It was Friday evening, the Friday that followed that Sunday when
Majendie's hope had risen at the touch of his wife's hand, and died
again under her repulse.
Friday was the day which Maggie Forrest marked in her calendar sometimes
with a query and sometimes with a cross. The query stood for "Will he
come?" The cross meant "He came." To-night there was no cross, though
Maggie had brushed her hair till it shone again, and put on her best
dress, and laid out her little table for tea, and sat there waiting, like
the ladies in those houses where he went; like Mrs. Hannay or Mrs.
Ransome who bought her embroidery; or like that grand lady with the
title, who had come with Mrs. Ransome--the lady who had bought more
embroidery than anybody, the scent on whose clothes was enough, Maggie
said, to take your breath away.
Maggie loved her tea-table. She embroidered beautiful linen cloths for
it. Every Friday it was decked as an altar dedicated to the service of a
god--in case he came.
He hadn't come. It was past eight, yet Maggie left the altar standing
with the cloth on it, and waited. It would be terrible if the god should
come and find no altar. Once, even at this late hour, he had come.
The house was very quiet. Mrs. Morse was out marketing, and Maggie was
alone. Friday was market night in Scale. She wondered if he would
remember that, and come. Her heart beat violently with the thought that
he might be beginning to come late. The others had come late when they
began to love her.
She had forgotten them, or only cared to remember such of their ways as
threw light on Mr. Majendie's. For he was, as yet, obscure to her.
It seemed to her that a new thing had come to her, a thing marvellously
and divinely new, this, that she should be waiting, counting hours, and
marking days on calendars, measuring her own pulses with a hand, now on
her heart, now on her throbbing forehead, and wondering what could be the
matter with her. Maggie was six-and-twenty; but ever since she was nine
she had been waiting and wondering. For there always had been somebody
whom Maggie loved insanely. First it was the little boy who lived in the
house opposite, at home. He had abandoned Maggie's society, and broken
her heart on the day when he "went into trousers." Then it was the big
boy in her father's shop who gave her chocolates one day and snubbed her
cruelly the next. Then it was the young man who came to tune the piano
in the back parlour. Then the arithmetic master in the little
boarding-school they sent her to. And then (for Maggie's infatuations
rose rapidly in the social scale) it was one of the young gentlemen who
"studied" at the Vicarage. He was engaged to Maggie for a whole term; and
he went away and jilted her, so that Maggie's heart was broken a second
time. At last, on an evil day for Maggie, it was one of the gentlemen
(not so young) staying up at "the big house." He watched for Maggie in
dark lanes, and followed her through the fields at evening, till one
evening he made her turn and follow her heart and him. And so Maggie went
on her predestined way.
For after him there was the gentleman who came to Madame Ponting's, and
after him, Mr. Gorst, who came to Evans's, and after Mr. Gorst--Last year
Maggie could not have believed that there could be another after him. For
each of these persons she would willingly have died. To each of them her
soul leaped up and bowed itself, swept forward like a flame bowed and
driven by the wind.
As long as each loved her, the flame burned steadily and still. Maggie's
soul was appeased for a season. As each left her, the flame died out in
tears, and her pulses beat feebly, and her life languished. Maggie went
from flame to flame; for the hours when there was nobody to love simply
dropped into the darkness and were forgotten. She left off living when
she had to leave off loving. To be sure there was always Mr. Mumford. He
was a tobacconist, and he lived over the shop in a house fronting the
pier, a unique and dominant situation. And he was prepared to overlook
the past and make Maggie his wife and mistress of the house fronting the
pier. Unfortunately, Maggie did not love him. You couldn't love Mr.
Mumford. You could only be sorry for him.
But though Maggie went from flame to flame, there were long periods of
placidity when she loved nothing but her work, and was as good as gold.
Maggie's father wouldn't believe it. He had never forgiven her, not even
when the doctor told him that there was no sense in which the poor girl
could be held responsible; they should have looked after her better, that
was all. Maggie's father, the grocer, did not deal in smooth, extenuating
phrases. He called such madness sin. So did Maggie in her hours of peace
and sanity. She was terrified when she felt it coming on, and hid her
face from her doom. But when it came she went to meet it, uplifted,
tremulous, devoted, carrying her poor scorched heart in her hand for
sacrifice.
Each time that she loved, it was as if her former sins had been blotted
out; for there came a merciful forgetfulness that renewed, almost, her
innocence. Her heart had its own perverted constancy. No lover was like
her last lover, and for him she rejected and repudiated the past.
And each time that she loved she was torn asunder. She gave herself in
pieces; her heart first, then her soul, then, if it must needs be, her
body. The finest first, then all that was left of her. That was her
unique merit, what marked her from the rest.
Majendie, she divined by instinct, had recognised her quality. He was the
only one who had. And he had asked nothing of her. She would have lived
miserably for Charlie Gorst. She would have died with joy for Mr.
Majendie. And Maggie feared death worse than life, however miserable.
But there was something in her love for Majendie that revealed it as a
thing apart. It had not made her idle. Her passion for Mr. Majendie
blossomed and flowered, and ran over in beautiful embroidery. That
industry ministered to it. Her heart was set on having those little sums
to send him every week; for that was the only way she could hope to
approach him of her own movement. She loved the curt little notes in
which Majendie acknowledged the receipt of each postal order. She tied
them together with white ribbon, and treasured them in a little box under
lock and key. All the time, she knew he had a wife and child, but her
fancy refused to recognise Mrs. Majendie's existence. It allowed him to
have a child, but not a wife. She knew that he spent his Saturdays and
Sundays with them at his home. He never came, or could come, on a
Saturday or Sunday, and Maggie refused to consider the significance of
this. She simply lived from Friday to Friday. No other day in the week
existed for Maggie. All other days heralded it, or followed in its train.
The blessed memory of it rested upon Saturday and Sunday. Wednesday and
Thursday glowed and vibrated with its coming; Mondays and Tuesdays were
forlorn and grey. Terrible were the days which followed a Friday when he
had not come.
He had not come last Friday, nor the Friday before that. She had always a
comfortable little theory to cheat herself with, to account for his not
coming. He had been ill last Friday; that, of course, was why he had not
come, Maggie knew. She did not like to think he was ill; but she did like
to think that only illness could prevent his coming. And she had always
believed what she liked.
The presumption in Maggie's mind amounted to a certainty that he would
come to-night.
And at nine o'clock he came.
Her eyes shone as she greeted him. There was nothing about her to remind
him of the dejected, anaemic girl who had sat shivering over the fire last
September. Maggie had got all her lights and colours back again. She was
lifted from her abasement, glorified. And yet, for all her glory, Maggie,
on her good behaviour, became once more the prim young lady of the lower
middle class. She sat, as she had been used to sit on long, dull Sunday
afternoons in the parlour above the village shop, bolt upright on her
chair, with her meek hands folded in her lap. But her eyes were fixed on
Majendie, their ardent candour contrasting oddly with the stiff modesty
of her deportment.
"Have you been ill?" she asked.
"Why should I have been ill?"
"Because you didn't come."
"You mustn't suppose I'm ill every time I don't come. I might be a
chronic invalid at that rate."
He hadn't realised how often he came. _He_ didn't mark the days with
crosses in a calendar.
"But you _were_ ill, this time, I know."
"How do you know?"
The processes of Maggie's mind amused him. It was such a funny, fugitive,
burrowing, darting thing, Maggie's mind, transparent and yet secret in
its ways.
"I know, because I saw--" she hesitated.
"Saw what?"
"The light in your window."
"My window?"
"Yes. The one that looks out on the garden at the back. It was twelve
o'clock on Sunday night, and on Monday night the light was gone, and I
knew that you were better."
"As it happens, you saw the light in my sister's room. She's always ill."
"Oh," said Maggie; and her face fell with the fall of her great argument.
"Sometimes," he said, "the light burns all night long."
"Yes," said Maggie, musing; "sometimes it burns all night long. But in
the room above that room, there's a little soft light that burns all
night, too. That's your room."
"No, that's my wife's room."
Maggie became thoughtful. "I used to think that was where your little
girl sleeps, because of the night-light. Then your room's next it."
Maggie desired to know all about the blessed house that contained him.
"That's the spare room," he said, laughing.
"Goodness! what a lot of rooms. Then yours is the one next the nursery,
looking on the street. Fancy! That little room."
Again she became thoughtful. So did he.
"I say, Maggie, how did you know those lights burned all night?"
"Because I saw them."
"You can't see them."
"Yes, you can; from the little alley that goes along at the back."
He hadn't thought of the alley. Nobody ever passed that way after dark;
it ended in a blind wall.
"What were you doing there at twelve o'clock at night?"
He looked for signs of shame and confusion on Maggie's face. But Maggie's
face was one flame of joy. Her eyes were candid.
"Walking up and down," she said. "I was watching."
"Watching?"
"Your window."
"You mustn't, Maggie. You mustn't watch people's windows. They don't like
it. It doesn't do."
The flame was troubled; but not the lucid candour of Maggie's eyes. "I
had to. I thought you were ill. I came to make sure. I was all alone. I
didn't let anybody see me. And when I saw the light I was frightened. And
I came again the next night to see. I didn't think you'd mind. It's not
as if I'd come to the front door, or written letters, was it?"
"No. But you must never do that again, mind. How did you know the house?"
Maggie hung her head. "I saw your little girl go in there."
"Were you 'watching'?"
"N-no. It was an accident."
"How did you know it was my little girl?"
"I saw you walking with her, one Saturday, in the Park. It was an
accident--really. I was taking my work to that lady who buys from
me--Mrs. 'Anny."
"I see."
"You're not angry with me, Mr. Magendy?"
"Of course not. What made you think I was?"
"Your face. You would be angry if I followed you. But I wouldn't do such
a thing. I've never followed any one--never. And I wouldn't do it now,
not if I was paid," she protested.
"It's all right, Maggie, it's all right."
Maggie clasped her knees and sat thinking. She seemed to know by
intuition when it was advantageous to be silent, and when to speak. But
Majendie was thinking, too. He was wondering whether he was not being a
little too kind to Maggie; whether a little unkindness would not be a
salutary change for both of them. Why couldn't the girl marry Mr.
Mumford? He didn't want to profit by the transaction. He would have
gladly paid Mr. Mumford to marry her, and take her away.
He put his hand over his eyes as a veil for his thoughts; and when he
took it away again, Maggie had risen and was going on soundless feet
towards the door.
"Don't go," she said, "I'll be back in a minute."
He flung himself back in the chair and waited. The minutes dragged. He
had wanted Maggie away; and now she had gone he wanted her back again.
Maggie did not stay away long enough to give him time to discover how
much he wanted her. She came back, carrying a tray with cups and a
steaming coffee pot, and set it on the table.
A fragrance of strong coffee filled the room. The service of the god had
begun.
She stood close against his side, yet humbly, as she handed him his cup.
"It's nice and strong," she said. "Drink it. It'll do your head good."
And she sat down opposite him, and watched him drink it.
Maggie's watching face was luminous and tender. In her eyes there was the
look that love gives for his signal--love that, in that moment, was pure
and sweet as a mother's. She was glad to think that the coffee was
strong, and would do his head good. She had no other thought in her mind,
at that moment.
After the coffee she brought matches and cigarettes, which she offered
shyly. Nature had given her an immortal shyness, born of her extreme
humility.
"They're all right," she said, "Charlie smoked them." (Charlie was at
times a useful memory.)
She struck a match and prepared to light the cigarette. This she did
gravely and efficiently, with no sign of feminine consciousness or
coquetry. It was part of the solemn evening service of the god. And, as
he smoked, the devotee retreated to her chair and watched him.
"Maggie," he said, "supposing Mr. Mumford was to come in?"
"He won't. Sunday's _his_ day; or would be, if I let him 'ave a day."
"Why don't you?"
She shook her head. "I've seen nobody."
There was silence for five minutes.
"Mr. Magendy--"
"Majendie, Maggie, Majendie."
"Mr. Mashendy--I'm beginning to be afraid."
"What are you afraid of?"
"What I've always told you about. That awful feeling. It's coming on
again, I think."
"It won't come, Maggie, it won't come. Don't think about it, and it won't
come."
He didn't understand very clearly what Maggie was talking about; but he
remembered that, last September, after her illness, she had been afraid
of something. And he remembered that he had comforted her with some such
words as these.
"Yes," said she, "but I feel it coming."
"Maggie, you oughtn't to live alone like this. See here, you ought to
marry. You ought to marry Mr. Mumford. Why don't you?"
"I don't want to marry anybody. And I don't love him."
"Well, don't think about that other thing. Don't think about it. You'll
be all right."
"I won't think," said Maggie, and thought profoundly.
"Mr. Majendie," she said suddenly.
"Madam."
"You mustn't be afraid. I shall never do anything I know you wouldn't
like me to."
"All right. Only don't think too much about that, either."
"I can't help thinking. You've been so good to me."
"I should try and forget that, too, a little more, if I were you. I'm
only paying some of Mr. Gorst's debts for him."
The name called up no colour to her cheek. Maggie had forgotten Gorst,
and all _he_ had done for her.
"And you're paying me back."
She shook her head. "I can't ever pay you back."
Poor little girl! Was that what her mind was always running on?
There was silence again between them. And then Majendie looked at Maggie.
She was sitting very still, as if she were waiting for something, and yet
content. Her eyes were swimming, as if with tears; but there were no
tears in them. Her face was reddening, as if with shame, but there was no
shame in it. She seemed to be listening, dazed and enchanted, to her own
secret, the running whisper of her blood. Her lips were parted, and, as
he looked at her, they closed and opened again in sympathy with the
delicate tremors that moved her throat under her rounded chin. In her
brooding look there was neither reminiscence nor foreboding; it was the
look of a creature surrendered wholly to her hour.
As he looked at her his nerves sent an arrow of warning, a hot tremor
darting from heart to brain.
"I must go now, Maggie," he said.
When he stood up, his knees shook under him.
"Not yet," said Maggie. "I'm all alone in the house, and I'm afraid."
"There's nothing to be afraid of," he said roughly. "I've got to go."
He strode towards the door while Maggie stared after him in terror. She
understood nothing but that he was going to leave her. What had she done
to drive him away?
"You're ill," she cried, as she followed him, panting in her fright.
He pushed her back gently from the threshold.
"Don't be a little fool, Maggie. I'm not ill."
Out in the street, five yards from Maggie's door, he battled with a
vision of her that almost drove him back again. "It was I who was a
fool," he thought. "I shall go back. Why not? She is predestined. Why not
I as well as anybody else?"
All the way to his own door an insistent, abominable voice kept calling
to him, "Why not? Why not?"
He went with noiseless footsteps up his own stairs, past the dark doors
below, past Edith's open door where the lamp still burned brightly beyond
the threshold. At Anne's door he paused.
It stood ajar in a dim light. He pushed it softly open and went in.
Anne and her child lay asleep under the silver crucifix.
Peggy had been taken into Anne's bed, and had curled herself close up
against her mother's side. Her arm lay on Anne's breast; one hand
clutched the border of Anne's nightgown. The long thick braid of Anne's
hair was flung back on the pillow, framing the child's golden head in
gold.
His eyes filled with tears as he looked at them. For a moment his heart
stood still. Why not he as well as anybody else? His heart told him why.
As he turned he sighed. A sigh of longing and tenderness, and of
thankfulness for a great deliverance. Above all, of thankfulness.