ADVICE TO THE MAN WHO WANTS TO MARRY
What should attract him in matrimony--At what age should people get
married?--Be superior to your wife in everything.
When you are dead, once said a cynic, it's for a long time; but when
you are married, it's for ever.
Therefore, before entering into the holy estate of matrimony, a man
could not be too careful in the choice of his partner.
Now, what should influence him most in that choice? Money? Never--oh,
never, unless it be out of philanthropy and on reflecting that, after
all, it would be very hard on rich girls to feel that they cannot marry
because they have money, and I do think that they want to marry as well
as others. Beauty, then? No; beauty passes away. Ugliness? Certainly
not; ugliness remains. What, then? An altogether of physical, moral,
and intellectual charms which fit in exactly with all the ideals of
that man, and, above all, a similarity of tastes.
After all, what is beauty, considered as an incentive to love? A man
has in himself a hundred beings to every one of which a different kind
of beauty can appeal. If he be an artist, the women of Raphael will
inspire him with the purest sensations of love, those of Titian with
the loftiest sentiments of admiration and respect. Those of Watteau
will make him believe that he could live on candies and _choux a la
creme_. Those of Teniers would reconcile him to the idea of a quiet
life over a pipe and a tankard of beer. Some heroic beauty will inspire
him with the most chivalrous sentiments; some melancholy one with
dreams of a refined poetic life. Some sedate beauty, with her hair
dressed _a la vierge_, will suggest to him a regular humdrum life,
mid-day dinners, retiring and rising early, and will inculcate in him
an immoderate desire to be the father of a large family. That same man,
however, might become a criminal under the influence of some poisonous
beauty. Some Bostonian girl educated beyond her intellect might induce
that very man to spend the rest of his life studying Browning.
Now, my dear man, if beauty should influence you in the choice of a
wife, never decide on a woman before you are absolutely sure that,
whatever happens, you will be happy with her as your wife knitting by
your side, while, under a veranda covered with jasmine and honeysuckle,
you play with the babe on your knees. If a woman does not possess
_that_ kind of beauty, she is not fit for matrimony, and don't marry
her.
Now, a woman should marry young, very young even, so that her husband
should enjoy all the different phases of her beauty, from the beauty of
girlhood to that second youth, or matronly beauty, which to my mind is
perhaps the best of all. The Watteau of eighteen will become a Rubens
at forty. It is, perhaps, at forty that a woman is most strikingly
beautiful, and she is almost invariably so when she has taken care of
herself, and has been loved and petted by husband and children alike.
It is then that she knows how to make the best of herself, that she
best understands how to exercise her gifts and charms in the most
effective manner.
It is at forty that she enjoys the grace of perfect self-possession.
She has tact, and dresses faultlessly. Her knowledge of the world, her
experience of life, all help to make her a more delightful companion
than ever. The love she has inspired is written on every one of her
features. Her eyes sparkle with joy, her mouth expresses the ecstasy of
past and present bliss, and also gratitude for the kisses that have
been impressed upon it. Yes, the woman of forty is a joy, an
intoxicating and an incomparable joy, to a husband. That woman is even
more beautiful physically than she ever was, and her beauty is of such
a different type from what it was at twenty that I can very well
understand how a husband can seriously fall in love with his wife a
second time. All this is truth, my dear fellow. And don't even be
afraid of white hair. With a good complexion, a cheerful expression,
and two big black eyes, nothing goes better than white hair, and the
whiter it is the better.
And, you will say, at what age should a man marry? Well, at all events,
never before he is quite prepared to provide for a wife, whatever her
position may be. When this indispensable condition is satisfied, I
shall say never, or seldom, before thirty. Never try matrimony as an
experiment--that is to say, never before you are absolutely certain you
will prefer it to all the rest. I heard the other day a very good piece
of advice, which I should like to repeat here, as I endorse it
thoroughly: A man should marry a woman half his age, _plus_ seven.
Try it at whatever age you like, and you will find it works very well,
taking for granted all the while that, after all, a man as well as a
woman is the age that he looks and feels.
Never marry a woman richer than you, or one taller than you, or one
older than you. Be always gently superior to your wife in fortune, in
size, and in age, so that in every possible way she may appeal to you
for help or protection, either through your purse, your strength, or
your experience of life. Marry her at an age that will always enable
you to play with her all the different characteristic parts of a
husband, a chum, a lover, an adviser, a protector, and just a tiny
suspicion of a father.