THE BRIDE. ... Thank you.... Oh, thank you.... Thank you so much....
Thank you _so_ much ... oh, thank you.... Thank you.... Thank you _so_
much.
THE BRIDEGROOM. Thanks.... Oh, thanks.... Thanks awf'lly.... Thanks
awf'lly.... Thanks awf'lly.... Oh, thanks awf'lly ... (_with a
brilliant burst of invention, amounting almost to genius_) Thanks
_frightfully_.
THE BRIDE (_to herself, rapturously_). A-a-a-h!
THE BRIDEGROOM (_dabbing at his forehead with his handkerchief during
a lull_). I shall drop.
THE BEST MAN (_appearing suddenly at his side with a glass_). Bellows
to mend, old horse, what? Keep going. You're doing fine. Bless you.
Bless you.
[_Drifts away._
ELDERLY STRANGER (_to bridegroom_). Sir, I have jigged your wife on my
knee.
THE BRIDEGROOM (_with absent politeness_). Ah! Lately?
ELDERLY STRANGER. When she was a baby, sir.
THE BRIDEGROOM (_from force of habit_). Oh, thanks. Thanks awf'lly.
THE BRIDE (_to herself_). _Why_ can't one get married every
day!... (_catching sight of a young gentleman whose bi-weekly conversation
with her in the past was wont to consist of two remarks on the weather and
one proposal of marriage_). _Oh_! Oh, what a _shame_ inviting poor
little Freddy Fraddle! Aunt Kathleen _must_ have known! How could she be
so cruel! Poor little fellow, he must be suffering dreadfully!
POOR LITTLE FREDDY FRADDLE (_addressing his immortal soul as he
catches sight of the bridegroom, with a set smile on his face, shaking
hands with an obvious bore_). Poor devil, poor, poor devil! And to
think that I--! Well, well! There but for the grace of God goes
Frederick Fraddle.
THE BRIDEGROOM (_to the_ OBVIOUS BORE). Thanks. Thanks awf'lly.
THE OBVIOUS BORE (_in measured tones_).... are going, as you say, to
Wales for your honeymoon, you should on no account miss the
opportunity of seeing the picturesque ruins of Llanxwrg Castle, which
are among the most prominent spectacles of Carnarvonshire, a county,
which I understand you to say, you propose to include in your visit.
The ruins are really part of the village of Twdyd-Prtsplgnd, but your
best station would be Golgdn. There is a good train service to and
from that spot. If you mention my name to the custodian of the ruins,
he will allow you to inspect the grave of the celebrated ----
IMMACULATE YOUTH (_interrupting_). Hello, Garnet, old man. Don't know
if you remember me. Latimer, of Oriel. I was a fresher in your third
year. Gratters!
THE BRIDEGROOM (_with real sincerity for once_). Thanks. Thanks
awf'lly.
[_They proceed to talk Oxford shop together, to the exclusion
of the O. B., who glides off in search of another victim_.