She spoke confidently and with a grand air, knowing that I had brought
a guinea with me; so that I had neither the heart to shame her, nor
the courage to displease her. Though it was the ninth part of my
income therefore, and it seemed to me sheer madness or worse to stake
such a sum on a single card, and win or lose it in a moment, I lugged
it out and gave it to her. Even then, knowing her to have no more
skill in the game than I had, I was at a stand, wondering what she
would do with it; but with the tact which never fails a woman she laid
it where the gentleman had placed his. With better luck; for in a
twinkling, and before I thought it well begun, the deal was over, the
players sat back, and swore, and the banker, giving and taking here
and there, thrust a guinea over to our guinea. I was in a sweat to
take both up before anyone cheated us; but she nudged me, and said
with her finest air, "Let it lie, Dick! Do you hear? Let it lie."
This was almost more than I could bear, to see fortune in my grasp,
and not shut my hand upon it, but she was mistress and I let it lie;
and in a moment, hey presto, as the Egyptians say, the two guineas
were four, and those who played next us, seeing her success, began to
pass remarks on her, making nothing of debating who she was, and
discussing about her shape and complexion in terms that made my cheeks
burn. Whether this open admiration turned her head, or their freedom
confused her, she let the money lie again; and when I would have
snatched it up, not regarding her, the dealer prevented me, saying
that it was too late, while she with an air, as if I had been her
servant, turned and rated me sharply for a fool. This caused a little
disturbance at which all the company laughed. However, the event
proved me no fool, but wiser than most, for in two minutes that pretty
sum, which was as much as I had ever possessed at one time in my life,
was swept off; and for two guineas the richer, which we had been a
moment before, we remained one, and that my only one, the poorer!
For myself, I could have cried at the misadventure, but my mistress
carried it off with a shrill laugh, and tossing her head in affected
contempt--whereat, I am bound to confess, the company laughed
again--turned from the table. I sneaked after her as miserable as you
please, and in that order we had got half way to the door, when the
gentleman who had addressed her before, stepped up in front of her.
"Beauty so reckless," he said, speaking with a grin, and in a tone of
greater freedom than he had used previously, "needs someone to care
for it! Unless I am mistaken, Mistress, you came on foot?" And with a
sneering smile, he dropped his eyes to the hem of her cloak.
Alas, I looked too, and the murder was out. To be sure Dorinda had
clothed herself very handsomely above, but coming to her feet had
trusted to her cloak to hide the deficiency she had no means to
supply. Still, and in spite of this, all might have been well if she
had not in her chagrin at losing, forgotten the blot, and, unused to
long skirts, raised them so high as to expose a foot, shapely indeed,
but stockingless, and shod in an old broken shoe!
Her ears and neck turned crimson at the exposure, and she dropped her
cloak as if it burned her hand. I fancied that if the stranger had
looked to ingratiate himself by his ill-mannered jest, he had gone the
wrong way about it, and I was not surprised when she answered in a
voice quivering with mortification, "Yes, on foot. But you may spare
your pains. I am in this gentleman's care, I thank you."
"Oh," he said, in a peculiar tone, "this gentleman?" And he looked me
up and down.
I knew that it behooved me to ruffle it with him, and let him know by
out-staring him that at a word I was ready to pull his nose. But I was
a boy in strange company, and utterly cast down by the loss of my
guinea; he a Court bully in sword and lace, bred to carry it in such
and worse places. Though he seemed to be no more than thirty, he had a
long and hard face under his periwig, and eyes both tired and
melancholy; and he spoke with a drawl and a curling lip, and by the
mere way he looked at me showed that he thought me no better than
dirt. To make a long story short, I had not looked at him a moment
before my eyes fell.
"Oh, this gentleman?" he said again, in a tone of cutting contempt.
"Well, I hope that he has more guineas than one--or your ladyship will
soon trudge it, skin to mud. As it is, I fear that I detain you.
Kindly carry my compliments to Farmer Grudgen. And the pigs!"
And smiling--not laughing, for a laugh seemed alien from his face--at
a jest which was too near the truth not to mortify us exceedingly, my
lord--for a lord I thought he was--turned away with an ironical bow;
leaving us to get out of the room with what dignity we might, and such
temper as remained to us. For myself I was in such a rage, both at the
loss of my guinea and at being so flouted, that I could scarcely
govern myself; yet in my awe of Dorinda I said nothing, expecting and
fearing an outbreak on her part, the consequences of which it was not
easy to foretell. I was proportionately pleased therefore, when she
made no more ado at the time, but pushing her way through the crowd in
the street, turned homeward and took the road without a word.
This was so unlike her that I was at a loss to understand it, and was
fain to conclude--from the fact that she two or three times paused to
listen and look back--that she feared pursuit. The thought, bringing
to my mind the risk of being detected and dismissed, which I ran--a
risk that came home to me now that the pleasure was over, and I had
only in prospect my squalid bed-room and the morrow's tasks--filled me
with uneasiness. But I might have spared myself, for when she spoke I
found that her thoughts were on other things.
"Dick," she said, suddenly--and halted abruptly in the road, "you must
lend me a guinea."
"A guinea?" I cried, aghast, and speaking, it may be, with a little
displeasure. "Why, have you not just----"
"What?" she said.
"Lost my only one."
She laughed with a recklessness that confounded me. "Well, you have
got to find another one," she said. "And one to that!"
"Another guinea?" I gasped.
"Yes, another guinea, and another guinea!" she answered, mimicking my
tone of consternation. "One for my shoes and stockings--oh, I wish he
were dead!" And she stamped her foot passionately. "And one----"
"Yes?" I said, with a poor attempt at irony. "And one----?"
"For me to stake next Friday, when the Duke passes this way on his
road home."
"He does not!"
"He does, he does!" she retorted. "And you will do too--what I say,
sir! or----"
"Or what?" I cried, calling up a spirit for once.
"Or----" and she raised her voice a little, and sang:
"But alas, when I wake, and no Phyllis I find,
How I sigh to myself all alone!"
"You never loved me!" I cried, in a rage at that and her greed.
"Have it your own way!" she answered, carelessly, and sang it again;
and after that there was no more talk, but we walked with all the
width of the road between us; I with a sore heart and she titupping
along, cool and happy, pleased, I think, that she had visited on me
some of the chagrin which the stranger had caused her, and for the
rest with God knows what thoughts in her heart. At least I little
suspected them; yet, with the little knowledge I had, I was angry and
pained; and for the time was so far freed from illusion that I would
not make the overture, but hardened myself with the thought of my
guinea and her selfishness; and coming to the gap in the first fence
helped her over with a cold hand and no embrace such as was usual
between us at such junctures.
In a word, we were like naughty children returning after playing
truant; and might have parted in that guise, and this the very best
thing that could have happened to me--who had no guinea, and knew not
where to get one; though I would not go so far as to say that, in the
frame of mind in which I then was, it would have saved me. But in the
article of parting, and when the garden fence already rose between us,
yet each remained plain to the other by the light of the moon which
had risen, Dorinda on a sudden raised her hands, and holding her cloak
from her, stood and looked at me an instant in the most ravishing
fashion--with her head thrown back and her lips parted, and her eyes
shining, and the white of her neck and her bare arms, and the swell of
her bosom showing. I could have sworn that even the scent of her hair
reached me, though that was impossible. But what I saw was enough. I
might have known that she did it only to tantalize me: I might have
known that she would show me what I risked; but on the instant,
oblivious of all else, I owned her beauty, and resentment and my loss
alike forgotten, sprang to the fence, my blood on fire, and words
bubbling on my lips: Another second, and I should have been at her
feet, have kissed her shoes muddy and broken as they were; but she
turned, and with a backward glance, that only the more inflamed me,
fled up the garden, and to the house, whither, even at my maddest, I
dared not follow her.
However, enough had passed to send me to my bed to long and lie awake;
enough, the morrow come, to take all colour from the grey tasks and
dull drudgery of school-time; insomuch that the hours seemed days, and
the days weeks, and Mr. D----'s ignorant prosing and infliction too
wearisome to be borne. What my love now lacked of reverence, it made
up in passion, and passion's offspring, impatience: on which it is to
be supposed my mistress counted, since for three whole days she kept
within, and though every evening I flew to the rendezvous, and there
cooled my heels for an hour, she never showed herself.
Once, however, I heard her on the other side of the fence, singing:
"But alas, when I wake, and no Phyllis I find,
How I sigh to myself all alone!"
And, sick at heart, I understood the threat and her attitude.
Nevertheless, and though the knowledge should have cured me, by
convincing me that she was utterly unworthy and had never loved me, I
only consumed the more for her, and grovelled the lower in spirit
before her and her beauty; and the devil presently putting in my way
the means where he had already provided the motive, it was no wonder
that I made but a poor resistance, and in a short time fell.
It came about in this way. In the course of the week, and before the
Friday on which the Duke was to return that way, Mr. D---- announced
an urgent call to London; and as he was too wise to broach such a
proposal without a _quid pro quo_, Mrs. D---- must needs go with him.
The stage-wagon, which travelled three days in the week, would serve
next morning, and all was hasty preparation; clothes were packed and
mails got out; a gossip, one Mrs. Harris, was engaged to take Mrs.
D----'s place, and the boys were entrusted to me, with strict
instructions to see all lights out at night, and no waste. That these
injunctions might be the more deeply impressed on me, I was summoned
to Mrs. D----'s parlour to receive them; but unluckily with the
instructions given to me were mingled housekeeping directions to Mrs.
Harris, who was also present; the result being that when I retired
from the room I carried with me the knowledge that in a certain desk,
perfectly accessible, my employer left three guineas, to be used in
case of emergency, but otherwise not to be touched.
It was an unhappy chance, explaining, as well as accounting for, so
much of what follows, that were I to enter into long details of the
catastrophe, it would be useless; since the judicious reader will have
already informed himself of a result that was never in doubt, from the
time that my employer's departure at once provided the means of
gratification, and by removing the restraints under which we had
before laboured, held out the prospect of pleasure. Nor can I plead
that I sinned in ignorance; for as I sat among the boys and
mechanically heard their tasks, I called myself, "Thief, thief," a
hundred times, and a hundred to that; and once even groaned aloud; yet
never flinched or doubted that I should take the money. Which I
did--to cut a long story short--before Mr. D---- had been three hours
out of the house; and that evening humbly presented the whole of it to
my mistress, who rewarded my complaisance with present kisses and
future pledges, to be redeemed when she should have once more tasted
the pleasures of the great world.
To tell the truth, her craving for these, and to be seen again in
those haunts where we had reaped nothing but loss and mortification,
was a continual puzzle to me, who asked for nothing better than to
enjoy her society and kindness, as far as possible from the world. But
as she _would_ go and _would_ play, and made my subservience in this
matter the condition of her favour, it was essential she should win;
since I could then restore the money I had taken; whereas if she lost,
I saw no prospect before me but the hideous one of detection and
punishment. Accordingly, when the evening came, and we had effected
the same clandestine exodus as before--but this time with less peril,
Mrs. Harris being a sleepy, easy-going woman--I could think of nothing
but this necessity; and far from experiencing the terrors which had
beset me before, when Dorinda would enter the inn, gave no thought to
the scene or the crowd through which we pushed, or any other of the
preliminaries, but had my soul so set upon the fortune that awaited
us, that I was for passing through the door in the hardiest fashion,
and would scarcely stand even when a hand gripped my shoulder.
However, a rough voice exclaiming in my ear, "Softly, youngster! Who
are you that poke in so boldly? I don't know you," brought me to my
senses.
"I was in last week," I answered, gasping with eagerness.
"Then you were one too many," the doorkeeper retorted, thrusting me
back without mercy. "This is not a tradesman's ordinary. It is for
your betters."
"But I was in," I cried, desperately. "I was in last week."
"Well, you will not go in again," he answered coolly. "For the lady,
it is different. Pass in, mistress," he continued, withdrawing his arm
that she might pass, and looking at her with an impudent leer. "I can
never refuse a pretty face. And I will bet a guinea that there is one
behind that mask."
On which, to my astonishment, and while I stood agape between rage and
shame, my mistress, with a hurried word--that might stand for a
farewell, or might have been merely a request to me to wait, for I
could not catch it--accepted the invitation; and deserting me without
the least sign of remorse, passed in and disappeared. For a moment I
could scarcely, thus abandoned, believe my senses or that she had left
me; then, the iron of her ingratitude entering into my soul, and a
gentleman tapping me imperatively on the shoulder and saying that I
blocked the way, I was fain to turn aside, and plunge into the
darkness, to hide the sobs I could no longer restrain.
For a time, leaning my forehead against a house in a side alley, I
called her all the names in the world; reflecting bitterly at whose
expense she was here, and at what a price I had bought her pleasure.
Nor, it may be thought, was I likely to find excuses for her soon. But
a lover, as he can weave his unhappiness out of the airiest trifles,
so from very gossamer can he spin comfort; nor was it long before I
considered the necessity under which we lay to play and win, and
bethought me that, instead of finding fault with her for entering
alone, I should applaud the prudence that at a pinch had borne this
steadily in mind. After which, believing what I hoped, I soon ceased
to reproach her; and jealousy giving way to suspense--since all for me
now depended on the issues of gain or loss--I hastened to return to
the door, and hung about it in the hope of seeing her appear.
This she did not do for some time, but the interval and my thoughts
were diverted by a _rencontre_ as disagreeable as it was unexpected.
In my solitary condition I had made so few acquaintances in Hertford,
that I fancied I stood in no fear of being recognised. I was vastly
taken aback therefore, when a gentleman plainly dressed, happening to
pause an instant on the threshold as he issued from the inn, let his
glance rest on me; and after a second look stepped directly to me, and
with a sour aspect, asked me what I did in that place.
Then, when it was too late, I took fright; recognising him for a
gentleman of a good estate in the neighbourhood, who had two sons at
Mr. D----'s school, and enjoyed great influence with my master, he
being by far the most important of his patrons. As he belonged to the
fanatical party, and in common with most of that sect had been a
violent Exclusionist, I as little expected to see him in that company,
as he to see me. But whereas he was his own master, and besides was
there--this I learned afterwards--to rescue a young relative, while I
had no such excuse, he had nothing to fear and I all. I found myself,
therefore, ready to sink with confusion; and even when he repeated his
challenge could find no words in which to answer.
"Very well," he said, nodding grimly at that. "Perhaps Mr. D---- may
be able to answer me. I shall take care to visit him to-morrow, sir,
and learn whether he is aware how his usher employs his nights. Good
evening."
So saying, he left me horribly startled, and a prey to apprehensions,
which were not lessened by the guilt, that already lay on my
conscience in another and more serious matter. For such is the common
course of ill-doing; to plunge a man, I mean, deeper and deeper in the
mire. I now saw not one ridge of trouble only before me, but a second
and a third; and no visible way of escape from the consequences of my
imprudence. To add to my fears, the gentleman on leaving me joined the
same courtier who had spoken to Dorinda on the occasion of our former
visit, and who had just come out; so that to my prepossessed mind
nothing seemed more probable than that the latter would tell him in
whose company he had seen me and the details of our adventure. As a
fact, it was from this person's clutches my master's patron was here
to rescue his nephew. But I did not know this; and seeking in my panic
to be reassured, I asked a servant beside me who the stranger was.
"He?" he said. "Oh, he is a gentleman from the Temple. Been playing
with him?" and he looked at me, askance.
"No," I said.
"Oh," he replied, "the better for you."
"But what is his name?" I urged.
"Who does not know Mat. Smith, Esquire, of the Temple, is a country
booby--and that is you!" the man retorted quickly; and went off
laughing. Still this, seeing that I did not know the name, relieved me
a little; and the next moment I was aware of Dorinda waiting for me at
the door. Deducing from the smile that played on her countenance the
happiest omens of success, I forgot my other troubles in the relief
which this promised; and I sprang to meet her. Guiding her as quickly
as I could through the crowd, I asked her the instant I could find
voice to speak, what luck she had had.
"What luck?" she cried; and then pettishly, "there, clumsy! you are
pulling me into that puddle. Have a care of my new shoes, will you?
What luck, did you say? Why, none!"
"What? You have not lost?" I exclaimed, standing still in the road;
and it seemed to me that my heart stood still also.
"Yes, but I have!" she answered hardily.
"All?" I groaned.
"Yes, all! If you call two guineas all," she replied carelessly. "Why,
you are not going to cry for two guineas, baby, are you?"