Conditions are by no means what they should be unless there is
opportunity for the full development of manners and politeness.
There is a great difference between manners and politeness. Manners is
one thing and politeness is another. A person possessed of these
qualities, though he had never seen a court, is truly agreeable; and
if without them would continue a clown, though he had been all his
life a gentleman usher. A traveler of taste at once perceives that the
educated men are polite all the world over, but that ignorant men are
polite only at home. Good manners are well-nigh an essential part of
life’s education, and their importance cannot be too largely magnified
when we consider that they are the outward expression of an inward
virtue. Social courtesies should emanate from the heart, for remember
always that the worth of manners consists in being the sincere
expression of feelings. Like the dial of a watch, they should indicate
that the works within are good and true. True civility needs no false
lights to show its points. It is the embodiment of truth, the mere
opening out of the inner self.
The truest politeness comes of sincerity. It must be the outcome of
the heart or it will make no lasting impression, for no amount of
polish will dispense with truthfulness. To acquire that ease and grace
of manners which distinguishes and is possessed by every well-bred
person one must think of others rather than of one’s self, and study
to please them even at one’s own convenience. The golden rule of life
is also the law of politeness, and such politeness implies
self-sacrifice, many struggles and conflicts. It is an art and tact
rather than an instinct and inspiration.
Many a man who now stands ranked as a gentleman because his smile is
ready and his bow exquisite, is in reality unworthy of an honor, since
he cares more for the least incident pertaining to his own comfort
than he does for the greatest occasion of discomfort to others. A man
of politeness and manners does not hint by words that he deems himself
better, wiser or richer than any one about him. He is “never stuck
up,” nor looks down upon others because they have no titles, honors or
social position equal to his own. He never boasts of his achievements
by affecting to underrate what he has done. He prefers to act rather
than to talk, to be busy rather than to seem, above all things is
distinguished by his deep insight and sympathy, his quick perception
of an attention to those little and apparently insignificant things
that may cause pleasure or pain to others. In giving his opinions he
does not dogmatize. He listens patiently and respectfully to all other
men, and, if compelled to dissent from their opinions, acknowledges
his fallibility and asserts his own views in such a manner as to
command the respect of all who hear him. Frankness and cordiality mark
all his intercourse with his fellows and, however high his station,
the humblest man feels instantly at ease in his presence. The success
or failure of one’s plans have often turned upon the address and
manner of the man. If we wish to be successful men and women, we must
first be in possession of both politeness and manners.