At this particular time of my life, many things began to puzzle me, but
nothing was a greater puzzle than the character of my guardian. Morose
or moody he was not, though a stranger might have thought him so; nor
could I end with the conviction that his heart was cold. It rather
seemed to me as if he felt that it ought to be so, and tried his best to
settle down as the inmate of an icehouse. But any casual flush of love,
any glow of native warmth from the hearts around him, and taken by
surprise he wavered for one traitor moment, and in his eyes gleamed some
remembrance, like firelight upon frozen windows. But let any one
attempt to approach him then with softness, to stir kind interest and
feeling into benevolent expression, and Mr. Vaughan would promptly shut
himself in again, with a bar of irony, or a bolt of sarcasm. Only to my
mother was his behaviour different; towards her his manner was so
gentle, and his tone so kind, that but for my conviction that remorse
lay under it, I must have come to like him. True, they did not often
meet, for dear mother confined herself (in spite of Mrs. Daldy) more and
more closely to her own part of the house, and rarely had the spirits
now to share in the meals of the family. Therefore, I began at once to
take her place, and would not listen to Mrs. Daldy's kind offer to
relieve me. This had led quite recently to a little outbreak. One day
I had been rather late for dinner, and, entering the room with a proud
apology, found to my amazement Mrs. Daldy at the head of the table. For
me a seat was placed, as for a good little girl, by the side of Master
Clement. At first I had not the presence of mind to speak, but stood by
my rival's chair, waiting for her to rise. She affected not to
understand me, and began, with her hand on the ladle, and looking me
full in the face: "I fear, darling Clara, the soup is cold; but your
uncle can give you a very nice slice of salmon. Have you offered thanks
for these mercies?"
"Thank you, I will take soup. Allow me to help myself. I am sorry to
have troubled you."
And I placed my hand on the back of her chair, presuming that she would
get up; but she never stirred one inch, and actually called for a plate
to help me. My guardian was looking at both of us, with a dry smile of
amusement, and Clement began to simper and play with his fork.--Now for
it, or never, thought I. "Mrs. Daldy, you quite mistake me, or pretend
to do so. Have the goodness to quit _my_ chair."
She had presumed on my dread of an altercation before the servants, but
only Thomas Henwood happened to be in the room. Had there been a dozen
present, I would still have asserted my right. At last she rose in her
stateliest manner, but with an awkward smile, and a still more awkward
sneer.
"Your use, my poor child, of the possessive pronoun is far more emphatic
than your good breeding is."
"Who cares for your opinion?" Not a hospitable inquiry; but then she
was not _my_ visitor.
In grand style she marched to the door, but soon thought better of it,
and came to her proper place with the sigh of a contrite spirit.
"Poor creature! It is a rebuke to me, for my want of true faith in the
efficacy of prayer."
And after all this, she made a most excellent dinner.
About that woman there was something of a slimy pride, no more like to
upright prickly self-respect than macerated bird-lime is to the stiff
bright holly. Yet no one I ever knew possessed such wiry powers of
irritation. Whenever my mother and my guardian met, she took care to be
in the way, and watched them both, and appealed to me with all her
odious pantomime of sorrow, sympathy, wonder, loving superiority, and
spiritual yearnings. And all the time her noisome smile, like the smell
of a snake, came over us. She knew, and rejoiced in the knowledge, how
hard set I was to endure it, and every quick flash of my eyes only lit
up her unctuous glory.
For all I know, it was natural that my antipathy to that woman should,
by reaction, thaw sometimes my coldness towards my uncle. Though
self-respect had at length compelled him to abandon his overtures to my
friendship, now and then I detected him looking at me with a pitying
regard. In self-defence, I began to pity him, and ceased to make faces
or sneer when the maids--those romantic beings--declared that he must
have been crossed in love. At this conclusion, long ago, all the
servants' hall had arrived; and even little Tilly Jenkins, not admitted
as yet to that high conclave, remarkable only for living in dust-bins,
and too dirty to cause uneasiness to the under-shoeboy's mother--even
that Tilly, I say, ran up to me one morning (when I went to see my dear
pony) and beat out her dust, and then whispered:
"Oh, please, Miss Clara, to give my very best wishes to Master. What a
terrible blight to the heart be unrequited love!" And Tilly sighed a
great cloud of brick-dust.
"Terrible, Tilly: I hope you have not fallen in love with the weeding
boy!"--a smart young lad, ten stairs at least above her.
"Me, miss? Do you think I would so demean myself?" And Tilly caught up
her dust-pan arrogantly.
This little anecdote proves a fact which I never could explain, viz.
that none of the servants were ever afraid of me.
To return to the straight line of history. My guardian came home rather
late that evening, and some hours after the hasty exit of Mrs. and
Master Daldy. While I was waiting in some uneasiness, it struck me that
he had kept out of the way on purpose, lest he should seem too anxious
about the plot. Mrs. Daldy, as I found afterwards, had written to him
from the inn, describing my "frenzied violence, and foaming Satanic
fury"--perhaps I turned pale, no more--and announcing her intention to
remain at Malvern, until she should be apprised whether uncle or niece
were the master. In the latter case she demanded--not that she cared
for mammon, but as a humble means for the advancement of the
Kingdom--the sum of 300*l.*; that being the lowest salary conscience
allowed her to specify for treading the furnace of affliction, to save
the lost sheep of the house of Israel. I forgot to say that, before she
left the house, she had tried to obtain an interview with my mother,
hoping, no doubt, to leave her in the cataleptic state. But this had
been sternly prevented by Thomas Kenwood, who performed quite a labour
of love in ministering the expulsion. All the servants hated her as a
canting sneak and a spy.
That night when I received Mr. Edgar Vaughan's short missive--"Clara, I
wish to see you immediately in my study," my heart began to flutter
provokingly, and the long speech I had prepared flew away in shreds of
rhetoric. Not that I meant for an instant to bate one tittle of what I
had done and would do: but I had never asserted my rights as yet in
direct opposition to him, nor taken upon my own shoulders the
guardianship of myself. But the dreary years of dark preparation and
silent welding of character had braced a sensitive, nervous nature with
some little self-reliance.
With all the indifference I could muster, I entered the gloomy room, and
found him leaning upon the high desk where he kept the accounts of his
stewardship. The position was chosen well. It served at once to remind
me of his official relation, and to appeal to the feelings as betokening
an onerous wardship. Of late his health had been failing him, and after
every long absence from home, he returned more jaded and melancholy.
Now a few silver hairs--no more than a wife would have quickly pulled
out--were glistening among his black locks; but though he was weary and
lonesome, he seemed to want none to love him, and his face wore the
wonted sarcastic and travelled look.
As our glances met, we both saw that the issue was joined which should
settle for life the mastery. He began in a light and jocund manner, as
if I were quite a small thing.
"Well done, Miss Clara, you _are_ asserting yourself. Why, you have
dismissed our visitors with very scant ceremony."
"To be sure I have; and will again, if they dare to come back."
"And don't you think that you might have consulted your mother or me?'
"Most likely I should have done so, in an ordinary case."
"Then your guardian was meant for small matters! But what was the wonder
to-day?"
"No wonder at all. Mrs. Daldy insulted my father, and I sent her out of
his house."
"What made her insult my brother?"
"My refusal to marry her puppet and puppy."
"Clement Daldy! Did she propose such a thing? She must think very
highly of you!'
"Then I think very lowly."
"And you declined, did you, Clara?"
"No. I refused."
"Very good. No one shall force you; there is plenty of time to consider
the subject."
"One moment is too much."
"Clara, I have long noticed in you a rude, disrespectful, and I will say
(in spite of your birth) a low and vulgar manner towards me, your uncle
and guardian. Once for all, I will not permit it, child."
"_Child_ you call me, do you? Me, who am just seventeen, and have lived
seven such years as I have, and no one else!"
He answered quite calmly, and looking coldly at me:
"I never argue with women. Much less with girls. Mrs. Daldy comes back
to-morrow. You will beg her pardon, as becomes a young lady who has
forgotten herself. The other question may wait."
"I thought, sir, that you had travelled far, and in many countries."
The abrupt inquiry startled him, and his thoughts seemed to follow the
memory.
"What if I have?" he asked, at length, and with a painful effort.
"Have you always found women do just what you chose?"
He seemed not to listen to me; as if he were out of hearing: then
laughed because I was looking at him.
"Clara," he said, "you are an odd girl, and a Vaughan all over. I would
rather be your friend than your enemy. If you cannot like me, at least
forget your dislike of me, and remember that I am your uncle, and have
tried to make you love me."
"And what if I do not?"
"Then I must keep you awhile from the management of this property. My
dear brother would have wished it, until you recover your senses; and
not an acre of it is legally yours."
This he said so slowly, and distinctly, and entirely without menace,
that, knowing his manner, I saw it was the truth, at least in his
opinion. Strange as it may seem, I began at once to revolve, not the
results of dispossession and poverty on myself, or even on my mother,
but the influence which the knowledge of this new fact must have on my
old suspicions, surmises, and belief.
"Will the property pass to you?" I asked.
"Yes, if I choose: or at any rate the bulk of it."
"What part will be yours? Do you mean to say the house?--"
"Never mind now. I would rather leave things as they are, if you will
only be more sensible."
"I will not disguise my opinions for a hundred Vaughan Parks, or a
thousand Vaughan Palaces; no, nor even to be near my father's bones."
"Very well," he said, "just as you like. But for your mother's sake, I
give you till Christmas to consider."
"If you bring back Mrs. Daldy, I shall leave the door as she enters it."
"I have no wish to hurry you," he replied, "and therefore she shall not
return at present. Now take these papers with you. You may lay them
before any lawyer you please. They are only copies, but may be compared
with the originals, which I have. They will quickly prove how totally
you are at my discretion."
"The money and the land may be so, but not I. Before I go, answer me one
question. Did you know of these things, whatever they may be, before my
father's death?"
He looked at me clearly and calmly, with no withdrawal, or conscious
depth in his eyes, and answered:
"No. As a gentleman, I did not."
I felt myself more at a loss than ever, and for the moment could not
think.