STRUGGLING IN THE WATER FOR LIFE
“Out of the deep have I called unto Thee, O Lord.”--Ps. 130:1.
I NOW resume the narrative description of my miraculous escape, and it
is with considerable diffidence that I do so, for the personal
equation monopolizes more attention than may be pleasing to my readers
who are not relatives or intimate friends.
As may be noticed in Chapter II, it was Clinch Smith’s suggestion and
on his initiative that we left that point on the starboard side of the
Boat Deck where the crew, under Chief Officer Wilde and First Officer
Murdoch, were in vain trying to launch the Engelhardt boat B which had
been thrown down from the roof of the officers’ quarters forward of
the first funnel. I say “Boat B” because I have the information to
that effect in a letter from Second Officer Lightoller. Confirmation
of this statement I also find in the reported interview of a Saloon
Steward, Thomas Whiteley, in the New York _Tribune_ the day after the
_Carpathia’s_ arrival. An analysis of his statement shows that Boat A
became entangled and was abandoned, while he saw the other, bottom up
and filled with people. It was on this boat that he also eventually
climbed and was saved with the rest of us. Clinch Smith and I got away
from this point just before the water reached it and drowned Chief
Officer Wilde and First Officer Murdoch, and others who were not
successful in effecting a lodgment on the boat as it was swept off the
deck. This moment was the first fateful crisis of the many that
immediately followed. As bearing upon it I quote the reported
statement of Harold S. Bride, the junior Marconi operator. His account
also helps to determine the fate of Captain Smith. He says: “Then came
the Captain’s voice [from the bridge to the Marconi operators], ‘Men,
you have done your full duty. You can do no more. Abandon your cabin.
Now, it is every man for himself.’” “Phillips continued to work,” he
says, “for about ten minutes or about fifteen minutes after the
Captain had released him. The water was then coming into our cabin....
I went to the place where I had seen the collapsible boat on the Boat
Deck and to my surprise I saw the boat, and the men still trying to
push it off. They could not do it. I went up to them and was just
lending a hand when a large wave came awash of the deck. The big wave
carried the boat off. I had hold of an oarlock and I went off with it.
The next I knew I was in the boat. But that was not all. I was in the
boat and the boat was upside down and I was under it.... How I got out
from under the boat I do not know, but I felt a breath at last.”
From this it appears evident that, so far as Clinch Smith is
concerned, it would have been better to have stayed by this Engelhardt
boat to the last, for here he had a chance of escape like Bride and
others of the crew who clung to it, but which I only reached again
after an incredibly long swim under water. The next crisis, which was
the fatal one to Clinch Smith and to the great mass of people that
suddenly arose before us as I followed him astern, has already been
described. The simple expedient of jumping with the “big wave” as
demonstrated above carried me to safety, away from a dangerous
position to the highest part of the ship; but I was the only one who
adopted it successfully. The force of the wave that struck Clinch
Smith and the others undoubtedly knocked most of them there
unconscious against the walls of the officers’ quarters and other
appurtenances of the ship on the Boat Deck. As the ship keeled over
forward, I believe that their bodies were caught in the angles of
this deck, or entangled in the ropes, and in these other
appurtenances thereon, and sank with the ship.
My holding on to the iron railing just when I did prevented my being
knocked unconscious. I pulled myself over on the roof on my stomach,
but before I could get to my feet I was in a whirlpool of water,
swirling round and round, as I still tried to cling to the railing as
the ship plunged to the depths below. Down, down, I went: it seemed a
great distance. There was a very noticeable pressure upon my ears,
though there must have been plenty of air that the ship carried down
with it. When under water I retained, as it appears, a sense of
general direction, and, as soon as I could do so, swam away from the
starboard side of the ship, as I knew my life depended upon it. I swam
with all my strength, and I seemed endowed with an extra supply for
the occasion. I was incited to desperate effort by the thought of
boiling water, or steam, from the expected explosion of the ship’s
boilers, and that I would be scalded to death, like the sailors of
whom I had read in the account of the British battle-ship _Victoria_
sunk in collision with the _Camperdown_ in the Mediterranean in 1893.
Second Officer Lightoller told me he also had the same idea, and that
if the fires had not been drawn the boilers would explode and the
water become boiling hot. As a consequence, the plunge in the icy
water produced no sense of coldness whatever, and I had no thought of
cold until later on when I climbed on the bottom of the upturned boat.
My being drawn down by suction to a greater depth was undoubtedly
checked to some degree by the life-preserver which I wore, but it is
to the buoyancy of the water, caused by the volume of air rising from
the sinking ship, that I attributed the assistance which enabled me to
strike out and swim faster and further under water than I ever did
before. I held my breath for what seemed an interminable time until I
could scarcely stand it any longer, but I congratulated myself then
and there that not one drop of sea-water was allowed to enter my
mouth. With renewed determination and set jaws, I swam on. Just at the
moment I thought that for lack of breath I would have to give in, I
seemed to have been provided with a second wind, and it was just then
that the thought that this was my last moment came upon me. I wanted
to convey the news of how I died to my loved ones at home. As I swam
beneath the surface of the ocean, I prayed that my spirit could go to
them and say, “Good-bye, until we meet again in heaven.” In this
connection, the thought was in my mind of a well authenticated
experience of mental telepathy that occurred to a member of my wife’s
family. Here in my case was a similar experience of a shipwrecked
loved one, and I thought if I prayed hard enough that this, my last
wish to communicate with my wife and daughter, might be granted.
To what extent my prayer was answered let Mrs. Gracie describe in her
own written words, as follows: “I was in my room at my sister’s house,
where I was visiting, in New York. After retiring, being unable to
rest I questioned myself several times over, wondering what it was
that prevented the customary long and peaceful slumber, lately
enjoyed. ‘What is the matter?’ I uttered. A voice in reply seemed to
say, ‘On your knees and pray.’ Instantly, I literally obeyed with my
prayer book in my hand, which by chance opened at the prayer ‘For
those at Sea.’ The thought then flashed through my mind, ‘Archie is
praying for me.’ I continued wide awake until a little before five
o’clock a. m., by the watch that lay beside me. About 7 a. m. I dozed
a while and then got up to dress for breakfast. At 8 o’clock my
sister, Mrs. Dalliba Dutton, came softly to the door, newspaper in
hand, to gently break the tragic news that the _Titanic_ had sunk, and
showed me the list of only twenty names saved, headed with ‘_Colonel_
Archibald Butt’; but my husband’s name was not included. My head sank
in her protecting arms as I murmured helplessly, ‘He is all I have in
the whole world.’ I could only pray for strength, and later in the
day, believing myself a widow, I wrote to my daughter, who was in the
care of our housekeeper and servants in our Washington home, ‘Cannot
you see your father in his tenderness for women and children, helping
them all, and then going down with the ship? If he has gone, I will
not live long, but I would not have him take a boat.’”
But let me now resume my personal narrative. With this second wind
under water there came to me a new lease of life and strength, until
finally I noticed by the increase of light that I was drawing near to
the surface. Though it was not daylight, the clear star-lit night made
a noticeable difference in the degree of light immediately below the
surface of the water. As I was rising, I came in contact with
ascending wreckage, but the only thing I struck of material size was a
small plank, which I tucked under my right arm. This circumstance
brought with it the reflection that it was advisable for me to secure
what best I could to keep me afloat on the surface until succor
arrived. When my head at last rose above the water, I detected a piece
of wreckage like a wooden crate, and I eagerly seized it as a nucleus
of the projected raft to be constructed from what flotsam and jetsam I
might collect. Looking about me, I could see no _Titanic_ in sight.
She had entirely disappeared beneath the calm surface of the ocean and
without a sign of any wave. That the sea had swallowed her up with all
her precious belongings was indicated by the slight sound of a gulp
behind me as the water closed over her. The length of time that I was
under water can be estimated by the fact that I sank with her, and
when I came up there was no ship in sight. The accounts of others as
to the length of time it took the _Titanic_ to sink afford the best
measure of the interval I was below the surface.
What impressed me at the time that my eyes beheld the horrible scene
was a thin light-gray smoky vapor that hung like a pall a few feet
above the broad expanse of sea that was covered with a mass of tangled
wreckage. That it was a tangible vapor, and not a product of
imagination, I feel well assured. It may have been caused by smoke or
steam rising to the surface around the area where the ship had sunk.
At any rate it produced a supernatural effect, and the pictures I had
seen by Dante and the description I had read in my Virgil of the
infernal regions, of Charon, and the River Lethe, were then uppermost
in my thoughts. Add to this, within the area described, which was as
far as my eyes could reach, there arose to the sky the most horrible
sounds ever heard by mortal man except by those of us who survived
this terrible tragedy. The agonizing cries of death from over a
thousand throats, the wails and groans of the suffering, the shrieks
of the terror-stricken and the awful gaspings for breath of those in
the last throes of drowning, none of us will ever forget to our dying
day. “Help! Help! Boat ahoy! Boat ahoy!” and “My God! My God!” were
the heart-rending cries and shrieks of men, which floated to us over
the surface of the dark waters continuously for the next hour, but as
time went on, growing weaker and weaker until they died out entirely.
As I clung to my wreckage, I noticed just in front of me, a few yards
away, a group of three bodies with heads in the water, face downwards,
and just behind me to my right another body, all giving unmistakable
evidence of being drowned. Possibly these had gone down to the depths
as I had done, but did not have the lung power that I had to hold the
breath and swim under water, an accomplishment which I had practised
from my school days. There was no one alive or struggling in the water
or calling for aid within the immediate vicinity of where I arose to
the surface. I threw my right leg over the wooden crate in an attempt
to straddle and balance myself on top of it, but I turned over in a
somersault with it under water, and up to the surface again. What may
be of interest is the thought that then occurred to me of the accounts
and pictures of a wreck, indelibly impressed upon my memory when a
boy, because of my acquaintance with some of the victims, of a
frightful disaster of that day, namely the wreck of the _Ville du
Havre_ in the English Channel in 1873, and I had in mind Mrs.
Bulkley’s description, and the picture of her clinging to some
wreckage as a rescue boat caught sight of her, bringing the comforting
words over the water, “We are English sailors coming to save you.” I
looked around, praying for a similar interposition of Fate, but I knew
the thought of a rescuing boat was a vain one--for had not all the
lifeboats, loaded with women and children, departed from the ship
fifteen or twenty minutes before I sank with it? And had I not seen
the procession of them on the port side fading away from our sight?
But my prayerful thought and hope were answered in an unexpected
direction. I espied to my left, a considerable distance away, a better
vehicle of escape than the wooden crate on which my attempt to ride
had resulted in a second ducking. What I saw was no less than the
same Engelhardt, or “surf-boat,” to whose launching I had lent my
efforts, until the water broke upon the ship’s Boat Deck where we
were. On top of this upturned boat, half reclining on her bottom, were
now more than a dozen men, whom, by their dress, I took to be all
members of the crew of the ship. Thank God, I did not hesitate a
moment in discarding the friendly crate that had been my first aid. I
struck out through the wreckage and after a considerable swim reached
the port side amidships of this Engelhardt boat, which with her
companions, wherever utilized, did good service in saving the lives of
many others. All honor to the Dane, Captain Engelhardt of Copenhagen,
who built them. I say “port side” because this boat as it was
propelled through the water had Lightoller in the bow and Bride at the
stern, and I believe an analysis of the testimony shows that the
actual bow of the boat was turned about by the wave that struck it on
the Boat Deck and the splash of the funnel thereafter, so that its bow
pointed in an opposite direction to that of the ship. There was one
member of the crew on this craft at the bow and another at the stern
who had “pieces of boarding,” improvised paddles, which were used
effectually for propulsion.
When I reached the side of the boat I met with a doubtful reception,
and, as no extending hand was held out to me, I grabbed, by the muscle
of the left arm, a young member of the crew nearest and facing me. At
the same time I threw my right leg over the boat astraddle, pulling
myself aboard, with a friendly lift to my foot given by someone astern
as I assumed a reclining position with them on the bottom of the
capsized boat. Then after me came a dozen other swimmers who clambered
around and whom we helped aboard. Among them was one completely
exhausted, who came on the same port side as myself. I pulled him in
and he lay face downward in front of me for several hours, until just
before dawn he was able to stand up with the rest of us. The journey
of our craft from the scene of the disaster will be described in the
following chapter. The moment of getting aboard this upturned boat was
one of supreme mental relief, more so than any other until I reached
the deck of the hospitable _Carpathia_ on the next morning. I now felt
for the first time after the lifeboats left us aboard ship that I had
some chance of escape from the horrible fate of drowning in the icy
waters of the middle Atlantic. Every moment of time during the many
experiences of that night, it seemed as if I had all the God-given
physical strength and courage needed for each emergency, and never
suffered an instant from any exhaustion, or required the need of a
helping hand. The only time of any stress whatever was during the
swim, just described, under water, at the moment when I gained my
second wind which brought me to the surface gasping somewhat, but full
of vigor. I was all the time on the lookout for the next danger that
was to be overcome. I kept my presence of mind and courage throughout
it all. Had I lost either for one moment, I never could have escaped
to tell the tale. This is in answer to many questions as to my
personal sensations during these scenes and the successive dangers
which I encountered. From a psychological viewpoint also, it may be a
study of interest illustrating the power of mind over matter. The
sensation of fear has a visible effect upon one. It palsies one’s
thoughts and actions. One becomes thereby short of breath; the heart
actually beats quicker and as one loses one’s head one grows desperate
and is gone. I have questioned those who have been near drowning and
who know this statement to be a fact. It is the same in other
emergencies, and the lesson to be learned is that we should--
“Let courage rise with danger,
And strength to strength oppose.”
To attain this courage in the hour of danger is very much a matter of
physical, mental and religious training. But courage and strength
would have availed me little had I not providentially escaped from
being knocked senseless, or maimed, as so many other strong swimmers
undoubtedly were. The narrow escapes that I had from being thus
knocked unconscious could be recapitulated, and I still bear the scars
on my body of wounds received at the moment, or moments, when I was
struck by some undefined object. I received a blow on the top of my
head, but I did not notice it or the other wounds until I arrived on
board the _Carpathia_, when I found inflamed cuts on both my legs and
bruises on my knees, which soon became black and blue, and I was sore
to the touch all over my body for several days.
It is necessary for me to turn to the accounts of others for a
description of what happened during the interval that I was under
water. My information about it is derived from many sources and
includes various points of general interest, showing how the _Titanic_
looked when she foundered, the undisputed facts that there was very
little suction and that the forward funnel broke from the ship,
falling on the starboard side into the sea. Various points of personal
interest are also derived from the same source which the reader can
analyze, for estimating the interval that I was below the surface of
the ocean and the distance covered in my swim under water; for after I
rose to the surface it appears that I had passed under both the
falling funnel and then under the upturned boat, and a considerable
distance beyond. Had I gone but a short distance under water and
arisen straight up, I should have met the horrible fate of being
struck by the falling funnel which, according to the evidence
submitted, must have killed or drowned a number of unfortunates
struggling in the water. I select these accounts of my shipwrecked
companions, which supplement my personal experience, particularly the
accounts of the same reliable and authoritative witnesses already
cited, and from those who were rescued, as I was, on the bottom of the
upset Engelhardt boat.
The following is from the account of Mr. Beesley: “The water was by
now up to the last row of portholes. We were about two miles from her,
and the crew insisted that such a tremendous wave would be formed by
suction as she went down, that we ought to get as far as possible
away. The ‘Captain’ (as he calls Stoker Fred Barrett), and all, lay on
their oars. Presently, about 2 a. m. (2.15 a. m. per book account),
as near as I can remember, we observed her settling very rapidly, with
the bow and bridge completely under water, and concluded it was now
only a question of minutes before she went; and so it proved. She
slowly tilted, straight on end, with the stern vertically upward....
To our amazement, she remained in that upright position for a time
which I estimate as five minutes.” On a previous page of my narrative,
I have already quoted from his book account how “the stern and some
150 feet of the ship stood outlined against the star-specked sky,
looming black in the darkness, and in this position she continued for
some minutes--I think as much as five minutes, but it may have been
less.” Now, when I disappeared under the sea, sinking with the ship,
there is nothing more surely established in my testimony than that
about nine-sixteenths of the _Titanic_ was still out of the water, and
when my head reached the surface she had entirely disappeared.
The New York _Times_, of April 19, 1912, contained the story of Mr.
and Mrs. D. H. Bishop, first cabin passengers from Dowagiac, Michigan.
Their short account is one of the best I have read. As they wrote it
independently of Beesley’s account, and from a different point of
view, being in another lifeboat (No. 7, the first to leave the ship),
the following corroborative testimony, taken from their story, helps
to establish the truth:
“We did not begin to understand the situation till we were perhaps a
mile away from the _Titanic_. Then we could see the row of lights
along the deck begin to slant gradually upward from the bow. Very
slowly the lines of light began to point downward at a greater and
greater angle. The sinking was so slow that you could not perceive the
lights of the deck changing their position. The slant seemed to be
greater about every quarter of an hour. That was the only difference.
“In a couple of hours she began to go down more rapidly.... Suddenly
the ship seemed to shoot up out of the water and stand there
perpendicularly. It seemed to us that it stood _upright in the water
for four full minutes_.[3] Then it began to slide gently downwards.
Its speed increased as it went down head first, so that the stern shot
down with a rush.”
[3] Italics are mine.--Author.
Harold Bride, who was swept from the Boat Deck, held on to an oarlock
of the Engelhardt boat (which Clinch Smith and I had left a few
moments before, as has already been described). I have cited his
account of coming up under the boat and then clambering upon it. He
testifies to there being no suction and adds the following: “I
suppose I was 150 feet away when the _Titanic_, on her nose with her
after-quarter sticking straight up into the air, began to
settle--slowly. When at last the waves washed over her rudder, there
was not the least bit of suction I could feel. She must have kept
going just so slowly as she had been.” Second Officer Lightoller too,
in his conversation with me, verified his testimony before the Senate
Committee that, “The last boat, a flat collapsible (the Engelhardt) to
put off was the one on top of the officers’ quarters. Men jumped upon
it on deck and waited for the water to float it off. The forward
funnel fell into the water, just missing the raft (as he calls our
upset boat). The funnel probably killed persons in the water. This was
the boat I eventually got on. About thirty men clambered out of the
water on to it.”
Seventeen year old “Jack” Thayer was also on the starboard side of the
ship, and jumped from the rail before the Engelhardt boat was swept
from the Boat Deck by the “giant wave.” Young Thayer’s reported
description of this is as follows:
“I jumped out, feet first, went down, and as I came up I was pushed
away from the ship by some force. I was sucked down again, and as I
came up I was pushed out again and twisted around by a large wave,
coming up in the midst of a great deal of small wreckage. My hand
touched the canvas fender of an overturned lifeboat. I looked up and
saw some men on the top. One of them helped me up. In a short time the
bottom was covered with twenty-five or thirty men. The assistant
wireless operator (Bride) was right next to me holding on to me and
kneeling in the water.”
In my conversations with Thayer, Lightoller and others, it appears
that the funnel fell in the water between the Engelhardt boat and the
ship, washing the former further away from the _Titanic’s_ starboard
side.
Since the foregoing was written, the testimony before the United
States Senate Committee has been printed in pamphlet form, from which
I have been able to obtain other evidence, and particularly that of
Second Officer Lightoller in regard to the last quarter of an hour or
so on board the ship and up to the time we reached the upset boat. I
have also obtained and substantiated other evidence bearing upon the
same period. Mr. Lightoller testified as follows: “Half an hour, or
three quarters of an hour before I left the ship, when it was taking a
heavy list--not a heavy list--a list over to port, the order was
called, I think by the chief officer, ‘Everyone on the starboard side
to straighten her up,’ which I repeated. When I left the ship I saw no
women or children aboard whatever. All the boats on the port side
were lowered with the exception of one--the last boat, which was
stowed on top of the officers’ quarters. We had not time to launch it,
nor yet to open it. When all the other boats were away, I called for
men to go up there; told them to cut her adrift and throw her down. It
floated off the ship, and I understand the men standing on top, who
assisted to launch it down, jumped on to it as it was on the deck and
floated off with it. It was the collapsible type of boat, and the
bottom-up boat we eventually got on. When this lifeboat floated off
the ship, we were thrown off a couple of times. When I came to it, it
was bottom-up and there was no one on it. Immediately after finding
that overturned lifeboat, and when I came alongside of it, there were
quite a lot of us in the water around it preparatory to getting up on
it. Then the forward funnel fell down. It fell alongside of the
lifeboat about four inches clear of it on all the people there
alongside of the boat. Eventually, about thirty of us got on it: Mr.
Thayer, Bride, the second Marconi operator, and Col. Gracie. I think
all the rest were firemen taken out of the water.”
Compare this with the description given by J. Hagan in correspondence
which he began with me last May. J. Hagan is a poor chap, who
described himself in this correspondence as one who “was working my
passage to get to America for the first time,” and I am convinced that
he certainly earned it, and, moreover, was one of us on that upset
boat that night. His name does not appear on the list of the crew and
must not be confounded with “John Hagan, booked as fireman on the
steamer, who sailed for England April 20th on the _Lapland_,” whereas
our John Hagan was admitted to St. Vincent’s hospital on April 22nd.
In describing this period John Hagan says it was by the Captain’s
orders, when the ship was listing to port, that passengers were sent
to the starboard side to straighten the ship. He went half-way and
returned to where Lightoller was loading the last boat lowered.
Lightoller told him there was another boat on the roof of the
officers’ house if he cared to get it down. This was the Engelhardt
Boat B which, with three others, he could not open until assisted by
three more, and then they pushed it, upside down, on the Boat Deck
below. Hagan cut the string of the oars and was passing the first oar
down to the others, who had left him, when the boat floated into the
water, upside down. He jumped to the Boat Deck and into the water
after the boat and “clung to the tail end of the keel.” The ship was
shaking very much, part of it being under water. “On looking up at
it, I could see death in a minute for us as the forward funnel was
falling and it looked a certainty it would strike our boat and smash
it to pieces; but the funnel missed us about a yard, splashing our
boat thirty yards outward from the ship, and washing off several who
had got on when the boat first floated.” Hagan managed to cling to it
but got a severe soaking. The cries of distress that he heard near by
were an experience he can never forget. It appeared to him that the
flooring of the ship forward had broken away and was floating all
around. Some of the men on the upset boat made use of some pieces of
boarding for paddles with which to help keep clear of the ship.
John Collins, assistant cook on the _Titanic_, also gave his
interesting testimony before the Senate Committee. He appears to have
come on deck at the last moment on the starboard side and witnessed
the Engelhardt boat when it floated off into the sea, he being carried
off by the same wave when he was amidships on the bow as the ship
sank, and kept down under water for at least two or three minutes.
When he came up, he saw this boat again--the same boat on which he had
seen men working when the waves washed it off the deck, and the men
clinging to it. He was only about four or five yards off and swam over
to it and got on to it. He says he is sure there were probably
fifteen thereon at the time he got on. Those who were on the boat did
not help him to get on. They were watching the ship. After he got on
the boat, he did not see any lights on the _Titanic_, though the stern
of the ship was still afloat when he first reached the surface. He
accounts for the wave that washed him off amidships as due to the
suction which took place when the bow went down in the water and the
waves washed the decks clear. He saw a mass of people in the wreckage,
hundreds in number, and heard their awful cries.