FOR EVER.
On the next morning the poor injured one was quite well,--but she
was still held to be subject to piteous concern. The two aunts
shook their heads when she said that she would walk down to the
stepping-stones that morning, before starting for Yoxham; but she was
quite sure that the sprain was gone, and the distance was not above
half a mile. They were not to start till two o'clock. Would Minnie
come down with her, and ramble about among the ruins?
"Minnie, come out on the lawn," said the lord. "Don't you come with
me and Anna;--you can go where you like about the place by yourself."
"Why mayn't I come?"
"Never mind, but do as you're bid."
"I know. You are going to make love to cousin Anna."
"You are an impertinent little imp."
"I am so glad, Frederic, because I do like her. I was sure she was a
real cousin. Don't you think she is very,--very nice?"
"Pretty well."
"Is that all?"
"You go away and don't tease,--or else I'll never bring you to the
Stryd again." So it happened that Lord Lovel and Lady Anna went
across the meadow together, down to the river, and sauntered along
the margin till they came to the stepping-stones. He passed over, and
she followed him, almost without a word. Her heart was so full, that
she did not think now of the water running at her feet. It had hardly
seemed to her to make any difficulty as to the passage. She must
follow him whither he would lead her, but her mind misgave her,--that
they would not return sweet loving friends as they went out. "We
won't climb," said he, "because it might try your ankle too much. But
we will go in here by the meadow. I always think this is one of the
prettiest views there is," he said, throwing himself upon the grass.
"It is all prettiest. It is like fairy land. Does the Duke let people
come here always?"
"Yes, I fancy so."
"He must be very good-natured. Do you know the Duke?"
"I never saw him in my life."
"A duke sounds so awful to me."
"You'll get used to them some day. Won't you sit down?" Then she
glided down to the ground at a little distance from him, and he at
once shifted his place so as to be almost close to her. "Your foot is
quite well?"
"Quite well."
"I thought for a few minutes that there was going to be some dreadful
accident, and I was so mad with myself for having made you jump it.
If you had broken your leg, how would you have borne it?"
"Like other people, I suppose."
"Would you have been angry with me?"
"I hope not. I am sure not. You were doing the best you could to give
me pleasure. I don't think I should have been angry at all. I don't
think we are ever angry with the people we really like."
"Do you really like me?"
"Yes;--I like you."
"Is that all?"
"Is not that enough?"
She answered the question as she might have answered it had it been
allowed to her, as to any girl that was free, to toy with his love,
knowing that she meant to accept it. It was easier so, than in any
other way. But her heart within her was sad, and could she have
stopped his further speech by any word rough and somewhat rude, she
would have done so. In truth, she did not know how to answer him
roughly. He deserved from her that all her words should be soft, and
sweet and pleasant. She believed him to be good and generous and kind
and loving. The hard things which Daniel Thwaite had said of him had
all vanished from her mind. To her thinking, it was no sin in him
that he should want her wealth,--he, the Earl, to whom by right the
wealth of the Lovels should belong. The sin was rather hers,--in that
she kept it from him. And then, if she could receive all that he
was willing to give, his heart, his name, his house and home, and
sweet belongings of natural gifts and personal advantages, how much
more would she take than what she gave! She could not speak to him
roughly, though,--alas!--the time had come in which she must speak to
him truly. It was not fitting that a girl should have two lovers.
"No, dear,--not enough," he said.
It can hardly be accounted a fault in him that at this time he felt
sure of her love. She had been so soft in her ways with him, so
gracious, yielding, and pretty in her manners, so manifestly pleased
by his company, so prone to lean upon him, that it could hardly be
that he should think otherwise. She had told him, when he spoke to
her more plainly up in London than he had yet done since they had
been together in the country, that she could never, never be his
wife. But what else could a girl say at a first meeting with a
proposed lover? Would he have wished that she should at once have
given herself up without one maidenly scruple, one word of feminine
recusancy? If love's course be made to run too smooth it loses all
its poetry, and half its sweetness. But now they knew each other;--at
least, he thought they did. The scruple might now be put away. The
feminine recusancy had done its work. For himself,--he felt that he
loved her in very truth. She was not harsh or loud,--vulgar, or given
to coarse manners, as might have been expected, and as he had been
warned by his friends that he would find her. That she was very
beautiful, all her enemies had acknowledged,--and he was quite
assured that her enemies had been right. She was the Lady Anna Lovel,
and he felt that he could make her his own without one shade of
regret to mar his triumph. Of the tailor's son,--though he had been
warned of him too,--he made no account whatever. That had been a
slander, which only endeared the girl to him the more;--a slander
against Lady Anna Lovel which had been an insult to his family. Among
all the ladies he knew, daughters of peers and high-bred commoners,
there were none,--there was not one less likely so to disgrace
herself than Lady Anna Lovel, his sweet cousin.
"Do not think me too hurried, dear, if I speak to you again so soon,
of that of which I spoke once before." He had turned himself round
upon his arm, so as to be very close to her,--so that he would look
full into her face, and, if chance favoured him, could take her hand.
He paused, as though for an answer; but she did not speak to him a
word. "It is not long yet since we first met."
"Oh, no;--not long."
"And I know not what your feelings are. But, in very truth, I can say
that I love you dearly. Had nothing else come in the way to bring us
together, I am sure that I should have loved you." She, poor child,
believed him as though he were speaking to her the sweetest gospel.
And he, too, believed himself. He was easy of heart perhaps, but not
deceitful; anxious enough for his position in the world, but not
meanly covetous. Had she been distasteful to him as a woman, he
would have refused to make himself rich by the means that had been
suggested to him. As it was, he desired her as much as her money, and
had she given herself to him then would never have remembered,--would
never have known that the match had been sordid. "Do you believe me?"
he asked.
"Oh, yes."
"And shall it be so?"
Her face had been turned away, but now she slowly moved her neck so
that she could look at him. Should she be false to all her vows, and
try whether happiness might not be gained in that way? The manner
of doing it passed through her mind in that moment. She would write
to Daniel, and remind him of his promise to set her free if she so
willed it. She would never see him again. She would tell him that
she had striven to see things as he would have taught her, and had
failed. She would abuse herself, and ask for his pardon;--but having
thus judged for herself, she would never go back from such judgment.
It might be done,--if only she could persuade herself that it were
good to do it! But, as she thought of it, there came upon her a prick
of conscience so sharp, that she could not welcome the devil by
leaving it unheeded. How could she be foresworn to one who had been
so absolutely good,--whose all had been spent for her and for her
mother,--whose whole life had been one long struggle of friendship on
her behalf,--who had been the only playfellow of her youth, the only
man she had ever ventured to kiss,--the man whom she truly loved? He
had warned her against these gauds which were captivating her spirit,
and now, in the moment of her peril, she would remember his warnings.
"Shall it be so?" Lord Lovel asked again, just stretching out his
hand, so that he could touch the fold of her garment.
"It cannot be so," she said.
"Cannot be!"
"It cannot be so, Lord Lovel."
"It cannot now;--or do you mean the word to be for ever?"
"For ever!" she replied.
"I know that I have been hurried and sudden," he said,--purposely
passing by her last assurance; "and I do feel that you have a right
to resent the seeming assurance of such haste. But in our case,
dearest, the interests of so many are concerned, the doubts and
fears, the well-being, and even the future conduct of all our friends
are so bound up by the result, that I had hoped you would have
pardoned that which would otherwise have been unpardonable." Oh
heavens;--had it not been for Daniel Thwaite, how full of grace, how
becoming, how laden with flattering courtesy would have been every
word that he had uttered to her! "But," he continued, "if it really
be that you cannot love me--"
"Oh, Lord Lovel, pray ask of me no further question."
"I am bound to ask and to know,--for all our sakes."
Then she rose quickly to her feet, and with altered gait and changed
countenance stood over him. "I am engaged," she said, "to be
married--to Mr. Daniel Thwaite." She had told it all, and felt that
she had told her own disgrace. He rose also, but stood mute before
her. This was the very thing of which they had all warned him, but as
to which he had been so sure that it was not so! She saw it all in
his eyes, reading much more there than he could read in hers. She was
degraded in his estimation, and felt that evil worse almost than the
loss of his love. For the last three weeks she had been a real Lovel
among the Lovels. That was all over now. Let this lawsuit go as it
might, let them give to her all the money, and make the title which
she hated ever so sure, she never again could be the equal friend
of her gentle relative, Earl Lovel. Minnie would never again spring
into her arms, swearing that she would do as she pleased with her
own cousin. She might be Lady Anna, but never Anna again to the two
ladies at the rectory. The perfume of his rank had been just scented,
to be dashed away from her for ever. "It is a secret at present,"
she said, "or I should have told you sooner. If it is right that you
should repeat it, of course you must."
"Oh, Anna!"
"It is true."
"Oh, Anna, for your sake as well as mine this makes me wretched
indeed!"
"As for the money, Lord Lovel, if it be mine to give, you shall have
it."
"You think then it is that which I have wanted?"
"It is that which the family wants, and I can understand that it
should be wanted. As for myself,--for mamma and me,--you can hardly
understand how it has been with us when we were young. You despise
Mr. Thwaite,--because he is a tailor."
"I am sure he is not fit to be the husband of Lady Anna Lovel."
"When Lady Anna Lovel had no other friend in the world, he sheltered
her and gave her a house to live in, and spent his earnings in her
defence, and would not yield when all those who might have been
her friends strove to wrong her. Where would mamma have been,--and
I,--had there been no Mr. Thwaite to comfort us? He was our only
friend,--he and his father. They were all we had. In my childhood I
had never a kind word from another child,--but only from him. Would
it have been right that he should have asked for anything, and that
I should have refused it?"
"He should not have asked for this," said Lord Lovel hoarsely.
"Why not he, as well as you? He is as much a man. If I could believe
in your love after two days, Lord Lovel, could I not trust his after
twenty years of friendship?"
"You knew that he was beneath you."
"He was not beneath me. He was above me. We were poor,--while he
and his father had money, which we took. He could give, while we
received. He was strong while we were weak,--and was strong to
comfort us. And then, Lord Lovel, what knew I of rank, living under
his father's wing? They told me I was the Lady Anna, and the children
scouted me. My mother was a countess. So she swore, and I at least
believed her. But if ever rank and title were a profitless burden,
they were to her. Do you think that I had learned then to love my
rank?"
"You have learned better now."
"I have learned,--but whether better I may doubt. There are lessons
which are quickly learned; and there are they who say that such are
the devil's lessons. I have not been strong enough not to learn. But
I must forget again, Lord Lovel. And you must forget also." He hardly
knew how to speak to her now;--whether it would be fit for him even
to wish to persuade her to be his, after she had told him that she
had given her troth to a tailor. His uneasy thoughts prompted him
with ideas which dismayed him. Could he take to his heart one who had
been pressed close in so vile a grasp? Could he accept a heart that
had once been promised to a tailor's workman? Would not all the world
know and say that he had done it solely for the money,--even should
he succeed in doing it? And yet to fail in this enterprise,--to
abandon all,--to give up so enticing a road to wealth! Then he
remembered what he had said,--how he had pledged himself to abandon
the lawsuit,--how convinced he had been that this girl was heiress to
the Lovel wealth, who now told him that she had engaged herself to
marry a tailor.
There was nothing more that either of them could say to the other at
the moment, and they went back in silence to the inn.