'But it must be quite a new house,' said Ross, as I didn't answer, 'as
you don't like beetles, do you, duckie? We don't even mind if it isn't
quite finished, because----' Here Ross's powers of invention mercifully
failed him.
'Because,' said the agent, 'then you could choose your own decoration.
I quite understand.'
I was pulp by this time, and as I was in imminent danger of exploding I
retired to the window and made curious noises into my handkerchief,
while the house agent looked through a number of small cards in a little
box.
'You're in a draught, my pretty,' said Ross, 'come and sit near to
hubby, while Mr Cardew Thompkins writes us the order to view.'
I came lest worse should befall me, and Ross tried to hold my hand but
didn't succeed.
'There's a little old house out at Crosslanes,' began the agent--Ross
nudged me violently.
'Also one at Stoke, which is slightly larger and older.'
'It's beginning to work,' whispered Ross.
'I will give you orders to view both of these.'
'Are they near the railway?'
'I haven't actually seen them myself,' said Mr Cardew Thompkins, 'but I
think from the description of your requirements they are just what you
need. Good-morning.'
If he had looked out of his office window a moment later he would have
seen Ross and me with our handkerchiefs stuffed in our mouths fleeing
down the road till we got round the corner out of sight.
'Oh,' sobbed Ross, 'do stop. I told you so, but it's worked better than
I thought. Read this:--
'"St JULIANS.--Very desirable gentleman's country residence."'
'Oh, that won't do, Meg.'
'Why not? Sounds rather nice, I think.'
'Is Michael a very desirable gentleman?'
'Oh, I never notice those mistakes, or spelling ones, I wish I did;
they're so amusing when you see them.'
'Can't think what they teach in girls' schools,' said Ross gloomily.
'Daddy used to groan about the bills, tons of extras too, and when it's
all said and done you don't know the most elementary things.'
'Grammar,' I observed, 'is very difficult; some of the best people can't
spell.'
'But geography, your geography's no better. Why, I heard some one tell
you the other day that her son was in Dunkirk, and you said that she
must be so thankful to have him in Scotland. I could see the woman
thought you dotty, only she was too polite to say so.'
'But, Ross, Dunkirk is so difficult, don't you see how Scotch it sounds.
It's one of those places that I try to remember by reversing it. There
is a system like that. I think of shortbread and then I know it's
France.'
'Well, your system doesn't seem to have worked that time. But now I
come to think of it, Meg, you're right. There is a system, whatever is
the beastly thing called? Mell-gell-Hell-man-ism, I think it is.'
'Ross!'
'What?'
'You're not to put bad words into my mind.'
'I'm not, I said a sentence.'
'But no sentence could possibly begin with "Hell man."'
'Of course it could. I could say heaps.'
'Yes, but not fit for my young ears.'
'Meg, I could say one that a Plymouth Brother wouldn't mind Aunt Amelia
hearing.'
'I'll give you a bob if you can while I count twenty.'