Some idea of the financial straits in which English people find
themselves may be gathered from the statement that the first forced
strawberries of the season fetched no more than ten shillings a pound.
The Germans proudly point out that their forced loans fetched more than
that.
* * *
A kindly M.P. has suggested that our German naval prisoners should be
employed in making the projected the ship canal between the Firths of
Forth and Clyde. At present they suffer terribly from a form of
nostalgia known as canal-sickness.
* * *
Owing to the scarcity of hay in the Budapest Zoo the herbivorous animals
are being fed on chestnuts, and several local humorous papers have been
obliged to suspend publication.
* * *
As the two Polar bears refused to flourish on a war-diet they were
condemned to death, and a Hungarian sportsman paid twelve pounds for the
privilege of shooting them. No arrangements have yet been concluded for
finishing off the Russian variety.
* * *
Old saw, adapted by an American journalist: Call no one happy until he
is HEARST.
* * *
We all know that marriage is a lottery. But the New Zealand paper which
headed an announcement of President WILSON'S engagement, "Wild
Speculation," was, we trust, taking an unduly gloomy view.
* * *
The fact that the POSTMASTER-GENERAL and the ASSISTANT
POSTMASTER-GENERAL are as like as two PEASES was bound to cause a
certain amount of confusion. Still we hardly think it justified a Welsh
paper in placing a notice of their achievements under the heading: "Pea
Soup and Salt Beef: 300 Sailors Poisoned."
* * *
In the endeavour to decide authoritatively what is a new-laid egg the
Board of Agriculture has sought information from various sources, but is
reported to be still sitting. There is some fear that the definition
will be addled.
* * *
In tendering birthday congratulations to Mr. AUSTIN DOBSON a
contemporary noted that "many of his most charming poems and essays were
written amid; their the prosaic surroundings of the Board of Trade," and
described him as "a fine example of a poet rising above his
environment." Mr. EDMUND GOSSE, who was a colleague of Mr. DOBSON at
Whitehall Gardens during his most tuneful period, is inclined to think
this last remark uncalled for.
* * *
It is estimated that 843,920 house-holders read with secret joy the
paragraph in last week's papers stating that spring-cleaning is likely
to cost the housekeeper this year considerably more than usual both for
materials and labour; that 397,413 of them repeated it to their wives,
suggesting that here was a chance for a real war-economy; and that one
(a deaf man) persisted in the suggestion after his wife had given her
views on the subject.
* * *
On reading that London people spend on an average seven shillings a year
in theatre-tickets, a manager expressed the opinion that according to
his experience this calculation was not quite fair. Account should also
have been taken of the very large sum which they expend on stamps when
writing for free admissions.
* * *
It is evident that recent events have had a chastening effect upon
Bulgarian ambitions. After receiving a field-marshal's baton from the
KAISER, KING FERDINAND is reported to have expressed his hope that by
co-operation their countries would obtain that to which they had a
right. The KAISER then left Nish in a hurry.
* * *
From El Paso (Texas) comes news that a band of Mexican bandits stopped a
train near Chicuabar, seized seventeen persons, stripped them of
clothing, robbed them, and then shot them dead. There is some talk of
their being elected Honorary Germans.
* * *
China has sent a trial lot of small brown eggs packed in sawdust to this
country, and it is thought that after all we shall be able to have a
General Election.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Private Jones_ (_crawling out after being buried by a
shell explosion_). "Silly 'orse-play, _I_ calls it!"]
* * * * *