-----
"She won't see you, my boy," said Grigsby, as I stood on the steps of
the Scandalmongers' Club waiting for the next West Kensington 'bus;
"she's doing a roaring trade, and don't want any more advertisements;
and if she does she'll put up her own notices, and not use you for
billsticker."
"Grigsby may not be right this time," I reflected, as I scaled the 'bus.
"He seldom is! And haven't I triumphantly interviewed all the most
unmanageable celebrities of the last ten years, from Lord Tennyson to
the Royal baby? I suppose it's my bland appearance. It lulls suspicion
and excites curiosity. People want to see whether it is possible for any
man to _be_ such a fool as I _look_. Anyhow, I must go through with it
now, as I've let it out to Grigsby."
[Illustration: "SHE WON'T SEE YOU."]
The fact is, I was about to try to interview Miss Jenny T. Buller, the
inventress and manager of the "Brothers' Agency," perhaps the most
important social factor of the present century. In due course I found
myself opposite a smart-looking house, on whose door-plate was engraved
"The Brothers' Agency."
Being taken no doubt for a postulant Brother, I was shown upstairs into
a severe but elegant room, in the middle of which, at a huge desk loaded
with papers, sat a fashionable young lady of the frailest type of
Transatlantic beauty.
"Miss Buller, I believe."
"You will not suit," she said, after one short but decisive stare. "You
are not up to our mark."
"I don't wish to be a Brother," I replied.
"Then what do you want?" she answered.
"Miss Buller," I inquired, as if my life depended on the response, "how
did you ever think of this wonderful scheme?"
She laid down her pen, and turned in her chair; and I saw that I had
won.
"I'm tired of writing just now," she began, "and I don't mind if I tell
you.
[Illustration: "'I DON'T MIND IF I TELL YOU.'"]
"I found myself obliged to increase my income by some means. I first
thought of starting a servants' agency; but the inconvenience I
experienced from having no brothers to take me about suggested a novel
idea to me. I was wondering if other girls felt as I did, when it
flashed upon me that young men who, from any reasons, are in want of
money, might let themselves out as brothers to well-to-do damsels
possessing no fraternal relations. I immediately settled to start an
agency for this object--somewhat on the principle of 'Lady Guides'--the
full title being 'The agency for supplying Brothers to brotherless
girls, or those with unobliging brothers.' I resolved to call it shortly
'The Brothers' Agency.' It is a good name, and gives to the undertaking
a kind of monastic flavour that I find is very taking.
"Of course I only began in a small way amongst the men and girls I knew
personally; but my business spread so rapidly that I soon started a
regular office, and issued printed rules.
"I decided that the Brothers should go to their work during the day (as
such relations do), and only be engaged for the evening to escort my
clients, as their sisters, to balls, theatres, etc. I knew that young
men in London society were supposed to let themselves out for dances; so
why not as Brothers?"
"Why not, indeed?" I murmured sympathetically.
"We do not find," she continued vivaciously, "that it leads to
matrimonial complications, as the men who seek employment as Brothers
are usually so very impecunious that they understand that marriage is
out of the question for them. I was told by my friends, by which I mean
all those who felt themselves privileged to say nasty things to me, that
we should degenerate into a matrimonial agency, but I have not found it
so. On the contrary, every man entering his name on our books, and
every girl engaging a Brother, signs a paper agreeing to pay a large
prohibitive fine should they get engaged to each other during the period
of fraternity. Any man known to be engaged is obliged to take his name
off the books _at once_, as we find _fiancees_ very prejudiced, and
several unpleasant visits were paid to me at the office. Any man
becoming engaged while fulfilling a contract is liable to instant
dismissal at the employer's pleasure, it having been found that he
almost invariably becomes remiss and inattentive in his discharge of
duties.
[Illustration: "ONE SISTER WAS SEEN AT THE THEATRE BY AN OLD MAIDEN
AUNT."]
"Of course, till the significance of the title of 'Brother' became
generally known in London society, there arose a good deal of scandal
and confusion.
"One sister was seen at the theatre by an old maiden aunt, who had never
heard of the Agency. The young lady offered as an explanation that the
man with her was 'only engaged for the time,' which so shocked the poor
old lady that she made a codicil next day to her will reciting her
niece's misbehaviour and disinheriting her."
"That kind of misunderstanding," I said, "can hardly occur any longer."
"I should think not," she retorted. "And meantime, thank goodness, the
term 'Brother' has put an end to that hackneyed form of refusal, 'I love
you as a brother.' The sisters are only allowed to require the attention
of the Brothers for a stated number of nights a week, and the work is
well paid. On the other hand, the sisters escape all the duties they
generally have to perform for their real brothers, such as practising
accompaniments, mending, shopping, or running messages.
[Illustration: "MENDING."]
"Brothers are engaged by the week; but I always recommend that the same
Brother should not be retained for more than a month, as too long a
service makes them--like old family servants--presume, and fancy
themselves invaluable."
"And how do you manage about characters?" I here enquired.
"I never," she said, "consent to act as agent for any man I have not
seen, or to procure a Brother for any girl I have not talked to; and I
study their characters so as to know how any arrangement is likely to
answer. We often have photographs of Brothers ready for engagement--in
fact, those who keep their names permanently on the books usually supply
us with cabinet pictures for reference, and I arrange for interviews as
between mistresses and servants."
"And what terms are generally asked by the Brothers?" I said.
"These, of course," she replied, "depend largely on the nature of the
situation, and the qualifications of the Brother. Vulgar or
disagreeable girls have to pay very heavily. Families with several girls
are charged more in proportion, as many men object to go where other
Brothers are kept. Some men are willing to go as joint Brother to a
family of girls, but this rarely works well.
"They are paid so much a week, and their theatre money if they have to
escort the lady to the play (like beer money, you know). One man
required his buttonhole bouquets, but I said he was clearly above his
place. We do not arrange any engagements for the summer vacation, as we
have found it too dangerous. I really think," she added thoughtfully,
"that the best way of explaining our methods to you would be to show
some entries in our books."
"I should be deeply interested," I answered, stifling my eagerness, "and
it would be very kind of you."
She drew a great ledger towards her, and showed me one or two entries.
The first ran as follows:
"'A Brother, six feet high; dresses well; aristocratic manners; a good
dancer, and knows all the newest steps, including the Pas de Quatre;
obliging, and good-tempered; a teetotaller, and only smokes the best
tobacco. Has the highest credentials from his last place. Available for
"Church Parade" on Sunday, but prefers not to attend church previously,
as he cannot get up so early.'"
[Illustration: "KNOWS ALL THE NEWEST STEPS."]
"What a paragon!" I exclaimed.
"Ah! but he asks a very large salary," she rejoined; "he is so much
sought after. This is a less expensive one--
"'A Brother, aged 27, something in the City; bad figure, but pleasant
smile, and amusing to talk to; slightly provincial, but very highly
educated; _most_ respectable and steady; musical, and a good tennis
player. Very few private engagements, and therefore available most days
of the week. Charges strictly moderate.'"
"We have one man on the books who owns a dogcart," resumed Miss Buller.
"He is in the Guards, and preferred to earn a little money to being
obliged to leave his regiment. I need hardly say that his charges are
very high."
"Naturally," I murmured.
"Here is an advertisement addressed to young ladies of a religious turn
of mind:
"'A young curate, who has a conscientious objection to bazaars, would be
glad to augment his income (the money to be devoted to charitable
objects) by obtaining employment as a Brother. He does not dance
himself, but would give the sanction of his presence to such
entertainments any day except Friday. He is fond of tennis and a good
oar. He will give assistance to any lady district-visiting, or taking a
Sunday-school class in his own parish. He prefers, as the object is a
charitable one, leaving the question of salary to the sister's own good
feeling.'
[Illustration: "A YOUNG CURATE."]
"You wouldn't believe," said Miss Buller, "what a run there is on him;
but I find I can easily supply every kind of variety now. A barrister,
on this next page, suggests that, as he has influential legal
connections, he can generally procure for his sister an excellent place
at the sensational trials that have become so fashionable for ladies
to attend! He commands a huge salary, especially being a gifted
conversationalist, and taking the charge of a dinner table brilliantly;
he has credentials from his last place for being 'witty without
vulgarity.'"
"And now," I said, "I should like to see the sort of advertisement used
by ladies needing Brothers, if you would be kind enough to show me one."
"They are not so interesting," she replied, "but here is one I received
to-day:
"'A Brother is required during the hunting season by two sisters. He
must be a good rider, capable of giving a lead, but very obliging, as
two Brothers have been parted with lately, owing to over-excitement in
the field causing them to neglect their sisters. The Brother will be
mounted by the ladies' parents.'"
"Don't you find that disputes arise," I asked, "between Brothers and
their employers? I should have thought the position might become
irksome to a young man, if the sister was unpleasant."
"Of course," she answered pensively, "an ill-tempered girl can make
matters very unpleasant; but such people pay very highly, as I pointed
out only yesterday to one of our most promising Brothers. 'She is rather
a common girl,' I said, 'but you know you were very unlucky at Newmarket
lately; and you sit up incessantly playing poker; and if you take my
advice you will make your losses good by sticking to your place. I dare
say the theatres are rather trying, but, on the other hand, as you don't
go into at all the same society that she does, you are not likely to
meet anyone you know at the parties she takes you to; and, of course, as
her Brother, you need not dance incessantly with her!' He finally took
my advice."
"Now that," I said, in my very stupidest manner, "is one of the
difficulties which has occurred to me. A man who has been engaged as a
Brother finds himself saddled with an undesirable acquaintance after the
engagement is over."
[Illustration: "AN ILL-TEMPERED GIRL CAN MAKE MATTERS VERY UNPLEASANT."]
"I should have thought," she replied, indignantly, "that you would have
understood that neither the lady nor the Brother are expected to
recognise each other when they meet after the termination of the
engagement."
"It must be anxious work sometimes," I remarked, "settling the disputes
that arise."
"It is, indeed," said Miss Buller. "One contract on the part of a rising
young artist was actually broken off in the middle because the sister
who had engaged him, an inordinately vain girl, insisted on being
introduced as a central figure into his Academy picture for the year. He
refused, and appealed to me; I supported him; on which the young lady
came to the office and abused us both. My fear now is," she continued,
"that Mr. Whiteley will step in and 'provide' Brothers, but I feel sure
that this business could only be managed successfully by a lady. A
dispute arose last week over the question of a Brother being required to
introduce any friends he might meet at a party to his sister. I vetoed
this at once, as real brothers often decline to do this, unless they
consider their sister does them credit. On another occasion a Brother
insisted on smoking a strong cigar in a cab, coming back from the
theatre, saying that he was not accustomed to treat his sisters with
ceremony."
"That was rude," I remarked; "but still I pity the men if they are
engaged by very exacting sisters, because, after all, they are not real
brothers."
[Illustration: "ABUSED US BOTH."]
"Oh," said Miss Buller, "I admit that sometimes sisters do get
troublesome. One situation I find very hard to fill: the Brothers
complain of its being such a hard place, as the young lady is so
unpopular that no men ever come to speak to her, and her idea of a
Brother is a person who never quits your side in the Row, or elsewhere.
The consequence is, that the wretched Brother never has a moment's
relaxation. She pays very highly, however. You know, many men stipulate
that, even if fulfilling engagements, they shall be free to attend race
meetings. We are obliged to consider the Brothers, as I assure you the
competition for our best ones is tremendous. They are engaged--like
seats at the theatre--for weeks beforehand. I forgot to mention that
they are paid less highly in the winter than in the Season."
"You are certainly doing an excellent work," I exclaimed, growing
bolder as I felt my copy was made; "and, if I could hire myself out as
_your_ Brother,"--I paused expressively.
"I guess I don't need to hire," she replied gaily, "I find all the
Brothers are willing to take me out for nothing."
"For love, and not for money,"--I interrupted, bowing.
"When they are disengaged," she continued, laughingly. "Besides, being
American, I don't need to call them Brothers."
"The Brothers have taste!" was my remark; and then I added, "I suppose
the work nearly all falls on your shoulders?"
[Illustration: "'FOR LOVE, AND NOT FOR MONEY,'--I INTERRUPTED."]
"Yes; that is inevitable. Arranging for engagements is nothing, but I
find it necessary to make the Brothers refer all disputes to me, and
delicate points arise. One arose last week, when a lady called upon her
Brother to chastise an erring suitor, who had jilted her. However, I
said at once that this was not included in his duties, as the offence
was prior to his entering on his present Brothership."
"Well, I think you were quite right," I said; "but I'm afraid your
position is not so enviable as I fancied at first. I shouldn't care
myself to settle such delicate points."
"Nonsense!" she replied, "these are crumpled rose leaves. The agency is
paying splendidly. I am making my fortune, and at the same time
conferring a boon on society. Why there is no longer a dearth of
partners at dances, as most girls bring a Brother. In fact, the agency
is doing so well that I shall soon have to take larger premises."
"Well, Miss Buller," I said, taking up my hat, "I hardly know how to
thank you for your courtesy and patience in answering all my questions.
I now thoroughly understand the working of your excellent agency, and I
am sure that it is a scheme that will continue to flourish."
"Till the Brothers form a Union, and go out on strike," replied Miss
Buller gaily. "The demand already exceeds the supply!"
She rang the bell, and a neat parlourmaid showed me out.
As I walked away, I marvelled that this inspired scheme, which bids fair
to revolutionise modern society, should be the fruit of one mind.