_A Man of Humour._
We will now return to lord Martin. All his messengers, from what cruel
fate we cannot exactly ascertain, miscarried; and it was not till Damon
had left the country, that he learned that he had been a visitor at the
house of Mr. Moreland. Finding that he had missed his expected vengeance,
he discharged his anger in unavailing curses, and for three days he
breathed nothing but daggers, death, and damnation. Having thus vapoured
away the paroxysm of his fury, he became tolerably composed.
But adverse fate had decreed a short duration to the tranquility of his
lordship. Scarcely had the field been cleared from the enemy he so greatly
dreaded, ere a new rival came upon the stage, to whose arms, though
without any great foundation, the whole town of Southampton had consigned
the charming Delia.
The name of this gentleman was Prettyman. He was just returned from his
travels, and was reckoned perfectly accomplished. He was six foot high,
his shoulders were broad, his legs brawny, and his whole person athletic.
The habits however he had formed to himself in foreign countries, will not
perhaps be allowed exactly to correspond with the figure which nature had
bestowed upon him. He generally spent two hours every morning at his
toilette. His face was painted and patched, his whole person strongly
perfumed, and he had continually in his hand a gold snuff-box set with
diamonds. His voice was naturally hoarse and loud, but with infinite
industry he had brought himself to a pronunciation shrill, piping, and
effeminate. His conversion was larded with foreign phrases and foreign
oaths, and every thing he said was accompanied with a significant shrug.
The same period which had introduced this new pretender to the heart of
Delia, had been distinguished by the arrival of a Sir William Twyford, who
paid his addresses to Miss Fletcher. Sir William was exactly the reverse
of Mr. Prettyman. With a genteel person, and an open and agreable
phisiognomy, his manners were perfectly careless and unstudied. A
predominant feature in his character was good nature. But this was not his
ruling passion. He had an infinite fund of wit and humour, and he never
was so happy as when he was able to place the foibles of affectation in a
whimsical and ridiculous light.
As it was vanity alone, that had induced Mr. Prettyman to pay his
addresses to the lady, who was universally allowed to surpass in beauty
and every elegant accomplishment in the place in which he was, he would
have been less pleased that his amour should have terminated in a
marriage, than that by his affectation and coquetry he might break the
heart of the simple fair one. Accordingly, it was his business to make the
affair as public as possible.
Lord Martin, had been sufficiently irritated by the pretensions of Damon.
The new intruder had wrought up his passion to the highest pitch. In the
mean time he had renewed an acquaintance which he had formerly made with
sir William Twyford. Sir William, upon all occasions, cultivated the
intimacy of such, as, by any striking peculiarities, seemed to furnish a
proper subject for his humour. He now contributed every thing in his power
to inflame his lordship against Mr. Prettyman. He offered to become the
bearer of a challenge, and to be his lordship's second in any future
combat.
Lord Martin broke off the conversation somewhat abruptly, and began to
reflect with himself upon what had passed. He had hitherto contrived, by
some means or other, though he dealt very largely in challenges, never to
have come to actual battle. But he had too much reason to think, that if
he made sir William his messenger, he should not be able with any degree
of honour to contrive an evasion. "It is true," said he, "I am in a most
confounded passion, but a wise general never proceeds to action without
having first deliberated. Zounds, blood and fire! would I could put an end
to the existence of so presumptuous a villain! But then it must be
considered that Mr. Prettyman is six foot high, and I am not five. He is
as athletic as Ajax, but to me nature has been unfavourable. It is true I
understand cart and terce, parry and thrust, but I have heard that
Prettyman studied under Olivier. Many a man has outlived the passage of a
bullet, or the thrust of a sword through him. But my constitution is so
delicate! Curse blast it, death and the devil, I do not know what to do."
Sir William, as soon as he had left lord Martin, repaired to the lodgings
of Mr. Prettyman. After a short general conversation, he began, "My dear
friend, here has happened the unluckiest thing in nature. You have made
some advances, you know, to the charming Delia." "True," cried Prettyman,
"I have bestowed upon her a few condescending glances. _C'est une
charmante fille_." "Well," added sir William, "and the whole town gives
her to you." "_Parbleu!_ the town is very impertinent. There will go
two words to that bargain." "My lord Martin, you know, has enlisted
himself amongst her admirers." "Pox take the blockhead, I suppose he would
marry her. _Bien_. After I have led her a dance, he shall do what he
pleases with her." "But," said sir William, "my lord intends to call you
to an account." "_Morbleu_," cried Prettyman, "I thought I had
been in a land of liberty." "But let me tell you, my lord is very
absolute. He has fought some half a dozen duels in his time, and every
body is afraid of him." "_J'en suis excèdè_. 'Pon honour, the girl is
not worth fighting for." "Oh," said the malicious wit, "but if you give
her up for a few threats, your reputation will be ruined for ever."
"_Mon Dieu!_ this reputation is a very expensive thing. _Je
crois_ that every girl is a Helen, never so happy as when people are
murdering one another, and towns are fired for her sake. Is this same
_milord_ absolutely inexorable?"
"I cannot tell," said sir William, "what may be done. If you were to fly,
he would pursue you to the ends of the earth. But suppose now you were
upon your knees, to retract your pretensions to this silly girl."
"_Pardi_" answered Prettyman, "that is damned hard! are you sure his
lordship is so compleat a master of the science of defence?" "Nay,"
replied sir William, "I cannot tell. I believe indeed he never received a
wound, but I think I remember to have heard of one duel he fought, in
which his antagonist came off with his life." "Ah, _diable
l'emporte!_ That will not do neither. These bullets are the aukwardest
things in the world. Do you think you could not prevail with his Lordship
to use only powder?" "Powder," cried sir William, "that is an excellent
jest. My lord always loads with six small slugs." "Six slugs! ah the
bloody minded villain! It is confounded hard that a gentleman cannot pass
through life, without being _degoutè_ with these unpolished Vandals.
_Ah, mon cher ami_, I will put the affair entirely into your hands:
do, _pour i'amour de Dieu_, bring me out of this scrape as well as
you can." "Well my dear Prettyman, I will exert myself on your account;
but, upon my soul, I had rather have an affair with half a regiment of
commissioned officers fresh imported from America."
Sir William Twyford, having thus brought the affair to some degree of
forwardness, now waited on his lordship. "My dear lord Martin," said he,
"what have you resolved upon? The affair is briefly thus--you must either
give up Delia, or fight Mr. Prettyman." "Give up Delia!" exclaimed the
little lord; "by all that is sacred I will sooner spill the last drop of
my blood. But," added he, "what necessity is there for the alternative you
propose? True, I fear no man. But to be continually engaged in quarrels
would acquire me the character of a desperado." "Indeed," said sir
William, "you have been somewhat lavish in those sort of affairs, but I do
not see how you can be off in the present instance. Prettyman has heard of
the bustle you made about the fellow at the ball, that tricked you of your
partner; and he will never pardon the affront, if you pay less attention
to him." "Pox take the blockhead, he is mighty nice, methinks, in his
temper. I have a great mind not to gratify him." "Oh," cried sir William,
"you never had such an opportunity to establish your character for ever.
And the fellow I believe is no better than a coward at bottom."
It would be endless to relate all the stratagems of sir William to bring
the business to the conclusion he wished. How he terrified the brawny
_petit maître_, and anon he animated the little peer. His lordship
felt the force of his friend's eloquence, but even his highest flights of
heroism were qualified with temporary misgivings. For poor Mr. Prettyman,
he feared to stay, and dared not fly. If he could have forgotten the
danger he apprehended, his good natured friend by the studied
exaggerations in which he was continually clothing it, would have
perfectly succeed in refreshing his memory. But in reality it was never
absent from his thoughts. His slumbers were short and disturbed. And he
could scarcely close his eyes, ere the enraged lord Martin, with his sword
drawn, and his countenance flaming with inexorable fury, presented himself
to his affrighted imagination.
At length sir William by his generous interposition affected a compromise.
It was agreed that Mr. Prettyman should fall upon his knees before lord
Martin in the public room in the presence of Delia, and, asking his
pardon, put a small cane into his hand. "My lord," said sir William to the
beau, "is as generous as he is brave. He will not make an improper use of
the advantage you put into his hands. He will raise you from the humble
posture you will have assumed, and, embracing you cordially, all that is
past will be forgotten. As his lordship will take you under his
protection, not an individual will dare to reflect upon you." "Mr.
Prettyman," said sir William to lord Martin, "unites the heart of a
chicken to the most absolute skill in the small sword that ever I saw. I
have been only capable of restraining him by representing your lordship as
the most furious and impracticable of mankind. If he once suspect that I
have misrepresented you, a duel, in which I am afraid your lordship would
be overmatched, must be the inevitable consequence. Might I therefore
presume to advise, your lordship should make use of the advantage I have
gained you without mercy."