_Sir:_ I'm movin along--slowly along--down tords your place. I
want you should rite me a letter, saying how is the show bizness in
your place. My show at present consists of three moral Bares, a
Kangaroo (a amoozin little Raskal--'twould make you larf yourself to
deth to see the little cuss jump up and squeal), wax figgers of G.
Washington, Gen. Tayler, John Bunyan, Capt. Kidd, and Dr. Webster in
the act of killin Dr. Parkman, besides several miscellanyus moral wax
statoots of celebrated piruts & murderers, &c., ekalled by few &
exceld by none. Now, Mr. Editor, scratch orf a few lines sayin how is
the show bizniss down to your place. I shall hav my hanbills dun at
your offiss. Depend upon it. I want you should git my hanbills up in
flamin stile. Also git up a tremenjus excitemunt in yr. paper 'bowt
my onparaleled Show. We must fetch the public sumhow. We must wurk on
their feelins. Cum the moral on em strong. If it's a temperance
community, tell em I sined the pledge fifteen minits arter Ise born,
but on the contery, ef your peple take their tods, say Mister Ward is
as Jenial a feller as ever we met. full of conwiviality, & the life
an sole of the Soshul Bored. Take, don't you? If you say anythin
abowt my show, say my snaiks is as harmliss as the new born Babe.
What a interistin study it is to see a zewological animil like a
snake under perfect subjecshun! My kangaroo is the most larfable
little cuss I ever saw. All for 15 cents. I am anxyus to skewer your
inflooence. I repeet in regard to them hanbills that I shall git 'em
struck orf up to your printin office. My perlitical sentiments agree
with yourn exactly. I know they do, becaws I never saw a man whoos
didn't.
Respectively yures, A. WARD.
P.S.--You scratch my back & Ile scratch your back.