THE GENTLE ART OF RULING A HUSBAND
The rule of women over men is the survival of the fittest.
The best thing that can happen to a man is to be ruled by his wife; but
she should rule him so discreetly, so diplomatically, that he could
almost boast that it is he who rules her. At all events, he should
remain very undecided which of the two it is that rules the other. And
when a man is not quite sure that it is he who rules his wife, you may
take it for granted that it is she who rules him. Of course, I start
from this indispensable, fundamental element, that there is love
between husband and wife. Without love existing in matrimonial life,
no rule can be laid down, no advice can be given on the subject.
How is the art of ruling a husband to be learned? The American and the
French girls are at a good school; they have only to study how Mamma
does it. I have travelled all over the world, and so far I have
discovered two countries only in which the men are in leading-strings
and the women are the leaders--my own beloved one and the United States
of America. In these two privileged nations the women lead the men by
the nose; but in America the women boast of it, and I do not think they
should. In France the women do not boast of it, but they do it, and
with a vengeance. Yet, before the people a Frenchwoman will always say:
'Oh, I do so and so because it pleases my husband.' Dear little humbug!
does she, though! Butter would not melt in her mouth when she says
that.
Now, the rule of the women over the men, both in France and in America,
is simply the survival of the fittest, the power of the most keen and
intelligent; but for all that, and perfectly as he may realize it, a
man objects to his submission being obvious to everybody. In public he
will let his wife pass first; in the elevator with her he will take off
his hat; in the street car he will give her a seat and remain standing.
All this is not submission; it is merely politeness. He behaves, not
like a henpecked husband, but only as a gentleman, and a man should
always be as polite to his wife as he would to any lady he comes in
contact with. A French gentleman, who meets his wife in the street and
stops to speak to her, remains with his head uncovered until she begs
him to put on his hat. A French son does the same to his mother.
This leads me to the first and the most important principle of the art
of ruling a husband, and that is, never to allow him to do to her, or
before her, what she knows he would never think of doing to or before
any lady of his acquaintance--at any rate, without her permission. The
day on which either a husband or a wife says, 'Oh, never mind; it's my
husband,' or 'Oh, it's only my wife; I can do as I please,' on that
day, that awful day, Cupid packs up his traps, and when that little
fellow is gone he never comes back; he is too busy visiting.
To rule a husband it is not at all necessary that the wife should be
the more clever of the two, unless by clever you mean intelligent, much
less that she should possess a better education than he. The latter
qualification would probably lead her to rule him in an assertive and
aggressive manner, which would be fatal to their happiness. Very few
marriages are happy when the wife is the superior of her husband. I
know very clever men, scientific and literary men of prodigious
ability, who are completely ruled by charming little geese who are
fortunate enough to possess the most enviable of gifts--common-sense,
delicacy, refinement, consideration, amiability, devotion,
unselfishness, and a good temper. These men enjoy the rule of their
wives thoroughly.
God save you, my dear fellow-man, from the conceited woman who cannot
do wrong! You will find that you cannot live up to that. If the day
after you are married you discover that your wife is perfect, run away
for your life. Perfection in a woman ought to be a cause for divorce.
In fact, never have anything to do with angels this side of the grave.
How I do love that simple, fascinating little woman who gently puts her
arms round her husband's neck, kisses him, and confesses that she was
wrong! What a brute that man is if he does not at once take that dear
creature in his arms and make all the apologies he is capable of for
behaving in such an ungentlemanly way as to force his wife to
acknowledge that she was in the wrong! That man, if he is a gentleman,
a man even, will spend weeks and weeks after such a confession
attending to the smallest wishes of his wife. I would lay all I am
worth in this world at the feet of a woman who would acknowledge that
she was in the wrong. Most of them will argue and talk you deaf, dumb,
blind, and lame, until, for peace' sake, you will say: 'Yes, dear, you
are right, of course. How could I imagine for a single moment that you
were not?' Then a ray of satisfaction flashes across her face, which
seems to say to you: 'I knew you would have to acknowledge it.'
To rule your husband, my dear lady, do exactly as you please, but
always pretend that you do as he pleases. That is where your ability
comes in.
Men are ruled, as children are, by the prospect of a reward. The reward
of your husband is your amiability, your sweetness, your devotion, and
your beauty, of which you should take a constant care. Love has to be
fed constantly. And always let him suppose that it is for him only that
you wish to remain beautiful.
* * * * *
The woman who believes that she is asserting her independence every
time she puts on a hat particularly displeasing to her husband is as
intelligent and clever as the Irishman who buys a return ticket at a
railway office, and, on entering his compartment, says to his
fellow-passengers: 'I have played a good joke on the company, I have
bought a return ticket--but I don't mean to return.'