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[Illustration: Alf BURNETT. From A Photograph By Winder.]
INCIDENTS OF THE WAR:
Humorous, Pathetic,
and
Descriptive.
By
ALF BURNETT,
Comic Delineator, Army Correspondent, Humorist,
Etc., Etc.
CINCINNATI:
RICKEY & CARROLL, PUBLISHERS,
73 WEST FOURTH STREET.
1863.
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1863, by
RICKEY & CARROLL,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United
States for the Southern District of Ohio.
Stereotyped at the
Franklin Type Foundry,
CINCINNATI.
SKETCH OF THE AUTHOR.
By Enos B. Reed.
The author of the following sketches, letters, etc., has been known to
us for lo, these many years. We have always found him "a fellow of
infinite jest," and one who, "though troubles assailed," always looked
upon the bright side of life, leaving its reverse to those who could
not behold the silver lining to the darkling clouds of their moral
horizon. We could fill a good-sized volume with anecdotes illustrating
the humorous in Mr. Burnett's composition, and his keen appreciation
of the grotesque and ludicrous--relating how he has, many a time and
oft, "set the table in a roar," by his quaint sayings and the peculiar
manner in which they were said; but we are "admonished to be brief,"
four pages only being allotted to "do up" the veritable "Don
Alfredus," better known by the familiar appellation "Alf."
Mr. Burnett has been a resident of Cincinnati for the past
twenty-seven years, his parents removing thereto from Utica, New York,
in 1836. Alf, at the Utica Academy, in his earliest youth, was quite
noted as a declaimer; his "youth but gave promise of the man," Mr. B.,
at the present time, standing without a peer in his peculiar line of
declamation and oratory. In 1845, he traveled with Professor De
Bonneville, giving his wonderful rendition of "The Maniac," so as to
attract the attention of the _literati_ throughout the country.
Perhaps one great reason for Mr. Burnett's adopting his present
profession was a remark made by the celebrated tragedian, Edwin
Forrest. Mr. B. had been invited to meet Mr. Forrest at the residence
of S. S. Smith, Esq. Mr. Burnett gave several readings, which caused
Mr. Forrest to make the remark, that "Mr. B. had but to step upon the
stage to reach fortune and renown." "Upon this hint" Mr. B. acted, and
at once entered upon the duties of his arduous profession. In his
readings and recitations he soon discovered that it was imperative, to
insure a pleasant entertainment, that humor should be largely mingled
with pathos; hence, he introduced a series of droll and comical
pieces, in the rendition of which he is acknowledged to have no equal.
As a mimic and ventriloquist he stands preeminent, and his
entertainment is so varied with pathos, wit, and humor, that an
evening's amusement of wonderful versatility is afforded.
Mr. Burnett is a remarkably ready writer--too ready, to pay that care
and attention to the "rules," which is considered, and justly so, to
be indispensable to a correct writer. To illustrate the rapidity with
which he composes, we have but to repeat a story, which a mutual
friend relates. He met Alf, one afternoon, about five o'clock, he
being announced to deliver an original poem in the evening, of
something less than a hundred verses. In the midst of the conversation
which ensued, Alf suddenly recollected that he had not written a line
thereof, and, making his excuses, declared he must go home and write
up the "_little affair_." In the evening a voluminous poem was
forthcoming, Alf, in all probability, having "done it up" in half an
hour "by Shrewsbury clock."
Mr. Burnett has contributed various poems to the literature of the
country, which have stamped him as being possessed of a more than
ordinary share of the divine afflatus. Among them is "The Sexton's
Spade," which has gained a world-wide celebrity. The writer has been
connected with Mr. Burnett in the publication of two or three papers,
which, somehow or other, never won their way into popular favor:
either the public had very bad taste, or the "combined forces" had not
the ability to please, or the perseverance to continue until success
crowned their labors.
In the commencement of the war, Mr. Burnett was on a tour of the
State, in the full tide of prosperity. Immediately after Sumter fell,
he summoned to him, by telegraph, his traveling agent, together with
Mr. George Humphreys, who had, as an assistant, been with him for
years. A consultation was held, which resulted in the determination of
all three to enlist in the service of their country. The agent
repaired to Chillicothe and joined the 27th Ohio; Humphreys joined the
5th Ohio, and Mr. Burnett enlisted as high private in the 6th Ohio,
and served with his regiment in West Virginia, throughout that
memorable campaign.
Mr. Burnett was subsequently engaged by the Cincinnati _Press_,
_Times_, and _Commercial_, as war correspondent. His letters were read
with great avidity, and were replete with wit, humor, and interesting
anecdote. His extensive acquaintance enabled him to gather the
earliest information, and his letters were always considered among the
most reliable. A number of them will be found in the succeeding pages.
That "Incidents of the War" will be found instructive and
entertaining, we can but believe, although Mr. Burnett's professional
engagements precluded the possibility of his devoting that time and
attention to its preparation which was almost imperative. It lays no
particular claim to merit as a literary production--being a collection
of letters and incidents, which Mr. B.'s publishers thought would be
palatable to the public in their present form.
In the volume will be found several pieces for the superior rendition
of which Mr. Burnett has been highly extolled. At the close will be
found a famous debate, which, although not an incident of the war, is
peculiarly spirited, and was delivered by Mr. Burnett before General
Rosecrans.
For the graphic illustrations accompanying the volume, Mr. Burnett is
indebted to Messrs. Jones & Hart, engravers, and Messrs. Ball &
Thomas, photographic artists.
Mr. Burnett is still engaged in giving readings and recitations, in
city and village, and, since the death of Winchell, stands almost
alone in his profession. Upon a visit to England, some years since, he
gained the praise of the English press and public, as a correct
delineator of the passions, mimic, and humorist. He is never so well
pleased as when before an audience, and receiving the applause of the
judicious.
In conclusion, let us hope that "Incidents of the War" may be welcomed
by that large number who have had relatives in the armies of the
Union, and whose names may, perchance, be found in its pages, while we
know the numerous friends of Mr. Burnett will hail its appearance with
unfeigned delight.
CONTENTS.
PAGE
CHAPTER I 13
Preparatory Remarks -- Camp-Life -- Incidents of the Battle
of Perryville -- Brigadier-General Lytle -- Captain
McDougal, of the 3d Ohio -- Colonel Loomis -- After the
Battle -- Rebels Playing 'Possum -- Skeered! That Aint no
Name for it -- Camp Fun, in a Burlesque Letter to a Friend.
CHAPTER II 23
General Nelson -- The General and the Pie-Women -- The
Watchful Sentinel of the 2d Kentucky -- The Wagon-Master of
the 17th Indiana -- Death of General Nelson -- His Funeral
-- Colonel Nick Anderson's Opinion of Nelson.
CHAPTER III 37
Description of a Battle -- The 2d Ohio (Colonel Harris) at
Perryville -- Major-General McCook's Report -- Major-General
Rousseau's Report -- Sketch of Major-General A. McD. McCook.
CHAPTER IV 47
Looking for the Body of a Dead Nephew on the Field of
Murfreesboro -- The 6th Ohio at Murfreesboro -- The Dead of
the 6th -- The 36th Indiana -- Putting Contrabands to Some
Service -- Anxiety of Owners to Retain their Slaves --
Conduct of a Mistress -- "Don't Shoot, Massa, here I Is!" --
Kidd's Safeguard -- "Always Been a Union Man" -- Negroes
Exhibiting their Preference for their Friends.
CHAPTER V 57
Cutting Down a Rebel's Reserved Timber -- Home again --
Loomis and his Coldwater Battery -- Secession Poetry --
Heavy Joke on an "Egyptian" Regiment.
CHAPTER VI 64
General Turchin -- Mrs. General Turchin in Command of the
Vanguard of the 19th Illinois -- The 18th Ohio at Athens --
Children and Fools always Tell the Truth -- Picket Talk --
About Soldiers Voting -- Captain Kirk's Line of Battle.
CHAPTER VII 70
Comic Scenes -- Importation of Yankees -- Wouldn't Go Round
-- Major Boynton and the Chicken -- Monotony of Camp-Life --
Experience on a Scouting Expedition -- Larz Anderson, Esq.,
in Camp -- A Would-be Secessionist Caught in his Own Trap --
Guthrie Gray Bill of Fare for a Rebel "Reception" -- Pic
Russell among the Snakes.
CHAPTER VIII 80
Fun in the 123d Ohio -- A Thrilling Incident of the War --
General Kelley -- Vote under Strange Circumstances -- Die,
but never Surrender.
CHAPTER IX 87
Our Hospitals -- No Hope -- A Short and Simple Story -- A
Soldier's Pride -- The Last Letter -- Soldierly Sympathy --
The Hospitals at Gallatin, and their Ministering Angels.
CHAPTER X 99
Sports in Camp -- Anecdote of the 63d Ohio and Colonel
Sprague -- Soldier's Dream of Home -- The Wife's Reply.
CHAPTER XI 107
The Atrocities of Slavery -- The Beauties of the Peculiar
Institution -- A few Well-substantiated Facts -- Visit to
Gallatin, Tennessee.
CHAPTER XII 124
General Schofield -- Colonel Durbin Ward -- Colonel Connell
-- Women in Breeches -- Another Incident of the War -- Negro
Sermon.
CHAPTER XIII 135
Letter from Cheat Mountain -- the Women of the South --
Gilbert's Brigade.
CHAPTER XIV 143
Confessions of a Fat Man -- Home-Guard -- The Negro on the
Fence -- A Camp Letter of Early Times -- "Sweetharts"
against War.
CHAPTER XV 156
The Winter Campaign in Virginia -- Didn't Know of the
Rebellion -- General W. H. Lytle -- Drilling -- A Black
Nightingale's Song.
CHAPTER XVI 167
Old Stonnicker and Colonel Marrow, of 3d Ohio -- General
Garnett and his Dogs -- "Are You the Col-o-nel of this
Post?" -- Profanity in the Army -- High Price of Beans in
Camp -- A Little Game of "Draw."
CHAPTER XVII 172
Hard on the Sutler: Spiritualism Tried -- A Specimen of
Southern Poetry -- Singular -- March to Nashville -- General
Steadman Challenged by a Woman -- Nigger Question -- "Rebels
Returning."
CHAPTER XVIII 181
Going into Battle -- Letter to the Secesh -- General
Garfield, Major-General Rosecrans's Chief of Staff --
General Lew Wallace -- The Siege of Cincinnati -- Parson
Brownlow -- Colonel Charles Anderson.
CHAPTER XIX 188
An Episode of the War -- Laughable Incident -- Old Mrs.
Wiggles on Picket Duty -- General Manson -- God Bless the
Soldiers -- Negro's Pedigree of Abraham Lincoln -- A Middle
Tennessee Preacher -- A Laconic Speech.
CHAPTER XX 194
Union Men Scarce -- How They Are Dreaded -- Incidents -- The
Wealthy Secessionists and Poor Union Widows -- The John
Morgans of Rebellion -- A Contraband's Explanation of the
Mystery -- Accident at the South Tunnel -- Impudence of the
Rebels -- A Pathetic Appeal, etc.
CHAPTER XXI 201
A Friendly Visit for Corn into an Egyptian Country -- Ohio
Regiments -- "Corn or Blood" -- "Fanny Battles" -- The
Constitution Busted in Several Places -- Edicts against
Dinner-horns, by Colonel Brownlow's Cavalry -- A Signal
Station Burned -- Two Rebel Aids Captured.
CHAPTER XXII 207
Reward for a Master -- Turning the Tables -- Dan Boss and
his Adventure -- Major Pic Russell -- A Visit to the
Outposts with General Jeff C. Davis -- Rebel Witticisms --
Hight Igo, Ye Eccentric Quarter-Master -- Fling Out to the
Breeze, Boys.
CHAPTER XXIII 216
Defense of the Conduct of the German Regiments at Hartsville
-- To the Memory of Captain W. Y. Gholson -- Colonel Toland
vs. Contraband Whisky.
CHAPTER XXIV 222
War and Romance -- Colonel Fred Jones -- Hanging in the Army
-- General A. J. Smith vs. Dirty Guns.
CHAPTER XXV 232
A Trip into the Enemy's Country -- The Rebels twice Driven
back by General Steadman -- Incidents of the Charge of the
1st Tennessee Cavalry, under Major Tracy -- The 35th and 9th
Ohio in the Fight -- Colonel Moody and the 74th Ohio --
Colonel Moody on the Battle-field.
CHAPTER XXVI 240
A Wedding in the Army -- A Bill of Fare in Camp -- Dishonest
Female Reb -- Private Cupp -- To the 13th Ohio.
CHAPTER XXVII 248
The Oath -- A Conservative Darkey's Opinion of Yankees --
Visit to the Graves of Ohio and Indiana Boys -- Trip from
Murfreesboro to Louisville -- Nashville Convalescents -- A
Death in the Hospital -- Henry Lovie Captured.
CHAPTER XXVIII 256
General Steadman Superseded by General Schofield, of
Missouri -- Colonel Brownlow's Regiment -- His Bravery -- A
Rebel Officer Killed by a Woman -- Discontent in East
Tennessee -- Picket Duty and its Dangers -- A Gallant Deed
and a Chivalrous Return.
CHAPTER XXIX 263
An Incident at Holly Springs, Miss. -- The Raid by Van Dorn
-- Cincinnati Cotton-Dealers in Trouble -- Troubles of a
Reporter.
CHAPTER XXX 268
A Reporter's Idea of Mules -- Letter from Kentucky --
Chaplain Gaddis Turns Fireman -- Gaddis and the Secesh
Grass-Widow.
CHAPTER XXXI 279
A Visit to the 1st East Tennessee Cavalry -- A Proposed
Sermon -- Its Interruption -- How ye Preacher is Bamboozled
out of $15 and a Gold Watch -- Cavalry on the Brain -- Old
Stonnicker Drummed Out of Camp -- Now and Then.
CHAPTER XXXII 289
An Incident of the 5th O. V. I. -- How to Avoid the Draft --
Keep the Soldiers' Letters -- New Use of Blood-hounds --
Proposition to Hang the Dutch Soldiers -- The Stolen Stars.
Debate Between Slabsides and Garrotte. 303
Sermon From "Harp of a Thousand Strings." 308
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.
PORTRAIT OF ALF BURNETT.
SKEERED! THAT AINT NO NAME FOR IT.
RUNAWAY SCRAPE IN VIRGINIA.
SPORTS IN CAMP.
FAT VOLUNTEER.
OLD STONNICKER DRUMMED OUT OF CAMP.
DEBATE BETWEEN SLABSIDES AND GARROTTE.
SERMON--"HARP OF A THOUSAND STRINGS."
INCIDENTS OF THE WAR.
CHAPTER I.
Preparatory Remarks -- Camp-Life -- Incidents of the Battle
of Perryville -- Brigadier-General Lytle -- Captain
McDougal, of the 3d Ohio -- Colonel Loomis -- After the
Battle -- Rebels Playing 'Possum -- Skeered! That Aint no
Name for it.
In a two-years' connection with the army, a man with the most ordinary
capacity for garnering up the humorous stories of camp may find his
_repertoire_ overflowing with the most versatile of incidents. A
connection with the daily press is, however, of great service,
especially as a letter-writer is expected to know all that occurs in
camp--and _more too_!
The stories that I shall relate are no fictions, but veritable facts,
to most of which I was myself an eye-witness.
The hardships of camp-life have been so often depicted by other pens
that it will be unnecessary for me to bring them anew before the
public. A few jolly spirits in a regiment frequently sway the crowd,
and render the hours pleasant to the boys which otherwise would prove
exceedingly wearisome; and many a surgeon has remarked, that it would
amply remunerate Government to hire good, wholesome amusement for the
benefit of the soldiers when not on active duty. Frequently, when
visiting various hospitals, have I noticed the brightening eye of the
patients as I have told them some laughable incident, or given an
hour's amusement to the crowd of convalescents--a far preferable dose,
they told me, to quinine. A word of praise to the suffering hero is of
great value.
I remember, the day after the battle of Perryville, visiting the
hospital of which Dr. Muscroft was surgeon. I had assisted all day in
bringing in the wounded from the field-hospital, in the rear of the
battle-ground. The boys of the 10th and 3d Ohio were crowded into a
little church, each pew answering for a private apartment for a
wounded man. One of the surgeons in attendance requested me to assist
in holding a patient while his leg was being amputated. This was my
first trial, but the sight of the crowd of wounded had rendered my
otherwise sensitive nerves adamant, and as the knife was hastily
plunged, the circle-scribe and the saw put to its use, the limb off,
scarce a groan escaped the noble fellow's lips. Another boy of the
10th had his entire right cheek cut off by a piece of a shell,
lacerating his tongue in the most horrible manner: this wound had to
be dressed, and again my assistance was required, and I could but
notice the exhilarating effect a few words of praise that I bestowed
upon his powers of endurance had. This was invariably the case with
all those whom it was my painful duty to assist. The effect of a few
words of praise seemed quite magical.
Men frequently fight on, though severely wounded, so great is the
excitement of battle, and I am cognizant of several instances of men
fainting from loss of blood, who did not know they were wounded,
until, several minutes afterward, they were brought to a realization
of the fact through a peculiar dizzy, sickening feeling.
Brigadier-General (then Colonel) Lytle, who commanded a brigade during
that battle, it is said, by boys who were near him, after the severe
wound he received, fought on several minutes. A field-officer, whose
name I have forgotten, being shot from his horse, requested to be
lifted back into the saddle, and died shortly afterward. Captain
McDougal, of Newark, Ohio, commanding a company in the 3d Ohio, who,
with sword upraised, and cheering on his noble boys, received a fatal
shot, actually stepped some eight or ten paces before falling. Colonel
Loomis, of the celebrated Loomis Battery, who did such service in that
engagement, says he saw no dead about him; yet there they lay, within
a few feet of his battery. Loomis at one time sighted one of his
favorite pieces, taking what he called a "fair, square, deliberate
aim," and, sure enough, he knocked over the rebel gun, throwing it
some feet in the air; at the sight of which he was so elated that he
fairly jumped with delight, and cheer after cheer rang out from the
men of his command, and it was not until a whizzing shot from the
remaining guns of the rebels' battery warned him that they were not
yet conquered, that his boys were again put to work, and eventually
quieted their noisy antagonists. At one time, during that fight, the
rebels tried to charge up the hill from "Bottom's farm-house," but
were repulsed. At that time the 10th and 3d Ohio, aided by the 15th
Kentucky Regiment, were holding the eminence; the rebels were
protected by a stone wall that skirted the entire meandering creek,
giving them, at times, the advantage of an enfilading fire; our boys
were partly covered by what was known as "Bottom's barn." Many of our
wounded had crawled into this barn for protection, but a rebel shell
exploding directly among the hay set the barn on fire, and several of
our poor wounded boys perished in the flames.
Colonel Reed, of Delaware, Ohio, was in command at Perryville, some
time after the battle, and it is a disgraceful fact that the rebels
left their dead unburied. At one spot, in a ravine, they had piled up
thirty bodies in one heap, and thrown a lot of cornstalks over them;
and on the Springfield road, to the right, as you entered the town of
Perryville, a regular line of skirmishers lay dead, each one about ten
paces from the other; they had evidently been shot instantly dead, and
had fallen in their tracks; and there they laid for four days. One, a
fine-looking man, with large, black, bushy whiskers, was within a few
yards of the toll-gate keeper's house, (himself and family residing
there,) who, apparently, was too lazy to dig a grave for the reception
of the rebel's body.
As a matter of course, the first duty is to the wounded, but these
people seemed to pay no attention to either dead or wounded. And it
was not until a peremptory order from Colonel Reed was issued, that
the rebel-sympathizing citizens condescended to go out and bury their
Confederate friends; and this was accomplished by digging a deep hole
beside the corpse, and the diggers, taking a couple of fence-rails,
would pry the body over and let it fall to the bottom: thus these
poor, deluded wretches found a receptacle in mother Earth.
Accompanied by Mr. A. Seward, the special correspondent of the
Philadelphia _Inquirer_, the day after the fight I visited an
improvised hospital in the woods in the rear of the battle-ground.
There we found some twenty Secesh, who had strayed from their command,
and were playing sick and wounded to anybody who came along. They had
guards out watching, and, as I suspected they were playing sharp, I
bethought me of trying "diamond cut diamond;" so I dismounted, and
having on a Kentucky-jeans coat, I ventured a "HOW-DE, BOYS?"
They eyed us pretty severely, and ventured the remark that they needed
food, and would like some coffee or sugar for the wounded boys. I went
inside the log-house, telling them I would send some down; that we
were farming close by there; "Dry-fork" was the place; we would send
them bread. After we had gained their confidence, they wanted to know
how they could get out of the State without being captured; said they
had not been taken yet, although several of the Yanks had been there;
but the "d--d fools" thought they were already paroled.
We told them that as soon as they got well we would pilot them safely
out. They said they had already been promised citizens' clothing by
Mrs. Thompson and some other rebel ladies. They then openly confessed
that there was only one of them wounded, and that they had used his
bloody rags for arm-bandages and head-bandages only for the brief
period when they were visited by _suspicious_-looking persons; but,
as we were all right, they had no hesitancy in telling us they were
part of Hardee's corps, and were left there by accident when the rebel
forces marched.
By a strange _accident_ they were all taken prisoners that afternoon
by a dozen Federal prowlers, who kindly took them in out of the wet.
SKEERED! THAT AINT NO NAME FOR IT.
About a mile and a half to the rear of the field of battle there
stands, in a large, open field, a solitary log-house containing two
rooms. The house is surrounded by a fence inclosing a small patch of
ground. The chimney had been partly torn away by a cannon-ball. A
shell had struck the roof of the building, ripping open quite a gutter
in the rafters. A dead horse lay in the little yard directly in front
of the house, actually blocking up the doorway, while shot and shell
were scattered in every direction about the field in front and rear of
this solitary homestead. I dismounted, determined to see who or what
was in the house--
"Darkness there, and nothing more."
A board had been taken from the floor, exhibiting a large hole between
two solid beams or logs. An empty bedstead, a wooden cupboard, and
three chairs were all the furniture the house contained. Hurrying
across the field, we caught up with a long, lank, lean woman. She had
two children with her: a little boy about nine, and a girl about four
years of age. The woman had a table upon her head. The table, turned
upside down, contained a lot of bedding. She had a bucket full of
crockery-ware in one hand, and was holding on to the table with the
other. The children were loaded down with household furniture of great
convenience. As it was growing dark, I inquired the nearest road to
Perryville. The woman immediately unloaded her head, and pointing the
direction, set one leg on the table, and yelled to the boy--
"Whoray up, Jeems; you are so slow!"
"How far is it, madam?"
"O, about a mile and a half. It aint more nor that, no how."
"Who lived in that house?" said I, pointing to the log-cabin I had
just left.
"I did."
"Were you there during the fight?"
"Guess I was."
"Where was your husband?"
"He wor dead."
"Was he killed in the battle?"
"No; he died with the measles."
"Why didn't you leave when you found there was going to be a fight?"
"I did start for to go, but I seed the Yankees comin' thick, and I
hurried back t'other way; and jest as I e'enamost got to the brush
yonder, I seed the 'Confeds' jest a swarmin' out of the woods. So,
seeing I was between two fires, I rund back to the house."
"Wasn't you afraid you'd be killed?"
"Guess I was."
"What did you do when they commenced firing?"
"I cut a hole in the floor with the ax, and hid between the jists."
"Did they fight long upon your ground?"
"It seemed to me like it wor TWO WEEKS."
"You must have been pretty well scared; were you not?"
"Humph! _skeered!_ Lor bless you, _skeered! That aint no name for
it!_"
CAMP FUN IN A BURLESQUE LETTER TO A FRIEND.
The other morning I was standing by Billy Briggs, in our tent.
"Hand me them scabbards, Jimmy," said he.
"Scabbards!" said I, looking round.
"Yes; boots, I mean. I wonder if these boots were any relation to that
beef we ate yesterday. If they will only prove as tough, they'll last
me a long time. I say, Cradle!" he called out, "where are you?"
Cradle was our contraband, with a foot of extraordinary length, and
heel to match.
"What do you call him Cradle for?" I inquired.
"What would _you_ call him? If he aint a cradle, what's he got rockers
on for?"
Cradle made his appearance, with a pair of perforated stockings.
"It's no use," said Billy, looking at them. "Them stockings will do to
put on a sore throat, but won't do for feet. It is humiliating for a
man like me to be without stockings. A man may be bald-headed, and
it's genteel; but to be barefooted, it's ruination. The legs are good,
too," he added, thoughtfully, "but the feet are gone. There is
something about the heels of stockings and the elbows of stove-pipes,
in this world, that is all wrong, Jimmy."
A supply of stockings had come that day, and were just being given
out. A pair of very large ones fell to Billy's lot. Billy held them up
before him.
"Jimmy," said he, "these are pretty bags to give a little fellow like
me. Them stockings was knit for the President, or a young gorilla,
certain!" and he was about to bestow them upon Cradle, when a soldier,
in the opposite predicament, made an exchange. "Them stockings made me
think of the prisoner I scared so the other day," said Billy.
"How's that?" said I.
"He saw a big pair of red leggings, with feet, hanging up before our
tent. He never said a word, till he saw the leggings, and then he
asked me what they were for. 'Them!' said I, 'them's General Banks's
stockings.' He looked scared. 'He's a big man, is General Banks,' said
I, 'but then he ought to be, the way he lives.' 'How?' said he. 'Why,'
said I, 'his regular diet is bricks buttered with mortar.'"
The next day Billy got a present of a pair of stockings from a lady; a
nice, soft pair, with his initials, in red silk, upon them. He was
very happy. "Jimmy," said he, "just look at 'em," and he smoothed them
down with his hand--"marked with my initials, too; 'B,' for my
Christian name, and 'W' for my heathen name. How kind! They came just
in the right time, too; I've got such a sore heel."
Orders came to "fall in." Billy was so overjoyed with his new
stockings he didn't keep the line well.
"Steady, there!" growled the sergeant; "keep your place, and don't be
moving round like the Boston post-office!"
We were soon put upon the double-quick. After a few minutes, Billy
gave a groan.
"What is it, Billy?" said I.
"It's all up with 'em," said he.
I didn't know what he meant, but his face showed something bad had
happened. When we broke ranks and got to the tent, he looked the
picture of despair--shoes in hand, and his heels shining through his
stockings like two crockery door-knobs.
"Them new stockings of yours is breech-loading, aint they, Billy?"
said an unfeeling volunteer.
"Better get your name on both ends, so that you can keep 'em
together," said another.
"Shoddy stockings," said a third.
Billy was silent. I saw his heart was breaking, and I said nothing. We
held a council on them, and Billy, not feeling strong-hearted enough
for the task, gave them to Cradle to sew up the small holes.
I saw him again before supper; he came to me looking worse than ever,
the stockings in his hand.
"Jimmy," said he, "you know I gave them to Cradle, and told him to sew
up the small holes; and what do you think he has done? He's gone and
sewed up the heads."
"It's a hard case, Billy; in such cases, tears are almost
justifiable."