Laura and Oliver Tropenell walked across the grass in silence, and still
in silence they passed through under the great dark arch formed by the
beech trees.
Laura was extraordinarily moved and excited. Her brother, her dear, dear
Gillie, coming home? She had taken the surprising news very quietly, but
it had stirred her to the depths of her nature. Without even telling her
of what he was going to do, the man now walking by her side had brought
about the thing that for years she had longed should come to pass.
In her husband Laura had become accustomed to a man who was cautious and
deliberate to a fault, and who, as so often happens, carried this
peculiarity even more into the affairs of his daily life than into his
business. Often weeks would go by before Godfrey would make up his mind
to carry out some small, necessary improvement connected with the
estate.
Yet here was Oliver, who, without saying a word to her about it, had
decided that Gillie should come to England just to see the sister he had
not seen for seven years! Laura began to think it possible that after
all Godfrey _would_ make it up with her brother. Oliver Tropenell had an
extraordinary influence over Godfrey Pavely; again and again, as
regarded small matters, he had, as it were, made Godfrey's mind up for
him.
A feeling of deep gratitude welled up in her heart for the silent man
by her side. She longed for him to speak now, as he had spoken to her,
kindly, conciliatingly, but a few minutes ago, in the drawing-room.
But Oliver stalked along dumbly in the intense darkness.
And then suddenly she remembered, with a miserable feeling of
discomfort, and yes, of shame, that she could hardly expect him to be as
usual. And so it was she who, making a great effort, at last broke the
unnatural silence.
"I've never thanked you for your letter," she said nervously. "But I'm
very much obliged to you, Oliver, for consenting to be my trustee. And I
know that Godfrey will be! I hope it won't give you much trouble--the
trusteeship, I mean. I know that Mr. Blackmore, for years past, left it
all to Godfrey."
He answered slowly, meditatively, and to her intense relief, quite in
his old way. "Yes, I think Godfrey will be pleased. To tell you the
truth, Laura, I thought I would take advantage of his pleasure to
suggest that plan about Gillie--I mean that you and Gillie and Alice
should all go abroad together."
"If only you can persuade Godfrey to let me have Gillie here for a
while, I shall be more than content!" She spoke with a rather piteous
eagerness.
They were walking very, very slowly. Oliver had now turned on his
electric torch, and it threw a bright patch of light on the path
immediately before them, making all the darkness about them the blacker
and the more intense.
In a hard voice he exclaimed: "Of course Gillie must come here, and stay
here! His being anywhere else would be preposterous----" And then, once
more, he fell into that strange, disconcerting silence.
The last time they two had walked down under the beeches at night had
been some three weeks ago. Laura and Godfrey had dined with the
Tropenells, and then Godfrey had said that he had to go home and do some
work, leaving her to stay on, for nearly an hour, with the mother and
son.
Oliver's torch had gone out that evening, and he had suggested, a little
diffidently, that Laura should take his arm; smiling, she had laid the
tips of her fingers lightly on his sleeve. She had felt so happy then,
so happy, and absolutely at her ease, with her companion....
Tears welled up in her eyes. She was grateful for the darkness, but her
trembling voice betrayed her as she exclaimed, "Oliver? I do again ask
you to forget what happened yesterday, and to forgive me for the things
I said. I'm very sorry that I spoke as I did."
He stopped walking, and put out his torch. "Don't be sorry," he said, in
a low, constrained voice. "It's far better that I should know exactly
how you feel. Of course I was surprised, for I'd always had a notion
that women regarded love from a more ideal standpoint than men seem able
to do. But I see now that I was mistaken." Some of the bitterness with
which his heart was still full and overflowing crept into his measured
voice. "I think you will believe me when I say that I did not mean to
insult you----"
He was going on, but she interrupted him.
"--I'm sorry--sorry and ashamed too, Oliver, of what I said.
Please--please forget what happened----"
He turned on her amid the dark shadows.
"If _I_ forget, will _you_?" he asked sombrely.
And she answered, "Yes, yes--indeed I will! But before we put what
happened yesterday behind us forever, do let me tell you, Oliver, that I
_am_ grateful, deeply grateful, for your----" she hesitated painfully,
and then murmured "your affection."
But Oliver Tropenell did not meet her half-way, as she had perhaps
thought he would. He was torn by conflicting feelings, cursing himself
for having lost his self-control the day before, and yet, even so, deep
in his subtle, storm-tossed mind, not altogether sorry for what had
happened.
And so it was she who went on, speaking slowly and with difficulty: "I
know that I have been to blame! I know that I ought never to have spoken
of Godfrey as I have sometimes allowed myself to do to you. According to
his lights, he is a good husband, and I know that I have been--that I
am--a bitter disappointment to him."
He muttered something--she did not hear what it was, and she hurried on:
"What I have wanted--and oh, Oliver, I have wanted it so much--is a
friend," almost he heard the unspoken words, "not a lover."
She put out her hand in the darkness and laid it, for a moment, on his
arm. And then, suddenly, in that moment of, to him, exquisite,
unhoped-for contact, Oliver Tropenell swore to himself most solemnly
that he would rest satisfied with what she would, and could, grant him.
And so--
"I know that," he said in measured, restrained tones. "And I have made
up my mind to be that friend, Laura. We will both forget what happened
yesterday. If you are ashamed, I am a hundred times more so! And do
believe me when I tell you that what you said about Godfrey--why, I've
forgotten it already--had nothing to do with my outburst. I'm a lonely
man, my dear, and somehow, without in the least meaning it, I know, you
crept into my heart and filled it all. But already, since yesterday,
I've come to a more reasonable frame of mind."
He waited a moment, despising himself for uttering such lying words, and
then he went on, this time honestly meaning what he said: "Henceforth,
Laura, I swear that I'll never again say a word to you that all the
world might not hear. I never did, till yesterday----"
"I know, I know," she said hurriedly. "And that was why I was so
surprised."
"Let's put it all behind us and go back to 'as we were'!" He was
speaking now with a sort of gruff, good-humoured decision, and
Laura sighed, relieved, and yet--so unreasonable a being is
woman--unsatisfied.
The light from his torch flashed again, and they walked on, under the
dark arch of leaves and branches, till they were close to the open road.
And there Laura said, "I wish you would leave me here, Oliver. I feel
sure that Aunt Letty is waiting up for you."
He answered her at once. "It won't make more than five minutes'
difference. I'll only walk as far as the lodge. It's a lonely little
stretch of road."
"Lonely?" she repeated. "Why, there isn't a bit of it that isn't within
hail of Rosedean!"
And then, determined to go back to their old easy companionship, that
companionship which had lately become so easy and so intimate that when
with him she had often spoken a passing thought aloud, "Katty came home
to-day. I must try and see her to-morrow. She's a plucky creature,
Oliver! I wish that Aunt Letty liked her better than she does."
He answered idly, "There's nothing much either to like or dislike in
Mrs. Winslow--at least so it always seems to me."
But she answered quickly, defensively, "There's a great deal to like in
her--when I think of Katty Winslow I feel ashamed of myself. I've known
her do such kind things! And then she's so good about Godfrey--I don't
know what Godfrey would do without her. They knew each other as
children. It's as if she was his sister. All that little Pewsbury world
which bores me so, is full of interest to them both. I'm always glad
when she's at Rosedean. I only wish she didn't go away so often--Godfrey
does miss her so!"
"Yes, I know he does," he said drily.
They walked on in silence till they were close to the low lodge.
Laura Pavely held out her hand, and Oliver Tropenell took it in his
cool, firm grasp for a moment.
"Good-night," he said. "I suppose we shall meet some time to-morrow?"
She answered eagerly. "Yes, do come in, any time! Alice and I shall be
gardening before lunch. Godfrey won't be back till late, for he's sure
to go straight to the Bank from the station. He'll be so much obliged to
you about that trusteeship, Oliver. It's really very good of you to take
so much trouble."
Oliver Tropenell answered slowly, "Yes, I think Godfrey will be
pleased; and as I've already told you, I'll certainly take advantage of
his pleasure, Laura, to suggest the plan about Gillie."
Once more she exclaimed: "If only you can persuade Godfrey to let me
have Gillie at The Chase for a while, I shall be more than content!"
There was a thrill of excitement, of longing, in her low voice, as,
without waiting for an answer, she walked away, leaving him looking
after her. The patch of whiteness formed by the hem of her gown moved
swiftly along--against the moonlit background of grass, trees, and sky.
He stood and watched the moving, fluttering bit of whiteness till it
vanished in the grey silvery haze. Then, slowly, he turned on his heel
and made his way back home.
* * * * *
It was nearly a quarter of a mile from the lodge to The Chase, as the
house was always called, but there was a rather shorter way across the
grass, through trees; and Laura, when she came to where she knew the
little path to be, left the carriage way, and stepped up on to the
grass.
She felt oppressed, her soul filled with a piteous lassitude and
weariness of life, in spite of the coming return home of her only
brother. She had been moved and excited, as well as made acutely
unhappy, by what had happened yesterday morning. Mrs. Tropenell, as
almost always happens in such a case, was not fair to Laura Pavely.
Laura had been overwhelmed with surprise--a surprise in which
humiliation and self-rebuke were intolerably mingled--and yes, a certain
proud anger.
The words Oliver had said, and alas! that it should be so, the bitter,
scornful words she had uttered in reply, had, she felt, degraded them
both--she far, far more than him. At the time she had been too deeply
hurt, too instinctively anxious to punish him, to measure her words. And
now she told herself that she had spoken yesterday in a way no man would
ever forget, and few, very few men would ever forgive. Though he had
been kind to-night--very, very kind--his manner had altered, all the
happy ease had gone.
Tears came into Laura Pavely's eyes; they rolled down her cheeks.
Suddenly she found herself sobbing bitterly.
She stopped walking, and covered her face with her hands. With a depth
of pain, unplumbed till now, she told herself that she would never,
never be able to make Oliver understand why she had said those cruel
stinging words. Without a disloyalty to Godfrey of which she was
incapable, she could not hope to make him understand why she had so
profound a distaste, ay, and contempt, for that which, if he had spoken
truly yesterday, he thought the greatest thing in the world. With sad,
leaden-weighted conviction she realised that there must always be
between a man and a woman, however great their friendship and mutual
confidence, certain barriers that nothing can force or clear.
She had believed, though as a matter of fact she had not thought very
much about it, that Oliver Tropenell, in some mysterious way, was unlike
ordinary men. As far as she knew, he had never "fallen in love." Women,
who, as she could not help knowing, had always played so great a part in
her brother Gillie's life, seemed not to exist--so far as Oliver
Tropenell was concerned. He had never even seemed attracted, as almost
every man was, by pretty Katty Winslow, the innocent _divorcee_ now
living at his very gates. So she, Laura, had allowed herself to slip
into a close, intimate relationship which, all unknowingly to her, had
proved most dangerous to him....
Still crying bitterly, she told herself that she had been too happy all
this summer. Godfrey had been kinder, less, less--she shrank from
putting it into words--but yes, less ill-tempered, mean, and tiresome
than usual. Oliver had had such a good effect on Godfrey, and she had
honestly believed that the two were friends.
But how could they be friends if--if it was true that Oliver loved her?
Laura Pavely knew nothing of the well-worn byways of our poor human
nature.
Suddenly she threw her head back and saw the starlit sky above her.
Somehow that wonderful ever-recurring miracle of impersonal, unearthly
beauty calmed and comforted her. Drying her eyes, she told herself that
something after all had survived out of yesterday's wreck. Her friend
might be a man--a man as other men were; but he was noble, and
singularly selfless, for all that. On the evening of the very day on
which she had grievously offended and wounded him, he had written her a
kindly letter, offering to be her trustee.
There had been moments to-day when she had thought of writing Mrs.
Tropenell a note to say she did not feel well--and that she would not
dine at Freshley that night. But oh, how glad she was now that a mixture
of pride and feminine delicacy had prompted her to behave just as if
nothing had happened, as if words which could never be forgotten had
not been uttered between herself and Oliver! She had thought he would
punish her this evening by being sulky and disagreeable--that was her
husband's invariable method of showing displeasure. But with the
exception of a word or two uttered very quietly, and more as if she,
rather than he, had something to forgive, he had behaved as if yesterday
had never been. He had heaped coals of fire upon her head, making it
plain that even now he was only thinking of her--of her and of Gillie,
of how he could pleasure them both by securing her a holiday with her
only brother.
Every word of that restrained, not very natural, conversation held just
now under the beech trees re-echoed in her ears. She seemed to hear
again the slowly uttered, measured words, "I am going to be your friend,
Laura"....
And then there came over Laura Pavely an extraordinary sensation of
moral and mental disturbance. Once more everything which had happened
to-day was blotted out, and she went back to yesterday morning. Again
she lived through those moments during which Oliver Tropenell had
offered her what was to him the greatest thing man has it in him to
bestow--love, even if illicit, unsanctified. And she had rejected the
gift with a passion of scorn, spurning it as she would have done a base
and unclean thing.
Years and years ago, in her quiet, shadowed youth, she too had believed
love to be the most precious, beautiful thing in life. Then, with
marriage to Godfrey Pavely had come the conviction that love was not
beautiful, but very, very ugly--at its best one of those dubious gifts
to man by which old Dame Nature works out certain cunning designs of her
own. And yet, when something of what she believed to be the truth had
been uttered by her during that terrible tense exchange of words, she
had seen how she, in her turn, had shocked, and even repelled, Oliver
Tropenell.
Once more sobs welled up from her throat, once more she covered her face
with her hands....
At last, feeling worn out with the violence of an emotion which, unknown
to her, vivified her whole being, she walked on till the fine Tudor
front of the old house which was at once so little and so much her home,
rose before her. It was an infinite comfort to know that Godfrey would
not be there waiting for her, and that she would be able to make her way
up alone through the sleeping house to the room which opened into her
child's nursery.