demanded an indignant citizen of the proprietor of a Woodward avenue
store yesterday.
“Yes, sir, you did.”
“And didn’t you say you would send a man to put them on?”
“I did.”
“And he was sick, I suppose?”
“No, sir; he went up there two days ago.”
“And put on the strips?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Where?”
“On the front and side doors, of course.”
“On the doors—of course—who in Halifax ordered them on the doors of
the house? I wanted them strips for the barn doors!”
“You did?”
“Certainly I did. Do you suppose I want draughts of air sweeping in on
my poor horses this kind o’ weather?”
IT’S A TELEPHONE.
A well-to-do but unsophisticated back-woodsman was in the city lately,
attending the Fat Stock Show, and brought along his wife and daughters
to see the sights and do some shopping. Among other places they visited
was Mandel’s new store, and after wandering around the first floor for a
while the party came to a stop near the elevators.
One of the daughters was first to discover the cars moving silently up
and down, receiving and discharging their cargoes of passengers. She
jerked her father’s coat sleeve to direct his attention to the
phenomenon, and in a tone that was audible to the clerks in the
neighborhood asked:
“What’s that, paw—that thing going up and down, with sofys in it?”
The old man gave the elevator a long, calm, deliberate, scrutinizing
stare, and exclaimed with joy:
“By gosh! it’s a telephone! the first I ever saw!”
AN EMERGENCY.
A few days ago a man with a weak and humble expression, and wearing a
summer suit of clothes, applied to one of the railroad passenger agents
for a dead-head pass to Toledo.
“Why when do you want to go to Toledo?”
“To get married.”
“And you haven’t any money?”
“Not above twenty-five cents.”
“Hadn’t you better be worth your fare to Toledo before taking a wife on
your hands to support?”
“You don’t understand the case,” protested the man. “I’m going to marry
a widow worth at least $5,000, and the first thing I shall do will be to
remit you the price of a ticket. I’m poor, and the widow knows it, but
she marries me for love.”
He protested so long and earnestly that he was finally passed down the
road. Two days elapsed, and then a letter was received from him saying:
“Heaven bless you for your kindness? Reached here all right, and married
the widow according to programme. It turns out that she isn’t worth a
copper. In this emergency may I ask you to pass us both to Detroit,
where I have hopes of striking a job?”
* * * * *
The fellow who went into a sink hole clear to his nose remarked that it
wasn’t much, as he had only gotten in up to his sneeze, and he had gum
boots on.
* * * * *
“We have struck smoother road, haven’t we?” asked a passenger of a
conductor on an Arkansas railway. “No.” replied the conductor. “We have
only run off the track.”
* * * * *
Has it ever occurred to you that the initials N. J. stand not only for
New Jersey, but New Jerusalem? There’s the same uncertainty of
significance in certain words beginning with H—one of which is Heaven.
* * * * *
“You are the most stuck-up chap I ever saw,” remarked a young lady to a
youth whom she met at a taffy pull. To which he replied: “And you are
just as sweet as you are candid.” Another leap-year horror.
* * * * *
“Rebecca,” said Mose Schaumberg, an Austin merchant prince to his wife.
“I vants you to gif me your photograph.” “Und vat in the vorld do you
vant mit mine photograph?” inquired the wife. “I vants to paste it on
mine pipe. Times vas so pad dad I vants to preak mineself of smoking,”
answered Mose.
* * * * *
“Your visits remind me of the growth of a successful newspaper,” said
Uncle Jabez, leaning his chin on his cane, and glancing at William
Arthur, who was sweet on Angelica. “Why so?” inquired William. “Well,
they commenced as a weekly, grew to be a tri-weekly, and have now become
daily, with a weekly supplement.”
* * * * *
They were returning home from the theatre and had nearly reached her
home, when the young man observed: “Isn’t the weather cold and raw?” She
must have misunderstood him. “Raw,” she said, rather hesitatingly. “Yes,
I like them raw, but,” she continued, looking sweetly in his eyes,
“don’t you think they are nicer fried?” What could he do?
* * * * *
One more unfortunate: Mamma (a widow of considerable personal
attractions)—“I want to tell you something, Tommy. You saw that
gentleman talking to grandmamma in the other room. Well, he is going to
be your new papa. Mamma’s going to marry him.” Tommy (who recollects
something of the life his old papa used to lead)—“D-d-does he know it
yet mamma?”
* * * * *
“Doctor,” said our young man to a jocular dentist, “I hear you’ve been
saying that I’ve got a mouth that always reminds you of the mouth of the
Mississippi. Is that so?” “Of course not, my dear boy,” said Burton. “I
never said anything so cruel. All I said was that when I was reaching
for one of your rear snags I always felt safer when I had a
life-preserver around me.”
* * * * *
Queen Victoria took the second prize at the York show with a yearling
heifer from her Balmoral farm, and she kicked like a steer because she
didn’t get the first. The heifer did, not Victoria. Er himperial majesty
kicked too, because the first prize is one shilling thruppence, while
the second is only one shilling tuppence happeny, but her protest of
course was made in a most majestic and lady-like manner.—_Hawkeye._
* * * * *
Some of the richest men in Austin started in life in a very modest way,
and are still plain, unpretentious people, but their sons put on a great
deal of style. One of the latter, who was better posted about other
people’s affairs than his own family’s remarked sneeringly to an
acquaintance: “Your father was nothing but a simple stonemason.” “I know
where you got that information,” quietly remarked the other. “From whom
did I get it?” “From your father.” “How do you know that?” “Because
your father used to be my father’s hod-carrier.”
* * * * *
It is a base slander upon the goat to say he eats tomato can labels and
circus poster and old hoop skirts and things because he likes them. He
is driven to this coarse, and not very nutritious fare, by hard times
and destitution. When he can stand on his hind legs and eat his
luxurious way along a clothes-line, all the circus posters in the world
can’t lure him away from the night shirt and the par boiled sheet. Be
just to the goat. And how he does love a coil of manilla rope or a
rubber door mat. The fact is, the goat is gifted with a fine rather
epicurean taste, and if we could afford to feed him the things he is
fond of he would never touch a tomato can.—_Hawkeye._
* * * * *
SPECIAL OFFER.
$67 FOR $18!
[Illustration]
A Superb New Family Sewing Machine!
Combining all the most recent improvements, and now selling for $65, is
offered by THE PRAIRIE FARMER PUBLISHING COMPANY to subscribers to THE
PRAIRIE FARMER
FOR $18,
including one year’s subscription to the paper.
This exceptional offer will remain open for a few days only.
* * * * *
STANDARD BOOKS
NOW READY FOR DISTRIBUTION.
VOLUMES ONE AND TWO
OF THE
NATIONAL REGISTER NORMAN HORSES
The most reliable, concise, and exhaustive history of the horse in
general, and by far the most complete and authentic one of the Norman
horse in particular, ever published in the United States.
PRICES:
Volume I.........................................$ 2.00
Volume II........................................ 1.50
When the two volumes are sent in one package to one address, $3.00.
Sent, postpaid, on receipt of price.
Address your orders to
PRAIRIE FARMER PUBLISHING CO., Chicago
* * * * *
QUINBY’S
NEW BEE-KEEPING,
THE MYSTERIES OF BEE-KEEPING EXPLAINED
Combining the results of fifty years’ experience with the latest
discoveries and inventions and presenting the most approved methods,
forming
A COMPLETE GUIDE
—TO—
SUCCESSFUL BEE-CULTURE
By L. C. ROOT, Practical Apiarian
With 100 Illustrations.
By mail, prepaid, $1.50. Address
PRAIRIE FARMER PUBLISHING CO., Chicago.
* * * * *
WINTER GREENERIES AT HOME
By Rev. E. A. JOHNSON, D. D.
A WORK ON WINTER GARDENING, GIVING THE RESULTS OF ACTUAL PRACTICE.
The author for several years past has found recreation in beautifying
his study with plants; his work has resulted in so much enjoyment to
himself and his friends that he has been induced to tell what he did and
how he did it. The book is not a mere dry set of directions, but its
teachings are presented in the pleasant form of letters to some young
ladies, who, having witnessed the author’s success, have asked his
instruction, and this allows a genial personality to pervade the work,
and makes it withal readable as well as instructive. It is a most
excellent guide to successful winter gardening, as suited to American
homes, with our peculiar domestic surroundings, and those who follow its
teachings will reach a satisfactory measure of success. The engravings
include several representations of the author’s study. Finely
illustrated 12mo. Price, postpaid, $1.
PRAIRIE FARMER PUBLISHING CO., Chicago.
* * * * *
MISCELLANEOUS.
ONE CENT
invested in a postal card and addressed as below
WILL
give to the writer full information as to the best lands in the United
States now for sale; how he can
BUY
them on the lowest and best terms, also the full text of the U.S. land
laws and how to secure
320 ACRES
of Government Lands in Northwestern Minnesota and Northeastern Dakota.
ADDRESS:
JAMES B. POWER,
Land and Emigration Commissioner,
ST. PAUL, MINN.
* * * * *
MEDICAL.
DISEASE CURED
Without Medicine.
_A Valuable Discovery for supplying Magnetism to the Human System.
Electricity and Magnetism utilized as never before for Healing the
Sick._
THE MAGNETON APPLIANCE CO.’s
MAGNETIC KIDNEY BELT!
FOR MEN IS
WARRANTED TO CURE
_Or Money refunded_, the following diseases without medicine:—_Pain in
the Back, Hips, Head, or Limbs, Nervous Debility, Lumbago, General
Debility, Rheumatism, Paralysis, Neuralgia, Sciatica, Diseases of the
Kidneys, Spinal Diseases, Torpid Liver_, GOUT SEMINAL EMISSIONS,
IMPOTENCY, ASTHMA, HEART DISEASE, DYSPEPSIA, CONSTIPATION, ERYSIPELAS,
INDIGESTION, HERNIA OR RUPTURE, CATARRH, PILES, EPILEPSY, DUMB AGUE,
ETC.
When any debility of the GENERATIVE ORGANS occurs, LOST VITALITY,
LACK OF NERVE FORCE AND VIGOR, WASTING WEAKNESS, and all those Diseases
of a personal nature, from whatever cause, the continuous stream of
Magnetism permeating through the parts, must restore them to a healthy
action. There is no mistake about this appliance.
TO THE LADIES:—If you are afflicted with LAME BACK, WEAKNESS OF THE
SPINE, FALLING OF THE WOMB, LEUCORRHŒA, CHRONIC INFLAMMATION AND
ULCERATION OF THE WOMB, INCIDENTAL HEMORRHAGE OR FLOODING, PAINFUL,
SUPPRESSED, AND IRREGULAR MENSTRUATION, BARRENNESS, AND CHANGE OF LIFE,
THIS IS THE BEST APPLIANCE AND CURATIVE AGENT KNOWN.
For all forms of FEMALE DIFFICULTIES it is unsurpassed by anything
before invented, both as a curative agent and as a source of power and
vitalization.
Price of either Belt with Magnetic Insoles, $10, sent by express C.O.D.,
and examination allowed, or by mail on receipt of price. In ordering
send measure of waist, and size of shoe. Remittance can be made in
currency, sent in letter at our risk.
The Magneton Garments are adapted to all ages, are worn over the
under-clothing (NOT NEXT TO THE BODY LIKE THE MANY GALVANIC AND
ELECTRIC HUMBUGS ADVERTISED SO EXTENSIVELY), and should be taken off at
night. They hold their POWER FOREVER, and are worn at all seasons of the
year.
Send stamp for the “New Departure in Medical treatment WITHOUT
MEDICINE,” with thousands of testimonials.
THE MAGNETON APPLIANCE CO.,
218 STATE STREET. CHICAGO, ILL.
NOTE.—Send one dollar in postage stamps or currency (in letter
at our risk) with size of shoe usually worn, and try a pair of our
Magnetic Insoles, and be convinced of the power residing in our other
Magnetic Appliances. Positively no cold feet when they are worn, or
money refunded.
* * * * *
PUBLICATIONS.
MARSHALL M. KIRKMAN’S BOOKS ON RAILROAD TOPICS.
DO YOU WANT TO BECOME A RAILROAD MAN
IF YOU DO, THE BOOKS DESCRIBED BELOW POINT THE WAY.
The most promising field for men of talent and ambition at the present
day is the railroad service. The pay is large in many instances, while
the service is continuous and honorable. Most of our railroad men began
life on the farm. Of this class is the author of the accompanying books
descriptive of railway operations, who has been connected continuously
with railroads as a subordinate and officer for 27 years. He was brought
up on a farm, and began railroading as a lad at $7 per month. He has
written a number of standard books on various topics connected with the
organization, construction, management and policy of railroads. These
books are of interest not only to railroad men but to the general reader
as well. They are indispensable to the student. They present every phase
of railroad life, and are written in an easy and simple style that both
interests and instructs. The books are as follows:
“RAILWAY EXPENDITURES—THEIR EXTENT,
OBJECT AND ECONOMY.”—A Practical
Treatise on Construction and Operation.
In Two Volumes, 850 pages. $4.00
“HAND BOOK OF RAILWAY EXPENDITURES.”—Practical
Directions for Keeping
the Expenditure Accounts. 2.00
“RAILWAY REVENUE AND ITS COLLECTION.”—And
Explaining the Organization of
Railroads. 2.50
“THE BAGGAGE, PARCEL AND MAIL TRAFFIC
OF RAILROADS.”—An interesting work
on this important service; 425 pages. 2.00
“TRAIN AND STATION SERVICE.”—Giving
The Principal Rules and Regulations governing
Trains; 280 pages. 2.00
“THE TRACK ACCOUNTS OF RAILROADS.”—And
how they should be kept. Pamphlet. 1.00
“THE FREIGHT TRAFFIC WAY-BILL.”—Its
Uses Illustrated and Described. Pamphlet. .50
“MUTUAL GUARANTEE.”—A Treatise on Mutual
Suretyship. Pamphlet. .50
Any of the above books will be sent post paid on receipt
of price, by
PRAIRIE FARMER PUBLISHING CO.,
150 Monroe St. CHICAGO, ILL.
Money should be remitted by express, or by draft check or post office
order.
* * * * *
MAP
Of the United States and Canada, Printed in Colors, size 4 × 2½ feet,
also a copy of THE PRAIRIE FARMER for one year. Sent to any address for
$2.00.
* * * * *
GENERAL NEWS.
Boston people propose to have a crematory.
Michigan fruit buds are reported but little damaged by the late
freezing.
Ex-Governor John Letcher, of Virginia, is dead.
Kansas corn is being shipped to Wabash, Ind. It sells for 65 cents per
bushel.
Gould is reducing the pay of employes along his Southwestern system
fifty per cent.
The Virginia House has passed the joint resolution asking Senator Mahone
to resign.
The Russian authorities have refused to allow a monument of Luther to be
erected at Riga.
The lines of the National Telegraph Company have been absorbed by the
Baltimore and Ohio.
Last Saturday night Europe experienced one of the severest gales ever
known on that Continent.
The issue of silver dollars for the week ending Jan. 26, was 110,000;
corresponding period last year 263,000.
E. M. W. Mackey, the Republican Member of Congress for South Carolina,
died at Washington, Monday morning.
Mr. Blaine has introduced into the Senate a bill for the free
circulation of newspapers within the States where published.
Fred Douglas, the eloquent African, has astonished the natives by
marrying a white woman. He is about 70, she 46 years old.
The bodies of the Jeannette victims have reached Moscow, where the
American residents placed flowers and wreathes on the biers.
The Chicago Opera-House Company, with a capital of $600,000, has been
incorporated at Springfield by Charles Henrotin, Edward Koch, and
others.
The Brigham Young Academy, at Provo, Utah, valued at $30,000, was burned
Sunday evening. There were four hundred students in the building. No
lives lost.
There are now 7,794 ocean steamers belonging to the different nations.
About one half the ocean sailing vessels belong to England. Their total
number is 36,194.
The famous Smithson college building at Logansport, Indiana, which is
said to be the handsomest structure of its kind in the State, is to be
purchased and turned into a normal school.
Articles of incorporation have been filed at New York for the Merchants’
Telegraph and Cable Company; capital stock $13,000,000, with power to
increase that sum to, but not beyond $20,000,000.
The discovery of tin at King’s mountain, Cleveland county, N. C., is
announced. This is the first discovery of this metal in the United
States. The State chemist will make a careful examination.
O. A. Carpenter, suspected of the murder of Zora Burns, at Lincoln,
Ill., has been indicted by the grand jury, and is now in jail. It is
said that sufficient new evidence to convict him has come to light.
It is believed that an agreement has been reached at Pittsburg between
the striking glass-workers and the employers. Great concessions are said
to have been made on both sides. The strike has lasted five months.
The sergeant-at-arms of the House of Representatives presents bills for
$3,461 for escorting the remains of Representative Haskell to Kansas.
Among the items is one of $201 for a lunch before starting from
Washington.
The newspapers say that one of the jurors in the Emma Bond case spends
considerable time in crying; another runs from his house when visitors
approach it, and a third has been dismissed by a beautiful woman to whom
he was engaged.
The Hay-Shippers’ Association is getting up a petition to the Canadian
Government in regard to the excessive duties charged on hay exported to
the United States. It is understood that the Government will present the
matter to the Washington authorities.
In the French Chamber of Deputies, Monday, Minister Ferry expressed the
opinion that to ameliorate the labor crisis in Paris would be a
difficult task. The exports were 1,200,000,000 francs in excess of the
imports, he said, and within five years 6,000,000 francs had been
expended on buildings for which tenants could hardly be obtained.
Young James Nutt was acquitted of the murder of Dukes on the ground of
insanity. An after examination of his condition resulted in a
declaration that he is no longer insane. The case is one of wide
celebrity. Public opinion justifies the verdict. The President,
Secretary Chandler, and ex-Secretary Blaine, also indorse the action of
the jury.
[Illustration]
MARKETS.
FINANCIAL AND COMMERCIAL.
OFFICE OF THE PRAIRIE FARMER.}
CHICAGO. Jan 29, 1884. }
Business at the Chicago banks is by no means brisk, and it is not
anticipated that it will be until after the first of February.
Bonds and stocks are more active than for some time. In New York there
has been a great boom in what are known as the Villard stocks. It is
said that Gould and associates are boosting these stocks and squeezing
the shorts unmercifully.
The number of failures reported in the United States during the past
seven days was 287, and for Canada 30, a total of 317, against 425 for
the previous week, a reduction of 108. The greatest reduction in
failures is at the East.
Money in Chicago is worth 5@6 per cent on call.
Eastern exchange is firm at 60@70c per $1,000.
Government securities are as follows:
4’s coupons, 1907 |Q. Apr.| 123¼
4’s reg., 1907 |Q. Apr.| 123¼
4½’s coupon, 1891 |Q. Mar.| 114⅛
4½’s registered, 1891 |Q. Mar.| 114⅛
3’s registered |Q. Mar.| 100
GRAIN AND PROVISIONS.
The Chicago grain markets were quiet on Monday. Wheat took the lead and
the market closed about half a cent higher than on Saturday. Foreign
advices were favorable; rain was reported in California, and the New
York quotations were better.
Receipts of grain of all kinds were comparatively light.
Flour was quiet at the following quotations:
Choice to favorite white winters $5 40@5 50
Fair to good brands of white winters 4 75@5 00
Good to choice red winters 5 25@5 50
Prime to choice springs 4 75@5 00
Good to choice export stock, in sacks, extras 4 25@4 50
Good to choice export stock, double extras 4 50@4 65
Fair to good Minnesota springs 4 50@4 75
Choice to fancy Minnesota springs 5 25@5 75
Patent springs 6 00@6 50
Low grades 2 25@3 50
WHEAT.—Red winter, No. 3, 90½; car lots of spring, No. 2, in store
sold at 91@91¼c; No. 3, do. 85@86.
CORN.—Moderately active. Car lots No. 2, 52½@52½c; rejected,
43@44; new mixed, 48@50c.
OATS.—No. 2 in store, closed 32½@32¾.
RYE.—May, in store 57@58.
BARLEY.—No. 2, 55@60 in store; No. 3, f.o.b. 53c.
FLAX.—Closed at $1 44 on track.
TIMOTHY.—$1 30@1 33 per bushel. Little doing.
CLOVER.—Quiet at $5 50@6 for prime.
HUNGARIAN.—Prime 65c.
BUCKWHEAT.—75@85c.
MILLET.—40@50c.
PROVISIONS.—Mess pork, February, $14 75@14 78 per bbl; Green hams,
10½c per lb. Short ribs, $7 65 per cwt.
LARD.—February, $8 95@8 97.
LUMBER.
Lumber unchanged. Quotations for green are as follows:
Short dimension, per M $ 9 50@10 00
Long dimension, per M 10 00@11 50
Boards and strips, No. 2 11 00@13 00
Boards and strips, medium 13 00@16 00
Boards and strips, No. 1 choice 16 00@20 00
Shingles, standard 2 10@ 2 20
Shingles, choice 2 25@ 2 30
Shingles, extra 2 40@ 2 60
Lath 1 65@ 1 70
COUNTRY PRODUCE.
NOTE.—The quotations for the articles named in the following list are
generally for commission lots of goods and from first hands. While our
prices are based as near as may be on the landing or wholesale rates,
allowance must be made for selections and the sorting up for store
distribution.
BRAN.—Quoted at $15@15 25 per ton.
BEANS.—Hand picked mediums $2 05@2 10. Hand picked navies, $2 15@2 20.
BUTTER.—Dull and without change. Choice to extra creamery, 33@36c per lb.;
fair to good do 25@32c; fair to choice dairy, 23@28c; common to choice
packing stock fresh and sweet, 18@22c; ladle packed 10@13c; fresh made,
streaked butter, 9@11c.
BROOM-CORN.—Good to choice hurl 6½@7½c per lb.; green self-working
5@6c; red-tipped and pale do 4@5c; inside and covers 3@4c; common short
corn 2½@3½c; crooked, and damaged, 2@4c, according to quality.
CHEESE.—Choice full-cream cheddars 13½@14c per lb.; medium quality do
10@11c; good to prime full cream flats 13½@14c; skimmed cheddars
9@10c; good skimmed flats 7@9c; hard-skimmed and common stock 3@4c.
EGGS.—In a small way the best brands are quotable at 34@35c per dozen,
fresh; 25@28c for good ice house stock; 20@25c per pickled.
FEATHERS.—Quotations: Prime live geese feathers 52@54c per lb.; ducks
25@35c; duck and geese mixed 35@45c; dry-picked chicken feathers body
6@6½c; turkey body feathers 4@4½c; do tail 55@60c; do wing 25@35c;
do wing and tail mixed 35@40c.
HAY.—No 1 timothy $ 9@10 per ton; No 2 do $8 00 @8 50; mixed do $7@8;
upland prairie $8 00@10 75; No 1 prairie $6@7; No 2 do $4 50@5 50. Small
bales sell at 25@50c per ton more than large bales.
HIDES AND PELTS.—Green-cured light hides 8¼c per lb.; do heavy cows
8c; No 2 damaged green-salted hides 6c; green-salted calf 12@12½
cents; green-salted bull 6c; dry-salted hides 11 cents; No. 2 two-thirds
price; No. 1 dry flint 14@14½c. Sheep pelts salable at 28@32c for the
estimated amount of wash wool on each pelt. All branded and scratched
hides are discounted 15 per cent from the price of No. 1.
HOPS.—Prime to choice New York State hops 25@26c per lb.; Pacific coast
of 23@26c; fair to good Wisconsin 15@20c.
HONEY AND BEESWAX.—Good to choice white comb honey in small boxes
15@17c per lb.; common and dark-colored, or when in large packages
12@14c; Beeswax ranged at 25@30c per lb., according to quality, the
outside for prime yellow.
POULTRY.—Prices for good to choice dry picked and unfrozen lots are:
Turkeys 13@14c per lb.; chickens 9@10c; ducks 12@13c; geese 9@11c. Thin,
undesirable, and frozen stock 2@3c per lb less than these figures; live
offerings nominal.
POTATOES.—Good to choice 30@34c per bu. on track; common to fair
25@28c. Illinois sweet potatoes range at $4@5 per bbl for yellow.
TALLOW AND GREASE.—No 1 country tallow 7@7¼c per lb.; No 2 do
6¼@6½c. Prime white grease 6@6½c; yellow 5¼@5¾; brown
4½@5.
VEGETABLES.—Cabbage, $12@18 per 100; celery, 25@35c per doz bunches;
onions, $1 25@1 50 per bbl for yellow, and $1 for red; turnips, $1 35@1 50
per bbl for rutabagas, and $1 00 for white flat.