When the Theist had spoken, a man arose and said: I am a citizen,
and therefore the friend of all these gentlemen. I will not dispute
with any of them. I wish only to see them all united in the design of
aiding and loving each other, in making each other happy, in so far
as men of such different opinions can love each other, and contribute
to each other’s happiness, which is as difficult as it is necessary.
To attain this end, I advise them first to cast in the fire all the
controversial books which come their way, especially those of the
Jesuits; and also the ecclesiastical gazette, and all other pamphlets
which are but the fuel of the civil war of fools.
Next, each of our brethren, whether Theist, Turk, Pagan, Greek
Christian, Latin Christian, Anglican, Scandinavian, Jew, or Atheist,
will read attentively several pages of Cicero’s _De Officiis_, or of
Montaigne, and some of La Fontaine’s _Fables_.
The reading of these works insensibly disposes men to that concord
which theologians have hitherto held in horror. Their minds being
thus prepared, every time that a Christian and a Mussulman meet an
Atheist they will say to him: “Dear brother, may heaven enlighten
you”; and the Atheist will reply: “When I am converted I shall come
and thank you.”
The Theist will give two kisses to the Manichæan woman in honour of
the two principles. The Greek and Roman woman will give three to
each member of the other sects, even the Quakers and Jansenists. The
Socinians need only embrace once, seeing that those gentlemen believe
there is only one person in God; but this embrace will be equal to
three when it is performed in good faith.
We know that an Atheist can live very cordially with a Jew,
especially if the Jew does not charge more than eight per cent.
in lending him money; but we have no hope of ever seeing a lively
friendship between a Calvinist and a Lutheran. All that we require
of the Calvinist is that he return the salute of the Lutheran with
some affection, and do not follow the example of the Quakers, who do
reverence to nobody; but the Calvinists have not their candour.
We urge the primitive folk called Quakers to marry their sons to the
daughters of the Theists who are known as Socinians, as these young
ladies, being nearly all the daughters of priests, are very poor.
Not only will it be a very good deed before God and men, but these
marriages will produce a new race, which, representing the first
years of the Christian Church, will be very useful to the human race.
These preliminaries being settled, if any quarrel occur between
members of two different sects, they must never choose a theologian
as arbitrator, for he would infallibly eat the oyster and leave them
the shells.
To maintain the established peace nothing shall be offered for sale,
either by a Greek to a Turk, a Turk to a Jew, or a Roman to a Roman,
except what pertains to food, clothing, lodging, or pleasure. They
shall not sell circumcision, or baptism, or burial, or permission to
turn round the black stone in the _caaba_, or to harden one’s knees
before Our Lady of Loretto, who is still blacker.
In all the disputes that shall arise it is expressly forbidden to
treat any person as a dog, however angry one may be--unless indeed we
treat dogs as men when they steal our dinner or bite us.