UNCLE JACK'S STORY.
Uncle Jack came home next day, and Bryda's spirit rose from freezing
to a very high point indeed when she saw him come into the garden,
where she was sitting rather sadly, with knitted brows, very busily
thinking, and staring hard at nothing. She was trying to think how
it was that she could not manage to be of more use; and that is a
very deep subject to think about when you are only nine years old.
"Though, after all," said Bryda to herself, "lessons may do me some
good. When things are disagreeable, like doses and lessons, people
say they are for your good; but I don't see how they can do any one
else good."
Just as she was thinking this, a merry whistled tune came through the
trees. Nobody could whistle like Uncle Jack.
"What's the matter, maiden all forlorn?" asked his cheery voice.
"Here comes the man all tattered and torn to rouse you up!"
"Oh, Uncle Jack!" said Bryda sorrowfully, "I am of no use."
"No use! who cares about that? Perhaps you were made for ornament,
like the roses, and butterflies, and nice little singing-birds."
"Ornament's no use," went on Bryda, sadly still.
"Isn't it? If the world had no birds, and no flowers, and no
butterflies, and no children, only hard-working men and women and
cart-horses, what sort of place would it be?"
"Very dull," said Bryda quickly.
"So I should think. And supposing the birds were all harnessed to
carts, and the flowers mown down for hay, and the children set to
work in offices all day long, would that be nice?"
Bryda laughed. "No, indeed, Uncle Jack."
"Well, then, Bryda's work is to look merry, and good-tempered, and
happy, as if she was a tame sunbeam that the grannies kept to amuse
them." Bryda laughed still more.
"Uncle Jack do you know you are horribly nice?" she said, dragging
him down to a seat.
"Horribly nice? What sort of niceness is that? Like raspberry jam,
or pet kittens, or troublesome children?" All these are nice, and
horrible too. Jam is horrible when it makes you ill, kittens when
they scratch, children when they behave badly."
"I wish I could grow up all at once," said Bryda, with a sigh; "and
then I should never get into scrapes again, and have grandmother
calling me Bridget."
This was Bryda's idea of the worst thing that could be said to her;
when she was naughty her own mother, and the grannies too, called her
Bridget, instead of using her pet name.
"Would you like all other children to grow up too, and have only men
and women in the world? Oh, poor Bryda! how dull you would be!
Supposing I were to tell you a story about a country where something
of the sort happened?"
"Please, please do!" cried Bryda; "only please, Uncle Jack, don't let
it have a moral. Miss Quillnib used to tell me stories when it was
too wet to go out after lessons, and there was always a
moral--something about me, you know. And that spoiled the story,
just the way powders spoil raspberry jam."
Uncle Jack laughed at his little niece's fancies, then settled
himself comfortably on the garden seat, lit his pipe, and went on
talking between the puffs, telling his promised story.
UNCLE JACK'S STORY.
"Once upon a time," began Uncle Jack, "since we know no fairy stories
are worth hearing unless they begin with 'once upon a time.'
"Once upon a time there was a country ruled over by a king and queen
who had no children. Having no children of their own, these
sovereigns thought other people's children a nuisance. I am afraid
they were like the fox, who said the grapes were sour because he
could not reach them, for it was well known that they wanted some of
these 'torments' very badly themselves."
"Don't call us torments, Uncle Jack," interrupted his little niece.
"Well, you see, madam, historians must be truthful. I am bound to
say that the king and queen passed a law in which the children were
described as 'pickles, torments, plagues, bothers, nuisances,
worries,' and by twenty-four other titles of respect which I have
forgotten. This law enacted:
"First--That the children were to be seen and not heard. Wherefore
all children under the age of sixteen were to speak in a whisper and
laugh in a whisper."
"They couldn't, Uncle Jack," broke in Bryda, "they could only smile!"
"Or grin," said Uncle Jack. "So you think that a cruel law, Bryda?
"Secondly--As the sight of a child set the royal teeth on edge, no
child was to be allowed to set foot out of doors, unless between the
hours of twelve and one on any night when there was neither moon nor
stars."
"At that rate they would never go out," said Bryda.
"Well, you see this was a law for the abolition of children; so they
were to be suppressed as much as possible, of course.
"Then, thirdly, the law declared--That, as little pitchers have long
ears, no child should ever hear the conversation of grown-up people.
Therefore children were never to be admitted into any sitting-room
used by the elders of the family, nor into any kitchen or room
occupied by servants."
"O-o-oh!" said Bryda; "did they keep them in the coal-cellar?"
"In some houses, perhaps."
"Fourthly--Forasmuch as play was not a profitable occupation, and led
to noise and laughter, all play-time and holidays should at once be
abolished."
"That was a very bad law," said Bryda warmly.
"Well, the law was passed, and was soon carried out; and any one
coming to the city would have thought there were no children, so
carefully were they kept out of sight. All the toy shops were
closed, and confectioners were ordered, under pain of death, neither
to make nor sell goodies. But one thing the king had forgotten, and
that was that, after all, there were more children than grown people
in the country. One family had nine children, another six, and so
on; so that, counting the boarding-schools, there were just three
times as many children as grown people in the capital. Well, after
about a week of this treatment (for the parents were compelled under
threat of instant execution to carry it out), it happened that there
came a night when at twelve o'clock, though it was not raining, there
was neither moon nor star to be seen. So all the children in the
city rushed forth into the park with Chinese lanterns in their hands,
making quite a fairy gathering under the trees. Oh, how delicious it
was! They ran and shouted, and played games and laughed, till
suddenly one o'clock struck; and all the king's horses, and all the
king's men, came to drive them to their homes again. But there were
hundreds and hundreds of children, and only a few soldiers with
wooden swords; for this was a very peaceable nation, and armed even
its police with only birch rods. So one of the biggest boys blew a
tin trumpet, and called all the children to him.
"'I vote we rebel,' he said. 'We will not stand this any more; let
us drive away all the grown-ups, and have the town altogether to
ourselves.'
"Now it so happened that a fairy had been watching all that went on
in the town, and was not at all pleased. So when she heard this bold
boy speak she thought it would be a good thing to let this rebellion
be carried out. 'Serve 'em right,' she said; 'young and old shall
all learn a lesson.'
"So she collected a few thousand fairies, and they flew to all the
king's men, and whispered in their left ears dreadful things, which
frightened them terribly and made them believe an immense army,
instead of the troops of children, was coming to crush them all.
Then the fairies whispered in their right ears that it would be wise
to fly to a neighboring mountain where there was a large old fort,
and there take refuge. So they galloped off as fast as the king's
horses would carry them. Then the fairies flew all over the town and
whispered the same things to all the grown-up people--fathers and
mothers, old maids and old bachelors--till they, too, tumbled out of
bed, dressed in a terrible hurry, and fled to the mountain. Even the
king jumped out of bed, tied up his crown in his pocket-handkerchief,
and ran for his life in his dressing-gown, while two lords in
waiting, or gentlemen of the bedchamber, rushed after him with the
royal mantle of ermine, and the scepter and golden ball. The lord
chancellor filled his pockets with new sovereigns from the mint (for
he slept there to look after the money) and then he too ran, but
rather slowly, for he had the woolsack on his back, and it was pretty
heavy. When they asked him why he took the trouble he answered that
he thought the ground might be damp, and he already had a cold in his
head.
"Well, all the elders being gone, the children were left in
possession of the city, at which you may well suppose they were
greatly astonished. They went on with their games for awhile; but
then the lanterns began to go out, and one after another they grew
very sleepy. So the boy with the tin trumpet blew it again, and
commanded that every one should now go to bed, and that a meeting
should be held at twelve o'clock next day in the park, at which every
child should appear.
"Appear they did, in their Sunday clothes, those of them at least who
cared for finery; there were no mothers or nurses to object. All
were in great delight at having no one to rule them.
"'I shall never go to bed at eight!' said one.
"'I shall never eat rice pudding--horrid stuff!'
"'I shall never take any more doses!'
"'I shall never do any more lessons!'
"'Nor I! nor I! nor I!' shouted one after another; 'we shall all do
only what we like! How happy we shall be!'
"Only one little maid whispered, with a tear trembling on the long
lashes of her blue eyes, 'Dottie wants mother!' But Dottie was soon
comforted, and ran about as merrily as ever.
"Meantime the elder boys and girls held a very noisy Parliament, in
which there were never less than five speaking at once. After a
great deal of chatter they determined to set up a queen; and a very
pretty little girl called May was chosen, and crowned with a crown of
flowers.
[Illustration: (Dancing children)]
"Next, Queen May and her council of six, three boys and three girls,
ordered that a big bonfire should be made of all lesson-books and
pinafores, for they thought pinafores were signs of an inferior
state, of being under command, as servants sometimes think their caps
are.
"The next law was that all the raspberry jam in the city should be
set aside for the use of the queen and her court, and for those who
were invited to the royal tea parties. There was a little grumbling
about this, but finally the grumblers gave in. All this time troops
of children came pouring in from the neighboring villages with
pinafores on the end of broom sticks as flags of rebellion. Being
pretty hungry, they dispersed for dinner, which in most of the houses
was a very curious meal, as, of course, no one could cook, so they
had to forage in the kitchens and storerooms, while bands of hungry
young folks stormed the confectioners' shops, and dined off ices and
wedding-cake.
"Then they opened the toy-shops and put them in charge of parties of
children and gradually the other shops were treated in the same way,
for buying and selling is always a game children like, and it was
such a treat to have real things to sell. Only money was such a
trouble: they were always forgetting to bring any, and the young
shopkeepers never were sure if a shilling or a sovereign was the
right price for a thing. Therefore they concluded to do without it;
and costly things were bought for kisses, while cheap ones were to be
had for saying, 'If you please,' or, if they were very small, as a
penny bun, for instance, then 'please' was enough."
"How nice!" said Bryda.
"Well, for a whole week there never was such happiness as the
children enjoyed. Games from morning to night, bread and jam three
times a day, no lessons, no forbidden things, and a queen of their
own age in place of the tyrant king.
[Illustration: For a whole week there were games.]
"But when a week was over some little murmurs began to arise. Every
morning, I ought to say, the queen sat on her throne in the royal
palace, to receive any of her subjects who liked playing at being
courtiers, and she and her council then settled any difficulty that
arose about rules of games, about the way to make the best toffee and
any other important question.
"On this particular morning, then, rather more than a week after the
establishment of the Children's Kingdom, a very large throng entered
the queen's presence. Foremost came a troop of boys and girls, who
led in a pale, serious-looking boy as a prisoner, and brought him to
Queen May's feet.
"'What is the charge against this prisoner?' asked the queen, with
dignity. 'Don't all speak at once,' she added, so hastily that
several courtiers giggled.
"'Please your majesty,' said a boy, stepping forward, 'we caught him
in the act--the very act--of learning lessons!'
"'Lessons!' cried the whole court, in every tone of disgust, anger,
grief and dismay.
"'Lessons!' screamed the queen, and at once fainted away."
"She didn't!" said Bryda indignantly.
"Don't you think the shock was great enough?" asked Uncle Jack.
"Besides, she felt it part of her royal duty, perhaps.
"Anyhow, they tickled her with feathers, and put burned cork to her
nose till she had a black mustache; and one boy brought a red-hot
poker, which he said he had heard was a good thing, though he did not
quite know how it was applied.
"It was the best remedy, certainly, for on its appearance the queen
jumped up shrieking, and declared she was perfectly well.
"Then the queen proceeded to try the prisoner, and requested the
whole court to act as jury. It was a very sad case of youthful
depravity--the criminal had carefully kept this one book, 'Somebody's
Arithmetic,' or 'Hangnail's Questions,' to gloat over in secret; and
even now was not at all penitent, but declared, when asked what he
had to say for himself, that it was 'stupid, and a bore,' to play
games all day long, and he was sick of them.
"The jury could not agree as to what was to be done with such an
offender, and so he was allowed to go, and bidden 'not to do it
again,' and the queen went on to the next difficulty. Here the
throne-room became quite full of children, all in great perplexity;
for the matter was this, that the food supply was running short. The
confectioners' shops were nearly empty; there was plenty of jam, but
very little bread; and one or two boys, who had breakfasted on jam
out of a pot, eaten with a spoon, said, 'They didn't know how it
could be, but somehow they thought it did not quite agree with them.'
"This was really very serious. Could no one cook?
"Well, several had tried to make puddings; but somehow, though they
ought to have been quite right, _something_ was wrong, and no one
would eat them. One girl had bravely made some apple-dumplings, and
baked them quite brown; but then she could not find out how to get
the apple in, so they were no more than hard balls, and not real
apple-dumplings at all.
"'What are we going to do?' said Queen May sorrowfully.
"A dead silence reigned.
"'I know!' said a boy called Eric, starting forward suddenly, and all
eyes turned to this owner of a bright idea. 'I know!' he said,
brandishing a many-bladed knife; 'I'll kill a pig!'
"A murmur of horror arose from the girls.
"'Oh, no!' said Queen May politely; 'my faithful subject, we will not
let you make yourself so miserable."
"Oh, _I_ don't mind!' cried Eric; 'really, you know, I should _like_
it!'
"'I'll hold him for you!' cried several boys at once.
"'Quite as if they liked it,' whispered the girls.
"But Queen May interposed, and said the court should break up and go
to blind-man's-buff. At the same hour next day any one who had a
bright idea should come and tell it. For the rest of the day she, at
least, did not mean to bother her head. If a pig were killed, it
would have to be cooked. And shaking her curls, which were like a
crown of gold, Queen May jumped off her throne and ran out into the
park.
"Presently the Fairy Set-'em-right came flying over the town, and saw
all the children running about and shrieking with laughter.
[Illustration: The fairy came flying over the town.]
"'Bless my broomstick!' she said, for she had borrowed one from a
witch to fly upon, saying she had rheumatism in her left wing.
'Bless my broomstick! this won't do at all!'
"She did not notice that a great many children were standing about in
groups, whispering--what they dared not say aloud--that they were
getting tired of games all day, and of nothing to eat but sweet cakes
and jam at meals.
"'I should really, really and truly, like some boiled mutton,' said
Master Archie, who was known to have had a special dislike to that
dish.
"'I know what I shall do,' said the fairy; 'I shall make these
children feel like grownups, and then I shall fly off to the
mountain, and make the grown-ups feel like children: and if _that_
doesn't bring them to their senses, I am sure I don't know what
will.'"
At this exciting point a servant came to tell Uncle Jack that
grandfather wanted him, and he went off whistling, promising Bryda
the rest of the story "next time."
But as she did not know when "next time" would be, it was rather
provoking.