FAREWELL TO THE 50TH REGIMENT
Decide to retire—Return to Australia
I NOW heard from my wife in answer to my last letter, in which I urged
her to make such arrangements for the safety and management of our
property in Victoria and Melbourne as might enable her at once to return
to England, and so join me. Her answer was full of good sense, saying
she could not make up her mind to trust any one she knew with the entire
care and management of our property; that the risk and chances of loss
were too great for her to take the whole responsibility of appointing
any one to act for us, and therefore, however sad our continued
separation must be to us both, she considered it wise and prudent to
remain where she was till she heard further from me; and I could not but
concur in the wisdom of this opinion.
Having long and well considered our relative situations and the
discomforts and distress which we must endure by a continued separation,
I now began for the first time to think seriously about retiring from
the service by the sale of my commission, and returning to my family in
Australia for the rest of my life. These were serious and most trying
thoughts, and not to be carried out in a hurry. To think of leaving my
dear regiment for ever, and the service, to which no man was ever more
devoted, and in which I had spent nearly the whole of my life, was most
agonizing, and I could scarcely endure it.
At last we marched to Dover, and on the way I got into conversation with
Major Petit, then the senior major of the regiment and the first for
purchase. After much friendly talk I hinted to him that I would not mind
retiring if I was offered a good price above the regulations. At once he
asked me how much I would expect. I did not then give him any answer
beyond saying I would think about it. I did think about it again and
again, but I could not make up my mind, not that I hesitated about the
additional sum I would ask, but about going or not going. This was
towards the end of August, and I was then called on by a very dear
friend, Captain Dodd, who told me he was requested by Colonel Petit and
the next officers in succession for purchase to ask if I really had
serious thoughts of retiring, and, if so, what additional sum I would
expect. I told Captain Dodd that I had thought about it, but could not
make up my mind. As I have said, he was a dear friend of mine, and we
now talked long on the subject, which ended by his telling me he thought
he could get them to make an additional sum of fifteen hundred pounds
above the regulation. Finally I promised to make up my mind and give my
final decision in a few days.
This fearful state of suspense and anxiety began to disturb my general
health, and it became so bad that I could not attend parade or even
leave my rooms. The surgeon attended me all this time, and recommended
me to go on leave of absence, as I required a change, and it would
certainly do me good. I was granted two months’ sick-leave, and I
promised Colonel Petit that he should have my final and positive answer
in a week. In ten days’ time I was really quite resigned when I saw
myself gazetted out of the service, and my friend Petit and the others
promoted in succession. This was a relief and great satisfaction to me,
as it at once removed the anxiety I felt about them, for I sometimes
doubted whether the succession and promotion would go in the regiment. A
few days more brought me a letter from Colonel Petit informing me that
he had instructed our agents, Messrs. Cox & Co., to place fifteen
hundred pounds (beyond the regulation) to my credit, these sums making
in all six thousand pounds for my commission, and so ended (on the 28th
of September, 1848) my services as a soldier.
The die was cast, the deed was done and could not be recalled, and I was
indeed utterly unhappy and miserable. For forty-three years I had served
my Sovereign faithfully. My whole mind and heart were devoted to my
profession. I had risked my health and life in several countries and in
battlefields often and often, and these memoirs show the extent of
favour and success which repeatedly attended my humble endeavours. All
that was now left to me was the fond remembrance of the past and the
conviction that I had still, and ever would have, the heart of a
soldier, and I hoped to be able to pass the remainder of my eventful
life in peace and thankfulness with my dear wife and children. I must
here mention such was the state of my health at this time that I had
great fear that I should not live long enough to see them. But God was
good and more merciful to me than I deserved; for His mercy not only
restored me to them in due time, but He has granted me ever since to
this day many, many of the most happy, and I may also say most healthy,
years of my long life, and I am indeed thankful.
_The Gresham Press,_
UNWIN BROTHERS, LIMITED
WOKING AND LONDON.
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● Transcriber's Notes:
○ Missing or obscured punctuation was corrected.
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○ Typographical errors were silently corrected.
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