_Husband_.--A person who writes cheques, and dresses as his wife directs.
_Duck_, _in ornithology_.--A trussed bridegroom, with his giblets under his
arm.
_Brute_.--A domestic endearment for a husband.
_Marriage_.--The only habit to which women are constant.
_Lover_.--Any young man but a brother-in-law.
_Clergyman_.--One alternative of a lover.
_Brother_.--The other alternative.
_Honeymoon_.--A wife's opportunity.
_Horrid_; _Hideous_.--Terms of admiration elicited by the sight of a lovely
face anywhere but in the looking-glass.
_Nice_; _Dear_.--Expressions of delight at anything, from a baby to a
barrel-organ.
_Appetite_.--A monstrous abortion, which is stifled in the kitchen, that
it may not exist during dinner.
_Wrinkle_.--The first thing one lady sees in another's face.
_Time_.--What any lady remarks in a watch, but what none detect in the
gross.
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