundred, how dreadfully difficult it will be to be good
all that time!
* * * * *
It is some days since I wrote in this diary, and I shall have to go a
good bit back. Our journey here was a very long one. At first we rather
liked it, then we all got cross, and, after Mr. Adamson left us at
Carlisle, we quarrelled and Puff cried, and we were all dead tired.
We got to Glasgow at seven o'clock in the evening.
Denys said now that we were in Scotland we must try and speak Scotch,
and he said to the porter when we got out, "Now my bonny lad, there's a
muckle lot of luggage, and ye ken we have anither train to catch!"
But the porter laughed in his face in a very rude way, and it turned
out he wasn't Scotch at all.
When we got into the other train, we began to enjoy ourselves, for very
soon we put out our heads, and in the dusk could see a great line of
sea. We smelt it too, and it got so cold that only the boys could keep
their heads out. Then Lynette and I began to tidy ourselves, and Puff.
He always gets dirty if he is ten minutes in a train. And then as we
got nearer and nearer our station, I had a funny sick feeling inside. I
felt I would give worlds for the train not to stop, but go on for ever.
I was dreading our arrival.
At last Killochan station was called out. But by this time it was quite
dark, and we tumbled out upon the platform all in confusion. Puff was
almost asleep, he was so tired, and I had to shake him to make him walk
at all. There was a nice old stationmaster who seemed to know all about
us.
"Come along! Come along, the whole brood o' ye!" he said. "The Kornel
have sent the carriage, and I telled him I wud have the care o' ye!"
He bustled us out into the road, where a very big brougham stood
waiting. There was a lovely pair of horses, and Denys and Aylwin both
wanted to sit outside on the box with the coachman. In the end Denys
got up, and Aylwin came inside with us. He was a little sulky at first.
"Packed in with a lot of girls!" he muttered.
"And a lot of boys," laughed Lynette. "We're quits—two and two!"
"Oh dear!" I sighed. "I wish we were there, and it was over!"
We tried to see what the country was like out of the window, but it was
too dark.
"I bet old Denys is pumping the coachman!" said Aylwin. "He'll know
everything before we get there!"
"Never mind," I said. "Perhaps it's better not to know. I think
somebody might have come to meet us."
Then we were all pretty silent; we seemed to have talked ourselves out.
It had been such a long journey! We drove on and on and on, and at
last, just when I was getting sleepy, we stopped with a jerk. Aylwin
put his head out.
"The mansion!" he said. "We are passing through the gates."
"Just like the Hall at home," said Lynette gleefully. "Why, Grisel,
we have risen; we are no longer poor clergyman's children, but the
grandchildren of a squire!"
"Little snob!" Aylwin cried, and Lynette didn't say any more.
Then in a very few minutes we had stopped again, and were outside a
huge door. When it was opened, it seemed like a palace to us. A very
big hall was in front of us, and an old butler, and it was all lighted
up, and there were great pots of flowers at the bottom of a staircase,
and a lot of oil-paintings on the walls.
Denys got in front of us in a great hurry; then he threw up his head:
"Will you tell our grandfather we have come," he said in his grandest
tone.
"They're at dinner, sir," the butler said respectfully. He said it as
if they were in church and couldn't be interrupted.
Denys got very hot and red, and then, before we could say anything, a
door opened and a very tall lady came out. She was in a pale grey satin
dress and had grey hair, and a lot of diamonds glistening about her. I
fell in love with her on the spot, for she was beautiful, though she
looked stern and cold, and there was just a tiny look of mother in her
eyes.
"Ah!" she said. "You have all arrived, then. I thought I heard the
carriage, but your train must have been late."
She seemed to look at each of us quickly one after the other, and then
she stooped and kissed Puff.
"You must all be hungry and tired, but old Peggy will see to you. Here
she is! Peggy, take them upstairs to their nursery, give them some
supper and pack them off to bed."
An old woman with a fat smiling face came waddling towards us. The boys
looked at each other, and I saw that they were furious.
We came to a lovely large room with a big square table covered with a
white cloth. There were a blazing fire and a book-case and a big couch
and a cane rocking chair. And Lynette and I squeezed each other's hands
and suddenly felt that we could be happy.
And then Peggy turned round and faced us all, and tears were dropping
down her cheeks.
"Ye'll be Miss Grace's bairns, and I nursed her when I was but a bairn
mysel'!"
I couldn't help it. I just ran into her arms and hugged and kissed her.
"You knew darling mother!"
And the next minute she was kissing us all, even the boys. But I turned
away my face when she kissed them, for I knew how they would feel.
And then she told us that she lived in a little cottage in the village,
but had promised our aunt to come up and look after us till we had
settled in.
"Your Aunt Isobel doesna understand bairns, but she means weel, though
she be of few wor-rds."
Then she bustled out of the room and called us to look at our bedroom.
We were all together, and that I felt to be a comfort, and we were in
the old nursery wing of the house, which had a separate staircase,
and was shut away by a thick door covered with green baize. The boys
had one huge bedroom to themselves with three beds in it, and three
windows, and three of everything.
Lynette said it reminded her of the Three Bears' room—for Puff had a
little bed, and a little chair, and a little chest of drawers. Peggy
told us that Aunt Isobel had sent to the lawyer for our exact ages, and
that she and Aunt Isobel had arranged it all very carefully.
Lynette and I had a lovely room, and Peggy told us it used to be
mother's room when she was a little girl. It was too dark to see out of
the windows, but everything seemed rich and comfortable. The carpets
were thick, and there were cushioned chairs. When I thought of our
bare rooms at home, I felt the difference, and yet a lump came into my
throat, and I longed to be back in the dear old Rectory.
We washed our hands and faces, and then went back to the old nursery,
which we determined to call the schoolroom. And then we found a nice
supper waiting for us. Some Scotch broth in a great soup tureen, and
some bread-and-butter, and potted meat and cake and jam. We were all
very hungry, and after old Peggy had waited upon us, she left the room,
and then at last we were by ourselves.
"It's simply stunning!" said Lynette with a beaming smile. "It's all
ever so much better than I thought!"
But the boys looked cross, and I knew why. They did not like being
treated like children and packed off to the nursery, and to bed without
seeing our grandfather. And then it turned out that they did not like
Puff being in their room. He had never slept with them at home.
"I think the sooner I have a talk with our grandfather the better!"
said Denys in his lordly way.
Aylwin chuckled.
"You'll be told to do as Peggy tells us, or you'll be put in the
corner," he said. "We shall be taught our A B C by her to-morrow!"
Lynette giggled, but I felt a little anxious.
"I dare say," I said, "they're having a dinner-party to-night. Aunt
Isobel couldn't be dressed like that every night. And anyhow we're very
tired and untidy. We shall make a better impression to-morrow."
Denys gave a little snort, but he didn't say any more. And when we had
had our supper, we all confessed that we were tired, and went off to
bed.
The next morning Lynette woke me up by screaming:
"Grisel! Grisel! Come and look!"
I dashed out of bed, as she had got the window open and was hanging out
of it.
I never saw such loveliness. It was a sunny morning, and the great blue
sea was stretching right in front of us. There was a big sloping grass
lawn, and then a low stone wall, and then a beach with brown rocks
and green seaweed, and a lot of sand, and a great line of white surf.
It made a booming sound as it broke on the rocks. We could smell that
delicious seaweedy smell that always makes me remember days at the
seaside. But now we were going to live by it always! I felt my heart
beating with excitement.
"Oh Lynette!" I cried. "Let us dress ourselves quickly and run down to
the beach. I'm dying to see it close!"
"Yes," assented Lynette. "Grandfather may be an ogre, and Aunt Isobel
a vixen for all I care! We've got the sea, and nobody can take it from
us!"
And then Peggy came to the door, for we had slept very late, and
another servant brought us our baths, and we dressed as quickly as we
could. The boys had a bathroom all to themselves, and we heard an awful
row going on and shrieks from Puff!
"They're making him wash himself!" chuckled Lynette.
Puff hates washing. I never can understand why, but I was a little
afraid that the boys might be rough with him, and was going to speak to
them, only Lynette persuaded me not to interfere.
"You only make him worse, Grizzy! Denys says he wants a man's firm
hand!"
"Denys's hand isn't a man's!" I retorted. "And he is rough, not firm!"
But I didn't go, for before I was dressed, I looked out of the window
and saw the boys flying across the lawn with Puff at their heels.
Lynette was off at once, but she stopped at the door.
"I suppose I shall have to say my prayers!" she said, and then she
dropped down on her knees.
I joined her, and then we read our "Daily Light" together, as we always
do.
Lynette is very harum-scarum still, but she was ill and on her back for
more than a year, and she has been different ever since.
"I suppose," she said, "it's one of the things we've got to hold fast
to, Grizzy, saying our prayers and reading the Bible, isn't it?"
I nodded.
"Yes, that's what father meant, I know."
I followed her downstairs more soberly. I felt rather wicked for being
so happy at the sight of the sea, when father had just died. I tried to
keep thinking of the dreadful day when he died, but when I was out in
the sunshine, my feet felt as if they would dance by themselves whether
I wished them to do it or not. And then I forgot all about it, and
raced across the lawn, and down to the sea as fast as ever I could.
Oh, it was a lovely time! We forgot all about breakfast. We climbed
over the rocks, and the boys took off their shoes and stockings and
paddled, and we hung over delicious pools full of crabs and limpets
and crimson sea anemones, and we drew figures in the sand, and I don't
believe we would ever have gone back to the house at all if we had
not been fetched by old Peggy. She came waddling across the lawn, and
Aylwin scoffed under his breath.
"We're being fetched in by our nursie!"
But Denys shut him up. Denys is always polite, even sometimes when he
feels furious inside.
So we told her we'd forgotten breakfast, and Denys said:
"I think you'd better ring a big bell for breakfast. I'll speak to my
grandfather about it. We shall always be out here in the morning."
And then we went indoors, and found it was past nine o'clock. There was
no sign of anybody about the house except servants, and we agreed that
we did not want to see anybody just yet.
"We'll have time to see over the house and garden and stables," said
Denys, "and feel our way about. And if the old gentleman isn't keen on
seeing us, I'm sure I'm not keen on seeing him."
"I feel rather frightened of him," I confessed. "I should like to get
it over."
"Don't you shiver and shake and kneel down and lick his toes, Grizzy!"
said Aylwin. "For you'll spoil the whole show if you do. We must take a
high hand with the old chap, and make him see he can't bully us!"
"I don't expect he wants to do that," I said.
Peggy hovered about us while we were at breakfast, and then Lynette
asked her straight out:
"Doesn't grandfather want to see us? What is he like? Do tell us."
I think I shall have to stop writing Scotch as Peggy speaks it. I can't
do it, so I shall write what she says in English. She rolls her r's a
good deal, and there are some words that I have never heard before, but
I'll leave those out.
She told us that there were people to dinner last night, and that we
arrived later than they expected us, and that grandfather suffered from
gout in his foot, and was not so active as he used to be. She said
he always had his breakfast in his bedroom, and that he never came
downstairs before eleven o'clock, and she told us that Aunt Isobel was
a widow and her name was Mrs. Crichton, and that a good many visitors
stayed in the house.
"And I'm to tell ye to stay up here till your grandfather can see ye!"
she finished up.
"But that's ridiculous," said Denys. "We're not going to shut ourselves
up in one room for nearly two hours doing nothing when there's the sea
all outside waiting for us!"
"That is the message the mistress sent," said Peggy, snapping her lips
together in a severe way. "She doesn't want ye away from the house when
your grandfather is wanting ye!"
"But my good old creature," said Denys, "all you've got to do is to
tell us the time he wants us, and we'll be there. I have a watch."
"Them's the orders given to me," said Peggy, "and I'd ask ye to be good
bairns and not anger the master the first day!"
She stumped out of the room, and we looked at each other in dismay. I
suppose dear father always trusted us so, that we have been accustomed
to be very free. He gave us so few orders! Denys and Aylwin jumped up
from the breakfast-table and stamped round the room. They were very
angry. Aylwin was for going out into the garden at once, but Denys was
wiser.
"No, we'll just be decent the first day, but I'll have a talk with him,
and explain that he is not to treat us like small kids. He doesn't seem
to know our ages!"
I got Lynette over to the book-case, for I knew it was no good
listening to the boys. We are all fond of books, and we were awfully
interested in finding some books with mother's name in. And there were
one or two volumes called "Peter Parley's Tales," with all kinds of
things that boys love: conjuring, and rabbit keeping, and old stamps.
The boys came over to look at them, and we were so interested that the
time flew, and when Peggy came in saying solemnly:
"The master wishes to see ye in the library," we were quite astonished.
"Don't look as if you're going to be hung, drawn, and quartered, old
Grizzy," Aylwin said to me going downstairs.
But I couldn't laugh. I felt so dreadfully nervous! And I wasn't only
afraid of grandfather, but of what the boys would say.
We went down the big staircase, and then the old butler, who seemed as
if he was waiting for us, took us along to a closed door at the end of
the hall, and threw it open.
And this is how he announced us—I rather liked it:
"Miss Grace's family, sir!"