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No. 377. Tuesday, May 13, 1712. Addison.
'Quid quisque vitet, nunquam homini satis
Cautum est in horas--'
Hor.
Love was the Mother of Poetry, and still produces, among the most
ignorant and barbarous, a thousand imaginary Distresses and Poetical
Complaints. It makes a Footman talk like Oroondates, and converts a
brutal Rustick into a gentle Swain. The most ordinary Plebeian or
Mechanick in Love, bleeds and pines away with a certain Elegance and
Tenderness of Sentiments which this Passion naturally inspires.
These inward Languishings of a Mind infected with this Softness, have
given birth to a Phrase which is made use of by all the melting Tribe,
from the highest to the lowest, I mean that of dying for Love.
Romances, which owe their very Being to this Passion, are full of these
metaphorical Deaths. Heroes and Heroines, Knights, Squires, and Damsels,
are all of them in a dying Condition. There is the same kind of
Mortality in our Modern Tragedies, where every one gasps, faints, bleeds
and dies. Many of the Poets, to describe the Execution which is done by
this Passion, represent the Fair Sex as Basilisks that destroy with
their Eyes; but I think Mr. Cowley has with greater Justness of Thought
compared a beautiful Woman to a Porcupine, that sends an Arrow from
every Part. [1]
I have often thought, that there is no way so effectual for the Cure of
this general Infirmity, as a Man's reflecting upon the Motives that
produce it. When the Passion proceeds from the Sense of any Virtue or
Perfection in the Person beloved, I would by no means discourage it; but
if a Man considers that all his heavy Complaints of Wounds and Deaths
rise from some little Affectations of Coquetry, which are improved into
Charms by his own fond Imagination, the very laying before himself the
Cause of his Distemper, may be sufficient to effect the Cure of it.
It is in this view that I have looked over the several Bundles of
Letters which I have received from Dying People, and composed out of
them the following Bill of Mortality, which I shall lay before my Reader
without any further Preface, as hoping that it may be useful to him in
discovering those several Places where there is most Danger, and those
fatal Arts which are made use of to destroy the Heedless and Unwary.
Lysander, slain at a Puppet-show on the third of September.
Thirsis, shot from a Casement in Pickadilly.
T. S., wounded by Zehinda's Scarlet Stocking, as she was
stepping out of a Coach.
Will. Simple, smitten at the Opera by the Glance of an Eye that was
aimed at one who stood by him.
Tho. Vainlove, lost his Life at a Ball.
Tim. Tattle, kill'd by the Tap of a Fan on his left Shoulder by
Coquetilla, as he was talking carelessly with her in a
Bow-window.
Sir Simon Softly, murder'd at the Play-house in Drury-lane by a Frown.
Philander, mortally wounded by Cleora, as she was adjusting her
Tucker.
Ralph Gapely, Esq., hit by a random Shot at the Ring.
F. R., caught his Death upon the Water, April the 31st.
W. W., killed by an unknown Hand, that was playing with the
Glove off upon the Side of the Front-Box in Drury-Lane.
Sir Christopher Crazy, Bart.,
hurt by the Brush of a Whalebone Petticoat.
Sylvius, shot through the Sticks of a Fan at St. James's Church.
Damon, struck thro' the Heart by a Diamond Necklace.
Thomas Trusty,
Francis Goosequill,
William Meanwell,
Edward Callow, Esqrs.,
standing in a Row, fell all four at the same time, by an
Ogle of the Widow Trapland.
Tom. Rattle, chancing to tread upon a Lady's Tail as he came out of
the Play-house, she turned full upon him, and laid him
dead upon the Spot.
Dick Tastewell, slain by a Blush from the Queen's Box in the third Act
of the Trip to the Jubilee.
Samuel Felt, Haberdasher,
wounded in his Walk to Islington by Mrs. Susannah
Crossstich, as she was clambering over a Stile.
R. F.,
T. W.,
S. I.,
M. P., &c., put to Death in the last Birth-Day Massacre.
Roger Blinko, cut off in the Twenty-first Year of his Age by a
White-wash.
Musidorus, slain by an Arrow that flew out of a Dimple in Belinda's
Left Cheek.
Ned Courtly presenting Flavia with her Glove (which she had dropped
on purpose) she receivd it, and took away his Life with a
Curtsie.
John Gosselin having received a slight Hurt from a Pair of blue Eyes,
as he was making his Escape was dispatch'd by a Smile.
Strephon, killed by Clarinda as she looked down into the Pit.
Charles Careless,
shot flying by a Girl of Fifteen, who unexpectedly popped
her Head upon him out of a Coach.
Josiah Wither, aged threescore and three, sent to his long home by
Elizabeth Jet-well, Spinster.
Jack Freelove, murderd by Melissa in her Hair.
William Wiseaker, Gent.,
drown'd in a Flood of Tears by Moll Common.
John Pleadwell, Esq., of the Middle Temple, Barrister at Law,
assassinated in his Chambers the sixth Instant by Kitty Sly, who
pretended to come to him for his Advice.