I NEVER know why it should be
So rude to talk about the ----.
What funny folk we are!
I think we've got the jealous hump
Because we see we'll never jump
So skilfully and far.
For, if one's nibbled by a gnat
Or harvest-bugs or things like that,
One seldom keeps it dark;
One may enlarge upon the tale
If one is gobbled by a whale
Or swallowed by a shark;
But if you speak about the bite
Of this abandoned parasite
You're very, very rash;
So sure is it to raise a frown
I dare not even write it down;
I simply put a ----.
None but an entomologist
Will quite admit the things exist,
And generally _they_ insist
On using other names;
For, when at night Professors leap
Out of their scientific sleep
Because these little devils keep
Playing their usual games,
They never shout, "It seems to be
A something, something, something ----!"
(The word is never used, you see,
Except by artisans);
No, as they fling the bedclothes high
They give a wild but cultured cry,
"Confound it! Botheration! Hi!
A _Pulex irritans_!" A. P. H.
* * * * *
Our Ruthless Motorists.
"Triumph 1920 4 h.p. Model H, also Baby, both brand new; sacrifice,
L5 off each."
_Motor Journal._
* * * * *
"It was intended to hold mock trials in order to familiarise women
with court procedure and 'legal shibboleths.'
When I saw her to-day, Miss ---- said that 'techniaclities' would
have been a better word."--_Evening Paper._
We hate to contradict a lady, but we cannot agree.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Aggrieved Profiteeress_ (_studying photographs of the
Peerage_). "WELL, I DON'T SEE AS THEY'VE ANY CALL TO LOOK THAT 'AUGHTY.
LIKE AS NOT ME AN' YOU'D BE WEARIN' CORONETS THIS MINUTE IF ALL OUR
ANCESTORS 'ADN'T A-BEEN CUT OFF IN THE WARS OF THE ROSES, OR
SOMETHINK."]
* * * * *