* * * * *
[Illustration: _Diner._ "I SAY, WAITER, I'VE ASKED THREE TIMES FOR
POTATOES."
_Waiter_ (_still under the influence of military discipline_). "BEG
PARDON, SIR, BUT I'M TOLD OFF TO CONCENTRATE ON THE CABBAGE."]
* * * * *
"LOGS TO BURN."
"_Logs to burn; logs to burn;
Logs to save the coal a turn._"
HERE's a word to make you wise
When you hear the wood-man's cries;
Never heed his usual tale
That he has splendid logs for sale,
But read these lines and really learn
The proper kinds of logs to burn.
Oak logs will warm you well
If they're old and dry;
Larch logs of pine woods smell,
But the sparks will fly.
Beech logs for Christmas-time,
Yew logs heat well;
"Scotch" logs it is a crime
For anyone to sell.
Birch logs will burn too fast,
Chestnut scarce at all;
Hawthorn logs are good to last
If cut in the Fall.
Holly logs will burn like wax,
You should burn them green;
Elm logs like smouldering flax,
No flame to be seen.
Pear logs and apple logs,
They will scent your room;
Cherry logs across the dogs
Smell like flowers in bloom.
But Ash logs, all smooth and grey,
Burn them green or old;
Buy up all that come your way,
They're worth their weight in gold.
* * * * *
"GIRL EYE-MAKER."
_Picture-title in Daily Paper._
Perhaps we ought to mention that the eyes she makes are artificial,
not "glad."
* * * * *
Our Discreet Press.
"Mystery surrounds the Russo-Polish peace negotiations at Riga.
According to a Central News message from Warsaw Marshal Pilsudski
has had a conference with??????????, the Premier, as to whether
demobilisation should take place shortly."--_Evening Paper._
* * * * *
"When he [Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree] was prepared to play _Martin
Chuzzlewit_ he wrote to me (and doubtless explained to others) that
he was going to present _Mr. Micawber_ as 'a sort of
fairy.'"--_Sunday Paper._
We suppose if Sir HERBERT had staged _David Copperfield_ he would have
cast himself for the husband of _Mrs. Harris_.
* * * * *