THE announcement that the present SPEAKER of the House of Commons is
about to take his well-earned pension and Peerage, and that the election
of a successor will be one of the first Acts of Parliament when it meets
in February, has occasioned much writing in newspapers and conversation
in the social circle, in competition with the Temple of Justice, Clubs
for Working-Men, the State of the Streets, and the "insobriety" which
accompanies the festive season.
As some misconception appears to prevail regarding the SPEAKER'S exalted
office, especially amongst the young and gay, and in rural districts,
_Mr. Punch_, the best "Popular Educator" has (with the valuable
assistance of SIR ERSKINE MAY) compiled a few notes on the subject,
which in his leisure moments he hopes to be able to expand into a
voluminous treatise, worthy to take its place by the side of _Enfield's
Speaker_, or anybody else's.
The office of Speaker is as old as the Saxon Wittenagemot, but the mace
now borne by the Serjeant-at-Arms is not the one which CROMWELL
impetuously called a "bauble." That interesting relic of a bye-gone age
is said to be in a private collection in the United States.
The SPEAKER is in the Chair whenever the House is not in Committee. If
it be asked, when is the House in Committee, the answer is
simple--whenever the SPEAKER is not in the Chair.
The young and the gay and the country population have been led astray by
the SPEAKER'S misleading title[A]--the fact being that the SPEAKER does
not speak, except on very rare occasions.
A: _Lucus a non lucendo.--Sil. Ital. de Arbor._, XV., 1019.
The SPEAKER hears all the speeches which are made during the time he is
in the Chair, _for he must never sleep while on duty_; but as most of
those who have filled the office have lived on, Session after Session,
we may hope that they did not consider themselves bound _always_ to
listen. Even, however, with this relaxation, the poor composition, the
defective grammar, the arid statistics, the threadbare quotations, the
hesitations, the repetitions, the bad delivery, the awkward action, the
wrong emphasis, MR. DENISON must have heard and seen through fifteen
long years, cannot but have caused him untold suffering. It seems almost
incredible that there should be any competition for the horrors of such
a post.
The SPEAKER has a salary, a secretary, a chaplain, a counsel, a
residence, and an allowance for keeping the Mace in order. When he
retires, he has a peerage and a pension, and is allowed to take his Wig
and Gown and Chair away with him.
The SPEAKER, although not one of the commoner sort, is the first
Commoner in the land.
The SPEAKER is entitled to many privileges. He can show friends (not
exceeding four at a time) over both Houses of Parliament without an
order from the Lord Chamberlain; he can take books out of the Library on
leaving a small deposit; he can call a wherry and go on the river
whenever he pleases; every tenth cygnet born between Lambeth and London
Bridge is his by prescriptive right; and he is at liberty to charge the
Consolidated Fund with the cost of any refreshment he may require during
official hours, and with all cab fares to and from the House.
The most terrible exercise of the Speaker's authority is when he "names"
a Member. The miserable man is committed to the Tower for life, and
allowed no book to read but _Hansard_; his estates are forfeited to the
Crown, and once a year, on the day when he committed the offence for
which he was "named," he is taken by the Constable of the Tower in a
tumbril to Westminster, to beg pardon of the SPEAKER and the House on
his knees.
The SPEAKER may be either a bachelor, a married man, or a widower, but
he must be one of the three.
If a new Member shows any eccentricity in his dress, manners, speech, or
general deportment, the SPEAKER asks him to tea, and quietly points out
to him the impropriety of which he has been guilty.
At 2 A.M., at a moment's notice, without any opportunity of consulting
authorities, the SPEAKER may be called upon to state what was the
practice of the House in the reign of EDWARD THE THIRD, or to remember a
precedent established during the time SIR THOMAS MORE filled the office,
or to enforce a Standing Order coeval with the Long Parliament.
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[Illustration: IN VINO MEMORIA.
_Major Portsoken (a pretty constant Guest)._ "I SAY, BUCHANAN, THIS
ISN'T--(_another sip_)--THE SAME CHAMPAGNE----!"
_Scotch Butler._ "NA, THAT'S A' DUNE! THERE WAS THRUITY DIZZEN; AND
YE'VE HAD YERE SHARE O'T, MAJOR!!"]
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