TIDED OVER.
Next morning, Cotsdean was mournfully turning over his ledger in the
High Street, wondering whether he should go back to Mr. May on another
forlorn expedition, or whether he should betray his overwhelming anxiety
to his wife, who knew nothing about the state of affairs. The shop was
what is called a corn-factor's shop, full of sacks of grain, with knots
of wheat-ears done up ornamentally in the window, a stock not very
valuable, but sufficient, and showing a good, if not a very important,
business. A young man behind, attended to what little business was going
on; for the master himself was too much pre-occupied to think of bushels
of seed. He was as uneasy as Mr. May had been on the previous night, and
in some respects even more unhappy; for he had no resource except a sort
of dumb faith in his principle, a feeling that he must be able to find
out some way of escape--chequered by clouds of despondency, sometimes
approaching despair. For Cotsdean, too, felt vaguely that things were
approaching a crisis--that a great many resources had been
exhausted--that the pitcher which had gone so often to the well must, at
last, be broken, and that it was as likely the catastrophe was coming
now as at any other time. He said to himself that never in his previous
experience had things seemed so blank as at present; never had the
moment of fate approached so nearly without any appearance of
deliverance. He had not even the round of possibilities before him which
were in Mr. May's mind, however hopeless, at this particular moment, he
might find them.
Cotsdean, for his part, had nothing to think of but Mr. May. Would he
find some way out of it still, he who was always so clever, and must, in
his position, have always "good friends?" How the poor man wished that
he had never been led into this fatal course--that he had insisted, long
ago, on the settlement which must come some time, and which did not get
any easier by putting it off; but then, who was he to stand against his
clergyman? He did not feel able now to make any stand against him. If he
had to be ruined--he must be ruined: what could he do? The man who had
brought him to this, held him in such subjection that he could not
denounce or accuse him even now. He was so much better, higher, abler,
stronger than himself, that Cotsdean's harshest sentiment was a dumb
feeling of injury; a feeling much more likely to lead him to miserable
tears than to resistance. His clergyman--how was he to stand against his
clergyman? This was the burden of his thoughts. And still, perhaps,
there might be salvation and safety in the resources, the power, and
cleverness, and superior strength of the man for whom, in his humility,
he had risked everything. Poor Cotsdean's eyes were red with
sleeplessness and thinking, and the constant rubbings he administered
with the sleeve of his rough coat. He hung helpless, in suspense,
waiting to see what his chief would say to him; if he would send for
him--if he would come. And in the intervals of these anxious thoughts,
he asked himself should he tell poor Sally--should he prepare her for
her fate? She and her children might be turned out of house and home,
very probably would be, he said to himself, leaping to the extreme
point, as men in his condition are apt to do. They might take everything
from him; they might bring all his creditors on him in a heap; they
might sell him up; his shop by which he made his daily bread, and
everything he had, and turn his children out into the streets. Once more
he rubbed his sleeve over his eyes, which were smarting with
sleeplessness and easily-coming tears. He turned over the pages of the
ledger mechanically. There was no help in it--no large debts owing to
him that could be called in; no means of getting any money; and nothing
could he do but contemplate the miseries that might be coming, and wait,
wait, wondering dully whether Mr. May was doing anything to avert this
ruin, and whether, at any moment, he might walk in, bringing safety in
the very look of his bold eyes. Cotsdean was not bold; he was small and
weakly, and nervous, and trembled at a sharp voice. He was not a man
adapted for vigorous struggling with the world. Mr. May could do it, in
whose hands was the final issue. He was a man who was afraid of no one;
and whose powers nobody could deny. Surely now, even at the last moment,
he would find help somehow. It seemed profane to entertain a doubt that
he would be able to do it even at the very last.
But Cotsdean had a miserable morning; he could do nothing. Minute by
minute, hour by hour, he waited to be called to the Parsonage; now and
then he went out to the door of his shop and looked out wistfully down
the street where it ended in the distance of Grange Lane. Was that the
maid from the Parsonage coming up across the road? Were these the young
ladies, who, though they knew nothing about the matter at issue, very
frequently brought a note, or message, from their father to Cotsdean?
But he was deceived in these guesses as well as in so many others. All
the world seemed out of doors that morning, but nobody came. The ruddy
sunshine shone full down the street, glorifying it with rays of warm
gold, and tinting the mists and clouds which lurked in the corners. It
had been heavy and overcast in the morning, but at noon the clouds had
cleared away, and that big red globe of fire had risen majestically out
of the mists, and everybody was out. But no one, except humble people in
the ordinary way of business, came to Cotsdean. Bushels of grain for
chickens, pennyworths of canary seed--oh! did any one think he could pay
a hundred pounds out of these?--a hundred pounds, the spending of which
had not been his, poor man; which was indeed spent long ago, and
represented luxuries past and over, luxuries which were not Cotsdean's.
Strange that a mere lump of money should live like this, long after it
was, to all intents and purposes, dead, and spent and gone!
Then came the hour of dinner, when his Sally called him to the room
behind the shop, from which an odour of bacon and fine big beans--beans
which were represented in his shop in many a sackful. He went in
unwillingly in obedience to her command, but feeling unable to eat, soon
left the table, sending the young man to fill his place, with whose
appetite no obstacle of care or thought interfered. Poor Cotsdean felt
that the smell of the dinner made him sick--though he would have liked
to eat had he been able--the smell of the bacon which he loved, and the
sight of the small children whom he loved still better, and poor Sally,
his wife, still red in the face from dishing it up. Sally was anxious
about her husband's want of appetite.
"What ails you, John?" she said, pathetically; "it wasn't as if you were
out last night, nor nothing o' that sort. A man as is sober like you
don't ought to turn at his dinner."
She was half sorry, and half aggrieved, poor woman, feeling as if some
blame of her cookery must be involved.
"It's the bile," said poor Cotsdean, with that simplicity of statement
which is common in his class. "Don't you take on, Sally, I'll be a deal
better by supper-time----or worse," he added to himself. Yes, he would
make an effort to eat at supper-time; perhaps it might be the last meal
he should eat in his own comfortable home.
He had been out at the shop door, gazing despairingly down the road; he
had come in and sold some birdseed, wondering--oh, what good would that
penny do him?--he who wanted a hundred pounds? and was standing
listening with a sad heart to the sound of the knives and forks and
chatter of the children, when suddenly all at once Mr. May walked into
the shop, changing dismay into hope. What a thing it was to be a
gentleman and a clergyman. Cotsdean could not but think! The very sight
of Mr. May inspired him with courage; even though probably he had no
money in his pocket, it was a supporting thing only to see him, and hear
the sound of his free unrestrained step. He came in with a friendly nod
to his humble helper; then he glanced round the shop, to see that no one
was present, and then he said, "All right, Cotsdean," in a voice that
was as music to the little corn-factor's ears. His heart, which had been
beating so low, jumped up in his bosom; his appetite came back with a
leap; he asked himself would the bacon be cold? and cried, "God be
praised, sir," in a breath.
Mr. May winced slightly; but why should it be wrong to be grateful to
God in any circumstances? he asked himself, having become already
somewhat composed in his ideas on this particular point.
"Are we quite alone?" he said. "Nobody within hearing? I have not
brought you the money, but a piece of paper that is as good as the
money. Take it: you will have no difficulty in discounting this; the man
is as well known as the Carlingford Bank, and as safe, though I dare say
you will be surprised at the name."
Cotsdean opened out the new bill with trembling hands. "Tozer!" he said
faintly, between relief and dismay.
"Yes. You must know that I am taking a pupil--one who belongs to a very
rich Dissenting family in London. Tozer knows something about him, from
his connection with the body, and through this young man I have got to
know something of _him_. He does it upon the admirable security of the
fees I am to receive with this youth; so you see, after all, there is no
mystery about it. Better not wait for to-morrow, Cotsdean. Go at once,
and get it settled. You see," said Mr. May, ingratiatingly, "it is a
little larger than the other--one hundred and fifty, indeed--but that
does not matter with such an excellent name."
"Tozer!" said Cotsdean, once more bewildered. He handled the piece of
paper nervously, and turned it upside down, and round about, with a
sense that it might melt in his hold. He did not like the additional
fifty added. Why should another fifty be added? but so it was, and there
seemed nothing for him but to take the immediate relief and be thankful.
"I'd rather, sir, as Tozer hadn't known nothing about it; and why should
he back a bill for me as ain't one of my friends, nor don't know nothing
about me? and fifty more added on," said Cotsdean. It was the nearest he
had gone to standing up against his clergyman; he did not like it. To be
Mr. May's sole stand-by and agent, even at periodical risk of ruin, was
possible to him; but a pang of jealousy, alarm, and pain came into his
mind when he saw the new name. This even obliterated the immediate sense
of relief that was in his mind.
"Come three months it'll have to be paid," said Cotsdean, "and Tozer
ain't a man to stand it if he's left to pay; he'd sell us up, Mr. May.
He ain't one of the patient ones, like--some other folks; and there's
fifty pounds put on. I don't see my way to it. I'd rather it was just
the clear hundred, if it was the same to you."
"It is not the same to me," said Mr. May, calmly. "Come, there is no
cause to make any fuss. There it is, and if you don't like to make use
of it, you must find some better way. Bring the fifty pounds, less the
expenses, to me to-night. It is a good bit of paper, and it delivers us
out of a mess which I hope we shall not fall into again."
"So you said before, sir," said the corn-factor sullenly.
"Cotsdean, you forget yourself; but I can make allowance for your
anxiety. Take it, and get it settled before the bank closes; pay in the
money to meet the other bill, and bring me the balance. You will find no
difficulty with Tozer's name; and what so likely as that one respectable
tradesman should help another? By the way, the affair is a private one
between us, and it is unnecessary to say anything to him about it; the
arrangement, you understand, is between him and me."
"Beg your pardon, sir," said Cotsdean, with a deprecatory movement of
his hand to his forehead; "but it is me as will be come upon first if
anything happens, and that fifty pounds--"
"Have you ever found me to fail you, Cotsdean? If you knew the anxiety I
have gone through, that you might be kept from harm, the sleepless
nights, the schemes, the exertions! You may suppose it was no ordinary
effort to ask a man like Tozer."
Cotsdean was moved by the touching tone in which his partner in trouble
spoke; but terror gave him a certain power. He grumbled still, not
altogether vanquished.
"I don't say nothing against that, sir," he said, not meeting Mr. May's
eye; "but when it comes to be paid, sir, I'm the first in it, and where
is that other fifty to come from? That's what I'm a thinking for--for
I'm the first as they'd haul up after all."
"You!" said Mr. May, "what could they get from you? You are not worth
powder and shot. Don't be ridiculous, my good fellow. I never avoid my
responsibilities, as you know. I am as good, I hope, for that fifty as
for all that went before. Have you ever known me leave you or any one in
the lurch?"
"No, sir, I can't say as--I don't suppose I have. I've always put my
trust in you like in Providence itself," he cried, hastily, holding his
breath.
"Then do as I tell you," said Mr. May, waving his hand with careless
superiority; and though his heart was aching with a hundred anxious
fears, he left the shop with just that mixture of partial offence and
indifference which overawed completely his humble retainer. Cotsdean
trembled at his own guilty folly and temerity. He did not dare to call
his patron back again, to ask his pardon. He did not venture to go back
to the table and snatch a bit of cold bacon. He was afraid he had
offended his clergyman, what matter that he was hungry for his dinner?
He called the young man from the bacon, which was now cold and all but
eaten up, and snatched at his hat and went out to the bank. It was all
he could do.