Your wife says to you last of all: "In bed."

You were on the point of guessing it, but you know no word that fits

this answer, Madame Deschars not being likely to have allowed anything

improper.

"What do you do with it?"

"I make it my sole happiness," says your wife, after the answers of

all the rest, who have sent you spinning through a whole world of

linguistic suppositions.

This response strikes everybody, and you especially; so you persist in

seeking the meaning of it. You think of the bottle of hot water that

your wife has put to her feet when it is cold,--of the warming pan,

above all! Now of her night-cap,--of her handkerchief,--of her curling

paper,--of the hem of her chemise,--of her embroidery,--of her flannel

jacket,--of your bandanna,--of the pillow.

In short, as the greatest pleasure of the respondents is to see their

Oedipus mystified, as each word guessed by you throws them into fits

of laughter, superior men, perceiving no word that will fit all the

explanations, will sooner give it up than make three unsuccessful

attempts. According to the law of this innocent game you are condemned

to return to the parlor after leaving a forfeit; but you are so

exceedingly puzzled by your wife's answers, that you ask what the word

was.

"Mal," exclaims a young miss.

You comprehend everything but your wife's replies: she has not played

the game. Neither Madame Deschars, nor any one of the young women

understand. She has cheated. You revolt, there is an insurrection

among the girls and young women. They seek and are puzzled. You want

an explanation, and every one participates in your desire.

"In what sense did you understand the word, my dear?" you say to

Caroline.

"Why, _male_!" [male.]

Madame Deschars bites her lips and manifests the greatest displeasure;

the young women blush and drop their eyes; the little girls open

theirs, nudge each other and prick up their ears. Your feet are glued

to the carpet, and you have so much salt in your throat that you

believe in a repetition of the event which delivered Lot from his

wife.

You see an infernal life before you; society is out of the question.

To remain at home with this triumphant stupidity is equivalent to

condemnation to the state's prison.

Axiom.--Moral tortures exceed physical sufferings by all the

difference which exists between the soul and the body.

Petty Troubles of Married Life, First Part · 第 16 / 35 题