Polyandry--Marriage ceremonies--Jealousy--Divorce--Identification
of children--Courtship--Illegitimacy--Adultery.
THAT the Tibetans legally recognise polyandry and polygamy is well known.
Very little, however, has hitherto transpired as to the actual form of
these marital customs, so that the details which follow, startling as
they may seem when regarded from a Western standpoint, will be found not
without interest.
First of all, I may say that there is not such a thing known in Tibet as
a standard of morality amongst unmarried women of the middle classes;
and, therefore, from a Tibetan point of view, it is not easy to find an
immoral woman. Notwithstanding this apparently irregular state of
affairs, the women's behaviour is better than might be expected. Like the
Shoka girls, they possess a wonderful frankness and simplicity of manner,
with a certain reserve which has its allurements; for the Tibetan swain,
often a young man, being attracted by the charms of a damsel, finds that
his flirtation with her has become an accepted engagement almost before
it has begun, and is compelled, in accordance with custom, to go,
accompanied by his father and mother, to the tent of the lady of his
heart. There he is received by her relations, who have been previously
notified of the intended call, and are found seated on rugs and mats
awaiting the arrival of their guests.
After the usual courtesies and salutations, the young man's father asks,
on behalf of his son, for the young lady's hand; and, if the answer is
favourable, the suitor places a square lump of yak _murr_ (yak butter) on
his betrothed's forehead. She does the same for him, and the marriage
ceremony is then considered over, the buttered couple being man and
wife.
If there is a temple close by, _Katas_, food and money are laid before
the images of Buddha and saints, and the parties walk round the inside of
the temple. Should there be no temple at hand, the husband and wife make
the circuit of the nearest hill, or, in default of anything else, the
tent itself, always moving from left to right. This ceremony is repeated
with prayers and sacrifices every day for a fortnight, during which time
libations of wine and general feasting continue, and at the expiration of
which the husband conveys his better half to his tent.
The law of Tibet, though hardly ever obeyed, has strict clauses
regulating the conduct of married men in their marital relations. So long
as the sun is above the horizon, no intercourse is permitted; and certain
periods and seasons of the year, such as the height of summer and the
depth of winter, are also proscribed.
[Illustration: WOMAN WHOSE FACE IS SMEARED WITH BLACK OINTMENT]
A Tibetan girl on marrying does not enter into a nuptial tie with an
individual but with all his family, in the following somewhat complicated
manner. If an eldest son marries an eldest sister, all the sisters of the
bride become his wives. Should he, however, begin by marrying the second
sister, then only the sisters from the second down will be his property.
If the third, all from the third, and so on. At the same time, when the
bridegroom has brothers, they are all regarded as their brother's wife's
husbands, and they one and all cohabit with her, as well as with her
sisters if she has any.
The system is not simple, and certainly not very edifying, and were it
not for the odd _savoir faire_ of the Tibetan woman, it would lead to
endless jealousies and unpleasantness: owing, however, largely, no doubt,
to the absolute lack of honour or decency in Tibetan males and females,
the arrangement seems to work as satisfactorily as any other kind of
marriage.
I asked what would happen in the case of a man marrying a second sister,
and so acquiring marital rights over all her younger sisters, if another
man came and married her eldest sister. Would all the brides of the first
man become the brides of the second? No, they would not; and the second
man would have to be satisfied with only one wife. However, if the second
sister were left a widow, and her husband had no brothers, then she would
become the property of her eldest sister's husband, and with her all the
other sisters.
[Illustration: TIBETAN WOMAN]
It must not be inferred from these strange matrimonial laws that jealousy
is non-existent in Tibet among both men and women; trouble does
occasionally arise in Tibetan house- or tent-holds. As, however, the
Tibetan woman is clever, she generally contrives to arrange things in a
manner conducive to peace. When her husband has several brothers, she
despatches them on different errands in every direction, to look after
yaks or sheep, or to trade. Only one remains and he is for the time being
her husband; then when another returns he has to leave his place and
becomes a bachelor, and so on, till all the brothers have, during the
year, had an equal period of marital life with their single wife.
Divorce is difficult in Tibet and involves endless complications. I
inquired of a Tibetan lady what would she do in case her husband refused
to live with her any longer.
[Illustration: THE LADY IN QUESTION]
"'Why did you marry me?' I would say to him," she exclaimed. "'You found
me good, beautiful, wise, clever, affectionate. Now prove that I am not
all this!'"
This modest speech, she thought, would be quite sufficient to bring any
husband back to reason, but all the same a number of Tibetans find it
convenient occasionally to desert their wives, eloping to some distant
province, or over the boundary. This procedure is particularly hard on
the man's brothers, as they all remain the sole property of the abandoned
bride. On the same principle, when a husband dies, the wife is inherited
by his brothers.
[Illustration: TIBETAN CHILDREN]
A very painful case came before the court of the Jong Pen at Taklakot.
The husband of a Tibetan lady had died, and she, being enamoured of a
handsome youth some twenty years younger than herself, married him. Her
husband's brother, however, came all the way from Lhassa after her and
claimed her as his wife, though he had already a better half and a large
family. She would not hear of leaving the husband of her choice, and
after endless scenes between them, the case was heard by the Jong Pen
of Taklakot. The Tibetan law was against her, as, according to it, she
decidedly belonged to her brother-in-law; but money is stronger than the
law in the land of the Lamas.
"For the peace of all, you can arrange things this way," was the advice
of the Jong Pen. "You can divide your property, money and goods, into
three equal parts: one to go to the Lamas, one to your husband's brother,
and one to be retained by yourself."
The woman consented; but, much to her disgust, when two parts had been
paid out and she was hoping for peace, a question was raised by the Jong
Pen as to why she should even retain one-third of the fortune if she no
longer made part of the deceased man's family? Thus orders were instantly
given that she should be deprived of everything she possessed.
However, the woman was shrewd enough to deceive the Jong Pen's officers,
for one night, having bundled up her tent and her goods and chattels, she
quietly stepped over the boundary and placed herself under British
protection.
The mode of knowing and identifying children in Tibet is peculiar. It is
not by the child's likeness to his parent, nor by other reasonable
methods, that the offspring is set down as belonging to one man more than
to another, but this is the mode adopted. Supposing that one married man
had two brothers and several children, the first child belongs to him;
the second to his first brother, and the third to his second brother,
while the fourth would be again the first man's child.
The rules of courtship are not very strict in Tibet, yet intercourse with
girls is looked upon as illegal, and in certain cases not only are the
parties, if discovered, made to suffer shame, but certain fines are
inflicted on the man, the most severe of all being that he must present
the young lady with a dress and ornaments. In the case of "gentlefolks"
the question is generally solved to the satisfaction of everybody by the
man marrying the woman, and by his gracefully presenting "veils of
friendship" to all her relations and friends, together with articles of
food; but if by mischance she should be placed in an awkward position
before the eyes of the world, and the man will not hear of a matrimonial
union, then efforts are made to prevent the birth of the child alive. If
these are not successful, the mother must be maintained until after the
child's birth. In such cases the illegitimate child remains the man's,
and suffers the usual indignities of illegitimacy.
Sixteen in the case of women, and eighteen or nineteen in that of men, is
regarded as the marriageable age. Motherhood continues until a fairly
advanced age, and I have seen a woman of forty with a baby only a few
months old. But, as a rule, Tibetan women lose their freshness while
still quite young; and no doubt their custom of polyandry not only
contributes to destroy their looks but also is the chief cause that
limits the population of Tibet.
The Lamas are supposed to live in celibacy, but they do not always keep
to their oath, tempted, no doubt, by the fact that they themselves
invariably go unpunished. If, on the other hand, in cases of adultery,
the culprit be a layman, he has to pay compensation according to his
means to the husband, the amount being fixed by the parties concerned and
their friends, or by the law if applied for.
In ordinary cases of marital trespass, presents of clothing, _tsamba,
chura, guram, kassur_ (dried fruit) and wine, accompanied by the
never-lacking _Kata_, are sufficient to allay the injured husband's anger
and to fully compensate him for any shame suffered.
The only serious punishment inflicted is, however, in the case of the
wife of a high official eloping with a man of low rank. Then the woman is
subjected to flogging as a penalty for her infidelity, her husband is
disgraced, and her lover, after being subjected to a painful surgical
operation, is, if he survives, expelled from the town or encampment.
High officials, and a few wealthy people who are not satisfied with one
wife, are allowed by the law of the land to keep as many concubines as
their means allow them.