The Behaviour of Mrs. Grizzle at the Wedding, with an Account of the
Guests.
I hope it will not be thought uncharitable, if I advance, by way of
conjecture, that Mrs. Grizzle, on this grand occasion, summoned her
whole exertion to play off the artillery of her charms on the single
gentlemen who were invited to the entertainment; sure I am, she
displayed to the best advantage all the engaging qualities she
possessed; her affability at dinner was altogether uncommon, her
attention to the guests was superfluously hospitable, her tongue was
sheathed with a most agreeable and infantine lisp, her address was
perfectly obliging, and though conscious of the extraordinary capacity
of her month, she would not venture to hazard a laugh, she modelled her
lips into an enchanting simper, which played on her countenance all
day long; nay, she even profited by that defect in her vision we have
already observed, and securely contemplated those features which were
most to her liking, while the rest of the company believed her regards
were disposed in a quite contrary direction. With what humility of
complaisance did she receive the compliments of those who could not help
praising the elegance of the banquet; and how piously did she seize that
opportunity of commemorating the honours of her sire, by observing that
it was no merit in her to understand something of entertainments, as she
had occasion to preside at so many, during the mayoralty of her papa!
Far from discovering the least symptom of pride and exultation when the
opulence of her family became the subject of conversation, she assumed
a severity of countenance; and, after having moralized on the vanity
of riches, declared that those who looked on her as a fortune were very
much mistaken; for her father had left her no more than a poor five
thousand pounds, which, with what little she had saved of the interest
since his death, was all she had to depend on: indeed, if she had placed
her chief felicity in wealth, she should not have been so forward in
destroying her own expectations, by advising and promoting the event
at which they were now so happily assembled; but she hoped she should
always have virtue enough to postpone any interested consideration, when
it should happen to clash with the happiness of her friends. Finally,
such was her modesty and self-denial that she industriously informed
those whom it might concern, that she was no less than three years older
than the bride; though had she added ten to the reckoning, she would
have committed no mistake in point of computation.
To contribute as much as lay in her power to the satisfaction of
all present, she in the afternoon regaled them with a tune on the
harpsichord, accompanied with her voice, which, though not the most
melodious in the world, I dare say, would have been equally at their
service could she have vied with Philomel in song; and as the last
effort of her complaisance, when dancing was proposed, she was prevailed
on, at the request of her new sister, to open the ball in person.
In a word, Mrs. Grizzle was the principal figure in this festival,
and almost eclipsed the bride; who, far from seeming to dispute the
pre-eminence, very wisely allowed her to make the best of her talents;
contenting herself with the lot to which fortune had already called
her and which she imagined would not be the less desirable if her
sister-in-law were detached from the family.
I believe I need scarce advertise the reader that, during this whole
entertainment, the commodore and his lieutenant were quite out of their
element; and this, indeed, was the case with the bridegroom himself,
who being utterly unacquainted with any sort of polite commerce, found
himself under a very disagreeable restraint during the whole scene.
Trunnion, who had scarce ever been on shore till he was paid off, and
never once in his whole life in the company of any females above the
rank of those who herd on the Point at Portsmouth, was more embarrassed
about his behaviour than if he had been surrounded at sea by the whole
French navy. He had never pronounced the word “madam” since he was born;
so that, far from entering into conversation with the ladies, he would
not even return the compliment, or give the least note of civility
when they drank to his health, and, I verily believe, would rather have
suffered suffocation than allowed the simple phrase--“your servant,” to
proceed from his mouth. He was altogether as inflexible with respect to
the attitudes of his body; for, either through obstinacy or bashfulness,
he sat upright without motion, insomuch that he provoked the mirth of
a certain wag, who, addressing himself to the lieutenant, asked whether
that was the commodore himself, or the wooden lion that used to stand at
his gate?--an image, to which, it must be owned, Mr. Trunnion's person
bore no faint resemblance.
Mr. Hatchway, who was not quite so unpolished as the commodore, and had
certain notions that seemed to approach the ideas of common life, made
a less uncouth appearance; but then he was a wit, and though of a very
peculiar genius, partook largely of that disposition which is common to
all wits, who never enjoy themselves except when their talents meet with
those marks of distinction and veneration, which, in their own opinion,
they deserve.
These circumstances being premised, it is not to be wondered at, if this
triumvirate made no objections to the proposal, when some of the graver
personages of the company made a motion for adjourning into another
apartment, where they might enjoy their pipes and bottles, while
the young folks indulged themselves in the continuance of their
own favourite diversion. Thus rescued, as it were, from a state of
annihilation, the first use the two lads of the castle made of their
existence, was to ply the bridegroom so hard with bumpers, that in less
than an hour he made divers efforts to sing, and soon after was carried
to bed, deprived of all manner of sensation, to the utter disappointment
of the bridemen and maids, who, by this accident, were prevented from
throwing the stocking, and performing certain other ceremonies practised
on such occasions. As for the bride, she bore this misfortune with
great good humour, and indeed, on all occasions, behaved like a discreet
woman, perfectly well acquainted with the nature of her own situation.