ON MOTHERS-IN-LAW
How to deal with them--Difference between a misfortune and an
accident--'That will spoil the whole thing'--Shoot her!
Adam, they say, must have been a happy man: he had no mother-in-law.
I once heard a Frenchman give the following definition of the
difference that exists between an accident and a misfortune. Suppose
you walk along the bank of a river in the company of your
mother-in-law. If she should fall into the water and be drowned, it is
an accident; if she fall into the water and be pulled out alive, it is
a misfortune.
The mother-in-law is not dreaded in England. An English mother has no
authority over her son: how could she dream of having any over a
son-in-law? The mother-in-law is an object of terror in France, where
the ascendancy of woman over man is a powerful factor in the social
life of the country.
The French woman leads her husband by the nose, and her sons are
submissive to her as long as they remain unmarried, and even when they
are married they remain more or less under her influence until she
dies. That French mother is queen at home, and when she sees that her
daughter has started an establishment of her own, she generally at once
goes there to settle for a little while, sometimes for a long while, to
put her daughter up to a few points about the management of man.
That often causes difficulties and spoils the game; but as nine times
out of ten the young wife will take her mother's part in any little
unpleasantness that may arise, the husband submits. He knows that the
mother-in-law is the drawback of matrimony. He has taken his wife for
better and for worse, and 'worse' includes mamma. The bargain is fair.
He has signed, and he honours his signature. Besides, he has a
consolation, that of knowing that his mother-in-law will give his wife
plenty of good and useful advice on housekeeping, teach her economy,
and be ever ready to come to her help in times of need.
I know very little of private life in America, but I know, at all
events, the supremacy of woman in social and family life, and,
therefore, I should feel inclined to suspect the American mother-in-law
to be as unpopular as the French one. The most striking point of
resemblance between America and France is the way in which women treat
men and are treated by them.
Was it not in America that I heard the following story? A man enjoyed
the possession of a beautiful and loving wife and a very uncongenial
mother-in-law. The latter fell ill, and her daughter went to nurse her.
At last the husband one day received the following telegram: 'Mother
dead; shall we have her embalmed, cremated, or buried?' The husband
wired back: 'Do the three; take no chance.'
How like the following, which is French: A man loses his wife. As the
funeral is about to leave the house he is ushered into the first
mourning-carriage. His mother-in-law is there. 'I cannot, I will not go
in that carriage!' he exclaims. 'My mother-in-law is in it.' 'But you
must,' he is told; 'you are the husband of the corpse.' 'Must I?' he
says. 'Well, if I must I will, but it will spoil the whole thing.'
I have always wondered how it is that men so much complain of their
mothers-in-law and that women so seldom do. Poor, dear little women!
They do have mothers-in-law, too--mothers-in-law to find fault with
their housekeeping, and to remind them that before they married their
sons were attended at home by most devoted sisters. The mother-in-law
of a man, no doubt, is often in the way. You sometimes wish she was not
there, but with a little diplomacy you can manage her, and even get rid
of her.
I recommend the following plan; it proved a big success with a friend
of mine. A short time after his marriage his mother-in-law arrived and
installed herself in his house. My friend welcomed her, and lavished
the most assiduous attentions upon her. He was not a church-goer; he
went to church, and insisted on carrying the excellent lady's books of
devotion. When a walk was taken, it was to her he offered his arm.
'Your mother is old,' he said to his wife, 'and so kind, too! I am
getting awfully fond of her.' In the evening, after his wife had
retired, he sat up with his mother-in-law and took a hand at piquet. At
the end of the week the mamma-in-law had vanished as if by magic. The
young and neglected wife had managed the affair.
But for a woman to get rid of her mother-in-law I am afraid I have no
advice to offer, not even that offered by the greatest French
dramatist, Victorien Sardou, who says in that delightful play
'Seraphine': 'If ever you have to choose between living with your
mother-in-law or shooting yourself, do not hesitate a single
moment--shoot her.'