At supper that evening Doctor Chord amplified some of his views "A few
staunch retainers could quickly aid you to scale the walls of the
castle," said he. "But I have forgotten," he added blankly. "'Tis not
a castle. 'Tis a house."
"If you would take some of these ancient ideas and bury them in the
garden," said I, "they might grow in time to be some kind of turnip or
other valuable food. But at the present moment they do not seem to me
to serve much purpose. Supposing that the house is not a castle? What
of that?"
"Castles--" said he. "Castles lend themselves--"
"Castles!" I cried. "Have done with castles! All castles may be Jews,
as you say. But this is a house."
"I remarked that it was a house," he answered gently. "It was that
point that I was making."
"Very good," said I. "We will now proceed to define matters. Do you
know if Lady Mary walks in the garden? It is absolutely necessary that
Lady Mary should walk in the garden."
"She does," he replied at once. "At this season of the year Lady Mary
walks in the garden on every fine day at ten of the clock."
"Then," I cried, smiting the table, "our course is clear; I feel
elate. My only regret is that my father is not here to give me a word
now and then, for 'tis a game he would know down to the ground."
"Although I am not your father," said Doctor Chord modestly, "I may be
able to suggest some expedient way of gaining entrance to the castle."
"House," said I.
"House," said he.
"However," said I, "we must lower ourselves to extremely practical
matters. Can you climb a tree?"
"A tree?" said he. "Climb a tree? Strap me!"
"'Tis all very well to strap yourself in this fashion," said I rather
warmly; "but the climbing of trees appears here as an important
matter. In my part of Ireland there are few trees, and so climbing
trees did not enter into my education. However, I am willing to
attempt the climbing of a tree for the sake of my true love, and if I
fall--how high is this wall? Do you remember?"
"'Twas at least ten feet," answered the Doctor. "And there is a
murderous row of spikes at the top. But," he added, "the more spikes
and all that make them the more convinced that the garden is perfectly
safe from intrusion."
"That's a world of sense out of you," I cried. "The spikes convince
them the garden is safe from intrusion, and so they give over their
watchfulness. So now in the morning we will go there, and I will climb
one of the oak-trees bordering the wall--may the saints aid me!"
"You were asking if I could climb a tree," remarked the Doctor. "I
will point out to you that it is a question of no importance. It is
you yourself who must climb the tree; for even if I succeeded in the
arduous and painful task I could not pay your vows to Lady Mary, and
for such purpose primarily the tree is to be climbed."
"True for you, Doctor," I answered with a sigh. "True for you. I must
climb the tree. I can see that. I had some thought of making Paddy
climb it, but, as you say, a man must do his own love-making, and by
the same token I would break the head of any one who tried to do it
for me. I would that! In this world people must climb their own trees.
Now that I think of it seriously, it was ridiculous in me to plan that
Paddy should climb the tree."
"'Second thoughts are always best,'" said the little Doctor piously.
"'Tis a phrase from one of the greatest writers of the day. And at any
rate I myself, because of age and debility, would not be able to climb
a tree."
"Let us say no more of it," said I. "I see my mistake. But tell me one
thing. I know you are a man with a great deal on your mind. Can you
spare the time for this adventure?"
But on this point the Doctor was very clear and emphatic. I think if I
had said he could not have a place in the plot he would have died
immediately of a broken heart.
"'Tis true I have not yet finished my treatise proving that the
touchstone is fallible," he cried eagerly; "but it would give me
pleasure to delay the work indefinitely if in the meantime I can be of
assistance."
"That is a man's talk," I said. "Well, then, in the morning we will go
forth to do or die. And now a glass to success."
That night I slept very heartily, for some of my father's soldier
training is in my veins, and on the eve of a hard or precarious work I
am always able to get sound rest. My father often said that on the
night before a battle in which he would stand seventy-seven chances of
being killed he always slept like a dog in front of the fire.
At dawn I was up and ready. My first move was to have Paddy and Jem
sent to me, and to give them such information as would lead them to an
intelligent performance of their duties during the day. "Mind ye now,"
said I, "here's where the whole thing may be won or lost. There is a
lovely lady inside the walls of that garden which I was showing you
yesterday. She lives in the big house. She is the lady who made you
feel ashamed when you took the old Earl's--well, never mind! I hope we
are all properly repentant over it. However, I had better be getting
on with the matter in hand. She lives there, and if I can find no way
to gain speech of her we all three of us will have to take to the
thickets, and that's the truth."
"If I could but lay my fingers on her throttle," said Jem Bottles in a
blood-curdling voice, "she soon enough would--"
"Stop!" I cried. "You misunderstood me!"
"Aye, he does," spoke in Paddy. "But I know what your honour is
meaning. You are meaning that the young lady--aye, didn't I see her,
and didn't she give me a look of her eye? Aye, I know what your honour
is meaning."
"You are knowing it precisely," said I. "The young lady is more to me
than three Irelands. You understand? Well, then, in the first place I
must gain speech of her. To-day we march out and see what I can
accomplish by climbing trees. In the meantime you two are to lay in
waiting and assist me when necessary."
"I am foreseeing that everything will be easy," cried Paddy
jubilantly.
"You are an Irishman," I responded in anger.
"Aye," he replied bitterly, "and another is within reach of my stick
if it weren't for my respect for my betters, although such a thing
never could happen, please God!"
"No bold talk," said I. "You may do that after." I bade Jem Bottles
load his pistols and carry them handy, but to keep them well
concealed. Paddy preferred to campaign with only a stout stick. I took
one pistol, and of course my sword.
These preparations deeply stirred Jem Bottles and Paddy.
"Your honour," said Paddy, "if I see a man pulling you by the leg when
you would be climbing the tree, may I hit him one lick?"
"Aye," growled Jem Bottles, "and if I get a pistol against his head,
he'll find out the difference between gunpowder and sand."
"Stop," I cried. "You have the wrong idea entirely. This talk of
carnage startles me and alarms me. Remember we are in London. In
London even the smallest massacre arouses great excitement. There are
to be no killings, and even no sound thrashings. It is all to be done
with dainty gloves. Neither one of the pair of you looks fitted for
the work, but I am obliged to make you serve by hook or crook. 'Tis
too late to scour the country looking for good comrades. I must put
up with you, since I can get no better."
They were well pleased at the prospect of spirited adventures,
although Paddy made some complaints because there was no chance of a
great ogre whom he could assail. He wished to destroy a few giants in
order to prove his loyalty to the cause. However, I soothed him out of
this mood, showing him where he was mistaken, and presently we were
all prepared and only waited for the coming of Doctor Chord.
When the little philosopher appeared, however, I must truly say that I
fell back a-gasping. He had tied some sort of a red turban about his
head, and pulled a black cocked hat down over it until his left eye
was wickedly shaded. From beneath his sombre cloak a heavy scabbard
protruded. "I have come; I am ready," said he in a deep voice.
"Bedad, you have!" cried I, sinking into a chair. "And why didn't a mob
hang you on the road, little man? How did you reach here safely? London
surely never could stand two glimpses of such a dangerous-looking
pirate. You would give a sedan-chair the vapours."
He looked himself over ruefully. "'Tis a garb befitting the dangerous
adventure upon which I engaged," said he, somewhat stiff in the lip.
"But let me make known to you," I cried, "that when a man wears a garb
befitting his adventure he fails surely. He should wear something
extraneous. When you wish to do something evil, you put on the coat of
a parson. That is the clever way. But here you are looking like a
gallows-bird of the greatest claim for the rope. Stop it; take off
the red thing, tilt your hat until you look like a gentleman, and let
us go to our adventure respectably."
"I was never more surprised in my life," said he sincerely. "I thought
I was doing a right thing in thus arraying myself for an experience
which cannot fail to be thrilling and mayhap deadly. However, I see
you in your accustomed attire, and in the apparel of your men-servants
I see no great change from yesterday. May I again suggest to you that
the adventure upon which we proceed may be fraught with much danger?"
"A red rag around your temples marks no improvement in our risks," said
I. "We will sally out as if we were off to a tea-party. When my father
led the forlorn hope at the storming of Wuerstenhausenstaffenberg, he
wore a lace collar, and he was a man who understood these matters. And I
may say that I wish he was here. He would be a great help."
In time the Doctor removed his red turban and gradually and sadly
emerged from the more sanguine part of his paraphernalia and appeared
as a simple little philosopher. Personally I have no objection to a
man looking like a brigand, but my father always contended that
clothes serve no purpose in real warfare. Thus I felt I had committed
no great injustice in depriving Chord of his red turban.
We set out. I put much faith in the fact that we had no definite
plans, but to my great consternation Doctor Chord almost at once began
to develop well-laid schemes. As we moved toward the scene of our
adventure he remarked them to me.
"First of all," said he, "a strong party should be stationed at the
iron gates, not only to prevent a sally of the garrison, but to
prevent an intrepid retainer from escaping and alarming the city.
Furthermore--"
"My gallant warrior," said I, interrupting him, "we will drop this
question to the level of a humdrum commercial age. I will try to
compass my purpose by the simple climbing of a tree, and to that end
all I could need from you is a stout lift and a good word. Then we
proceed in the established way of making signs over a wall. All this I
explained to you fully. I would not have you think I am about to
bombard my lady-love's house."
With a countenance of great mournfulness he grumbled: "No fascines
have been prepared."
"Very good," said I. "I will climb the tree without the aid of
fascines."
As luck would have it, there was a little inn not very far from the
Earl's house and on the lonely avenue lined with oaks. Here I
temporarily left Jem Bottles and Paddy, for I feared their
earnestness, which was becoming more terrible every minute. In order
to keep them pacified I gave instructions that they should keep a
strict watch up the avenue, and if they saw any signs of trouble they
were to come a-running and do whatever I told them. These orders
suggested serious business to their minds, and so they were quite
content. Their great point was that if a shindy was coming they had a
moral right to be mixed up in it.
Doctor Chord and I strolled carelessly under the oaks. It was still
too early for Lady Mary's walk in the garden, and there was an hour's
waiting to be worn out. In the mean time I was moved to express some
of my reflections.
"'Tis possible--nay, probable--that this is a bootless quest," said I
dejectedly. "What shadow of an assurance have I that Lady Mary will
walk in the garden on this particular morning? This whole thing is
absolute folly."
"At any rate," said the Doctor, "now that you already have walked this
great distance, it will be little additional trouble to climb a tree."
He had encouraged me to my work at exactly the proper moment.
"You are right," said I, taking him warmly by the hand, "I will climb
the tree in any case."
As the hour approached we began to cast about for the proper oak. I am
sure they were all the same to me, but Doctor Chord was very
particular.
"'Tis logical to contend," said he, "that the question of the girth of
the tree will enter importantly into our devices. For example, if a
tree be so huge that your hands may not meet on the far side of it, a
successful ascension will be impossible. On the other hand, a very
slim tree is like to bend beneath your weight, and even precipitate
you heavily to the ground, which disaster might retard events for an
indefinite period."
"Science your science, then," said I. "And tell me what manner of tree
best suits the purpose of a true lover."
"A tree," said the Doctor, "is a large vegetable arising with one
woody stem to a considerable height. As to the appearance and quality
of a tree, there are many diversifications, and this fact in itself
constitutes the chief reason for this vegetable being of such great
use to the human family. Ships are made of nought but trees, and if it
were not for ships we would know but little of the great world of
which these English islands form less than a half. Asia itself is
slightly larger than all Scotland, and if it were not for the ships we
would be like to delude ourselves with the idea that we and our
neighbours formed the major part of the world."
With such wise harangues the Doctor entertained my impatience until it
was time for me to climb a tree. And when this time came I went at my
work without discussion or delay.
"There," said I resolutely, "I will climb this one if it kills me."
I seized the tree; I climbed. I will not say there was no groaning and
puffing, but any how I at last found myself astride of a branch and
looking over the wall into the Earl of Westport's garden.
But I might have made myself less labour and care by having somebody
paint me a large landscape of this garden and surveyed it at my
leisure. There I was high in a tree, dangling my legs, and staring at
smooth lawns, ornamental copses, and brilliant flower-beds without
even so much as a dog to enliven the scene. "O'Ruddy," said I to
myself after a long time, "you've hung yourself here in mid-air like a
bacon to a rafter, and I'll not say much to you now. But if you ever
reach the ground without breaking your neck, I'll have a word with
you, for my feelings are sorely stirred."
I do not know how long I sat in the tree engaged in my bitter
meditation. But finally I heard a great scudding of feet near the
foot of the tree, and I then saw the little Doctor bolting down the
road like a madman, his hat gone, his hair flying, while his two
coat-tails stuck out behind him straight as boards.
My excitement and interest in my ally's flight was so great that I
near fell from my perch. It was incomprehensible that my little friend
could dust the road at such speed. He seemed only to touch the ground
from time to time. In a moment or two he was literally gone, like an
arrow shot from the bow.
But upon casting my bewildered glance downward I found myself staring
squarely into the mouth of a blunderbuss. The mouth of this
blunderbuss, I may say, was of about the width of a fair-sized
water-pitcher; in colour it was bright and steely. Its appearance
attracted me to such an extent that I lost all idea of the man behind
the gun. But presently I heard a grim, slow voice say,--
"Climb down, ye thief."
The reason for little Doctor Chord's hasty self-removal from the
vicinity was now quite clear, and my interest in his departure was no
longer speculative.