1st. He that hath NOT A VOTE AND VOTETH; which may be considered,
1st. As to his CLAIM, which is divisible into
1. He that voteth for dead men.
2. He that voteth for empty tenements.
3. He that voteth for many men.
4. He that voteth for men in the country, and the like.
2nd. As to his MOTIVE, which is divisible into
1. Because he hath a bet that he will vote.
2. Because he loveth a lark.
3. Because he LOVETH HIS COUNTRY.
[Here also may be applied all the predicates under the subjects
BRIBING, HUMBUG, and PRINCIPLE.]
2nd. He that hath A VOTE AND VOTETH NOT; which is divisible into
1st. He that is PREVENTED from voting, which is divisible into
1. He who is upset by a bribed coachman.
2. He who is incited into an assault, that he may be put
into the cage.
3. He who is driven by a drunken coachman many miles the wrong way.
4. He who is hocussed.
5. He who is sent into the country for a holiday, and the like.
2nd. He that FORFEITETH his vote, which is divisible into
1. He who is too great a philosopher to care for his country.
2. He who has not been solicited.
3. He who drinketh so that he cannot go to the poll.
4. He who is too drunk to speak at the poll.
5. He who through over-zeal getteth his head broken.
6. He who stayeth to finish the bottle, and is too late,
and the like.
3rd. He that hath A VOTE AND VOTETH; which is divisible into
1st. He that voteth INTENTIONALLY, which is divisible into
1st. He that voteth CORRUPTLY, which is divisible into
1st. He that is BRIBED, which is divisible into
1st. He that is bribed DIRECTLY, which is divisible into
1st. He that receiveth MONEY, which may be considered as
1. He that pretendeth the money is due to him.
2. He that pretendeth it is lent.
3. He who receiveth it as alms.
4. He who receiveth it as the price of a venerated
tobacco-pipe, a piece of Irish bacon, and the like.
2nd. He that seeketh PLACE, which may be considered as
1. He who asketh for a high situation, as a judgeship in
Botany Bay, or a bishopric in Sierra Leone, and the like.
2. He who asketh for a low situation, as a ticket-porter,
curate, and the like.
3. He who asketh for any situation he can get, as Secretary
to the Admiralty, policeman, revising barrister, turnkey,
chaplain, mail-coach guard, and the like.
3rd. He that taketh DRINK, which may be considered as
1. He that voteth for Walker's Gooseberry, or Elector's
Sparkling Champagne.
2. For sloe-juice, or Elector's fine old crusted Port.
3. He who voteth for Brett's British Brandy, or Elector's
real French Cognac.
4. He who voteth for quassia, molasses, copperas, _coculus
Indicus_, Spanish juice, or Elector's Extra Double Stout.
2nd. He that is bribed INDIRECTLY, as
1. He who is promised a government contract for wax, wafers,
or the like.
2. He who getteth a contract, for paupers' clothing, building
unions, and the like.
3. He who furnisheth the barouches-and-four for the independent
40s. freeholders.
4. He who is presented with cigars, snuffs, meerschaum-pipes,
haunches of venison, Stilton-cheeses, fresh pork,
pine-apples, early peas, and the like.
2nd. He that is INTIMIDATED, as
1. By his landlord, who soliciteth back rent, or giveth him notice
to quit.
2. By his patron, who sayeth they of the opposite politics cannot
be trusted.
3. By his master, who sayeth he keepeth no viper of an opposite
opinion in his employ.
4. By his wife, who will have her own way in hysterics.
5. By his intended bride, who talketh of men of spirit and
Gretna Green.
6. By a rich customer, who sendeth back his goods, and biddeth
him be d--d.
3rd. He that is VOLUNTARILY CORRUPT, which may be considered as
1. He who voteth from the hope that his party will provide him
a place.
2. He who voteth to please one who can leave him a legacy.
3. He who voteth to get into genteel society.
4. He who voteth according as he hath taken the odds.
5. He who, being a schoolmaster, voteth for the candidate with a
large family.
6. He who voteth in hopes posterity may think him a patriot.
2nd. He that voteth CONSCIENTIOUSLY, which is divisible into
1st. He that voteth according to HUMBUG, which is divisible into
1st. He that is POLITICALLY humbugged, which is divisible into
1st. He has SOME BRAINS, as
1. He who believeth taxes will be taken off.
2. He who believeth wages will be raised.
3. He who thinketh trade will be increased.
4. He who studieth political economy.
5. He who readeth newspapers, reviews, and magazines, and
listeneth to lectures, and the like.
2nd. He that has NO BRAINS, as
1. He who voteth to support "the glorious Constitution," and
maintain "the envy of surrounding nations."
2. He who believeth the less the taxation the greater the
revenue.
3. He who attendeth the Crown and Anchor meetings,
and the like.
2nd. He that is MORALLY humbugged, as
1. He who thinketh the Millennium and the Rads will come in
together.
2. He who thinketh that the Whigs are patriots.
3. That the Tories love the poor.
4. That the member troubleth himself solely for the good of his
country.
5. That the unions are popular with the paupers, and the like.
3rd. He that is DOMESTICALLY humbugged, as
1. He who voteth because the candidate's ribbons suit his wife's
complexion.
2. Because his wife was addressed as his daughter by the
canvasser.
3. Because his wife had the candidate's carriage to make calls
in, and the like.
4. Because his daughter was presented with a set of the Prince
Albert Quadrilles.
5. Because the candidate promised to stand godfather to his last
infant, and the like.
2nd. He that voteth according to PRINCIPLE, which is divisible into
1st. He whose principles are HEREDITARY, as
1. He who voteth on one side because his father always voted
on the same.
2. Because the "Wrong-heads" and the like had always sat for
the county.
3. Because he hath kindred with an ancient political hero, such
as Jack Cade, Hampden, the Pretender, &c., and so must
maintain his principle.
4. Because his mother quartereth the Arms of the candidate, and
the like.
2nd. He whose principles are CONVENTIONAL, as
1. He who voteth because the candidate keepeth a pack of hounds.
2. Because he was once insulted by a scoundrel of the same name
as the opposite candidate.
3. Because the candidate is of a noble family.
4. Because the candidate laid the first brick of Zion Chapel,
and the like.
5. Because he knoweth the candidate's cousin.
6. Because the candidate directed to him--"Esq."
3rd. He whose principles are PHILOSOPHICAL, which may be
considered as
1st. He that is IMPARTIAL, as
1. He that voteth on both sides.
2. Because he tossed up with himself.
3. He who loveth the majority and therefore voteth for him who
hath most votes.
4. Because he is asked to vote one way, and so voteth the
other, to show that he is not influenced.
5. Because he hateth the multitude, and so voteth against the
popular candidate.
2nd. He that is INDEPENDENT, as
1. He who cannot be trusted.
2. He who taketh money from one side, and voteth on the other.
3. He who is not worth bribing.
4. He who voteth against his own opinion, because his letter
was not answered.
5. He who, being promised a place last election, was deceived,
and the like.
2nd. He that voteth ACCIDENTALLY, which is divisible into
1st. He that voteth through the BLUNDERS OF HIMSELF, which may be
considered as
1. He who is drunk, and forgetteth who gave him the bribe.
2. He who goeth to the wrong agent, who leadeth him astray.
3. He who is confused and giveth the wrong name.
4. He who is bashful, and assenteth to any name suggested.
5. He who promiseth both parties, and voteth for all the candidates,
and the like.
2nd. He that voteth through the BLUNDERS OF OTHERS, which may be
considered as
1. He who is mistaken for his servant when he is canvassed, and so
incensed into voting the opposite way.
2. He who is attempted to be bribed before many people, and so
outraged into honesty.
3. He who hath too much court paid by the canvasser to his wife, and
so, out of jealousy, voteth for the opposite candidate.
4. He who is called down from dinner to be canvassed, and being
enraged thereat, voteth against his conviction.
5. He who bringeth the fourth seat in a hackney-coach to him who
keepeth a carriage and the like.
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