JUNIUS.

There are certain events in our lives poetically and beautifully

described by Moore as "green spots in memory's waste." Such are the

emotions arising from the attainment, after a long pursuit, of any

darling object of love or ambition; and although possession and

subsequent events may have proved to us that we had overrated our

enjoyment, and experience have shown us "that all is vanity," still

recollection dwells with pleasure upon the beating heart, when the

present only was enjoyed, and the picture painted by youthful and

sanguine anticipation in glowing and delightful colours. Youth only can

feel this; age has been often deceived--too often has the fruit turned

to ashes in the mouth. The old look forward with a distrust and doubt,

and backward with sorrow and regret.

One of the red-letter days of my life was that on which I first mounted

the uniform of a midshipman. My pride and ecstasy were beyond

description. I had discarded the school and school-boy dress, and, with

them, my almost stagnant existence. Like the chrysalis changed into a

butterfly, I fluttered about, as if to try my powers; and felt myself a

gay and beautiful creature, free to range over the wide domains of

nature, clear of the trammels of parents or schoolmasters; and my heart

bounded within me at the thoughts of being left to enjoy, at my own

discretion, the very acme of all the pleasure that human existence can

afford; and I observe that in this, as in most other cases, I met with

that disappointment which usually attends us. True it is, that in the

days of my youth, I did enjoy myself. I was happy for a time, if

happiness it could be called; but dearly have I paid for it. I

contracted a debt, which I have been liquidating by instalments ever

since; nor am I yet emancipated. Even the small portion of felicity

that fell to my lot on this memorable morning was brief in duration, and

speedily followed by chagrin.

But to return to my uniform. I had arrayed myself in it; my dirk was

belted round my waist; a cocked-hat, of an enormous size, stuck on my

head; and, being perfectly satisfied with my own appearance at the last

survey which I had made in the glass, I first rang for the chambermaid,

under pretence of telling her to make my room tidy, but, in reality,

that she might admire and compliment me, which she very wisely did; and

I was fool enough to give her half a crown and a kiss, for I felt myself

quite a man. The waiter, to whom the chambermaid had in all probability

communicated the circumstance, presented himself, and having made a low

bow, offered the same compliments, and received the same reward, save

the kiss. Boots would, in all probability, have come in for his share,

had he been in the way, for I was fool enough to receive all their fine

speeches as if they were my due, and to pay for them at the same time in

ready money. I was a gudgeon and they were sharks; and more sharks

would soon have been about me, for I heard them, as they left the room,

call "boots" and "ostler," of course to assist in lightening my purse.

But I was too impatient to wait on my captain and see my ship so I

bounced down the stairs, and in the twinkling of an eye was on my way to

Stonehouse, where my vanity received another tribute, by a raw recruit

of marine raising his hand to his head, as he passed by me. I took it

as it was meant, raised my hat off my head, and shuffled by with much

self-importance. One consideration, I own, mortified me--this was that

the _natives_ did not appear to admire me half so much as I admired

myself. It never occurred to me then, that middies were as plentiful at

Plymouth Dock, as black boys at Port Royal, though, perhaps, not of so

much value to their masters. I will not shock the delicacy of my fair

readers by repeating all the vulgar alliterations with which my

novitiate was greeted, as I passed in review before the ladies of North

Corner, who met me in Fore Street. Unsophisticated as I then was, in

many points, and certainly in this, I thought them extremely ill-bred.

Fortunately for me, the prayers of a certain description of people never

prevail, otherwise I should have been immediately consigned to a place,

from which, I fear, all the masses of France and Italy would not have

extricated me.

I escaped from these syrens without being bound to the mast, like

Ulysses; but, like him, I had nearly fallen a victim to a modern

Polyphemus; for though he had not one eye in the middle of his forehead,

after the manner of his prototype, yet the rays from both his eyes

meeting together at the tip of his long nose, gave him very much that

appearance. Ignorance, sheer ignorance, in this, as in many other

cases, was the cause of my disaster. A party of officers, in full

uniform, were coming from a court-martial. "Oh, oh!" said I, "here come

some of us." I seized my dirk in my left hand, as I saw they held their

swords, and I stuck my right hand into my bosom as some of them had

done. I tried to imitate their erect and officer-like bearing; I put my

cocked-hat on fore and aft, with the gold rosette dangling between my

two eyes, so that in looking at it, which I could not help doing, I must

have squinted. And I held my nose high in the air, like a pig in a

hurricane, fancying myself as much an object of admiration to them as I

was to myself. We passed on opposite tacks, and our respective

velocities had separated us to the distance of twenty or thirty yards,

when one of them called out to me in a voice evidently cracked in His

Majesty's service--"Hello, young gentleman, come back here."

I concluded I was going to be complimented on the cut of my coat, to be

asked the address of my tailor, and to hear the rakish sit of my hat

admired. I now began to think I should hear a contention between the

lords of the ocean, as to who should have me as a sample middy on their

quarter-decks; and I was even forming an excuse to my father's friend

for not joining his ship. Judge then of my surprise and mortification,

when I was thus accosted in an angry and menacing tone by the oldest of

the officers--"Pray, sir, what ship do you belong to?"

"Sir," said I, proud to be thus interrogated, "I belong to His Majesty's

ship the _Le ---_" (having a French name, I clapped on both the French

and English articles, as being more impressive.)

"Oh, you do, do you?" said the veteran, with an air of conscious

superiority; "then you will be so good as to turn round, go down to

Mutton Cove, take a boat, and have your person conveyed with all

possible speed on board of His Majesty's ship the _Le ---_" (imitating

me); "and tell the first lieutenant it is my order that you be not

allowed any more leave while the ship is in port; and I shall tell your

captain he must teach his officers better manners than to pass the

port-admiral without touching their hats."

While this harangue was going on, I stood in a circle, of which I was

the centre, and the admiral and the captains formed the circumference:

what little air there was their bodies intercepted, so that I was not

only in a stew, but stupefied into the bargain.

"There, sir, you hear me--you may go."

"Yes, I do hear you," thinks I; "but how the devil am I to get away from

you?" for the cruel captains, like schoolboys round a rat-trap, stood so

close that I could not start. Fortunately, this my blockade, which they

no doubt intended for their amusement, saved me for that time. I

recollected myself, and said, with affected simplicity of manner, that I

had that morning put on my uniform for the first time; that I had never

seen my captain, and never was on board a ship in all my life. At this

explanation, the countenance of the admiral relaxed into something that

was meant for a smile, and the captains all burst into a loud laugh.

"Well, young man," said the admiral--who was really a good-tempered

fellow, though an old one--"well, young man, since you have never been

at sea, it is some excuse for not knowing good manners; there is no

necessity now for delivering my message to the first lieutenant, but you

may go on board your ship."

Having seen me well roasted, the captains opened right and left, and let

me pass. As I left them I heard one say, "Just caught--marks of the

dogs' teeth in his heels, I warrant you."

I did not stop to make any reply, but sneaked away, mortified and

crest-fallen, and certainly obeyed this, the first order which I had

ever received in the service, with more exactness than I ever did any

subsequent one.

During the remainder of my walk, I touched my hat to every one I met. I

conferred the honour of salute on midshipmen, master's mates, sergeants

of marines, and two corporals. Nor was I aware of my over complaisance,

until a young woman, dressed like a lady, who knew more of the navy than

I did, asked me if I had come down to stand for the borough? Without

knowing what she meant, I replied, "No."

"I thought you might," said she, "seeing you are so damned civil to

everybody." Had it not been for this friendly hint, I really believe I

should have touched my hat to a drummer.

Having gone through this ordeal, I reached the inn at Plymouth, where I

found my captain, and presented my father's letter. He surveyed me from

top to toe, and desired the pleasure of my company to dinner at six

o'clock. "In the meantime," he said, "as it is now only eleven, you may

go aboard, and show yourself to Mr Handstone, the first lieutenant, who

will cause your name to be entered on the books, and allow you to come

back here to dine." I bowed and retired; and on my way to Mutton Cove

was saluted by the females with the appellation of "royal reefer"

(midshipman), and a "biscuit nibbler;" but all this I neither understood

nor cared for. I arrived safely at Mutton Cove, where two women, seeing

my inquiring eye and span-new dress, asked what ship they should take

"my honour" to. I told them the ship which I wished to go on board of.

"She _lays_ under the _Obelisk_," said the elder woman, who appeared to

be about forty years of age; "and we will take your honour off for a

shilling."

I agreed to this, both for the novelty of the thing, as well as on

account of my natural gallantry and love of female society. The elder

woman was mistress of her profession, handling her scull (oar) with

great dexterity: but Sally, the younger one, who was her daughter, was

still in her novitiate. She was pretty, cleanly dressed, had on white

stockings, and sported a neat foot and ankle.

"Take care, Sally," said the mother; "keep stroke, or you will catch a

crab."

"Never fear, mother," said the confident Sally; and at the same moment,

as if the very caution against the accident was the cause of it, the

blade of her scull did not dip into the water. The oar meeting no

resistance, its loom, or handle, came back upon the bosom of the

unfortunate Sally, tipped her backwards--up went her heels in the air,

and down fell her head into the bottom of the boat. As she was pulling

the stroke oar, her feet almost came in contact with the rosette of my

cocked-hat.

"There now, Sally," said the wary mother; "I told you how it would be--I

knew you would catch a crab!"

Sally quickly recovered herself, blushed a little, and resumed her

occupation. "That's what we call catching a crab in our country," said

the woman. I replied that I thought it was a very pretty amusement, and

I asked Sally to try and catch another; but she declined, and by this

time we had reached the side of the ship.

Having paid my naiads, I took hold of the man-rope, as I was instructed

by them, and mounted the side. Reaching the gangway, I was accosted by

a midshipman in a round jacket and trousers, a shirt none of the

cleanest, and a black silk handkerchief tied loosely round his neck.

"Who did you want, sir?" said he.

"I wish to speak with Mr Handstone, the first lieutenant," said I. He

informed me that the first lieutenant was then gone down to frank the

letters, and when he came on deck, he would acquaint him with my being

there.

After this dialogue, I was left on the larboard side of the quarter-deck

to my own meditations. The ship was at this time refitting, and was

what is usually called in the hands of the dockyard, and a sweet mess

she was in. The quarter-deck carronades were run fore and aft; the

slides unbolted from the side, the decks were covered with pitch fresh

poured into the seams, and the caulkers were sitting on their boxes

ready to renew their noisy labours as soon as the dinner-hour had

expired. The middies, meanwhile, on the starboard side of the

quarter-deck, were taking my altitude, and speculating as to whether I

was to be a messmate of theirs, and what sort of a chap I might chance

to be--both these points were solved very speedily.

The first lieutenant came on deck; the midshipman of the watch presented

me, and I presented my name and the captain's message.

"It is all right, sir," said Mr Handstone. "Here, Mr Flyblock, do you

take this young gentleman into your mess; you may show him below as soon

as you please, and tell him where to hang his hammock up."

I followed my new friend down the ladder, under the half-deck, where sat

a woman, selling bread and butter and red herrings to the sailors; she

had also cherries and clotted cream, and a cask of strong beer, which

seemed to be in great demand. We passed her, and descended another

ladder, which brought us to the 'tween decks, and into the steerage, in

the forepart of which, on the larboard side, abreast of the mainmast,

was my future residence--a small hole which they called a berth; it was

ten feet long by six, and about five feet four inches high; a small

aperture, about nine inches square, admitted a very scanty portion of

that which we most needed, namely, fresh air and daylight. A deal table

occupied a very considerable extent of this small apartment, and on it

stood a brass candlestick, with a dip candle, and a wick like a

full-blown carnation. The table-cloth was spread, and the stains of

port wine and gravy too visibly indicated, like the midshipman's dirty

shirt, the near approach of Sunday. The black servant was preparing for

dinner, and I was shown the seat I was to occupy. "Good Heaven!"

thought I, as I squeezed myself between the ship's side and the

mess-table; "and is this to be my future residence? Better go back to

school; there, at least, there is fresh air and clean linen."

I would have written that moment to my dear, broken-hearted mother, to

tell her how gladly her prodigal son would fly back to her arms; but I

was prevented doing this, first by pride, and secondly by want of

writing materials. Taking my place, therefore, at the table, I mustered

up all my philosophy; and, to amuse myself, called to mind the

reflections of Gil Blas, when he found himself in the den of the

robbers, "Behold, then, the worthy nephew of my uncle, Gil Perez, caught

like a rat in a trap."

Most of my new associates were absent on duty; the 'tween deck was

crammed, with casks, and cases, and chests, and bags, and hammocks; the

noise of the caulkers was resumed over my head and all around me; the

stench of bilge-water, combining with the smoke of tobacco, the effluvia

of gin and beer, the frying of beef-steaks and onions, and red

herrings--the pressure of a dark atmosphere and a heavy shower of rain,

all conspired to oppress my spirits, and render me the most miserable

dog that ever lived. I had almost resigned myself to despair, when I

recollected the captain's invitation, and mentioned it to Flyblock.

"That's well thought of," said he; "Murphy also dines with him; you can

both go together, and I dare say he will be very glad of your company."

A captain seldom waits for a midshipman, and we took good care he should

not wait for us. The dinner was in all respects one "on service." The

captain said a great deal, the lieutenants very little, and the

midshipmen nothing at all; but the performance of the knife and fork,

and wine-glass (as far as it could be got at), were exactly in the

inverse ratio. The company consisted of my own captain, and two others,

our first lieutenant, Murphy, and myself.

As soon as the cloth was removed, the captain filled me out a glass of

wine, desired I would drink it, and then go and see how the wind was. I

took this my first admonitory hint in its literal sense and meaning; but

having a very imperfect idea of the points of the compass, I own I felt

a little puzzled how I should obtain the necessary information.

Fortunately for me, there was a weathercock on the old church-steeple;

it had four letters, which I certainly did know were meant to represent

the cardinal points. One of these seemed so exactly to correspond with

the vane above it, that I made up my mind the wind must be west, and

instantly returned to give my captain the desired information, not a

little proud with my success in having obtained it so soon. But what

was my surprise to find that I was not thanked for my trouble; the

company even smiled and winked at each other; the first lieutenant

nodded his head and said, "Rather green yet." The captain, however,

settled the point according to the manners and customs, in such cases

used at sea. "Here, youngster," said he, "here is another glass for

you; drink that, and then Murphy will show you what I mean." Murphy was

my chaperon; he swallowed his wine--rather _a gorge deployee_, put down

his glass very energetically, and bowing, left the room.

When we had got fairly into the hall, we had the following duet:--"What

the hell brought you back again, you damned young greenhorn? Could you

not take a hint, and be off, as the captain intended? So I must lose my

wine for such a young whelp as you. I'll pay you off for this, my tight

fellow, before we have been many weeks together."

I listened to this elegant harangue with some impatience, and much more

indignation. "I came back," said I, "to tell the captain how the wind

was."

"You be damned," replied Murphy: "do you think the captain did not know

how the wind was--and if he had wanted to know, don't you think he would

have sent a sailor like me, instead of such a damned lubberly whelp as

you?"

"As to what the captain meant," said I, "I do not know. I did as I was

bid--but what do you mean by calling me a whelp? I am no more a whelp

than yourself!"

"Oh, you are not, a'n't you?" said Murphy, seizing me by one of my ears,

which he pulled so unmercifully that he altered the shape of it very

considerably, making it something like the lee-board of a Dutch schuyt.

This was not to be borne; though, as I was but thirteen, he seventeen,

and a very stout fellow, I should rather not have sought an action with

him. But he had begun it; my honour was at stake, and I only wonder I

had not drawn my dirk, and laid him dead at my feet. Fortunately for

him, the rage I was in made me forget I had it by my side: though I

remembered my uniform, the disgrace brought upon it, and the admiration

of the chambermaid, as well as the salute of the sentinel; all which

formed a combustible in my brain. I went off like a flash, and darted

my fist (the only weapon I had been most accustomed to wield) into the

left eye of my adversary, with a force and precision which Cribb would

have applauded. Murphy staggered back with the blow, and for a moment I

flattered myself he had had enough of it.

But no--alas, this was a day of disappointments! he had only retreated

to take a spring; he then came on me like the lifeguards at Waterloo,

and his charge was irresistible. I was upset, pummelled, thumped,

kicked, and should probably have been the subject of a coroner's inquest

had not the waiter and chambermaid run in to my rescue. The tongue of

the latter was particularly active in my favour: unluckily for me, she

had no other weapon near her, or it would have gone hard with Murphy.

"Shame!" said she, "for such a great lubberly creature to beat such a

poor, little, innocent, defenceless fellow as that. What would his

mamma say to see him treated so?"

"Damn his mamma, and you too," said Pat, "look at my eye."

"Damn your eye," said the waiter: "it's a pity he had not served the

other one the same way; no more than you deserve for striking a child;

the boy is game, and that's more than you are; he is worth as many of

you as will stand between this and the iron chair at Barbican."

"I'd like to see him duck'd in it," said the maid.

While this was going on, I had resumed my defensive attitude. I had

never once complained, and had gained the good-will of all the

bystanders, among whom now appeared my captain and his friends. The

blood was streaming from my mouth, and I bore the marks of discipline

from the superior prowess of my enemy, who was a noted pugilist for his

age, and would not have received the hit from me, if he had supposed my

presumption would have led me to attack him. The captain demanded an

explanation. Murphy told the story in his own way, and gave anything

but the true version. I could have beaten him at that, but truth

answered my purpose better than falsehood on this occasion; so, as soon

as he had done, I gave my round unvarnished tale, and although defeated

in the field, I plainly saw that I had the advantage of him in the

cabinet. Murphy was dismissed in disgrace, and ordered to rusticate on

board till his eye was bright.

"I should have confined you to the ship myself," said the captain, "but

the boy has done it for me; you cannot appear on shore with that black

eye."

As soon as he was gone, I was admonished to be more careful in future.

"You are," said the captain, "like a young bear; all your sorrows are

before you; if you give a blow for every hard name you receive, your

fate in the service may be foreseen: if weak you will be pounded to a

mummy--if strong, you will be hated. A quarrelsome disposition will

make you enemies in every rank you may attain; you will be watched with

a jealous eye, well knowing, as we all do, that the same spirit of

insolence and overbearing which you show in the cockpit, will follow you

to the quarter-deck, and rise with you in the service. This advice is

for your own good; not that I interfere in these things, as everybody

and everything finds its level in a man-of-war; I only wish you to draw

a line between resistance against oppression, which I admire and

respect, and a litigious, uncompromising disposition, which I despise.

Now wash your face and go on board. Try by all means to conciliate the

rest of your mess-mates, for first impressions are everything, and rely

on it, Murphy's report will not be in your favour."

This advice was very good, but had the disadvantage of coming too late

for that occasion by at least half an hour. The fracas was owing to the

captain's mismanagement, and the manners and customs of the navy at the

beginning of the nineteenth century. The conversation at the tables of

the higher ranks of the service in those days, unless ladies were

present, was generally such as a boy could not listen to without injury

to his better feelings. I was therefore "hinted off;" but with due

respect to my captain, who is still living, I should have been sent on

board of my ship and cautioned against the bad habits of the natives of

North Corner and Barbican; and if I could not be admitted to the

mysterious conversation of a captain's table, I should have been told in

a clear and decided manner to depart, without the needless puzzle of an

innuendo which I did not and could not understand.

I returned on board about eight o'clock, where Murphy had gone before

me, and prepared a reception far from agreeable. Instead of being

welcomed to my berth, I was received with coldness, and I returned to

the quarter-deck, where I walked till I was weary, and then leaned

against a gun. From this temporary alleviation, I was roused by a voice

of thunder, "Lean off that gun." I started up, touched my hat, and

continued my solitary walk, looking now and then at the second

lieutenant, who had thus gruffly addressed me. I felt a dejection of

spirits, a sense of destitution and misery, which I cannot describe. I

had done no wrong, yet I was suffering as if I had committed a crime. I

had been aggrieved, and had vindicated myself as well as I could. I

thought I was among devils, and not men; my thoughts turned homeward. I

remembered my poor mother in her agony of grief on the sofa; and my

unfeeling heart then found that it needed the soothings of affection. I

could have wept, but I knew not where to go; for I could not be seen to

cry on board of ship. My pride began to be humbled. I felt the misery

of dependence, although not wanting pecuniary resources; and would have

given up all my prospects to have been once more seated quietly at home.

The first lieutenant came on board soon after, and I heard him relating

my adventure to the second lieutenant. The tide now evidently turned in

my favour. I was invited down to the gun-room; and having given

satisfactory answers to all the questions put to me, Flyblock was sent

for, and I was once more placed under his protection. The patronage of

the first lieutenant, I flattered myself, would have ensured me at least

common civility for a short time.

I had now more leisure to contemplate my new residence and new

associates, who, having returned from the duty of the dockyard, were all

assembled in the berth, seated round the table on the lockers, which

paid "the double debt" of seats and receptacles; but in order to obtain

a sitting, it was requisite either to climb over the backs of the

company, or submit to "high pressure" from the last comer. Such close

contact, even with our best friends, is never desirable; but in warm

weather, in a close, confined air, with a manifest scarcity of clean

linen, it became particularly inconvenient. The population here very

far exceeded the limits usually allotted to human beings in any

situation of life except in a slave-ship. The midshipmen, of whom there

were eight full grown, and four youngsters, were without either jackets

or waistcoats; some of them had their shirt-sleeves rolled up, either to

prevent the reception or to conceal the absorption of dirt in the region

of the wristbands. The repast on the table consisted of a can or large

black-jack of small beer, and a japan bread-basket, full of sea-biscuit.

To compensate for this simple fare, and at the same time to cool the

close atmosphere of the berth, the table was covered with a large green

cloth with a yellow border, and many yellow spots withal, where the

colour had been discharged by slops of vinegar, hot tea, etcetera,

etcetera; a sack of potatoes stood in one corner, and the shelves all

round, and close over our heads, were stuffed with plates, glasses,

quadrants, knives and forks, loaves of sugar, dirty stockings and

shirts, and still fouler table-cloths, small tooth-combs, and ditto

large, clothes brushes and shoe brushes, cocked-hats, dirks, German

flutes, mahogany writing-desks, a plate of salt butter, and some two or

three pairs of naval half-boots. A single candle served to make

darkness visible, and the stench had nearly overpowered me.

The reception I met with tended in no way to relieve these horrible

impressions. A black man, with no other dress than a dirty check shirt

and trousers, not smelling of amber, stood within the door, ready to

obey all and any one of the commands with which he was loaded. The

smell of the towel he held in his hand to wipe the plates and glasses

with, completed my discomfiture; and I fell sick upon the seat nearest

at me. Recovering from this, without the aid of any "ministering

angel," I contracted the pupils of my eyes, and ventured to look around

me. The first who met my gaze, was my recent foe; he bore the marks of

contention by having his eye bound up with brown paper and a dirty silk

pocket-handkerchief; the other was quickly turned on me; and, with a

savage and brutal countenance, he swore and denounced the severest

vengeance on me for what I had done. In this, he was joined by another

ill-looking fellow, with large whiskers.

I shall not repeat the elegant philippics with which I was greeted.

Suffice it to say that I found all the big ones against me, and the

little ones neuter; the caterer, supposing I had received suitable

admonition for my future guidance, and that I was completely bound over

to keep the peace, turned all the youngsters out of the berth. "As for

you, Mr Fistycuff," said he, addressing himself to me, "you may walk

off with the rest of the gang, so make yourself scarce, like the

Highlander's breeches."

The boys all obeyed the command in silence, and I was not sorry to

follow them. As I went out he added, "So, Mr Rumbusticus, you can obey

orders, I see, and it is well for you; for I had a biscuit ready to shy

at your head." This affront, after all I had suffered, I was forced to

pocket; but I could not understand what the admiral could mean, when he

said that people went to sea "to learn manners."

I soon made acquaintance with the younger set of my mess-mates, and we

retreated to the forecastle as the only part of the ship suitable to the

nature of the conversation we intended to hold. After one hour's

deliberation, and notwithstanding it was the first night I had ever been

on board a ship, I was unanimously elected leader of this little band.

I became the William Tell of the party, as having been the first to

resist the tyranny of the oldsters, and especially of the tyrant Murphy.

I was let into all the secrets of the mess in which the youngsters were

placed by the captain to be instructed and kept in order. Alas! what

instruction did we get but blasphemy? What order were we kept in,

except that of paying our mess, and being forbidden to partake of those

articles which our money had purchased? My blood boiled when they

related all they had suffered, and I vowed I would sooner die than

submit to such treatment.

The hour of bed-time arrived. I was instructed how to get into my

hammock, and laughed at for tumbling out on the opposite side. I was

forced to submit to this pride of conscious superiority of these

urchins, who could only boast of a few month's more practical experience

than myself, and who, therefore, called me a greenhorn. But all this

was done in good-nature; and, after a few hearty laughs from my

companions, I gained the centre of my suspended bed, and was very soon

in a sound sleep. This was only allowed to last till about four o'clock

in the morning, when down came the head of my hammock, and I fell to the

deck with my feet still hanging in the air, like poor Sally, when she

caught the crab. Stunned and stupefied by the fall, bewildered by the

violent concussion and the novelty of all around me, I continued in a

state of somnambulism, and it was some minutes before I could recollect

myself.

The marine sentinel at the gun-room door, seeing what had happened, and

also espying the person to whom I was indebted for this favour, very

kindly came to my assistance. He knotted my lanyard, and restored my

hammock to its place; but he could not persuade me to confide myself

again to such treacherous bedposts, for I thought the rope had broken;

and so strongly did the fear of another tumble possess my mind, that I

took a blanket, and lay down on a chest at some little distance, keeping

a sleepless eye directed to the scene of my late disaster.

This was fortunate; for not many minutes had elapsed, when Murphy, who

had been relieved from the middle-watch, came below, and seeing my

hammock again hanging up, and supposing me in it, took out his knife and

cut it down. "So then," said I to myself, "it was you, was it, who

invaded my slumbers, and nearly dashed my brains out, and have now made

the second attempt." I vowed to Heaven that I would have revenge; and I

acquitted myself of that vow. Like the North American savage, crouching

lest he should see me, I waited patiently till he had got into his

hammock, and was in a sound sleep. I then gently pushed a shot-case

under the head of his hammock, and placed the corner of it so as to

receive his head; for had it split his skull I should not have cared, so

exasperated was I, and so bent on revenge. Subtile and silent, I then

cut his lanyard: he fell, and his head coming in contact with the edge

of the shot-case, he gave a deep groan, and there he lay. I instantly

retreated to my chest and blanket, where I pretended to snore, while the

sentinel, who, fortunately for me, had seen Murphy cut me down the first

time, came with his lanthorn, and seeing him apparently dead, removed

the shot-case out of the way, and then ran to the sergeant of marines,

desiring him to bring the surgeon's assistant.

While the sergeant was gone, he whispered softly to me, "Lie still; I

saw the whole of it, and if you are found out, it may go hard with you."

Murphy, it appeared, had few friends in the ship; all rejoiced at his

accident. I laid very quietly in my blanket while the surgeon's

assistant dressed the wound; and, after a considerable time, succeeded

in restoring the patient to his senses: he was, however, confined a

fortnight to his bed. I was either not suspected, or, if I was, it was

known that I was not the aggressor. The secret was well kept. I gave

the marine a guinea, and took him into my service as _valet de place_.

And now, reader, in justice to myself, allow me to make a few remarks.

They may serve as a palliative, to a certain degree, for that

unprincipled career which the following pages will expose. The passions

of pride and revenge, implanted in our fallen natures, and which, if not

eradicated in the course of my education, ought, at least, to have lain

dormant as long as possible, were, through the injudicious conduct of

those to whom I had been entrusted, called into action and full activity

at a very early age. The moral seeds sown by my parents, which might

have germinated and produced fruit, were not watered or attended to;

weeds had usurped their place, and were occupying the ground which

should have supported them; and at this period, when the most assiduous

cultivation was necessary to procure a return, into what a situation was

I thrown? In a ship crowded with three hundred men, each of them, or

nearly so, cohabiting with an unfortunate female, in the lowest state of

degradation; where oaths and blasphemy interlarded every sentence; where

religion was wholly neglected, and the only honour paid to the Almighty

was a clean shirt on a Sunday; where implicit obedience to the will of

an officer was considered of more importance than the observance of the

Decalogue; and the Commandments of God were in a manner abrogated by the

Articles of War--for the first might be broken with impunity, and even

with applause, while the most severe punishment awaited any infraction

of the latter.

So much for the ship in the aggregate; let us now survey the

midshipmen's berth. Here we found the same language and the same

manners, with scarcely one shade more of refinement. Their only

pursuits, when on shore, were intoxication and worse debauchery, to be

gloried in and boasted of when they returned on board. My captain said

that everything found its level in a man of war. True; but in a

midshipman's berth it was the level of a savage, where corporal strength

was the _sine qua non_, and decided whether you were to act the part of

a tyrant or a slave. The discipline of public schools, bad and

demoralising as it is, was light, compared to the tyranny of a

midshipman's berth in 1803.

A mistaken notion has long prevailed, that boys derive advantages from

suffering under the tyranny of their oppressors at schools; and we

constantly hear the praises of public schools and midshipmen's berths on

this very account--namely, "that boys are taught to find their level."

I do not mean to deny but that the higher orders improve by collision

with their inferiors, and that a young aristocrat is often brought to

his senses by receiving a sound thrashing from the son of a tradesman.

But he that is brought up a slave, will be a tyrant when he has the

power; the worst of our passions are nourished to inflict the same evil

on others which we boast of having suffered ourselves. The courage and

daring spirit of a noble-minded boy is rather broken down by ill-usage

which he has not the power to resist, or, surmounting all this, he

proudly imbibes a dogged spirit of sullen resistance and implacable

revenge; which become the bane of his future life.

The latter was my fate; and let not my readers be surprised or shocked,

if, in the course of these adventures; I should display some of the

fruits of that fatal seed, so early and so profusely sown in my bosom.

If, on my first coming into the ship, I shrank back with horror at the

sound of blasphemy and obscenity--if I shut my eyes to the promiscuous

intercourse of the sexes, it was not so long. By insensible degrees, I

became familiarised by vice, and callous to its approach. In a few

months I had become nearly as corrupt as others. I might indeed have

resisted longer; but though the fortress of virtue could have held out

against open violence, it could not withstand the undermining of

ridicule. My young companions, who, as I have observed, had only

preceded me six months in the service, were already grown old in

depravity; they laughed at my squeamishness, called me, "milksop" and

"boarding-school miss," and soon made me as bad as themselves. We had

not quite attained the age of perpetration, but we were fully prepared

to meet it when it came.

I had not been two days on board, when the youngsters proposed a walk

into the main top. I mounted the rigging with perfect confidence, for I

was always a good climber; but I had not proceeded far, when I was

overtaken by the captain of the top and another man, who, without any

ceremony or preface, seized me by each arm, and very deliberately lashed

me fast in the rigging. They laughed at my remonstrance. I asked what

they meant, and the captain of the top said very civilly, taking off his

hat at the same time, "that it was the way all gemmen were sarved when

they first went aloft; and I must pay my footing as a bit of a

parkazite." I looked down to the quarter-deck for assistance, but every

one there was laughing at me and even the very little rogues of

midshipmen who had enticed me up were enjoying the joke. Seeing this

was the case, I only asked what was to pay. The captain of the top said

a seven shilling bit would be thought handsome. This I promise to give,

and was released on my own recognisances. When I reached the

quarter-deck I paid the money.

Having experienced nothing but cruelty and oppression since I had been

on board, I sorely repented of coming to sea; my only solace was seeing

Murphy, as he lay in his hammock, with his head bound up. This was a

balm to me. "I bide my time," said I; "I will yet be revenged on all of

you;" and so I was. I let none escape: I had them all in their turns,

and glutted my thirst for revenge.

I had been three weeks on board, when the ship was reported ready for

sea. I had acquired the favour of the first lieutenant by a constant

attention to the little duties he gave me to perform. I had been put

into a watch, and stationed in the fore-top, and quartered at the

foremast guns on the main deck. I was told by the youngsters that the

first lieutenant was a harsh officer, and implacable when once he took a

dislike; his manners, however, even when under the greatest excitement,

were always those of a perfect gentleman, and I continued living on good

terms with him. But with the second lieutenant I was not so fortunate.

He had ordered me to take the jolly-boat and bring off a women whom he

kept; I remonstrated and refused, and from that moment we never were

friends.

Murphy had also recovered from his fall, and returned to his duty; his

malice towards me increased, and I had no peace or comfort in his

presence. One day he threw a biscuit at my head, calling me at the same

time a name which reflected on the legitimacy of my birth, in language

the most coarse and vulgar. In a moment all the admonitions which I had

received, and all my sufferings for impetuosity of temper, were

forgotten; the blood boiled in my veins, and trickled from my wounded

forehead. Dizzy, and almost sightless with rage, I seized a brass

candlestick, the bottom of which (to keep it steady at sea) was loaded

with lead, and threw it at him with all my might; had it taken effect as

I intended, that offence would have been his last. It missed his head,

and struck the black servant on the shoulder; the poor man went howling

to the surgeon, in whose care he remained for many days.

Murphy started up to take instant vengeance, but was held by the other

seniors of the mess, who unanimously declared that such an offence as

mine should be punished in a more solemn manner. A mock trial (without

adverting to the provocation I had received) found me guilty of

insubordination "to the oldsters," and setting a bad example to the

youngsters. I was sentenced to be _cobbed_ with a worsted stocking

filled with wet sand. I was held down on my face to the mess-table by

four stout midshipmen; the surgeon's assistant held my wrist, to

ascertain if my pulse indicated exhaustion; while Murphy, at his own

particular request, became the executioner. Had it been any other but

him, I should have given vent to my agonising pain by screams; but like

a sullen Ebo, I was resolved to endure even to death, rather than

gratify him by any expression of pain. After a most severe punishment,

a cold sweat and faintness alarmed the surgeon's assistant. I was then

released, but ordered to mess on my chest for a fortnight by myself. As

soon as I was able to stand, and had recovered my breath, I declared in

the most solemn manner, that a repetition of the offence should produce

the action for which I had suffered, and I would then appeal to the

captain for justice "and," said I, turning to Murphy, "it was I who cut

down your hammock, and had very nearly knocked out your brains. I did

it in return for your cowardly attack on me; and I will do it again, if

I suffer martyrdom for it; for every act of tyranny you commit I will

have revenge. Try me now, and see if I am not as good as my word." He

grinned, and turned pale, but dared do no more, for he was a coward. I

was ordered to quit the berth, which I did, and as I went out one of the

mates observed that I was "a proper malignant devil, by God."

This violent scene produced a sort of cessation from hostilities.

Murphy knew that he might expect a decanter at his head or a knife in

his side, if I was provoked; and that peace which I could not gain from

his compassion, I obtained from his fears. The affair made a noise in

the ship. With the officers in the gun-room I lost ground, because it

was misrepresented. With the men I gained favour, because they hated

Murphy. They saw the truth, and admired me for my determined

resistance.

Sent to Coventry by the officers, I sought the society of the men. I

learned rapidly the practical part of my duty, and profited by the

uncouth criticism of these rough warriors on the defective seamanship of

their superiors. A sort of compact was made between us: they promised

that whenever they deserted, it should not be from my boat when on duty,

and I promised to let them go and drink at public-houses as long as I

could spare them. In spite, however, of this mutual understanding, two

of them violated their faith the night before we went to sea, and left

the boat of which I had charge; and as I had disobeyed orders in letting

them go into a public-house, I was, on my return to the ship, dismissed

from the quarter-deck, and ordered to do my duty in the fore-top.