Lord Cram and Lord Vultur.
Sir Brandish O'Cultur,
With Marshal Carouzer,
And old Lady Mouser.
BATH GUIDE.
The assembling of the passengers of a packet-ship is at all times a matter
of interest to the parties concerned. During the western passage in
particular, which can never safely be set down at less than a month, there
is the prospect of being shut up for the whole of that period, within the
narrow compass of a ship, with those whom chance has brought together,
influenced by all the accidents and caprices of personal character, and a
difference of nations, conditions in life, and education. The
quarter-deck, it is true, forms a sort of local distinction, and the poor
creatures in the steerage seem the rejected of Providence for the time
being; but all who know life will readily comprehend that the _pêle-mêle_
of the cabins can seldom offer anything very enticing to people of
refinement and taste. Against this evil, however, there is one particular
source of relief; most persons feeling a disposition to yield to the
circumstances in which they are placed, with the laudable and convenient
desire to render others comfortable, in order that they may be made
comfortable themselves.
A man of the world and a gentleman, Mr. Effingham had looked forward to
this passage with a good deal of concern, on account of his daughter,
while he shrank with the sensitiveness of his habits from the necessity of
exposing one of her delicacy and plastic simplicity to the intercourse of
a ship. Accompanied by Mademoiselle Viefville, watched over by Nanny, and
guarded by himself and his kinsman, he had lost some of his apprehensions
on the subject during the three probationary days, and now took his stand
in the centre of his own party to observe the new arrivals, with something
of the security of a man who is entrenched in his own door-way.
The place they occupied, at a window of the hurricane-house, did not admit
of a view of the water; but it was sufficiently evident from the
preparations in the gangway next the land, that boats were so near as to
render that unnecessary.
"_Genus_ cockney; _species_, bagman," muttered John Effingham, as the
first arrival touched the deck. "That worthy has merely exchanged the
basket of a coach for the deck of a packet; we may now learn the price
of buttons."
It did not require a naturalist to detect the species of the stranger, in
truth; though John Effingham had been a little more minute in his
description than was warranted by the fact. The person in question was one
of those mercantile agents that England scatters so profusely over the
world, some of whom have all the most sterling qualities of their nation,
though a majority, perhaps, are a little disposed to mistake the value of
other people as well as their own. This was the _genus_, as John Effingham
had expressed it; but the _species_ will best appear on dissection. The
master of the ship saluted this person cordially, and as an old
acquaintance, by the name of Monday.
"A _mousquetaire_ resuscitated," said Mademoiselle Viefville, in her
broken English, as one who had come in the same boat as the first-named,
thrust his whiskered and mustachoed visage above the rail of the gangway.
"More probably a barber, who has converted his own head into a wig-block,"
growled John Effingham.
"It cannot, surely, be Wellington in disguise!" added Mr. Effingham, with
a sarcasm of manner that was quite unusual for him.
"Or a peer of the realm in his robes!" whispered Eve, who was much amused
with the elaborate toilet of the subject of their remarks, who descended
the ladder supported by a sailor, and, after speaking to the master, was
formally presented to his late boat-companion, as Sir George Templemore.
The two bustled together about the quarter-deck for a few minutes, using
eye-glasses, which led them into several scrapes, by causing them to hit
their legs against sundry objects they might otherwise have avoided,
though both were much too high-bred to betray feelings--or fancied they
were, which answered the same purpose.
After these flourishes, the new comers descended to the cabin in company,
not without pausing to survey the party in the hurricane-house, more
especially Eve, who, to old Ann's great scandal, was the subject of their
manifest and almost avowed admiration and observation.
"One is rather glad to have such a relief against the tediousness of a
sea-passage," said Sir George as they went down the ladder. "No doubt you
are used to this sort of thing, Mr. Monday; but with me, it is voyage the
first,--that is, if I except the Channel and the seas one encounters in
making the usual run on the Continent."
"Oh, dear me! I go and come as regularly as the equinoxes, Sir George,
which you know is quite, in rule, once a year. I call my passages the
equinoxes, too, for I religiously make it a practice to pass just twelve
hours out of the twenty-four in my berth."
This was the last the party on deck heard of the opinions of the two
worthies, for the time being; nor would they have been favoured with all
this, had not Mr. Monday what he thought a rattling way with him, which
caused him usually to speak in an octave above every one else. Although
their voices were nearly mute, or rather lost to those above, they were
heard knocking about in their state-rooms; and Sir George, in particular,
as frequently called out for the steward, by the name of "Saunders," as
Mr. Monday made similar appeals to the steward's assistant for succour, by
the appropriate appellation of "Toast."
"I think we may safely claim this person, at least, for a countryman,"
said John Effingham: "he is what I have heard termed an American in a
European mask."
"The character is more ambitiously conceived than skilfully maintained,"
replied Eve, who had need of all her _retenue_ of manner to abstain from
laughing outright. "Were I to hazard a conjecture, it would be to describe
the gentleman as a collector of costumes, who had taken a fancy to exhibit
an assortment of his riches on his own person. Mademoiselle Viefville,
you, who so well understand costumes, may tell us from what countries the
separate parts of that attire have been collected?"
"I can answer for the shop in Berlin where the travelling cap was
purchased," returned the amused governess; "in no other part of the world
can a parallel be found."
"I should think, ma'am," put in Nanny, with the quiet simplicity of her
nature as well as of her habits, "that the gentleman must have bought his
boots in Paris, for they seem to pinch his feet, and all the Paris boots
and shoes pinch one's feet,--at least, all mine did."
"The watch-guard is stamped 'Geneva,'" continued Eve.
"The coat comes from Frankfort: _c'est une équivoque_."
"And the pipe from Dresden, Mademoiselle Viefville."
"The _conchiglia_ savours of Rome, and the little chain annexed bespeaks
the Rialto; while the _moustaches_ are anything but _indigènes_, and the
_tout ensemble_ the world: the man is travelled, at least."
Eve's eyes sparkled with humour as she said this: while the new passenger,
who had been addressed as Mr. Dodge, and as an old acquaintance also, by
the captain, came so near them as to admit of no further comments. A short
conversation between the two soon let the listeners into the secret that
the traveller had come from America in the spring, whither, after having
made the tour of Europe, he was about to return in the autumn.
"Seen enough, ha!" added the captain, with a friendly nod of the head,
when the other had finished a brief summary of his proceedings in the
eastern hemisphere. "All eyes, and no leisure or inclination for more?"
"I've seen as much as I _warnt_ to see," returned the traveller, with an
emphasis _on_, and a pronunciation _of_, the word we have italicised, that
cannot be committed to paper, but which were eloquence itself on the
subject of self-satisfaction and self-knowledge.
"Well, that is the main point. When a man has got all he wants of a thing,
any addition is like over-ballast. Whenever I can get fifteen knots out of
the ship, I make it a point to be satisfied, especially under close-reefed
topsails and on a taut bowline."
The traveller and the master nodded their heads at each other, like men
who understood more than they expressed; when the former, after inquiring
with marked interest if his room-mate, Sir George Templemore, had arrived,
went below. An intercourse of three days had established something like an
acquaintance between the latter and the passengers she had brought from
the River, and turning his red quizzical face towards the ladies, he
observed with inimitable gravity,
"There is nothing like understanding when one has enough, even if it be of
knowledge. I never yet met with the navigator who found two 'noons' in the
same day, that he was not in danger of shipwreck. Now I dare say, Mr.
Dodge there, who has just gone below, has, as he says, seen all he
_warnts_ to see, and it is quite likely he knows more already than he can
cleverly get along with.--Let the people be getting the booms on the
yards, Mr. Leach; we shall be _warnting_ to spread our wings before the
end of the passage."
As Captain Truck, though he often swore, seldom laughed, his mate gave the
necessary order with a gravity equal to that with which it had been
delivered to him; and even the sailors went aloft to execute it with
greater alacrity for an indulgence of humour that was peculiar to their
trade, and which, as few understood it so well, none enjoyed so much as
themselves. As the homeward-bound crew was the same as the outward-bound,
and Mr. Dodge had come abroad quite as green as he was now going home
ripe, this traveller of six months' finish did not escape diver
commentaries that literally cut him up "from clew to ear-ring," and which
flew about in the rigging much as active birds flutter from branch to
branch in a tree. The subject of all this wit, however, remained
profoundly, not to say happily, ignorant of the sensation he had produced,
being occupied in disposing of the Dresden pipe, the Venetian chain, and
the Roman _conchiglia_ in his state-room, and in "instituting an
acquaintance," as he expressed it, with his room-mate, Sir George
Templemore.
"We must surely have something better than this," observed Mr. Effingham,
"for I observed that two of the state-rooms in the main cabin are
taken singly."
In order that the general reader may understand this, it may be well to
explain that the packet-ships have usually two berths in each state-room,
but they who can afford to pay an extra charge are permitted to occupy the
little apartment singly. It is scarcely necessary to add, that persons of
gentlemanly feeling, when circumstances will at all permit, prefer
economising in other things in order to live by themselves for the month
usually consumed in the passage, since in nothing is refinement more
plainly exhibited than in the reserve of personal habits.
"There is no lack of vulgar fools stirring with full pockets," rejoined
John Effingham; "the two rooms you mention may have been taken by some
'yearling' travellers, who are little better than the semi-annual _savant_
who has just passed us."
"It is at least _something_, cousin Jack, to have the wishes of a
gentleman."
"It _is something_, Eve, though it end in wishes, or even in caricature."
"What are the names?" pleasantly asked Mademoiselle Viefville; "the
_names_ may be a clue to the characters."
"The papers pinned to the bed-curtains bear the antithetical titles of Mr.
Sharp and Mr. Blunt; though it is quite probable the first is wanting of a
letter or two by accident, and the last is merely a synonyme of the old
_nom de guerre_ 'Cash.'"
"Do persons, then, actually travel with borrowed names, in our days?"
asked Eve, with a little of the curiosity of the common mother whose
name she bore.
"That do they, and with borrowed money too, as well as in other days. I
dare say, however, these two co-voyagers of ours will come just as they
are, in truth, Sharp enough, and Blunt enough."
"Are they Americans, think you?"
"They ought to be; both the qualities being thoroughly _indigènes_, as
Mademoiselle Viefville would say."
"Nay, cousin John, I will bandy words with you no longer; for the last
twelve months you have done little else than try to lessen the joyful
anticipations with which I return to the home of my childhood."
"Sweet one, I would not willingly lessen one of thy young and generous
pleasures by any of the alloy of my own bitterness; but what wilt thou? A
little preparation for that which is as certain to follow as that the sun
succeeds the dawn, will rather soften the disappointment thou art
doomed to feel."
Eve had only time to cast a look of affectionate gratitude towards
him,--for whilst he spoke tauntingly, he spoke with a feeling that her
experience from childhood had taught her to appreciate,--ere the arrival
of another boat drew the common attention to the gangway. A call from the
officer in attendance had brought the captain to the rail; and his order
"to pass in the luggage of Mr. Sharp and Mr. Blunt," was heard by
all near.
"Now for _les indigènes_," whispered Mademoiselle Viefville, with the
nervous excitement that is a little apt to betray a lively expectation in
the gentler sex.
Eve smiled, for there are situations in which trifles help to awaken
interest, and the little that had just passed served to excite curiosity
in the whole party. Mr. Effingham thought it a favourable symptom that the
master, who had had interviews with all his passengers in London, walked
to the gangway to receive the new-comers; for a boat-load of the
quarter-deck _oi polloi_ had come on board a moment before without any
other notice on his part than a general bow, with the usual order to
receive their effects.
"The delay denotes Englishmen," the caustic John had time to throw in,
before the silent arrangement at the gangway was interrupted by the
appearance of the passengers.
The quiet smile of Mademoiselle Viefville, as the two travellers appeared
on deck, denoted approbation, for her practised eye detected at a glance,
that both were certainly gentlemen. Women are more purely creatures of
convention in their way than men, their education inculcating nicer
distinctions and discriminations than that of the other sex; and Eve, who
would have studied Sir George Templemore and Mr. Dodge as she would have
studied the animals of a caravan, or as creatures with whom she had no
affinities, after casting a sly look of curiosity at the two who now
appeared on deck, unconsciously averted her eyes like a well-bred young
person in a drawing-room.
"They are indeed English," quietly remarked Mr. Effingham; "but, out of
question English gentlemen."
"The one nearest appears to me to be Continental," answered Mademoiselle
Viefville who had not felt the same impulse to avert her look as Eve; "he
is _jamais Anglais_!"
Eve stole a glance in spite of herself, and, with the intuitive
penetration of a woman, intimated that she had come to the same
conclusion. The two strangers were both tall, and decidedly gentleman-like
young men, whose personal appearance would cause either to be remarked.
The one whom the captain addressed as Mr. Sharp had the most youthful
look, his complexion being florid, and his hair light; though the other
was altogether superior in outline of features as well as in expression;
indeed, Mademoiselle Viefville fancied she never saw a sweeter smile than
that he gave on returning the salute of the deck; there was more than the
common expression of suavity and of the usual play of features in it, for
it struck her as being thoughtful and as almost melancholy. His companion
was gracious in his manner, and perfectly well toned; but his demeanour
had less of the soul of the man about it, partaking more of the training
of the social caste to which it belonged. These may seem to be nice
distinctions for the circumstances; but Mademoiselle Viefville had passed
her life in good company, and under responsibilities that had rendered
observation and judgment highly necessary, and particularly observations
of the other sex.
Each of the strangers had a servant; and while their luggage was passed
up from the boat, they walked aft nearer to the hurricane-house,
accompanied by the captain. Every American, who is not very familiar with
the world appears to possess the mania of introducing. Captain Truck was
no exception to the rule; for, while he was perfectly acquainted with a
ship, and knew the etiquette of the quarter-deck to a hair, he got into
blue water the moment he approached the finesse of deportment. He was
exactly of that school of _élégants_ who fancy drinking a glass of wine
with another, and introducing, are touches of breeding; it being
altogether beyond his comprehension that both have especial uses, and are
only to be resorted to on especial occasions. Still, the worthy master,
who had begun life on the forecastle, without any previous knowledge of
usages, and who had imbibed the notion that "manners make the man," taken
in the narrow sense of the axiom, was a devotee of what he fancied to be
good breeding, and one of his especial duties, as he imagined, in order to
put his passengers at their ease, was to introduce them to each other; a
proceeding which, it is hardly necessary to say, had just a contrary
effect with the better class of them.
"You are acquainted, gentlemen?" he said, as the three approached the
party in the hurricane-house.
The two travellers endeavoured to look interested, while Mr. Sharp
carelessly observed that they had met for the first time in the boat. This
was delightful intelligence to Captain Truck, who did not lose a moment in
turning it to account. Stopping short, he faced his companions, and, with
a solemn wave of the hand, he went through the ceremonial in which he most
delighted, and in which he piqued himself at being an adept.
"Mr. Sharp, permit me to introduce you to Mr. Blunt--Mr. Blunt, let me
make you acquainted with Mr. Sharp."
The gentlemen, though taken a little by surprise at the dignity and
formality of the captain, touched their hands civilly to each other, and
smiled. Eve, not a little amused at the scene, watched the whole
procedure; and then she too detected the sweet melancholy of the one
expression and the marble-like irony of the other. It may have been this
that caused her to start, though almost imperceptibly, and to colour.
"Our turn will come next," muttered John Effingham: "get the grimaces
ready."
His conjecture was right; for, hearing his voice without understanding the
words, the captain followed up his advantage to his own infinite
gratification.
"Gentlemen,--Mr. Effingham, Mr. John Effingham"--(every one soon came to
make this distinction in addressing the cousins)--"Miss Effingham,
Mademoiselle Viefville:--Mr. Sharp, Mr. Blunt,--ladies;--gentlemen, Mr.
Blunt, Mr. Sharp."
The dignified bow of Mr. Effingham, as well as the faint and distant smile
of Eve, would have repelled any undue familiarity in men of less tone than
either of the strangers, both of whom received the unexpected honour like
those who felt themselves to be intruders. As Mr. Sharp raised his hat to
Eve, however, he held it suspended a moment above his head, and then
dropping his arm to its full length, he bowed with profound respect,
though distantly. Mr. Blunt was less elaborate in his salute, but as
pointed as the circumstances at all required. Both gentlemen were a little
struck with the distant hauteur of John Effingham, whose bow, while it
fulfilled all the outward forms, was what Eve used laughingly to term
"imperial." The bustle of preparation, and the certainty that there would
be no want of opportunities to renew the intercourse, prevented more than
the general salutations, and the new-comers descended to their
state-rooms.
"Did you remark the manner in which those people took my introduction?"
asked Captain Truck of his chief mate, whom he was training up in the ways
of packet-politeness, as one in the road of preferment. "Now, to my
notion, they might have shook hands at least. That's what I call
_Vattel_."
"One sometimes falls in with what are _rum_ chaps," returned the other,
who, from following the London trade, had caught a few cockneyisms. "If a
man chooses to keep his hands in the beckets, why let him, say I; but I
take it as a slight to the company to sheer out of the usual track in
such matters."
"I was thinking as much myself; but after all, what can packet-masters do
in such a case? We can set luncheon and dinner before the passengers, but
we can't make them eat. Now, my rule is, when a gentleman introduces me,
to do the thing handsomely, and to return shake for shake, if it is three
times three; but as for a touch of the beaver, it is like setting a
top-gallant sail in passing a ship at sea, and means just nothing at all.
Who would know a vessel because he has let run his halyards and swayed the
yard up again? One would do as much to a Turk for manners' sake. No, no!
there is something in this, and, d--- me, just to make sure of it, the
first good opportunity that offers, I'll--ay, I'll just introduce them all
over again!--Let the people ship their hand-spikes, Mr. Leach, and heave in
the slack of the chain.--Ay, ay! I'll take an opportunity when all hands
are on deck, and introduce them, ship-shape, one by one, as your
greenhorns go through a lubber's-hole, or we shall have no friendship
during the passage."
The mate nodded approbation, as if the other had hit upon the right
expedient, and then he proceeded to obey the orders, while the cares of
his vessel soon drove the subject temporarily from the mind of his
commander.