SUNSHINE.
"Love is sunshine."--_Longfellow._
"God wishes us to have sunlight in our homes. He would have in
them a tender play of laughter and humour, a pleasant interchange
of light and colour and warmth, in word and mirth, which makes
the brightness perfect, and is as much the work of the sunlight
in the house, as the delightful gaiety of nature is the doing of
the sun."--_Stopford Brooke._
It is a comparatively easy thing to preserve a cheerful appearance when
away from home, or even to present a brave front to meet the great
emergencies of life. And yet the most genial-hearted of diners-out may
be a domestic bully in the privacy of his own household; and the hero
who has faced a battery without shrinking may be unable to take a cup of
lukewarm coffee from his wife's hands without a grumble. The real
happiness of a home depends upon a determination to lay no undue stress
upon little matters, and a resolve to hold one's own irritability in
constant check. For it is the sum of trivial affairs that make up the
day's account, and it is the--
"Cares that _petty shadows_ cast,
By which our lives are chiefly proved."
True home sunshine, if it consistently brighten the features of one
member in a family, is pretty sure to be reflected from the faces of the
rest.
"I thought," said a father, the other day, "as I sat in the railway
carriage on my way home, of my impatience with the members of my family,
and I felt ashamed. As soon as they are out of my sight I see clearly
where my mistakes are; but when they are around me I forget my good
resolutions."
It is quite true that the dear ones at home are more to us than Kings
and Queens, than House of Lords or House of Commons, than the mightiest
and noblest in the world. And yet we often treat them worse than we
treat strangers. With others, whom we meet in business or in society, we
are half unconsciously on our guard. Hasty words are repressed, and
frowns are banished. But the dear ones at home usually have the pleasure
or the pain of seeing us precisely as we are in the mood of the moment.
To their sorrow we "make no strangers" of them. If our nerves are
overstrung, or our tempers tried, so far from endeavouring to conceal
the fact we make them feel it. The hero in great crises may be moved by
the pressure of small annoyances to throw a boot at his _valet de
chambre_, or to snarl at his wife. Individually these faults of temper
may be small, but so are the locusts that collectively conceal the sun.
"Only perfection can bear with imperfection." The better a man becomes
the more allowance will he make for the shortcomings of others.
In order to have sunlight at home, it is not enough negatively to
abstain from fault-finding and general peevishness. We should recognize
praise as a positive duty. If a thing is done wrongly, better sometimes
to say nothing about it. Wait until it happens to be done rightly, and
then give marked praise. The third time, the charm of your approbation
will produce a much better performance. If it is possible to "damn with
faint praise," how much more damaging must be--no praise at all. How
much potential goodness and greatness would become actual but for the
wet blanket of sullen silence! "As we must account for every idle word,
so we must for every idle silence." This saying of Franklin should
suggest speech in season to ungrateful husbands who never throw a word
of encouragement to their wives however deserving. In military riding
schools may often be heard the command--"Make much of your horses!" The
horses have been trotting, galloping, and jumping. They have had to
stand quietly while the men dismounted and fired their carbines kneeling
before them. They have gone through their parts well, so after the men
have again mounted, the order is given--"Make much of your horses!" and
all the riders pat simultaneously the proudly-arched necks of their
deserving steeds. Husbands, take the hint and make much of your wives!
We may here introduce some words of Miss Cobbe in reference to the moral
atmosphere of the house, which depends so immensely on the tone of the
mistress. "I conceive that good, and even high animal spirits are among
the most blessed of possessions--actual wings to bear us up over the
dusty or muddy roads of life; and I think that to keep up the spirits of
a household is not only indefinitely to add to its happiness, but also
to make all duties comparatively light and easy. Thus, however naturally
depressed a mistress may be, I think she ought to struggle to be
cheerful, and to take pains never to quench the blessed spirits of her
children or guests. All of us who live long in great cities get into a
sort of subdued-cheerfulness tone. We are neither very sad nor very
glad; we neither cry, nor ever enjoy that delicious experience of
helpless laughter, the _fou rira_ which is the joy of youth. I wish we
could be more really light of heart." We all share this wish; but how is
it to be realized? By living simple, well-regulated lives, and by
casting all our anxiety upon God who careth for us.
Professor Blaikie commences a paper on "How to Get Rid of Trouble," by
saying that once he had occasion to call on the chief of the
constabulary force in one of our largest cities. "The conversation
having turned on the arrangements for extinguishing fire, the chief
constable entered with great alacrity into the subject, and after some
verbal explanations, added, 'If you can spare half an hour, I will call
out my men, and you shall see how we proceed.' I was taken aback at the
idea of the firemen and engines being called out on a fine summer day to
let a stranger see them at work; so I thanked him for his offer, but
added that I could not think of giving him so much trouble. 'Trouble!'
said he; 'what's that? That's a word I don't know.' 'You are a happy
man,' was the reply, 'if you don't know the meaning of trouble.' 'No,
indeed,' he said. 'I assure you I do not. The word is not in my
dictionary.' As I was still incredulous, and wondering whether or not he
had lost his senses, he rang the bell, and bade his clerk fetch him an
English dictionary. Handing it to me, he said, 'Now, sir, please look
and see whether you can find the word "trouble."' I turned to the proper
place, and there, to be sure, where the word had been, I found it
carefully erased by three lines of red ink. Of course I caught the idea
at once. In a great work like that of the police in such a place,
trouble was never to be thought of. No inroad that might be required on
the ease, or the sleep, or the strength of any member of the force was
ever to be grudged on the score that it was too much trouble. In the
work of that office the thought of trouble was to be unknown. I felt
that I had got a sermon from the chief of police, and a notable sermon,
too. The three lines of red ink were as clear and telling as any three
heads into which I had ever divided my discourse. It was a thrilling
sermon, too--it set something vibrating within me."
This incident refers to trouble in the active sense; but even trouble in
the sense of sorrow and disappointment may be to a large extent effaced
from the family circle by certain red lines. Here is one of them. _Do
not make the trouble worse than it really is._ Rather let us resolve to
look at the bright side of things. If we had nothing more to think of,
the proverbs that have been coined in the mint of hope ought to
encourage us. "Nothing so bad but it might have been worse;" "'Tis
always morning somewhere in the world;" "When things are at the worst
they mend;" "The darkest hour of night is that which precedes the dawn."
Let us try to form the habit of thinking how much there is to cheer us
even when there may be much to depress; how often, on former occasions
of trouble, we have been wonderfully helped; how foolish it is to
anticipate evil before it comes.
"How dismal you look!" said a bucket to his companion, as they were
going to the well. "Ah!" replied the other, "I was reflecting on the
uselessness of our being filled, for let us go away ever so full, we
always come back empty." "Dear me! how strange to look at it in that
way!" said the other bucket. "Now I enjoy the thought that however
_empty_ we come, we always go away _full_. Only look at it in that
light, and you will be as cheerful as I am."
Another red line which effaces trouble is _patience_. Speaking of the
cheerful submission and trust of the London poor a well-known clergyman
says: "Come with me; turn under this low doorway; climb these narrow
creaking stairs; knock at the door. A pleasant voice bids you enter. You
see a woman sixty-four years of age, her hands folded and contracted,
her whole body crippled and curled together, as cholera cramped, and
rheumatism fixed it twenty-eight years ago. For sixteen years she has
not moved from her bed, nor looked out of the window; and has been in
constant pain, while she cannot move a limb. Listen--she is thankful.
For what? For the use of one thumb; with a two-pronged fork, fastened to
a stick, she can turn over the leaves of an old-fashioned Bible, when
placed within her reach. Hear her: 'I'm content to lie here as long as
it shall please Him, and to go when He shall call me.'"
The third red line we would suggest is--_Try to get good out of your
troubles._ Undoubtedly it is to be got, if the right way be taken to
extract it. Scarcely any loss is without compensation. How often has the
dignity of self-support and self-respect been gained when an external
prop has been removed! How often have we been eventually glad that our
wishes were not fulfilled! Plato tells us that "just penalties are the
best gifts of the gods," and Goethe said he never had an affliction that
he did not turn into a poem. The daylight must fade before we can behold
the shining worlds around us, and the rigour of winter must be endured
before our hearts can thrill with delight at the approach of Spring.
For the sake of household sunshine we should endeavour to keep in
health. Lowness of tone, nervous irritability, the state of being
ill-at-ease--these and many other forms of ill-health may, as a general
rule, be avoided by those who endeavour to preserve their health as a
sacred duty. If most people have but little health, it is because they
transgress the laws of nature, alternately stimulating and depressing
themselves. For our own sake and for the sake of others whom we trouble
by irritability, we are bound to obey these laws--fresh air, exercise,
moderate work, conquest of appetite.
"The deception," says Sydney Smith, "as practised upon human creatures,
is curious and entertaining. My friend sups late; he eats some strong
soup, then a lobster, then some tart, and he dilutes these esculent
varieties with wine. The next day I call upon him. He is going to sell
his house in London, and to retire into the country. He is alarmed for
his eldest daughter's health. His expenses are hourly increasing, and
nothing but a timely retreat can save him from ruin. All this is the
lobster: and when over-excited nature has had time to manage this
testaceous encumbrance, the daughter recovers, the finances are in good
order, and every rural idea effectually excluded from the mind. In the
same manner old friendships are destroyed by toasted cheese, and hard,
salted meat has led to suicide. Unpleasant feelings of the body produce
correspondent sensations in the mind, and a great scene of wretchedness
is sketched out by a morsel of indigestible and misguided food. Of such
infinite consequence to happiness is it to study the body!"
On the other hand, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine." We should
"laugh and be well," as enjoined by an old English versifier.
"To cure the mind's wrong bias, spleen,
Some recommend the bowling-green;
Some, hilly walks; all, exercise;
Fling but a stone, the giant dies;
_Laugh and be well._ Monkeys have been
Extreme good doctors for the spleen;
And kitten, if the humour hit,
Has harlequined away the fit."
It is the bounden duty of those who live together to cultivate the sunny
side of life. To rejoice with those who rejoice is as much a duty as to
weep with those that weep. Many have not that "great hereditary
constitutional joy" which springs from a natural genius for happiness,
but all may at least try to add to the stock of the household's
cheerfulness. It is about the most useful contribution that any member
of a family can make.
"As, although in the season of rainstorms and showers,
The tree may strike deeper its roots;
It needs the warm brightness of sunshiny hours,
To ripen the blossoms and fruits."
Sunlike pleasures never shine in idle homes. If a useful occupation or
innocent hobby be not provided for the several members of a family, they
are sure to spend their time in maliciously tormenting each other.
Those whose only care in life is to avoid care make a great mistake.
They forget that even roses have thorns, and that pleasure is
appreciated and enjoyed for its variety and contrast to pain. After all
there is but one way of producing sunshine in our homes. We must first
let the light into our own souls, and then like burning glasses we shall
give it out to others, but especially to those of our own household. And
whence comes the soul's calm sunshine and joy in right doing but from
the Sun of Righteousness?
If there are many unhappy homes, many wretched families--more by far
than is generally supposed--what is the cure for this? "Sweet
reasonableness" as taught by Jesus Christ. If we would let Him into our
houses to dwell with us, and form one of our family circle, He would
turn our homes into little Edens.