about to write. I was, as I have said, the instructor of your choice.
When I had yet remained neglected in the world, when my honours were
withered by the hand of poverty, when my blossoms appeared in the eyes
of those who saw me of the most brown and wintery complexion, and, if
your lordship will allow me to finish the metaphor, when I stank in
their noses, it was then that your lordship remarked and distinguished
me. Your bounty it was that first revived my native pride. It is true
that it ran in a little dribbling rivulet, but still it was much to me.
Even before you were able to afford me any real assistance, you were
always ready to offer me a corner of your gingerbread, or a marble from
your hoard. Your lordship had at all times a taste for sumptuousness and
magnificence, but you knew how to limit your natural propensity in
consideration of the calls of affinity, and to give your farthings to
your friends.
Do not then, my dear lord, belie the first and earliest sentiments of
your heart. As you have ever heard me, let your attention be tripled
now. Read my letter once and again. Preserve it as a sacred deposit. Lay
it under your pillow. Meditate upon it fasting. Commit it to memory, and
repeat the scattered parcels of it, as Caesar is said to have done the
Greek alphabet, to cool your rising choler. Be this the amulet to
preserve you from danger! Be this the chart by which to steer the little
skiff of your political system safe into the port of historic
immortality!
My lord, you and I have read Machiavel together. It is true I am but a
bungler in Italian, and your lordship was generally obliged to interpret
for me. Your translation I dare say was always scientifical, but I was
seldom so happy as to see either grammar or sense in it. So far however
as I can guess at the drift of this celebrated author, he seems to have
written as the professor of only one science. He has treated of the art
of government, and has enquired what was wise, and what was political.
He has left the moralists to take care of themselves.
In the present essay, my lord, I shall follow the example of Machiavel.
I profess the same science, and I pretend only to have carried to much
greater heights an art to which he has given a considerable degree of
perfection. Your lordship has had a great number of masters. Your
excellent father, who himself had some dabbling in politics, spared no
expence upon your education, though I believe he had by no means so high
an opinion of your genius and abilities as I entertained. Your lordship
therefore is to be presumed competently versed in the rudiments of
ethics. You have read Grotius, Puffendorf, and Cumberland. For my part I
never opened a volume of any one of them. I am self-taught. My science
originates entirely in my unbounded penetration, and a sort of divine
and supernatural afflatus. With all this your lordship knows I am a
modest man. I have never presumed to entrench upon the province of
others. Let the professors of ethics talk their nonsense. I will not
interrupt them. I will not endeavour to set your lordship against them.
It is necessary for me to take politics upon an unlimited scale, and to
suppose that a statesman has no character to preserve but that of
speciousness and plausibility. But it is your lordship's business to
enquire whether this be really the case.
I need not tell you, that I shall not, like the political writers with
which you are acquainted, talk in the air. My instructions will be of a
practical nature, and my rules adapted to the present condition of the
English government. That government is at present considerably, though
imperfectly, a system of liberty. To such a system the most essential
maxim is, that the governors shall be accountable and amenable to the
governed. This principle has sometimes been denominated responsibility.
Responsibility in a republican government is carried as high as
possible. In a limited monarchy it stops at the first ministers, the
immediate servants of the crown. Now to this system nothing can be more
fatal, than for the public measures not really to originate with
administration, but with secret advisers who cannot be traced. This is
to cut all the nerves of government, to loosen all the springs of
liberty, to make the constitution totter to its lowest foundations.
I say this, my lord, not to terrify your lordship. The students and the
imitators of Machiavel must not be frightened with bugbears. Beside,
were cowardice as congenial to the feelings of your lordship as I
confess it has sometimes been to mine, cowardice itself is not so apt to
be terrified with threats hung up _in terrorem_, and menaces of a vague
and general nature. It trembles only at a danger definite and impending.
It is the dagger at the throat, it is the pistol at the breast, that
shakes her nerves. Prudence is alarmed at a distance, and calls up all
her exertion. But cowardice is short-sighted, and was never productive
of any salutary effort. I say not this therefore to intimidate, but to
excite you. I would teach you, that this is a most important step
indeed, is the grand _desideratum_ in order to exalt the English
monarchy to a par with the glorious one of France, or any other absolute
monarchy in Christendom.
In order, my lord, to annihilate responsibility, nothing more is
necessary than that every individual should be as free, and as much in
the habit of advising the king upon the measures of government, as his
ministers. Let every discarded, and let every would-be statesman, sow
dissension in the royal councils, and pour the poison of his discontent
into the royal ear. Let the cabinet ring with a thousand jarring
sentiments; and let the subtlest courtier, let him that is the most
perfect master of wheedling arts and pathetic tones, carry it from every
rival. This, my lord, will probably create some confusion at first. The
system of government will appear, not a regular and proportioned beauty,
like the pheasant of India, but a gaudy and glaring system of
unconnected parts, like Esop's daw with borrowed feathers. Anarchy and
darkness will be the original appearance. But light shall spring out of
the noon of night; harmony and order shall succeed the chaos. The
present patchwork of three different forms of government shall be
changed into one simple and godlike system of despotism. Thus, when
London was burned, a more commodious and healthful city sprung as it
were out of her ashes.
But neither Rome nor London was built in a day. The glorious work I am
recommending to you must be a work of time. At first it will be
necessary for the person who would subvert the silly system of English
government, to enter upon his undertaking with infinite timidity and
precaution. He must stalk along in silence like Tarquin to the rape of
Lucretia. His horses, like those of Lear, must be shoed with felt. He
must shroud himself in the thickest shade. Let him comfort himself with
this reflexion:
"It is but for a time. It will soon be over. No work of mortal hands can
long stand against concussions so violent. Ulysses, who entered Troy,
shut up in the cincture of the wooden horse, shall soon burst the
enclosure, shall terrify those from whose observation he lately shrunk,
and carry devastation and ruin on whatever side he turns."
My lord, I have considered the subject of politics with as much
acuteness as any man. I have revolved a thousand schemes, which to
recommend to the pursuit of the statesman of my own creation. But there
is no plan of action that appears to me half so grand and comprehensive,
as this of _secret influence_. It is true the scheme is not entirely
new. It has been a subject of discussion ever since the English nation
could boast any thing like a regular system of liberty. It was
complained of under king William. It was boasted of, even to
ostentation, by the Tory ministers of queen Anne. The Pelhams cried out
upon it in lord Carteret. It has been the business of half the history
of the present reign to fix the charge upon my lord Bute.
And yet in spite of these appearances, in spite of all the deductions
that modesty can authorise, I may boldly affirm that my scheme has
something in it that is truly original. My lord, I would not have you
proceed by leaps and starts, like these half-fledged statesmen. I would
have you proceed from step to step in a finished and faultless plan. I
have too an improvement without which the first step is of no value,
which yet has seldom been added, which at first sight has a very daring
appearance, but which I pretend to teach your lordship to practice with
perfect safety. But it is necessary for me, before I come to this grand
_arcanum_ of my system, to premise a few observations for the more
accurately managing the influence itself.
My lord, there are a variety of things necessary to absolute secrecy.
There is nothing more inconvenient to a political character than that
gross and unmanageable quantity of flesh and blood that fortune has
decreed that every mortal should carry about with him. The man who is
properly initiated in the _arcana_ of a closet, ought to be able to
squeeze himself through a key hole, and, whenever any impertinent
Marplot appears to blast him, to change this unwieldy frame into the
substance of the viewless winds. How often must a theoretical statesman
like myself, have regretted that incomparable invention, the ring of
Gyges! How often must he have wished to be possessed of one of those
diabolical forms, described by Milton, which now were taller than the
pole, and anon could shrink into the compass of an atom!
But I forget the characteristic of my profession. It is not ours, my
lord, to live in air-built castles, and to deal in imaginary hypotheses.
On the contrary, we are continually talking of the weakness and the
frailty of humanity. Does any man impeach one of our body of bribery and
corruption? We confess that these practices may seem to run counter with
the fine-spun systems of morality; but this is our constant apology,
human affairs can be no otherwise managed. Does any man suggest the most
beautiful scheme of oeconomy, or present us with the most perfect model
of liberty? We turn away with a sneer, and tell him that all this is
plausible and pretty; but that we do not concern ourselves with any
thing but what is practicable.
In conformity to these ideas, I beg leave, my lord, to recal the
fantastic wishes that have just escaped me. To be corporeal is our
irrevocable fate, and we will not waste our time in fruitlessly accusing
it. My lord, I have one or two little expedients to offer to you, which,
though they do not amount to a perfect remedy in this case, will yet, I
hope, prove a tolerable substitute for those diabolical forms of which I
was talking.
I need not put your lordship in mind how friendly to such practices as
ours, is the cover of darkness, and how convenient those little machines
commonly called back-stairs. I dare say even your lordship, however
inconsequently you may often conduct yourself, would scarcely think of
mid-day as the most proper season of concealment, or the passing through
a crowded levee, the most natural method of entering the royal closet
unobserved.
But, my lord, you will please to recollect, that there are certain
attendants upon the person of the sovereign whom I find classed in that
epitome of political wisdom, the Red Book, under the name of pages. Most
wise is the institution, (and your lordship will observe that I am not
now deviating into the regions of fable) which is common to all the
Eastern courts, of having these offices filled by persons, who, upon
peril of their life, may not, in any circumstances whatsoever, utter a
word. But unfortunately in the western climates in which we reside, the
thing is otherwise. The institution of mutes is unknown to us. The lips
of our pages have never been inured to the wholesome discipline of the
padlock. They are as loquacious, and blab as much as other men. You
know, my lord, that I am fond of illustrating the principles I lay down
by the recital of facts. The last, and indeed the only time that I ever
entered the metropolis, I remember, as my barber was removing the hair
from my nether lip:--My barber had all that impertinent
communicativeness that is incident to the gentlemen of his profession;
he assured me, that he had seen that morning one of the pages of the
back-stairs, who declared to him, upon the word of a man of honour, that
he had that moment admitted a certain nobleman by a private door to the
presence of his master; that the face of the noble lord was perfectly
familiar to him, and that he had let him in some fifty times in the
course of the past six months.
"How silly is all this!" added the page; "and how glad should I be",
licking his lips, "that it were but an opera girl or a countess! And yet
my mistress is the very best mistress that ever I see!" _Oh this was
poor, and showed a pitiful ambition__ in the man that did it!_ I will
swear, my lord, that the nobleman who could thus have been betrayed,
must have been a thick-headed fellow, and fit for no one public office,
not even for that of _turnspit of his majesty's kitchen_![A]
[Footnote A: Vide Burke's Speech upon Oeconomy. ]
My lord, if you would escape that rock, upon which this statesman
terminated his political career, ever while you live make use of
bribery. Let the pages finger your cash, let them drink your health in a
glass of honest claret, and let them chuckle over the effects of your
lordship's munificence. I know that you will pour forth many a pathetic
complaint over the money that is drawn off by this copious receiver, but
believe the wisest man that now exists, when he assures you, that it is
well bestowed. Your lordship's bounty to myself has sometimes amounted
to near ten pounds in the course of a twelvemonth. That drain, my lord,
is stopped. I shall receive from you no more. Let then the expence,
which you once incurred for my sake, be henceforth diverted to this
valuable purpose.
I believe, my lord, that this is all the improvement that can be made
upon the head of pages. I think we can scarcely venture upon the
expedient that would otherwise be admirable, of these interviews being
carried on without the intervention of any such impertinent fellows,
from whom one is ever in danger, without the smallest notice, of having
it published at St. James's-Market, and proclaimed from the statue at
Charing-Cross. If however you should think this expedient adviseable, I
would recommend it to you not to mention it to your gracious master.
Courts are so incumbered and hedged in with ceremony, that the members
of them are always prone to imagine that the form is more essential and
indispensable, than the substance. Suppose then, my lord, you were, by
one of those sly opportunities, which you know so well how to command,
to take off the key in wax, and get a picklock key made exactly upon the
model of it. The end, my lord, take my word for it, would abundantly
sanctify the apparent sordidness of the means. In this situation I
cannot help picturing to myself the surprise and the joy, that would be
in a moment lighted up in the countenance of your friend. Your
rencounter would be as unexpected and fortunate as that of Lady Randolph
and her son, when she fears every moment to have him murdered by
Glenalvon. You would fly into each others arms, and almost smother one
another in your mutual embrace.
But another thing that is abundantly worthy of your lordship's
attention, is the subject of disguises and dark lanthorns. Harley,
afterwards earl of Oxford, was in the practice, if I remember right, for
it is some time since I read Dr. Swift's political pamphlets, of
crossing the park in a horseman's coat. But this is too shallow and thin
a disguise. A mask, on the other hand, might perhaps be too particular.
Though indeed at midnight, which is the only time that I would recommend
to your lordship in which to approach within a hundred yards of the
palace, it might probably pass without much observation. A slouched hat,
and a bob wig, your lordship may at any time venture upon. But there is
nothing that is of so much importance in this affair as variety. I would
sometimes put on the turban of a Turk, and sometimes the half breeches
of a Highlander. I would sometimes wear the lawn sleeves of a bishop,
and sometimes the tye-wig of a barrister. A leathern apron and a trowel
might upon occasion be of sovereign efficacy. The long beard and
neglected dress of a Shylock should be admitted into the list. I would
also occasionally lay aside the small clothes, and assume the dress of a
woman. I would often trip it along with the appearance and gesture of a
spruce milliner; and I would often stalk with the solemn air and
sweeping train of a duchess. But of all the infinite shapes of human
dress, I must confess that, my favourite is the kind of doublet that
prince Harry wore when he assaulted Falstaff. The nearer it approaches
to the guise of a common carman the better, and his long whip ought to
be inseparable. If you could add to it the sooty appearance of a
coal-heaver, or a chimney-sweep, it would sit, upon this more precious
than velvet garb, like spangles and lace. I need not add, that to a mind
of elegance and sensibility, the emblematical allusion which this dress
would carry to the secrecy and impenetrableness of the person that wears
it, must be the source of a delightful and exquisite sensation.
And now, my lord, for the last head, which it is necessary to mention
under this division of my subject, I mean that of lanthorns. Twenty
people, I doubt not, whom your lordship might consult upon this
occasion, would advise you to go without any lanthorn at all. Beware of
this, my lord. It is a rash and a thoughtless advice. It may possibly be
a false and insidious one. Your lordship will never think of going
always in the same broad and frequented path. Many a causeway you will
have to cross, many a dark and winding alley to tread. Suppose, my lord,
the pavement were to be torn up, and your lordship were to break your
shin! Suppose a drain were to have been opened in the preceding day,
without your knowing any thing of the matter, and your lordship were to
break your neck! Suppose, which is more terrible than all the rest, you
were to set your foot upon that which I dare not name, and by offending
the olfactory nerves of majesty, you were to forfeit his affections for
ever!
So much, my lord, by way of declamation against the abolition of
lanthorns. Your lordship however does not imagine I shall say any thing
upon affairs so common as the glass lanthorn, the horn lanthorn, and the
perforated tin lanthorn. This last indeed is most to my purpose, but it
will not do, my lord, it will not do. There is a kind of lanthorns, your
lordship has seen them, that have one side dark, and the other light. I
remember to have observed your lordship for half a day together, poring
over the picture of Guy Faux, in the Book of Martyrs. This was one of
the early intimations which my wisdom enabled me to remark of the
destination which nature had given you. You know, my lord, that the
possessor of this lanthorn can turn it this way and that, as he pleases.
He can contrive accurately to discern the countenance of every other
person, without being visible himself. I need not enlarge to your
lordship upon the admirable uses of this machine. I will only add, that
my very dear and ever-lamented friend Mr. Pinchbeck, effected before he
died an improvement upon it so valuable, that it cannot but preserve his
name from that oblivious power, by which common names are devoured. In
his lanthorn, the shade, which used to be inseparable, may be taken away
at the possessor's pleasure, like the head of a whisky, and it may
appear to all intents and purposes one of the common vehicles of the
kind. He had also a contrivance, never to be sufficiently commended,
that when the snuff of the candle had attained a certain length, it
moved a kind of automatic pair of snuffers that hung within side, and
amputated itself. He left me two of these lanthorns as a legacy. Such is
my value for your lordship, that I have wrought myself up to a
resolution of parting with one of them in your lordship's favour. You
will receive it in four days from the date of this by Gines's waggon,
that puts up in Holborn.
But, my lord, there is a second object of consideration still more
important than this. It is in vain for your lordship, or any other
person, to persuade the sovereign against any of the measures of his
government, unless you can add to this the discovery of those new
sentiments you have instilled, to all such as it may concern. It is the
business of every Machiavelian minister, such as your lordship, both
from nature and choice, is inclined to be, to prop the cause of
despotism. In order to this, the dignity of the sovereign is not to be
committed, but exalted. To bring forward the royal person to put a
negative upon any bill in parliament, is a most inartificial mode of
proceeding. It marks too accurately the strides of power, and awakens
too pointedly the attention of the multitude. Your lordship has heard
that the house of lords is the barrier between the king and the people.
There is a sense of this phrase, of which I am wonderfully fond. The
dissemination of the royal opinion will at any time create a majority in
that house, to divert the odium from the person of the monarch.
Twenty-two bishops, thirteen lords of the bed-chamber, and all the
rabble of household troops, will at any time compose an army. They may
not indeed cover an acre of ground, nor would I advise your lordship to
distribute them into a great number of regiments. Their countenances are
not the most terrific that were ever beheld, and it might be proper to
officer them with persons of more sagacity than themselves. But under
all this meekness of appearance, and innocence of understanding, believe
me, my lord, they are capable of keeping at bay the commons and the
people of England united in one cause, for a considerable time. They
have been too long at the beck of a minister, not to be somewhat callous
in their feelings. And they are too numerous, not to have shoulders
capacious enough to bear all the obloquy, with which their conduct may
be attended.
But then, my lord, as I would not recommend it to you to bring into
practice the royal negative, so neither perhaps would it be advisable
for the sovereign, to instruct those lords immediately attendant upon
him, in person. Kings, you are not to be informed, are to be managed and
humoured by those that would win their confidence. If your lordship
could invent a sort of down, more soft and yielding than has yet been
employed, it might be something. But to point out to your master, that
he must say this, and write that, that he must send for one man, and
break with another, is an unpleasant and ungrateful office. It must be
your business to take the burden from his shoulders. You must smooth the
road you would have him take, and strew with flowers the path of ruin.
If he favour your schemes with a smile of approbation, if he bestow upon
your proceedings the sanction of a nod, it is enough. It is godlike
fortitude, and heroic exertion.
But secrecy is the very essence of deep and insidious conduct. I would
advise your lordship to bring even your own name into question, as
little as possible. My lord Chesterfield compares a statesman, who has
been celebrated for influence during the greatest part of the present
reign, to the ostrich. The brain of an ostrich, your lordship will
please to observe, though he be the largest of birds, may very easily be
included in the compass of a nut-shell. When pursued by the hunters, he
is said to bury his head in the sand, and having done this, to imagine
that he cannot be discovered by the keenest search. Do not you, my lord,
imitate the manners of the ostrich. Believe me, they are ungraceful;
and, if maturely considered, will perhaps appear to be a little silly.