And all the while I spoke, she stood, as curiously still as if she
were made of marble, looking at me quietly, with her head thrown just
a little back, and her left hand pressed very tight against her
breast, and eyes that I could not understand. For they rested on me
absolutely without anger, seeming as it were not to see me at all, but
filled with some strange perplexity, as if she were hunting for
something in her recollection that she could not find. And when I
ended, she continued to stand, exactly in the same position, for so
long, that I began to wonder what could possibly be passing in her
soul. And I said to myself, as I waited in terrible suspense: Now very
likely, in another moment, she will summon her attendants, and have
me ejected, as well she might, for my almost inconceivable
impertinence, which almost broke my own heart in two, to utter it at
all. And if so it seems, even to myself, what must it seem to her? Aye
indeed! for every word, I deserve ten thousand deaths, and I could
forgive her, no matter what she did. Aye! and if, in a very little
while, she does not speak, I shall be throwing myself at her feet and
begging to be forgiven, unable any longer to endure.
And then at last, all at once, her tension relaxed, and she sank back
suddenly into her old soft sweetness, with a deep sigh. And her eyes
seemed, as it were, to come back to me, and find me for the first
time, and there stole over her lips a little smile. And as I saw it,
my heart almost broke with delight, for I said to myself: She has
changed her mind about me; after all, and now my plan is beginning to
succeed. Alas! little did I fathom the unfathomable intelligence of
that extraordinary Queen! And presently she said, with exactly the
same gentleness in her low voice that made my heart tremble exactly as
before, every time it spoke: Thou art, beyond all doubt, the very
first man in all the world, not only for effrontery and impertinence,
but also, for this, that thou hast succeeded in imposing upon me,
which no man ever yet did before. For in my simplicity I had thought
thee quite another, making in thy solitary instance a mistake, unusual
with me, and making me ashamed: since as a rule, men's hearts are no
secret for my own, and I read them at a glance.
And she looked at me with a smile, and inscrutable clear eyes, whose
expression was a puzzle to my soul. And I said: Then, since thou
readest hearts so easily, why couldst thou not read mine also, as it
is very plain thou didst not? And she said: Why very plain? And I
said: Why didst thou send no answer to my message, and why didst thou
summon me at sunset, and yet go away, leaving me nothing but the scorn
of thy servants at thy gate?
And she looked at me in blank amazement, and she said: What dost thou
mean? I never got any message, and if any summons came to thee, it was
not sent by me. For I have not heard anything of thee at all, since I
left thee at midnight in my boat.
And as she spoke, there came a mist before my eyes, and all the blood
in my body rushed suddenly into my heart, as if to burst it, and then
as suddenly left it, so that I almost swooned. And all at once, I
exclaimed with a shout: Chaturiká! Ah! then I was deceived! Ah! then
it was not thou! Ah! then I was not slighted by thee as a thing to be
despised! Ah! then thou art not as they say, one that forgets and
throws away her lovers almost as soon as she has seen them first! Ah!
had I only known, I never would have stolen unawares into thy privacy
to-night! Say, say, that thou art not such a woman as they say!
And again she looked at me, with those strange quiet eyes; and after a
while, she said with a sigh: Thou art right. They say, but they do not
understand. And yet, what does it matter what they say? Is it my
fault, if every man that sees me is seized as it were with madness,
and instantly steps over the line that divides friendship from
passionate affection, asking me for what I cannot give him, with such
eager insistence, that in my own defence I am driven to dismiss him
altogether? And she smiled, and she said, with playfulness and wistful
eyes: Must I belong to everyone, merely because he claims me as his
own, and his property, and give myself to everyone that sees me in a
dream?
And I trembled from head to foot, and I said in a voice that shook
with entreaty and emotion like a leaf: Ah! then have I thy permission
to stay with thee to-night, notwithstanding my overweening presumption
in coming of my own accord without an invitation? Ah! I did not know:
my heart is breaking: do not send me away!
And as she stood, looking at me with irresolution, I stretched my
hands towards her, absolutely senseless, and not knowing what I did.
And she hesitated for yet a little while; and then, with a sigh, she
put her two hands into my own. And with a shudder of joy, I pulled her
to me, and caught her once more in my arms, and began to kiss her,
with hot tears that fell upon her face, quivering all over with the
extremity of my agitation, and not believing that it was not a dream.
And then, after a long while, I came, somehow or other, to my senses,
and became, a little, master of myself. And I looked at her with eyes
dim with affection, and I took her two arms, and put them round my
neck. And I whispered in her ear: Now give me a kiss for every day
that I have not seen thee, since I fell asleep in thy boat. And as if
with resignation and compliance and submission to my will, she did
exactly as I told her, stopping time after time, but I would not let
her stop. And at last, I stopped. And I said: There are more still
owing, for thou hast not counted right. But now I will ask thee a
question, just to give thee time to breathe.