CONCHOLOGY AND OTHER THINGS
The two trustees had had a busy day. They had just begun upon the
collection of shells which for years had lain packed away in boxes in
the attic. There were thousands of them, and now as they lay spread out
on long tables in the workshop, the glass-covered room where the Captain
used to keep his tools and his turning-lathe, Mr. Homer's mind was
divided between admiration of their beauty, and dismay at the clumsiness
of the names which Tommy Candy read out--painfully, with finger on the
page and frequent moppings of an anxious brow, for the polysyllabic was
still something of a nightmare to Tommy, spite of his twenty years and
his Academy diploma.
"Look at this, Thomas," said Mr. Homer, carefully polishing on his
sleeve a whorl of rosy pearl. "Observe this marvel of nature, Thomas!
This should have a name of beauty, to match its aspect; a name
of--a--poetry; of--divine affluence. 'Aurora's Tear' would, I am of
opinion, fitly express this exquisite object. Number 742: how does it
stand in the volume, Thomas?"
"Spiral Snork," said Thomas.
Mr. Homer sighed, and laid the shell down. "This is sad, Thomas," he
said. "This is--a--painful; this is--a--productive of melancholy. I have
never been of the opinion--though it is matter of distress to disagree
in any opinion with the immortal Bard of Avon--that 'a rose by any other
name'--you are doubtless familiar with the quotation, Thomas. To my
mind there is much in a name--much. 'Snork!' The title is repellent;
is--a--in a manner suggestive of swine. Pork--snort--snork! the
connotation is imperative, I am of opinion. How, why, I ask you, Thomas,
should such a name be applied to this exquisite object?"
"Named for Simeon Snork, mariner, who first brought it to England," said
Tommy, his finger on the paragraph. "Rare: value ten pounds sterling."
The little gentleman sighed again. "We must put the name down, Thomas,"
he said. "We must write it clearly and legibly; duty compels us so to
do. But do you think that we should be violating our trust if we
suggested--possibly in smaller type--the alternative, 'sometimes known
as Aurora's Tear'? There could be no harm in that, I fancy, Thomas? It
_is_ known as Aurora's Tear to me. I can never bring myself to think of
this delicate production of--nature's loom--as 'Spiral--a--Snork.' My
spirit rebels;--a--revolts;--a--"
"Jibs?" suggested Tommy Candy.
"I was about to say 'rises up in opposition,'" said Mr. Homer, gently.
"Your expression is terse, Thomas, but--a--more colloquial than I
altogether--but it is terse, and perhaps expressive. You see no
objection to writing the alternative, Thomas?"
"None in life!" said Tommy. "Have ten of 'em if you like, Mr. Homer;
give folks their choice."
"A--I think not, Thomas," said Mr. Homer. "I am of opinion that that
would be unadvisable. We will put the single alternative, if you please.
I thank you. Now to proceed. Here again."
He selected another shell, breathed on it, and rubbed it on his
coat-sleeve.
"Here again is an exquisite--a--emanation from nature's loo--I would
rather say from nature's workshop. Observe, Thomas, the rich blending of
hues, violet and crimson, in this beautiful object. I trust that we
shall be more fortunate this time in the matter of nomenclature. Number
743, Thomas. How is it set down in the book?"
"Hopkins's Blob," said Tommy.
"Dear! dear!" said Mr. Homer. "This is sad, Thomas; this is sad, indeed.
Blob! a most unlovely word. And yet"--he paused for a moment--"it
rhymes--it rhymes with 'sob.' Do me the favor to pause an instant,
Thomas. I have an idea: a--an effluence;--a--an abstraction of the
spirit into the realms of poesy."
He was silent, while Tommy Candy watched him with twinkling gray eyes.
At first the little gentleman's face wore a look of intense gravity;
but soon it lightened. He passed his hand twice or thrice across his
brow, and sighed, a long, happy sigh; then he turned a beaming look on
his companion.
"I do not know, my young friend," he said, mildly, "whether you have
ever given much thought to--a--the Muse; but it may interest you to note
the manner in which she occasionally wings her flight. A moment ago,
this gracious object"--he waved the shell gently--"was, so far as we are
aware, unsung;--a--uncelebrated;--a--lacking its meed of mellifluous
expression. Now--but you shall judge, sir. In this brief moment of
silence, the following lines crystallized in my brain. Ahem!"
He leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, and folded his hands
meekly; then began to recite in a kind of runic chant:
"The poet-heart doth sigh,
The poet-soul doth sob,
To see a sight
Of beauty bright
Oppressed by name of 'blob'!
"O cacophonic crowd!
O unmellifluous mob!
The poet's lip
Would nectar sip,
But scorns to browse on 'blob'!
The expression is condensed," said Mr. Homer, with modest pride; "but I
am of opinion that condensation often lends strength;--a--are you also
of that opinion, Thomas?"
"Every time!" said Tommy Candy.
Mr. Homer looked bewildered, but bowed gently, accepting the
commendation expressed in Tommy's voice. "I am glad that my little
effusion meets with your approval, Thomas," he said. "It is the first
effort I have been able to make since the death of my lamented
relative. A--a simple movement, sir, of the Muse's wing; a--a--"
"Flap?" suggested Tommy Candy.
Mr. Homer looked still more bewildered, but bowed again, waving his
hands with a gesture of mingled protest and deprecation.
"I am of opinion, Thomas," he said, "that prose is the vehicle in which
your thoughts are most apt to find expression. The wings of the Muse do
not, in my opinion,--a--a--flap. But it is a matter--a--scarcely germane
to the occasion. We will pursue our researches, if you please."
The next names were more fortunate. The Golden Gem was followed by the
Mermaid's Comb, and Mr. Homer glowed with poetic joy as he placed the
pretty things on the shelves of the cabinet that awaited them.
"I foresee, Thomas," he exclaimed, joyfully, "a resuscitation of the
poetic faculty. I feel that, surrounded by these shapes of beauty, and
not oppressed by such inappropriate cacophonies as Blork and Snob--I
would say Snork and Blob--I shall often joyfully, as well as strictly,
meditate the--I find myself unable to characterize the Muse as
'thankless,' in spite of my profound admiration for the immortal Milton.
My spirit will, I feel it, once more sing, and--wing, sir! 'Mermaid's
Comb!' In gazing on this symmetrical shape, my young friend, may we not
in our mind's eye, Horatio--I would say Thomas--the remark is Hamlet's,
as you are without doubt aware--behold it in the hand of some fair
nymph, or siren, or--or person of that description--and behold her
'sleeking her soft alluring locks,' in Milton's immortal phrase?
A--candor compels me to state, Thomas, that on the few--the very
few--occasions when--when I have seen the locks of the fair sex in a
state of--a--dampness;--of--humidity;--a--of--moisture, I have not
thought" (Mr. Homer blushed very red) "that the condition was one which
enhanced; which--a--added to, the charms with which that sex is--in a
large number of cases--endowed."
"That's so!" said Tommy. "Take 'em after a shampoo, and they're a sight,
even the good-lookin' ones."
Mr. Homer blushed still redder, and took out his handkerchief. "I have
never,--" he began, and then coughed, and waved the subject delicately
away.
"It is probable," he said, "that if--a--such semi-celestial individuals
as those described by the poet existed--a--possessed a corporal
envelope--a--were endowed with a local habitation and a
name--Shakespeare--they would not be subject to conditions which--which
tend to the--a--obscuration of beauty; but we will proceed, if you
please, Thomas. Hark! was that a knock at the door?"
They listened. There was a silence; then, beyond question, came a knock
on the outer door; a loud, imperative rap, with a suggestion of rhythm,
almost of flourish, in its repetition. "Rat-ta-tat, rat-ta-tat,
rat-ta-tat!" Then silence again.
"Direxia is in bed," said Tommy Candy. "I'll go."
"Wait; wait a moment, Thomas!" said Mr. Homer, nervously. "Do you
think--it is near nine o'clock--do you think that courtesy absolutely
demands our opening the door?"
Tommy looked at him in amazement.
"It--it is probably a lady!" said Mr. Homer, piteously. "She is without
doubt bringing me--a--food;--a--bodily pabulum;--a--refreshment for the
inner man. Thomas, I--I do not feel as if I _could_ receive another
dish at present. I have received four--have I not?--assaults--a--I would
say, gifts, to-day, all tending to--overtax the digestive powers, even
if Direxia's friendly ministrations did not invite--or more properly
demand--all the powers of that description which I possess."
"Pineapple cream, Miss Wax," replied Tommy Candy, briefly. "That was
good; I ate it myself. Lobster salad, Miss Goby; claws round it; might
have boiled her own for a garnish; calf's-foot jelly, Widder Ketchum;
plum cake, Mis' Pottle. Seth Weaver says that when Doctor Pottle is
short of patients, the old lady always bakes a batch of fruit-cake and
sends it round. It's sure to fetch somebody; you could ballast a
schooner with it, Seth says. Yes, that makes four, sir. But maybe this
isn't a woman, Mr. Homer. I don't think it sounds like one, and anyhow,
I wouldn't let one in, noways. You'd better let me go, sir."
The knock sounded again, still more imperative; and now a voice was
heard, a man's voice, thin and high, crying, impatiently: "Within there!
house! what ho! within!"
Mr. Homer gasped, and loosened his necktie convulsively.
"My mind is probably failing," he said. "That voice--is probably a
hallucination;--a--an aberration; a--you hear no voice, I should
surmise, Thomas?"
He gazed eagerly at Tommy, who, really alarmed for his friend's reason,
stared at him in return.
"Of course I hear it, sir," he said. "He's hollering fit to raise the
roof. Riled, I expect; you'd better let me go, Mr. Homer."
Mr. Homer relaxed his hold. "Thomas," he said, solemnly, "I think it
improbable that you will find any corporal substance at that door:
nevertheless, open it, if you will be so good! open it, Thomas!"
Greatly wondering, Tommy Candy ran to the door and flung it wide open.
There on the threshold stood a man, his hand raised in the act of
knocking again. A little man, in a flyaway cloak, with a flyaway necktie
and long, fluttering mustaches; a little man who looked in the dim light
like a cross between a bat and the Flying Dutchman.
"House!" said the little man. "Within there!"
"Well," said Tommy, slowly, "I never said it was a monument!"
The stranger made a gesture of brushing him away.
"Minion," he said, "bandy no words, but straightway tell me, does Homer
Hollopeter lurk within?"
"Did you wish to see him?" inquired Tommy, civilly yet cautiously. A
backward glance over his shoulder gave him a curious impression. Mr.
Homer's shadow, as he stood just within the parlor door, was thrown on
the pale shining wood of the hall floor; this shadow seemed to flutter,
with motions singularly like those of the stranger. Another moment, and
the little gentleman came forward, carrying a candle. He was trembling
violently, and, as he held the candle high, its wavering light fell on
the countenance of the stranger.
[Illustration: "AS HE HELD THE CANDLE HIGH, ITS WAVERING LIGHT FELL ON
THE COUNTENANCE OF THE STRANGER"]
"Gee whiz!" muttered Tommy Candy. "It's himself over again in black."
"It is my brother Pindar!" cried Mr. Homer, dropping the candle. "It is
my only brother, whom I thought dead--a--defunct;--a--wafted to--my dear
fellow, my dear brother, how are you? This is a joyful moment; this
is--a--an auspicious occasion; this is--a--an oasis in the arid plains
which--"
"Encircle us!" said Mr. Pindar. "Precisely! Homer, embrace me!"
He flung his arms abroad, and the batlike cloak fluttered out to its
fullest width. Mr. Homer seemed to shrink together, and it was himself
he embraced, with a frightened gesture.
"Oh, quite so!" he cried, hurriedly. "Very much so, indeed, my dear
brother. The spirit, Pindar, the spirit, returns your proffered salute;
but foreign customs, sir, have never obtained in Quahaug. I bid you
heartily, heartily welcome, my dear brother. Come in, come in!"
Mr. Pindar flung up his hand with a lofty gesture. "My benison upon this
house!" he cried. "The wanderer returns. The traveller--a--sets foot
upon his native heath--I would say door-step. Flourish and exeunt. Set
on!"
The two brothers vanished. Tommy Candy, still standing on the threshold,
stared after them with his mouth wide open, and slowly rumpled his hair
till it stood on end in elfish spikes, as it had done in his childhood.
"I swan!" said Tommy Candy. "I swan to everlastin' gosh! the Dutch is
beat this time!"