SOCIETY.
Dangers on entering Society. Of cherishing a Passion for it.
Sensitiveness to Public Opinion. Dress; Miss Sedgwick's view of
it; connected with virtues. Mrs. Hancock. Exposure of Health.
Affectation; of extreme sensibility; of insensibility.
Conversation for Effect. Entertainments. Nominal Morality. Two
guards, Moral Independence, and Ingenuousness. Dangers in regard
to your own Sex. Envy. The Swiss sisters. Jealousy. Detraction.
Ridicule. Flattery. Cultivate Gentleness. Dr. Bowring in regard to
Ladies in the East. Kind Feelings. "The art of being Pleased."
Good Sense. Good Taste. Amusements. A holy Purpose.
We spoke, in the preceding chapter, of the paramount demands of home on
the youthful female. This was represented as the central luminary of
life. We are led naturally, in this place, to note those influences
adverse to domestic piety. There are planets, in the moral heaven of
woman, whose orbits are so eccentric, that their motions are of fearful
import to her heart. When she enters society, an equal among elders, it
is a trying exigency; a crisis then occurs in her character. Her
temptations are numerous, while her moral energy is usually less decided
than at subsequent periods.
Among the perils appertaining to this stage, of a general description,
I name, first,
That of cherishing a Passion for Society, to the neglect of domestic
duty. To one issuing from an ordinary light, into the broad glare of the
sun, there is danger that the vision may suffer. How often has she, who
might have graced her home through all coming years, had she retained
her first love of it, failed and fallen from this height, by being
overpowered by the dazzling charms of a round of new pleasures. In vain
has a brother, distant from home, entreated that she continue a sisterly
correspondence. To no purpose has the gentle voice of a mother been at
length raised against her dissipating course. The spell of a sorcerer is
upon her. She is a doomed woman; there, in the gay world, fluttering,
perhaps the admired of all admirers. Her own hearth-stone is deserted;
and what must we anticipate, should she be placed at the head of a new
household?
Another exposure, always to be feared in society, arises from the
sensitiveness of woman to Public Opinion. In our country this influence
brings danger and evil to both sexes. The language of Cecil, if true of
London, is more so of America. "Doing as others do is the prevalent
principle," he affirms, "of the present female character. This,--so far
as it avails with man or woman,--is the ruin, death, and grave of all
that is noble, and virtuous, and praiseworthy." An inordinate desire to
please every one is surely a snare to integrity and purity of character.
But who so tempted, in this respect, as a young, dependant, and almost
helpless, female? Such are the customs of society, that woman is placed
beneath the protection of man. A consciousness of this position cannot
fail to awaken a strong desire for his favor. This sentiment, always
active, will have a superadded sway over one just entering the path of
social life. In future days she will gain, perhaps, new confidence in
herself, and rely more on her inward resources, while in the world. But
now, she must lean much upon others, and will, almost insensibly,
conform unduly to their wishes and practices. Let a guard be early
stationed at this post of peril.
In regard to her Dress, the young woman is liable to subject herself
completely to that form of public opinion termed fashion. This power,
elsewhere an idol, seems in the realm of dress a very Moloch. How often
are our children cast into its fiery arms, and the cries of the victim,
or rather the cries of duty, and reason, drowned by the harsh music of
the world.
Not only at evening parties, in the streets, and at Lectures, but in the
very house of God, you shall see the dominion of this tyrant. I quote,
on this topic, an eminent female writer of our country. "From your youth
upwards you are accustomed to hear such remarks as follow: 'Did you
observe Mrs. M.'s dress last Sunday? She must have got it from France;
it was something so out of the common way, I could not take my eyes off
from her all church time.' Another wore some article so old, or
ill-fashioned, as to be unfit to be seen at church. A third looked so
ugly in black that she 'must detest going into mourning.'" Now is not
all this unworthy a rational and immortal being? Shall even the
sanctuary be profaned by this polluting intruder? It is only our
familiarity with such scenes, that prevents our shedding angel tears
over this sin.
Why should it concern us, that Paris is glittering with some new token
of her passion for outward adorning? It is sad to see the devotion of
this young republic to the customs and follies of the old world. The
gardener tells us, that a tree or a flower, unless imported from abroad,
has almost no value in the sight of our boasted horticulturists. Let us
reform this spirit of servitude, and, repair to our own fields and
forests for specimens of beauty. Let the good sense and the good taste
of the American woman, shew to the nations abroad, that we will not
servilely depend upon them, for every turn of a collar, or form of a
bonnet. Had we more of "the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit," yes, a
quiet, contented, and Christian spirit, we should devise for ourselves
meet fashions and modes of apparel.
My reason for dwelling on this subject is, that it has important Moral
relations. I do not deny that dress may be properly regarded, both from
a reasonable conformity to custom, and as an expression of the sense of
beauty. Nay, I believe it may minister to several of the virtues.
Neatness, economy and purity, rank high in the Christian scale of
attainments, and all these are promoted by propriety of dress. It is
indeed a good index of one's character. Modesty and simplicity, those
prime moral qualities, are very often manifested by the mere materials,
or the construction, or adjustment, of the dress. Let it never,
therefore, be viewed as a matter of indifference. Still less should a
lady excuse herself in negligence in this respect, even for the care of
her family, or the culture of her mind. Least of all should she affect a
total unconcern about dress. The wife of John Hancock was remarkable, to
the close of her life, for her attention to the neatness and beauty of
her apparel. "I will never forgive," said she, "a young girl who does
not dress to please, nor one who seems pleased with her dress." Literary
ladies are sometimes strangely negligent in this respect. They may
imagine that carelessness about personal appearances will be taken for a
proof of genius. But men do not thus judge. On the contrary, they regard
her as truly great, who is eminent for learning and talents, and at the
same time not unmindful of dress and manners.
The sin of this matter lies in a breathless devotion to outward
adorning. This is fatal to the inward and Christian graces. She who
foregoes a reasonable regard to economy, for the sake of dress, is
decidedly culpable. We are told that "a collection of three hundred and
fifty pounds was once made for the celebrated Cuzzona, to save her from
absolute want; but that she no sooner got the money than she laid out
two hundred pounds of it in the purchase of a shell cap, which was just
then in fashion!" Something of the same prodigality is often exhibited,
only on a smaller scale. She who thinks more of her apparel than of her
language, more of adopting the latest fashion than of conversing with
intelligence, and demeaning herself as becomes a disciple of Jesus, must
beware of her moral exposure.
Let it not be conceived, that whatever of error woman exhibits in her
attachment to fashion is to be charged on her sex alone. The other sex
have, in too many instances, extolled and idolized foreign modes of
dress. It has been to gratify man,--and he knew the disposition that
prompted it,--that such folly and excess have been shown in her apparel.
Yet will I say that it is not so with us all; few, very few of our sex
are propitiated by an extravagant care for fashions. Most men are pained
by the attenuated forms and pale countenances of those, who are slaves
to every new mode of dress. They prefer the bloom of health, and the
evidences of good taste, good sense, purity and propriety, seen in a
well-dressed female, to the caricatures sanctioned only by the name of
some foreign city.
The care of a young lady's health is another interest affected much by
her entrance into society. The little girl is a picture of bloom and
buoyancy. And why? Because fashion permits her to sport in the freedom
of nature. The laws of God are allowed, in her case, to be so regarded
as to secure her health. But for our young lady, it were rude and
disreputable in her to indulge in those bodily exercises essential to
her physical wellbeing.
There is much ignorance, I am aware, among this sex, in reference to the
conditions of health. Yet more are they who sin in this respect against
light, than in the absence of it. Is it not known that the exposure of
the feet to wet and cold, in shoes genteelly thin, may induce disease?
Can it be, that the multitudes, who compress the lungs and chest into
half the space designed for them by nature, and thus occasion diseases
of the spine, if not even consumption, sin all in ignorance? A slender
waist was not regarded in ancient Greece as an attribute of female
beauty; in Paris it is now usually deemed a deformity. When will this
perverse taste in America be corrected? Let gentlemen cease to praise
such distortions of the frame, and let ladies exhibit the intelligence
and regard to the laws of God, which will second and secure a reform.
Who does not know that the Chinese barbarity of a pinched foot is
contrary both to health and true taste? Why should we refuse instruction
from the ancient models of beauty, on these points, more than on others?
Is it not known that to pursue the dance in winter through the chills of
midnight, and return to one's home, as the day dawns, in summer apparel,
is treading that path which has led thousands to consumption? Yes, too
often are these guilty practices indulged in merely from the bondage of
fashion. Not only are parental voices unheeded, but personal convictions
are silenced, rather than violate its Draco-like laws.
There may be men who encourage woman in the culture of a false delicacy
in reference to her health. There must be somewhere a power, before
which these unhappy beings do homage. Else had we never witnessed that
affected fastidiousness of appetite, and that affected sickliness, so
fashionable in some circles. Let this sex, however, for the sake of
self, and of posterity, of man and of God, rise above that wretched
servitude, which calls for the sacrifice of sound constitutions, and
sometimes even life itself, rather than permit the "tender and delicate
woman to set the sole of her foot on the ground." Let physical vigor,
attended by mental excellence and moral soundness, become a part of her
noble adorning. No more may childhood and youth be the only seasons, in
which public opinion shall tolerate those generous exercises in the free
air, by which buoyancy and vigor may be prolonged even to old age.
Fashion, if allowed its entire sway, leads woman into many modes of
Affectation. Rosseau affirms that "artifice is a talent natural to
woman. Let," he says, "little girls be in this respect compared with
boys of the same age; and if these appear not dull, blundering, stupid,
in comparison, I shall be incontestibly wrong." Does this, if it be
true, explain in any measure the strange fact that the servants of
fashion must never be known as industrious, still less laborious in any
useful avocation? that they must be always at leisure for the morning
call and the evening _levee_? Nothing, in some circles, would prove so
fatal to a lady's reputation for gentility, as the character of a
working woman. The more idle and dependant on others, the greater the
renown.
And then, too, to be in high repute, one must feign an ignorance of
every kind of employment. To be a good housewife, to understand every
domestic duty, is degrading in the extreme. It is thought a proof of
vulgarity to be acquainted with ordinary things. Pride is taken in
egregious mistakes as to certain persons, places, and pursuits. To show
a knowledge of what is done beyond her own caste would be to forfeit her
rank, and would expel her from the highest circles in society.
How many in the fashionable world conduct as though an excessive
refinement of feeling were the chief praise of their sex. They cannot
witness any spectacle of suffering and pain; it shocks their nerves to
be present with the sick. O how fallen is she from the high station, for
which God created her, who thus shrinks from scenes where the beauty and
glory of her nature may be so nobly displayed! Can it be that an
affected sensibility shall shut one of this sex from the chamber of
sickness? Lives there the man, who commends this wretched
sentimentalism? If there be one such in this land, we devoutly hope that
our soil may soon cease to be polluted by his steps. Let him take
refuge among the nobility of man's fabrication; for God hath denied him
a place among his.
There is but one species of affectation, to be more severely
reprehended, in this connection, than that now considered; it is the
opposite of this, a feigned Insensibility. I once heard a lady, who was
about parting from a circle of most valuable friends, parting too from
her own native spot, on being asked if she did not feel deep regret at
the thought of leaving those scenes, reply, "What good would it do to
cry about it?" The expression might manifest the philosophy of a Stoic,
but a Christian philosophy, I am sure it did not. And a more unfeminine
spirit than it discovered, I have never known in one of her sex. If it
be weak in woman to exhibit great sensibility, it argues no moral
strength, to guard against this by affecting to be a stock, or a stone.
"The haughty woman who can stand alone, and requires no leaning-place in
our heart, loses the spell of her sex."
Another form of the disposition in question, to be avoided by her who is
entering society, is Conversation for the sake of Effect. It is feared
by some that the simple truth, simply expressed, will fail to attract
and impress. Hence come departures into the boundless field of
imagination. Ridicule is employed to color, and give zest to, the
truth. Or Mirth suggests the addition of some new fact to a story, that
the laugh may be universal and loud. Exaggeration is employed. The plain
food of truth must be seasoned by here throwing in a circumstance, and
there suppressing one. An emphatic tone, a nod, or a gesture, intimate
far more than the lips dare express. A favorite phrase is continually
recurring, or a set of superlatives, shewing that nothing common occurs
in the sphere of this individual. Perhaps Irony is indulged, to such
unreasonable extent, that a stranger to our young lady's habits of
conversation, would be totally at a loss to judge when she was in
earnest, and when trifling with the truth.
Now all this "colloquial romancing," as one styled it, is a violation of
duty to God and our fellow creatures. It is a deviation from the truth
of God; it is unjust to those, of whom, and to whom, it is daily
addressed. She, who is soon to be exposed to this moral contagion,
should be kindly forewarned of its approach. Honor, affection, and her
personal good, through the range of her whole being, forbid her to yield
to the temptation.
In the world, a young woman is in danger of a love of Fame, as concerns
her Personal appearance, her style of Living, and especially the
Entertainments given, on her account, by her parents. It is right that
we love the approbation of the virtuous; nor may we violate good taste
for the sake of defying popular opinion. But she, who allows her desire
of human esteem to supplant the higher sentiments and principles of our
nature, clearly does wrong. And are there not those, who pine in secret,
because they receive less notice than their ambition craves? It is
nothing to such that hundreds are won, so long as a single heart refuses
them homage. What condition more truly deplorable than this insatiable
thirst for applause? We are told that Elizabeth of England, "who
referred everything to self, was even jealous of the beauty and the
dress of her maids of honor. When advanced in years, the sight of her
face in a mirror would throw her into transports of rage, and so
exasperated did she become, as finally to lay her mirror wholly aside."
You shall see this same spirit manifested in an excessive care for showy
furniture, in the encouragement of artificial and numberless wants, and
in a willingness to live on resources dishonestly obtained, and on means
belonging rightfully to another, sooner than relinquish one particle of
former splendors. In ambitious entertainments, how often is woman
tempted to lift herself above those, whom it should delight her to meet
in society as her equals. If they can afford only plain walls, hers must
be garnished. Her chamber must exhibit tapestry, and her windows the
silken and fringed curtain, or she will not surpass them. Her table must
groan beneath the productions of all climates. Already it is said, we in
America expend in our dwellings, on a slender income, more than many in
Europe, who have millions at their command.
Now let the young woman be made acquainted with these facts. Although a
fond father or mother would fain make her presentation eclipse the
displays of her richest neighbors, let modesty dissuade her from this
course. She may save a parent from bankruptcy. He, who is a true friend,
will assure her that life is not that rose-colored thing, which some of
her companions describe to her. Let her know that a vortex is before
her, and ere her feet are within its feeblest eddies, let her prudently
escape the peril. A quiet life, inward adorning, should be the jewel
worn nearest her heart. If she cherish a thirst for outward exhibitions,
too late may it be her doom to feel that the sunshine of the world's
favor and applause, has but beamed upon her, to make more fearfully
distinct the caverns and wastes of her ever unsatisfied heart.
The young woman is passing into a state of society in which she will
find much merely nominal Morality. At home she has probably been
nurtured amid sincere hearts, and under the high standard of Christian
action. In the world she will hear indeed the same standard, for the
most part, verbally commended. But let her not anticipate the same
practical conformity to its requirements. She will still be told that
purity of mind, soul, and manners, is the shield of her sex, and yet, in
some circles, practices shall be tolerated, or fashions of dress, or
conversation permitted, which to her all-unsophisticated reason must
seem absolutely indefensible. History tells us, that in the thirteenth
century, when the plague raged in Florence, it spread through the
suburbs of that city, from the exhalations of certain beautiful flowers.
See, my young friends, that the lovely associates of your life, even by
their most interesting traits, do not betray you into, first slight,
then graver, and at length into serious, departures from rectitude and
purity.
As a check against the corrupting influences of popular opinion and
practices, woman should cultivate two virtues, Moral Independence, and
perfect Ingenuousness. If she determine to cleave sacredly to her
homebred convictions of right, let the world commend or condemn her, she
will maintain the royalty of her sex. Her path will be broad, free,
upward, and ever toward God and felicity. But let her succumb to
society, and bow to every mandate of fashion, and she shall become a
mental and moral slave.
Equally would I incite you to the retention of your youthful Frankness,
and Simplicity. When a child, you expressed precisely what you felt. Let
not womanhood rob you of this angelic trait. Shun art; abhor
affectation. Set to your seal, that, if detected in this habit, you will
lose the confidence and the respect of all noble minds. Know that if you
are always ingenuous, you will secure self-respect, and a conscious
integrity of heart. Let clouds lower, let the storms of deceit menace
the circle you grace, on you will all eyes fix,--and none more
benignantly than the All-seeing one above;--and in you will all behold
the blue ether of Heaven.
If the general dangers which beset a young woman, on her entrance into
society be great, those which have reference to her own Sex require of
her a peculiar watchfulness. Let philosophy explain, as it may, the
cause, nothing is more certain than that the feelings, and deportment,
and speech, that occur between her and her sister females, are a source
of constant temptation. Man has charity for the faults of woman; and she
has much for the errors of his sex; but for those of her own sex how
contracted is her mercy. Never are her Christian principles so tried, as
when the character of another is in any wise impeached. Curiosity,
opening paths filled with snares, often leads her to venture, where
angels dare not tread. Let her mark well its perils, and beware how she
intermeddle, with tongue or thought, in the secrets of her neighbor.
A root of iniquity in this world is Envy. In the lower grades of society
what pining and misery might be traced to this baleful passion. Why are
the actions of a rich rival, or one endowed with personal charms, or
gifts in conversation, and the object of attraction in society, so often
disparaged, and ascribed to any but pure motives? Whence is it, that a
woman of talent and literary claims shall be thought by so many of her
sex tinged with "blue?" Why the secret endeavor to awaken ill-will
toward the distinguished, and the reluctance to join in the defence of
such, when unjustly accused? Too readily are the faults of a compeer
rehearsed, and too slowly are her virtues acknowledged. Should the
modesty of some one be commended, may it not be because her diffidence
gives us room to pass before her in the public eye?
During the middle ages, the young and the beautiful were sometimes
burned at the stake, on the charge of having dealt in magic. If the
body be not thus sacrificed, in this latter age, truth knows that the
peace and happiness of many an innocent young woman are devoured by
insatiate envy. Imitate, my young friends, the sweet temper of those
ladies in Switzerland, who are reported to be so firmly knit together in
the Infant Societies peculiar to that country, as often to meet, after
separation, in the meridian of life, with the affection of sisters. A
love like this would scorch and destroy each germ of envy, while it gave
life, vigor, and permanence, to a gospel charity.
Akin to envy is the passion of Jealousy. The conscious possession of
eminent attainments exposes one to this sin. Let it not be palliated, as
if consistent with humility. It is the child of a morbid selfishness. It
is pride, which makes us jealous of inferiors; never does humility.
Observe the manners of her who is infected with this spirit. Does that
lofty carriage, do those averted eyes, and that sullen lip, speak of
self-abasement? Woman, dwelling in and for her affections, is prone
insensibly to indulge the risings of jealousy. A female writer says,
"Our sex are apt to be more aristocratic than men." The aristocracy of
claiming attention, friendship, promptly and unremittingly manifested,
the aristocracy, in a word, of the heart, who can doubt that this sex
often does cherish. Counsel, therefore, calls them to be vigilant, lest
they offend in this respect, even unawares. Is a young maiden in
prosperous circumstances? Let her know that the growing fortunes of
another will excite her to temptation and prejudice. Even now the
branches of the oak, that will tower and shade her whole being, might be
detected in the acorn. Has God endowed her with personal charms?
Prudence would apprise her, that "if the body be a paradise, it needs a
cherub to guard the spirit within it."
Especially, in this connection, would I warn my female friends against
the vice of Detraction. There are those, who find pleasure in repeating
what they hear of the sins of a neighbor. If a misfortune befall
another, it is made food for calumny. Her adversity is made the occasion
of intruding on her most private concerns, and exposing them to the
world. Compassion is expressed, and yet in a tone that betrays a secret
exultation. Faults are descried and magnified; no sympathy is felt for
the sufferer, but a vulgar curiosity bruits the ill-natured rumor, and
many hearts must hence bleed in their unseen solitude.
How easily may a few words, spoken concerning an enemy, or a rival,
kindle a village into flames. Recklessness may prompt speeches, full of
mistatements, wounding the fame of another, which a life may be
insufficient entirely to correct. The young woman must set herself
resolutely in opposition to this practice. If she once form the habit of
selecting the errors of others of her sex for her usual topic of
discourse, time may make it like the change of the leopard's spots, if
she ever thoroughly reform. A light word, a breath, may so scatter the
Sybil's leaves, that no human power can again reduce them to order.
A most dangerous weapon, when employed by one of this sex against a
sister, is Ridicule. Not only does it rob her who indulges it of the
rich joys of admiration, but it poisons the depths of her own spirit,
and breaks the peace of her associates. Few are they, who have not some
foible or personal defect, on which this vice may fix itself. One is an
object of taunts for her ignorance; another for a plain face; a third
for an impediment in her speech; and how many suffer this infliction for
some article of dress proscribed by that mistress called fashion. Too
often are we reminded of the fabulous Melusina, to-day, a theme of
wonder, for her grace and eloquence, to-morrow, a loathsome reptile,
with a tongue full of scorpion stings. How does every attraction we feel
toward her, who was framed with powers of speech to obey the highest
law of God, wither, as flax in the flames, when the lips thus breathe
desolation around them. The eye of the eagle is there piercing all
depths by its intelligence; but the soaring wing of that bird is
wanting.
It is the office of woman, her high privilege indeed,
"To heal and pacify distempered spirits."
Can she then sufficiently dread and shun dissensions with her own sex?
Allow that an associate has reached that eminence, which you could not
attain, be it in learning, affection, or fortune. Will you foster toward
her a spirit of animosity? Is there one of this sex alive to the noble
capacities of her nature, that can descend so low, as to seek redress
for fancied or real injustice, by girding on the armor of retaliation
and resentment? Remember Jesus, and you will bow to the wrongdoer
meekly, magnanimously.
Nor should our young friend yield to a disposition to Flatter her
favorites, any sooner than one to depreciate a rival. We may praise
another simply to gain a return in kind. Or we may do it thoughtlessly,
and by impulse. In each of these cases, we not only injure her by
inflating her vanity, but wrong our own souls. Nor are all commendations
right, which spring from a desire to gratify others. Ill-timed or
excessive praise often does serious evil. It is only that which is just,
rational, and moderate, that we should bestow on a friend. Avoid
flattery; express precisely the approbation you feel, professing no
affection you do not possess, and promising no fidelity, that
circumstances may forbid you to manifest, and you will then speak the
words due to merit, perfectly free from falsity, and acceptable in the
sight of God.
To speak now of the positive view of our subject, I would name a few
virtues and graces, of primary concern in a young woman's intercourse
with society.
There should be Gentleness of Manner. In this term we include not simply
external appearances, though these are of no trivial importance. If
manner impress and accomplish much in the sterner sex, as we all have
felt, it is in the other, almost omnipotent. Dr. Bowring informs us
that, in his recent travels in the East, he found the Samaritan, Syrian,
and all Mussulman, ladies were accustomed to veil themselves in public.
He was asked whether "the English women were so immodest as to walk out
with uncovered faces?" Thus highly are gentleness and modesty prized by
the heathen. Should they be less so by us? What object more revolting
than a coarse and rude woman? In such we expect,--and we are seldom
disappointed,--to find a rough character, a destitution of the gentle
spirit of goodness and Christ. Will not one of this class flame against
her dress-maker, if some point of fashion be violated by her? Must we
not fear that animal impulse will control her actions? I recommend no
courtly airs, no studying of gesture, or look. But I must think that,
simplicity, freedom from pretence and affectation, modesty,
self-possession, escaping both reserve and boldness, and a perfectly
frank, truth-speaking manner, are deserving the culture of every female,
who seeks the true adorning, and who would give pleasure, and do good,
to others. Octavia was none the less marked by a Roman severity of
virtue, because gentleness and grace shone through her bearing. Neither
is the Christian woman the more pious, for an utter disregard of the
courtesies of life.
But lest some should misinterpret these remarks, I will add that there
must be grace at heart. Kind Feelings, or the most accomplished manners
are but a splendid hypocrisy.
Avoid discourtesy, but avoid still more a hollow, insincere, merely
outward, gracefulness. If the feelings be correct, the manner will
usually be so. Corregio painted three furies, represented by as many
young women, with beautiful forms and regular features. Looking
intently on the hair, you might see a single serpent wreathed in its
tresses; and studying the expression of their countenances, you detected
in them cunning, malice, and cruelty. Such "beauty" and grace are truly
"vain."
No single quality is so essential in society as a willingness to be
pleased. "There is one art," says a late writer, "which those whose
object it is to charm, would do well to cultivate, the art of being
charmed. For it rescues many an hour from listlessness and discontent,
by freshening all the springs of life and action, awakening in old age
the energy of youth, and persuading the weary and desponding that they
have still the power to please, and that even for them the world has
happiness in store." Opposed to this stands caprice, a morbid desire of
attention, a self-consequence, which would draw all eyes and all
thoughts to its own important person. This spirit is full of coldness,
jealousy, and every unamiable sentiment. Let the young woman forget
herself, and study the feelings of others. She will then notice the
modest, encourage the diffident, and strive to call forth concealed
talent and virtue. She will scrupulously avoid all allusions, that would
give pain to the hearer. His ill-fortune, the trade he pursues, if
unpopular, or his low extraction, or the faults of his connections, and
his own misdemeanors, will be carefully kept out of view. Thus will the
inward man be perpetually overflowing with Christian courtesy.
Good Sense is another requisite of female civility. "The excitable
imagination and ardent feelings of woman," says a female writer, "expose
her to exaggeration of sentiment." Ignorant and weak women mortify their
friends and disgust many others, in society. They talk for the sound's
sake, giving flippant utterance to the commonplaces of the day. But did
God endow this sex with speech, to be exercised only on folly and
nonsense? No, we have seen too many living examples to the contrary, of
women
"alike from careless levity remote,
And a behavior schooled by selfish rules,
Alike removed from rashness and from fear."
Is not this better than the indulgence in perpetual trifling and tattle?
How long shall it be charged on this sex that they often yield, without
an attempt at self-control, to their supposed natural volatility? If man
be constitutionally grave, and life be with him all a serious affair,
then should woman supply this want by careful self-culture. I would not
frown on the innocent gratifications of the tongue; but I would entreat
this sex, instead of seeking their pleasure in discussing the concerns
of their neighbors, to pause, consider, and resolve that they will set
their feet in a new path. Do not reveal the secrets of a family, because
accidentally made acquainted with them, or privileged with their
intimacy. Disdain, as unworthy your nature and your sex, the practice of
prying into the domestic affairs of others. Cultivate a taste for
reading, and talk of books and principles, not persons. And never forget
that "for every idle word you must give account" hereafter. Be so filled
with good sense and knowledge, that of you it may be said, mark
"that fund of truth and sense,
Which though her modesty would shroud,
Breaks like the sun behind the cloud."
Good Taste is needful in society. There are those, who so appear, as
"thoughtless of gracefulness, to be yet grace itself." This is the
native endowment of some; but all may approximate toward it. Propriety
is a rich ornament of female speech. Modesty is a cardinal point in good
taste. But let it be sincere. In the early ages of Rome, the women, in
general, wore veils in public. Latterly they were worn by certain of the
beautiful, but disreputable of that sex, partially to shade the face,
and thus add to their unholy fascinations. Beware of a tincture of this
spirit. Let your deportment be always so pure and self-respectful, that
"guilt shall seem a thing impossible in you." Consummate the marriage
intended, under Providence, between Taste and Virtue.
The last topic I name in this connection is Moral Courage. There is a
tyranny of circumstances which you may sometimes fail of successfully
resisting. But never may you desist from the attempt to do this. Strive
to maintain, mildly, yet firmly, every particle of the ground of right
and duty.
Perhaps no one source of temptation will so try your moral energies, in
this respect, as that of amusements and recreations. God intended that
you should sometimes rest from toil, and find relaxations to repair your
exhausted spirits. Pursued for this purpose, they will ever prove more
than innocent; they will be useful, and acceptable before Heaven.
I would not specify particular amusements. For, perilous as are
theatrical entertainments, and protracted dances, there is, sometimes,
greater guilt in the scandal of those who condemn, than in the character
of those who pursue, them. But why desire these exciting indulgences?
Why risk health and morals, for the sake of a few hours' pleasure?
Excitement do you seek? Where is there more of this, so far as it is
rational and safe, than in leaving your studies for an hour's domestic
avocations; for a walk amid the enchanting beauties of nature; or for a
cheerful interview with a tried friend? In the very change of
employments, there is a fund of recreation. To train a few flowers for
the hand of the sick, or prepare a dish of fruit for a neighbor, is a
blessed amusement. Of such enjoyments you would never be constrained to
ask, "May I safely partake in them?" They are sweet at the moment, and
hallowed by the ever-fresh joys of memory.
Enter, finally, the world, with the holy purpose of passing its fiery
ordeal unharmed. Let not fashion enslave and consume your soul. If
society would degrade your nature, say to it, "Get thee behind me,
Satan." So will it exalt, and purify, and save, instead of overwhelming,
you in perdition. Avow before all persons, your attachment to principle,
to your Savior, and your God. Fix your eye, not on this vanishing scene,
but on that land, where lies "the pearl of great price." Submit not for
a day to the dominion of an outward adorning. Let the jewels you wear,
be fastened on "the hidden man of the heart." Be ornamented with
incorruptible robes. Secure, most of all, not the renown of earthly
admiration, but that honor, which, when the world and its charms shall
be dissolved and melt like the morning vapor, will crown you with
laurels that fade not away.