"Let me in," I said through the key-hole, for the door was locked; she
had thrown the bolt on the inside.
"Go away, Johnnie, I want to be alone."
"Hildreth, dearest woman, do let me in. It hurts my heart to see you so
suffer so."
"I don't want to see anybody. I want to die."
"I'll come in the window."
I was at the window madly. I caught it. It was locked. But I pulled it
up like a maniac. The lock, rusty, flew off with a zing! The window
crashed up. I tumbled in at one leap.
My whole life was saying, "this is your woman, your first and only
woman--go where she is and take her to yourself!"
That avalanche of me bursting in without denial, struck little Hildreth
Baxter dumb with interest. She had been kneeling by her bed, sobbing.
Now she rose and was sitting on it.
"Well?" and she smiled wanly, looking at me with fear and a twinkle of
amusement, and intrigued interest, all at one and the same time, on her
face--
"I couldn't stand seeing you suffer, Hildreth. I had to come in. And you
wouldn't unlock the door ... what has gone wrong?"
"It's Darrie!--"
"But you all three started on your hike like such a happy family, and--"
"For God's sake don't think I'm jealous of Darrie ... I'm only wild
about the way she encourages Mubby to talk over his troubles with
her--and tell her about him and me, asking _her_ advice ... as if _she_
could give any advice worth while--
"They began to talk and talk about me just as if I were a laboratory
specimen....
"Damn this laboratory marriage! damn this laboratory love!
"Penton experiments, and Penton experiments ... on his cat, his dog,
himself, me--you, if you'd let him ... everybody! let him marry Humanity
if he loves it so much."
"But what did you do?"
"I caught myself running away from them, and sobbing."
"And what did they do?"
"'Hildreth, for God's sake!' Mubby called, 'what's the matter now?' in
that bland, exasperating tone of his,--that injured, self-righteous,
I'm-sacrificing-myself-for-mankind tone--"