FAILINGS AND FOIBLES OF GOOD WOMEN
Women of strong character--Obstinacy and prejudice--Tastes and
temperaments--The diplomatic woman--The strong-minded woman--The
superiority of woman--Monopolizers--Little women--The woman who is
wrong--'I told you so'--Why women were not given beards--Women who
marry for money and for titles--The only chance of success in
matrimony.
When you say that a man has a strong character, it means that when he
has made up his mind to attain an object in view, nothing will divert
him from the road that leads to the goal. He will take advice and
profit by all the circumstances that may help him to succeed. That man,
as a rule, is successful in the world.
When you say that a woman has a strong character, it often means that
she is obstinate and prejudiced, and that whatever advice and arguments
may be placed at her disposal, she will follow her own mind and have
her own way. That woman, as a rule, is a failure in life.
Obstinacy and prejudice, which are the characteristics of even the best
women, are not proofs of a strong character, but weaknesses.
* * * * *
Which is better for a man and a woman to possess in
matrimony--similarity of tastes or similarity of temperaments?
I would reply at once: The former, by all means. If a husband and a
wife have different temperaments--and, of course, love each other (this
must always be granted in any discussion on 'How to be happy though
married')--their lives may be all the more interesting for it, because
they will have to constantly study each other, make concessions, and be
diplomatists ever on their guard. People of different temperaments can
get along very well, but unless their tastes are similar they cannot
enjoy life together.
* * * * *
George Eliot says that a difference of tastes in jokes is a strain on
the affections.
Fancy a humourist married to a woman who cannot see a joke!
Fancy a Wagnerian having a wife who prefers the 'Casino Girl' to
'Lohengrin'!
Fancy a poetic, romantic woman, a lover of Nature, taking her husband
to see Vesuvius in eruption and hearing him remark that he has seen
smoke before at Pittsburg and Newcastle-on-Tyne; or visiting with him
the banqueting-hall of Heidelberg Castle and hearing that Philistine
remark that it is about the same size as the dining-room of the
Auditorium Hotel in Chicago!
* * * * *
Of course, this difference of tastes sometimes helps to smooth out
difficulties. If the chicken is small, and one partner likes white meat
while the other prefers black, it comes in handy.
* * * * *
All psychologists, ancient and modern, agree on one point on the
subject of woman, and that is that vanity is her typical failing. You
never need fear referring to her beauty. She is always open to a bit of
flattery. You may go straight to the heart of the best woman by
praising her bonnet or her baby.
* * * * *
Give me a tactful woman (she is a delight), but spare me the diplomatic
one. 'A diplomatic woman' sounds to my ears very much like 'a woman too
clever by half.' I almost prefer the dear little goose who puts her
foot in it every time she opens her mouth.
No doubt the diplomatic woman is a very useful mate to the man who
occupies a high official position; but in everyday life, in married
life especially, the only diplomacy that a woman should concern herself
about is the politics of matrimony. Under all other circumstances the
diplomatic woman is only an insincere woman with a high-sounding name.
The more I think of it, the more I feel deeply convinced that, in the
ordinary pursuits of life, whether a man or a woman be in question,
good diplomacy does not consist in cleverly deceiving people, but in
finding out who your real friends are, and, when that is ascertained,
in sticking to them and for them through thick and thin.
* * * * *
When a husband allows himself to be ruled by his wife, the latter
generally profits by it to become assertive and offensively
overpowering. Woman was not meant to rule, and when she is permitted to
enjoy that privilege, she too often enjoys it _en parvenue_, loudly and
indiscreetly. Like Queen Victoria, woman should reign, but not rule.
* * * * *
With the tact and common-sense which are the salient and most
characteristic features of French women, I regret that France is not
under a constitutional monarchy, and that the French throne is not
occupied by a Frenchwoman. The two most successful reigns recorded in
English history are the reigns of Queen Elizabeth and Queen Victoria,
which makes me wonder how it is that Salic law is not repealed in all
those countries where man alone is allowed either to rule or only
reign.
* * * * *
The best illustration of the superiority of woman over man in France is
to be seen in the Duval restaurants. It is a woman who, in the
twinkling of the eye, multiplies the number of dishes you have eaten by
their respective prices and hands you the total always right. She is
responsible for the amount charged. If she makes a mistake, she has to
pay for it. And how I pity the clerk at the door, always a man, who is
satisfied with giving you a bill and seeing that you return it duly
paid before you go out! That is all he has to do besides yawning and
constantly pushing the door which the customers often leave open or not
carefully closed. In business, all the responsible posts are held by
women, certainly nine times out of ten. In most shops, fashionable or
humble, through the little square hole over which is written 'Pay
Here,' you see madame smiling, receiving the money, booking it and
keeping it. Monsieur walks about the place and sees to, or, rather,
looks at, everything. If that man dies, his wife may regret him, but
she can do without him. She has the whole business at her fingers'
ends. Instead of being the partner of the firm, she now becomes the
sole mistress of the establishment.
* * * * *
The foible of most women, good wives and good mothers, is to be
monopolizers, in France especially, where woman is queen in her home,
and her empire over her children is complete and unquestioned. France
will never succeed in founding a Colonial Empire until boys cease to be
brought up and remain under the influence of their mothers. The Roman
Empire and the British Empire were made by men who had been brought up
and lived under the influence of women, but who never allowed them to
rule either as mothers or as wives.
* * * * *
The great qualities of a woman make her admirable, but I am not quite
sure that it is not on account of her many little failings and foibles
that she is loveable.
* * * * *
A boy is a boy--a _genus_ article. When a man, he will very often
develop qualities and defects which he never possessed as a child. With
the gentler sex things are different. A little girl is a little woman,
and, when a woman, she will possess, only more accentuated, all the
qualities and defects that she possessed as a child of ten or twelve. I
have known very good boys become very bad men, and very bad boys become
splendid men. I have known young cowards become very brave soldiers. An
affectionate little girl will be an affectionate woman; a little girl
passionately fond of her dolls will be a beautiful mother; and a little
flirt of ten will become a terrible flirt at twenty, and a terrible
coquette at thirty.
* * * * *
The most painful feeling for a woman to have is to know that she is
wrong, because she will not acknowledge it. While she is consuming her
own smoke, pity her, and never aggravate her by saying, 'I told you
so!' There is such a damnable look of self-satisfaction on the face of
a man who says to a woman, 'I told you so!' If I were a woman, I could
not resist the temptation of slapping the face of a man who _told me
so_.
Poor thing! It is quite bad enough for her to be wrong, without having
to suffer a sneering reminder.
The man who tries to prove, or, worse still, who succeeds in proving,
to a woman that she is wrong has not a particle of gentlemanly feeling
in him. He is an idiot, a bore, and a brute.
* * * * *
If your wife is wrong, cast down your eyes modestly, smile, and say
nothing. If she does not know she is wrong, she will admire your
courtesy; if she does, she will admire your self-control. A woman
always admires these two qualities in a man.
And when she is right--mind you, perhaps she may be: the most
extraordinary things _will_ happen--don't be mean. Be sure you allow
her the fullest enjoyment of the victory.
So, whether your wife be right or wrong, always treat her as if she
were right. You will thus pay the lady either her due or a compliment,
and you are sure to win.
* * * * *
Alexandre Dumas said that women were not given beards because they
would never have been able to keep still and silent while being shaved.
Women's tongues have been the eternal theme for men's sarcasms. Yet,
for the gift of the gab, for gossip and scandal, give me a few old men
together in the smoke-rooms of their clubs. Women are not in it!
* * * * *
I see no difference between women who marry for money and women who
sell their favours, except one to the advantage of the latter, who may
have been prompted by love, temptation, or poverty to commit actions
which the former have the impudence to ask the Law to sanction and the
Church to sanctify.
A man who marries for money is still much more despicable, because he
has not the excuse of many women, who may not have been able to
discover any other way of getting a living.
* * * * *
A woman cannot love or respect a man who allows himself to be purchased
for a title of nobility, and a man cannot love or respect a woman who
buys him, and thus degrades him in his own eyes. There is no possible
element of happiness in such marriages. If there is something in
nobility, it should be nobleness of character in those who belong to
it. What has become of the old motto _Noblesse oblige_?
* * * * *
The only chance of success in matrimony is that there should not be one
single reproach which, in the inevitable moments of friction, may ever
be hurled by one at the face of the other.
A marriage is called a match. The parties who contract it should be
matched, and should therefore choose and accept partners of their own
rank. Handsome people should not marry ugly ones. They should be equal,
with perhaps a touch of superiority in age, size, fortune, and
intellectual attainments to the man's credit--to atone for all his
shortcomings.
Mesalliances always turn out badly.
Little tiffs, sulkings, fits of temper, and even of jealousy--have as
many as you like, they will act as shovels of fuel to keep love and
interest alive; but reproaches about origin, antecedents, former
poverty, early associations, claims to gratitude especially, will only
lead to the inevitable and somewhat logical answer, 'If you married me,
I imagine it was because you thought I was as good as you.'
There is no remedy known for the harm done by such reproaches and
claims to gratitude.