GOOD SHOOTING
"Will somebody give me a cigarette," said Myra, stretching out a hand.
"I fancy not," I said. "Thomas and I both feel that you are too
young."
"I don't really want one, but when I'm locked up in the billiard-room
with two dumb men----"
"We were reflecting on our blessed victory."
"Were you thinking of Archie's century or John's bowling?"
"Neither, oddly enough. I was recalling my own catch which won the
match. Poetry; let's go and tell Simpson."
"It was a skier," said Myra. "I thought it was never coming down.
What did you think of all the time?"
"Everything. All my past life flashed before my eyes. I saw again
my happy childhood's days, when I played innocently in
the--er--pantry. I saw myself at school, sl--working. I saw----"
"Did you happen," interrupted Thomas, when we both thought he was
fast asleep, "to see yourself being badly taken on by me at
billiards?"
"Thomas, you're not properly awake, old friend. I know that feeling.
Turn over on the other side and take a deep breath."
Thomas rose and stretched himself, and went over to the cue rack.
"You should have heard him siding about his blessed billiards this
morning," he told Myra.
"I didn't side. I simply said that anybody could beat Thomas. Do
they play billiards much at the Admiralty? I should have thought the
motion----"
"Take a cue. Myra will mark."
"Rather; I can mark like anything."
"Once upon a time," I said, "there was a lad who wanted to get into
the Admiralty. But his mother said, 'Not until you have learnt to
swim, Thomas.' So he had a set of six private lessons for one guinea
before he went in for the examination. He came out thirty-eight, and
was offered a lucrative appointment in the post office.... Hence his
enormous skill at billiards. Thick or clear?"
"I will adventure half-a-crown upon the game," said Thomas, giving a
miss.
"Right O, Rothschild. Now, are you ready, marker? I'm spot. Hadn't
you better oil the board a bit? Well, as long as you can work it
quickly enough."
I took careful aim, and my ball went up the table and back again,
with the idea, I imagine, of inspecting the wicket. It seemed quite
fast.
"One all," said Myra, and Thomas kindly brought his ball and mine to
the top of the table.
"I fancy I shall be able to swerve from this end," I said. I tried a
delicate cannon, and just missed the object ball. "I shall find a
spot directly--there's one under the red ball, I believe."
"Do try and hit something," said Myra.
"The marker is not allowed to give advice," I said sternly. "What's
the matter, Thomas?"
"I'm not quite sure what to do."
"I think you ought to chalk your cue here," I said, after examining
the position.
"I've done that."
"Then ram the red."
Thomas rammed and all but sank it in the left-hand pocket.
"I am now," I said, "going to do a cannon off the cushion. Marker,
what is my score?"
"One, sir."
"Then kindly get ready to put it up to three.... Rotten luck."
"Wrong side," said Myra judicially.
"No, I meant to hit it that side."
"I mean you wanted a little running side."
"This isn't Queen's Club. Go on, Thomas."
Thomas, who had been chalking his cue, advanced to the table.
"Hallo," he said, "where's the other ball?"
I looked at the table, and there were only two balls on it!
"That's an extraordinary thing," I said in amazement. "I'm almost
certain we started with three."
"Did you put me down?"
"Certainly not; I shouldn't dream of doing such a thing. I don't say
I mayn't have slipped down myself when nobody was looking. Myra, did
you notice which pocket I was trying for that time?"
We felt in all of them, and at last found my ball in one of the
bottom ones. It must have gone there very quietly.
"Score, marker?" I asked confidently, as I prepared to continue my
break.
"Oh, you're going over the crease," cried Myra.
I took my ball back an inch. "_Will_ you tell me the score?" I said.
"Stevenson (in play) three; Inman, two. Inman's two were both wides."
Barely were the words out of her mouth when Inman's score was
increased by a no-ball. A miss-cue they call it technically.
"Three all," said Myra. "This is awfully exciting. First one is
ahead, and then the other."
"By the way, how many up are we playing?"
"Five, aren't you?" said Myra.
This roused Thomas. He had played himself in, and now proceeded to
make a pretty break of seventeen. I followed. There was a collision
off the middle pocket between spot and red, and both went down. Then
plain was unintentionally sunk as the result of a cannon shot, and
spot and red sailed into harbour. With Thomas's miss I scored
eleven. Unfortunately, off my next stroke, Thomas again went down.
"Billiards," he said.
"You don't think I want to put the rotten thing down, do you? It's
such a blessed rabbit. Directly it sees a hole anywhere it makes for
it. Hallo, six more. I shall now give what they call a miss in
baulk."
"Oh, good miss," cried Myra, as spot rested over the middle pocket.
"That was a googly. You both thought it would break the other way."
The game went on slowly. When Thomas was ninety and I was
ninety-nine, there was a confused noise without, and Archie and Miss
Blair burst into the room. At least only Archie actually burst; Miss
Blair entered sedately.
"Who's winning?" cried Archie.
"What an absurd question," I said. "As if we should tell you."
"All right. Dahl--Miss Blair, have you ever seen billiards played
really well?"
"Never."
"Then now's your chance. Ninety, ninety-nine--they've only just
begun. This is Thomas's first break, I expect. There--he's got a
clear board. You get five extra for that, and the other man is
rubiconed. Ninety-nine all. Now, it is only a question of who
misses first."
I put down my cue.
"Thomas," I began, "we have said some hard things about each other
to-night, but when I listen to Archie I feel very friendly towards
you."
"Archibald," said Thomas, "is a beastly name."
"So I told Miss Blair. For a man who was, so to speak, born with a
silver billiard-table in his mouth to come here and make fun of two
persevering and, in my case, promising players, is----"
"You'll never finish that sentence," said Myra. "Try some more
billiards."
"It was almost impossible to say what I wanted to say grammatically,"
I answered, and I hit my ball very hard up the table at the white.
"It's working across," said Archie, after the second bounce; "it must
hit the red soon. I give it three more laps."
"It's going much more slowly now," said Miss Blair.
"Probably it's keeping a bit of a sprint for the finish. Wait till
it gets its second wind. No, I'm afraid it's no good; it ought to
have started sooner. Hallo, yes, it's---- Got him!"
"It hasn't finished yet," I said calmly. "Look--there!"
"Jove!" said Archie, shaking my hand, "that's the longest loser I've
ever seen. My dear old man, what a performer. The practice you must
have had. The years you must have devoted to the game. I
wonder--could you _possibly_ spare an hour or two to-morrow to play
cricket for us?"