THE SINNED-AGAINST.
Phoebe's mind was full of many and somewhat agitating thoughts. She went
upstairs with a restless haste, which she would have been the first to
condemn, to the room where the others were congregated, when they had
laid Mr. May on his bed with no small difficulty, and were now
consulting what to do. Ursula had fallen a little from the position of
command she had taken up. To get him to bed, to send for the doctor,
these were evident practical steps to take; but after having done these
she was bewildered and fell back upon her advisers.
"We can't do anything, we can only wait and watch him," Reginald was
saying, as Phoebe, herself unseen, looked in at the anxious party; and
without asking any question she turned and went downstairs again, and
hastily putting on her shawl and hat, went out, shutting the door
softly, and ran home on the shady side of Grange Lane, where nobody
could see her. It was a very quiet road, and she was not disturbed by
any unreasonable alarms. It was still early when she got home, earlier
than usual, and her intention was not to stay there at all, but to go
back again and offer her assistance to Ursula, for whom she had left a
message to this effect. Phoebe was full of genuine regard and
friendliness towards the Mays.
She felt that she had obligations to all of them, to the parson-father
for submitting to her presence, nay, encouraging it, and to Ursula for
receiving her with that affectionate fervour of friendship which had
completely changed the tenor of Phoebe's life at Carlingford. She was
obliged to them, and she knew that she was obliged to them. How
different these three months would have been but for the Parsonage; what
a heavy leaden-coloured existence without variety and without interest
she must have lived; whereas it had gone by like a summer day, full of
real life, of multiplied interests, of everything that it was most
desirable to have. Not at home and in London could she have had the
advantages she had enjoyed here. Phoebe was sensible enough--or perhaps
we might use a less complimentary word--worldly enough, to count within
those manifest benefits the advantage of seeing more of Clarence
Copperhead, and of drawing him within the charmed circle of her
influence, and she was grateful to the Mays, for this was their doing.
And then, on the other hand, quite a different thing, her heart was
touched and softened with gratitude to Reginald for loving her; of all
her gratitudes, perhaps this indeed was the most truly felt. They had
given her unbounded kindness, friendliness, everything that is most
sweet to the solitary; and over and above, as if these were not enough,
they had made her the exquisite present of a heart, the best thing that
can be given or received by man. Phoebe felt herself penetrated with
gratitude for all this, and she resolved that, if anything she could do
could benefit the Mays, the effort on her part should not be wanting.
"Paid by Tozer." What had been paid by Tozer? What had her grandfather
to do with it. Could it be he who had lent money to Mr. May? Then Phoebe
resolved, with a glow on her face, he should forgive his debtors. She
went in with her mind fully made up, whatever might happen, to be the
champion of the sufferer, the saviour of the family. This would show
them that their kindness had been appreciated. This would prove even to
Reginald that, though she would not sacrifice her own prospects by
marrying him, yet that she was grateful to him, to the bottom of her
heart. Her mind was full of generous ardour as she went in. She knew her
power; her grandfather had never yet refused her anything, never
resisted her, and it did not seem likely that he should begin now.
Mrs. Tozer was by herself in the parlour, dozing over the fire. She woke
up with a little start when Phoebe came in and smiled at the sight of
her.
"I didn't expect as you'd have come so soon," she said; "you've broke up
early to-night, darling. Couldn't you have no music? I didn't look for
you for an hour or more."
"You know, grandmamma, it is Mr. Copperhead who teases me most for
music, and he is not here."
"Yes, yes, _I_ know," said the old lady, nodding her head with many
smiles. "I know a deal more about it than you think for, Phoebe, and
don't you think as I disapprove, for it's quite the other way. But you
won't tell me as there ain't others as cares for music as well as young
Copperhead. I've seen one as couldn't take his eyes off of you while you
were playing."
"Hush, grandmamma; the others like music for music's sake, or perhaps
for my sake; but Mr Copperhead likes it for his own sake, and therefore
he is the one who insists upon it. But this is not the reason why I have
come home so soon. Mr. May has been taken suddenly ill."
"Lord bless us!" cried Mrs. Tozer, "deary, deary me! I'm very sorry,
poor gentleman, I hope it ain't anything serious. Though he's a church
parson, he's a very civil-spoken man, and I see his children drag him
into his own house one day as me and Tozer was passing. I said to Tozer
at the time, you take my word, whatever folks say, a man as lets his
children pull him about like that ain't a bad one. And so he's ill, poor
man! Is there anything as we can do to help, my dear? They ain't rich,
and they've been as kind to you as if you'd been one of their own."
"I thought that would be the first thing you would ask me," said Phoebe
gratefully, giving her a kiss--"dear grandmamma, it is like your kind
heart--and I ran off to see that you were quite well and comfortable,
thinking perhaps if you did not want me I might go back to poor Ursula
for the night."
To hear her granddaughter call Miss May by her Christian name was in
itself a pleasure to Mrs. Tozer. She gave Phoebe a hug. "So you shall, my
darling, and as for a bottle of good wine or that, anything as is in the
house, you know you're welcome to it. You go and talk to your
grandfather; I'm as comfortable as I can be, and if you'd like to run
back to that poor child--"
"Not before you are in bed," said Phoebe, "but if you please I'll go and
talk to grandpapa as you said. There are things in which a man may be of
use."
"To be sure," said Mrs. Tozer, doubtfully; "your grandfather ain't a man
as is much good in sickness; but I won't say as there ain't some
things--"
"Yes, grandmamma, I'll take your advice and run and talk to him; and by
the time I come back you will be ready for bed."
"Do, my dear," said Mrs. Tozer. She was very comfortable, and did not
care to move just then, and, as Phoebe went away, looked after her with
dreamy satisfaction. "Bless her! there ain't her match in Carlingford,
and the gentlefolks sees it," said Mrs. Tozer to herself. But she had no
idea how Phoebe's heart was beating as she went along the dimly-lighted
passage, which led to a small room fitted up by Tozer for himself. She
heard voices in earnest talk as she approached, but this made her only
the more eager to go in, and see for herself what was going on. There
could be no doubt, she felt sure of it, that the discussion here had
some connection with the calamity _there_. What it was she had not the
slightest idea; but that somehow the two were connected she felt
certain. The voices were loud as she approached the door.
"I'll find out who done it, and I'll punish him--as sure as that's my
name, though I never put it on that there paper," Tozer was saying.
Phoebe opened the door boldly, and went in. She had never seen her
grandfather look so unlike himself. The knot of the big white
neckerchief round his neck was pushed away, his eyes were red, giving
out strange lights of passion. He was standing in front of the fireplace
gesticulating wildly. Though it was now April and the weather very mild
and genial, there were still fires in the Tozer sitting-rooms, and as
the windows were carefully shut, Phoebe felt the atmosphere stifling. The
other person in the room was a serious, large man, whom she had already
seen more than once; one of the chief clerks in the bank where Tozer
kept his account, who had an old acquaintance with the butterman, and
who was in the habit of coming when the bank had anything to say to so
sure a customer about rates of investment or the value of money. He was
seated at one side of the fire, looking very grave and shaking his head
as the other spoke.
"That is very true, and I don't say anything against it. But, Mr. Tozer,
I can't help thinking there's some one else in it than Cotsdean."
"What one else? what is the good of coming here to me with a pack of
nonsense? He's a poor needy creature as hasn't a penny to bless himself
with, a lot of children, and a wife as drinks. Don't talk to me of some
one else. That's the sort of man as does all the mischief. What, Phoebe!
run away to your grandmother, I don't want you here."
"I am very sorry to interrupt you, grandpapa. Mayn't I stay? I have
something to say to you--"
Tozer turned round and looked at her eagerly. Partly his own fancy, and
partly his wife's more enlightened observations, had made him aware that
it was possible that Phoebe might one day have something very interesting
to reveal. So her words roused him even in the midst of his
pre-occupation. He looked at her for a second, then he waved his hand
and said,
"I'm busy; go away, my dear, go away; I can't talk to you now."
Phoebe gave the visitor a look which perplexed him; but which meant, if
he could but have read it, an earnest entreaty to him to go away. She
said to herself, impatiently, that he would have understood had he been
a woman; but as it was he only stared with lack-lustre eyes. What was
she to do?
"Grandpapa," she said, decisively, "it is too late for business
to-night. However urgent it may be, you can't do anything to-night. Why,
it is nearly ten o'clock, and most people are going to bed. See Mr.
----, I mean this gentleman--to-morrow morning the first thing; for you
know, however anxious you may be, you can't do anything to-night."
"That is true enough," he said, looking with staring eyes from her to
his visitor, "and more's the pity. What had to be done should ha' been
done to-day. It should have been done to-day, sir, on the spot, not left
over night like this, to give the villain time to get away. It's a
crime, Phoebe, that's what it is--that's the fact. It's a crime."
"Well, grandpapa, I am very sorry; but it will not mend matters, will
it, if sitting up like this, and agitating yourself like this, makes you
ill? That will not do away with the crime. It is bed-time, and poor
grandmamma is dozing, and wondering what has become of you.
Grandpapa----"
"Phoebe, go away, it ain't none of your business; you're only a bit of a
girl, and how can you understand? If you think I'm going to sit down
with it like an old fool, lose my money, and what is worse nor my money,
let my very name be forged before my eyes--"
Phoebe gave so perceptible a start that Tozer stopped short, and even the
banking-clerk looked at her with aroused curiosity.
"Forged!" she cried, with a gasp of dismay; "is it so bad as that?" She
had never been more near betraying herself, showing a personal interest
more close than was natural. When she saw the risk she was running, she
stopped short and summoned all her energies. "I thought some one had
pilfered something," she said with an attempt at a laugh. "I beg your
pardon, grandpapa; but anyhow what can you do to-night? You are
keeping--this gentleman--and yourself out of bed. Please put it off till
to-morrow."
"I think so too," said the banker's clerk. "I'll come to you in the
morning as I go to the Bank. Perhaps I may have been wrong; but I think
there's more in it than meets the eye. To-morrow we can have the man
Cotsdean up and question him."
"After he's had time to take himself off," said Tozer, vehemently. "You
take my word he ain't in Carlingford, not now, let alone to-morrow."
"Then that shows," said Phoebe, quietly, "that it is of no use making
yourself ill to-night. Grandpapa, let this gentleman go--he wants to go;
and I have something to say to you. You can do anything that is
necessary to-morrow."
"I think so indeed," said Mr. Simpson, of the Bank, getting up at last,
"the young lady is quite right. We can't act hastily in a thing like
this. Cotsdean's a man of good character, Mr. Tozer; all that has to be
taken into account--and he is not a beggar. If he has done it, we can
recover something at least; but if he has been taken advantage of--I
think the young lady is a good counsellor, and that it's much the best
to wait till to-morrow."
Phoebe seized upon her grandfather's arm to restrain him, and held him
back. "Good-night," she said; "grandpapa, stay with me, I have something
to say to you. Listen; you don't think me very silly, do you, grandpapa
dear?"
"Silly!" he said, listening to the steps of the departing visitor as
they receded along the passage. "What has a chit like you to do with
business? I tell you it'll kill me. Me a-signing of accommodation bills
for a bit of a small shopkeeper like that Cotsdean! I tell you it'll
make an end of me, that will, unless I gets my money and clears myself
afore the world. And here you've been and sent away Simpson, and who's
to manage for me? I ain't a lawyer to know what to do. Get away, get
away, and leave me to myself, I can't be disturbed with women-folks when
I've got real business in hand."
"I'll manage for you," said Phoebe; "you need not stare at me like that,
grandpapa--"
"Go out o' the room this moment, Miss!" he cried furious; "you! here's a
sort of thing for me to put up with. Sam Tozer wasn't born yesterday
that a bit of an impudent girl should take upon her to do for him.
Manage for me! go out o' my sight; I'm a fool, am I, and in my dotage to
have a pack of women meddling in my affairs?"
Phoebe had never met with such an outburst of coarse anger in her life
before, and it gave her a shock, as such assaults naturally do to people
brought up softly, and used to nothing but kindness. For a moment she
wavered, doubtful whether she should not proudly abandon him and his
affairs altogether; but this was to abandon her friends too. She
mastered herself accordingly, and the resentment which she could not
help feeling--and stood pale but quiet opposite to the infuriated old
man. His grey eyes seemed to give out sparks of fire. His hair bristled
up on his head like the coat of a wild animal enraged. He went up and
down on the hearth-rug like the same animal in a cage, shaking his fist
at some imaginary culprit.
"Once I get him, see if I let him go," he cried, his voice thick with
fast-coming words and the foam of fury. "Let the bank do as it likes;
I'll have him, I will. I'll see justice on the man as has dared to make
free with my name. It ain't nothing to you, my name; but I've kep' it
honest, and out of folk's mouths, and see if I'll stand disgrace thrown
on it now. A bill on me as never had such a thing, not when I was
struggling to get on! Dash him! damn him!" cried the old man,
transported with rage. When he had come to this unusual and terrible
length, Tozer paused dismayed. He had lost his temper before in his
life; but very seldom had he been betrayed into anything so desperate as
this. He stopped aghast, and cast a half-frightened look at Phoebe, who
stood there so quiet, subdued out of her usual force, pale and
disapproving--his own grandchild, a pastor's daughter! and he had
forgotten himself thus before her. He blushed hotly, though he was not
used to blushing, and stopped all at once. After such frightful
language, so unbecoming a deacon of Salem, so unlike a consistent member
of the connection, what could he say?
"Grandpapa," said Phoebe softly, "it is not good to be so angry; you are
made to say things you are sorry for. Will you listen to me now? Though
you don't think it, and perhaps won't believe it, I have found out
something quite by chance--"
He went up to her and clutched her by the arm. "Then what are you
a-standing there for, like a figure in stone? Can't you out with it, and
ease my mind? Out with it, I tell you! Do you want to drive me out of my
senses?"
He was so much excited that he shook her in the hot paroxysm of
returning rage. Phoebe was not frightened, but indignation made her pale.
She stood without flinching, and looked at him, till poor old Tozer let
go his hold, and dropping into a chair, covered his face with his hands.
She was too generous to take advantage of him, but went on quietly, as
if nothing had occurred.
"Grandpapa, as I tell you, I have found out something by chance that has
to do with the thing that troubles you; but I don't know quite what it
is. Tell me first, and then--is this the thing?" said Phoebe, curiously,
taking up a slip of paper from the table, a stamped piece of paper, in a
handwriting which seemed horribly familiar to her, and yet strange.
Tozer nodded at her gloomily, holding his head between his hands, and
Phoebe read over the first few words before her with an aching heart, and
eyes that seemed to ache in sympathy. Only a few words, but what
evidence of guilt, what pitiful misery in them! She did not even think
so much of the name on the back, which was and was not her grandfather's
name. The rest of the bill was written in a hand disguised and changed;
but she had seen a great deal of similar writing lately, and she
recognized it with a sickening at her heart. In the kind of fatherly
flirtation which had been innocently carried on between Phoebe and her
friend's father, various productions of his in manuscript had been given
to her to read. She was said, in the pleasant social jokes of the party,
to be more skilled in interpreting Mr. May's handwriting than any of his
family. She stood and gazed at the paper, and her eyes filled with tears
of pain and pity. The openness of this self-betrayal, veiled as it was
with a shadow of disguise which could deceive no one who knew him, went
to Phoebe's heart. What could he have done it for? Mere money, the
foolish expenses of every day, or, what would be more respectable, some
vague mysterious claim upon him, which might make desperate expedients
necessary? She stood, temporarily stupefied, with her eyes full, looking
at that pitiful, terrible, guilty bit of paper, stupefied by the sudden
realization of her sudden guess at the truth--though, indeed, the truth
was so much more guilty and appalling than any guess of hers.
"Well," said Tozer, "you've seen it, and now what do you think of it?
That's my name, mind you, my name! I hope the Almighty will grant me
patience. Stuck on to what they calls a kite, an accommodation bill.
What do you think of that, Miss Phoebe? A-a-ah! if I had hold of him--if
I had him under my fists--if I had him by the scruff of the neck!"
"Grandpapa, doesn't it say in the Bible we are to forgive when harm is
done to us?"
Phoebe had begun to tremble all over; for the first time she doubted her
own power.
He got up again, and began to prowl about the table, round and round,
with the same wild look in his eyes.
"I am not one as would go again' Scripture," he said, gloomily; "but
that's a spiritual meaning as you're too young to enter into. You don't
suppose as Scripture would approve of crime, or let them escape as had
wronged their fellow-creatures? There wouldn't be no business, no
justice, no trade, on such a rule as that."
"But, grandpapa--"
"Don't you but me. You've seen me in good spirits and good temper,
Phoebe, my girl; but you don't know old Sam Tozer when his spirit's up.
D---- him!" cried the old man, striking his hand violently on the table;
"and you may tell your father, as is a Minister, that I said so. The
Bible's spiritual; but there's trade, and there's justice. A man ain't
clear of what he's done because you forgive him. What's the law for
else? Forgive! You may forgive him as fast as you like, but he's got to
be punished all the same."
"But not by you."
"By the law!" cried Tozer. His inflamed eyes seemed to glare upon her,
his rough grey hair bristled on his head, a hot redness spread across
his face beneath his fiery eyes, which seemed to scorch the cheek with
angry flames. "The law that ain't a individual. That's for our
protection, whether we like it or not. What's that got to do with
forgiving? Now, looking at it in a public way, I ain't got no right to
forgive."
"Grandpapa, you have always been so kind, always so good to everybody. I
have heard of so many things you have done--"
"That is all very well," said Tozer, not without a certain gloomy
complacence, "so long as you don't touch _me_. But the moment as you
touches me, I'm another man. That's what I can't bear, nor I won't. Them
as tries their tricks upon me shan't be let off, neither for wife nor
child; and don't you think, my girl, though you're Phoebe, junior, that
you are a-going for to come over me."
Phoebe could not but shiver in her fright and agitation; but distressed
and excited as she was, she found means to take a step which was
important indeed, though at the moment she did not fully realize its
importance, and did it by instinct only. She had a handkerchief in her
hand, and almost without consciousness of what she was doing, she
crushed up the miserable bit of paper, which was the cause of so much
evil and misery, in its folds. He was far too impassioned and excited to
observe such a simple proceeding. It was the suggestion of a moment,
carried out in another moment like a flash of lightning. And as soon as
she had done this, and perceived what she had done, fortitude and
comfort came back to Phoebe's soul.
"You will not hear what I have found out, and now I do not choose to
tell you, grandpapa," she said, with an air of offence. "Unless you wish
to be ill, you will do much better to go to bed. It is your usual hour,
and I am going to grandmamma. Say good-night, please. I am going out
again to stay all night. Mr. May is ill, and I ought to help poor
Ursula."
"You go a deal after them Mays," said Tozer, with a cloud over his face.
"Yes. I wonder whom else I should go after? Who has been kind to me in
Carlingford except the Mays? Nobody. Who has asked me to go to their
house, and share everything that is pleasant in it? None of your Salem
people, grandpapa. I hope I am not ungrateful, and whatever happens, or
whatever trouble they are in," cried Phoebe, fervently, "I shall stand up
for them through thick and thin, wherever I go."
The old man looked at her with a startled look.
"You speak up bold," he said; "you won't get put upon for want of
spirit; and I don't know as what you're saying ain't the right
thing--though I don't hold with the Church, nor parsons' ways. I'd do a
deal myself, though you think me so hard and cross, for folks as has
been kind to you."
"I know you will, grandpapa," said Phoebe, with a slight emphasis which
startled him, though he did not know why; and she kissed him before she
went to her grandmother, which she did with a perfectly composed and
tranquil mind. It was astonishing how the crackle of that bit of paper
in her handkerchief calmed and soothed her. She recovered her breath,
her colour, and her spirits. She ran up to her room and changed her
dress, which was silk, for a soft merino one, which made no rustling;
and then she folded the bill carefully, and put it into the safe keeping
of the little purse which she always carried in her pocket. No one would
think of searching for it there, and she would always have it at hand
whatever happened. When she had made these needful arrangements, she
went to old Mrs. Tozer, and took her comfortably upstairs. Never was
there a more devoted nurse. The old lady chatted cheerfully, yet
sympathetically, of the poor gentleman and his illness, with the
half-satisfaction of an invalid in hearing of some one else who is ill.
"And be sure you take him some of the port wine as the doctor ordered,
and Tozer paid that dear for. I don't care for it, not a bit, Phoebe. I'd
sooner have it from the grocer's, at two shillings a bottle. That's what
I've always been used to, when I did take a glass of wine now and again.
But I dare say as Mr. May would like it, poor gentleman."
When Mrs. Tozer had laid her head, all nodding with white muslin frills,
edged with cotton lace, upon her pillow, Phoebe, noiseless in her soft
merino gown, went back, accompanied by Martha, to the Parsonage, where
Ursula's careworn face lighted a little at sight of her. Ursula had left
her father for the moment in Betsy's care, to get something that was
wanted, and she stole into the dining-room on hearing of her friend's
arrival, and talked a little in a whisper, though the sick man was on
the upper floor, and could not possibly have heard anything. Northcote
was still there, sitting with Reginald, too anxious and excited to go
away; and they all conversed in whispers, the three of them talking
together for the benefit of the new-comer.
"Not paralysis; at least, he does not think so; a great mental
shock--but we can't tell a bit what it was--coming when he was
dreadfully tired, and not able to bear it."
They all spoke together, each of them saying a few words, and kept close
together in the centre of the room, a curious little half-frightened
group, overawed and subdued by the sudden change and strange calamity
dropt into their midst. Phoebe seemed to bring them new life and hope.
"If it is going to be an illness," she said, "you gentlemen had better
go home and go to bed, to be able to help us when we want help. Anyhow,
what good can they do, Ursula? They had much better go to bed."
Ursula looked at them with a certain regret; though they could not do
much good, it was a relief to come and whisper a few words to them now
and then, giving them news of the patient. But Phoebe was right, and
there was nothing to be said against her decision. The two young women
and the faithful Betsy were enough, and, indeed, more than enough to
watch over Mr. May.