I have gone without my breakfast, and am like to go without my wig; and
I must not, I suppose, presume to say I feel either hunger or cold, for
fear of disturbing the sick gentleman who lies six rooms off, and who
feels himself well enough to send for his dog and gun, though he knows
I detest such implements ever since our elder brother, poor Williewald,
marched out of the world on a pair of damp feet, caught in the
Kittlefitting-moss. But that signifies nothing; I suppose I shall be
expected by and by to lend a hand to carry Squire Hector out upon his
litter, while he indulges his sportsmanlike propensities by shooting my
pigeons, or my turkeys--I think any of the ferae naturae are safe from
him for one while.”
Miss M’Intyre now entered, and began to her usual morning’s task of
arranging her uncle’s breakfast, with the alertness of one who is too
late in setting about a task, and is anxious to make up for lost time.
But this did not avail her. “Take care, you silly womankind--that mum’s
too near the fire--the bottle will burst; and I suppose you intend to
reduce the toast to a cinder as a burnt-offering for Juno, or what do
you call her--the female dog there, with some such Pantheon kind of
a name, that your wise brother has, in his first moments of mature
reflection, ordered up as a fitting inmate of my house (I thank him),
and meet company to aid the rest of the womankind of my household in
their daily conversation and intercourse with him.”
“Dear uncle, don’t be angry about the poor spaniel; she’s been tied up
at my brother’s lodgings at Fairport, and she’s broke her chain twice,
and came running down here to him; and you would not have us beat the
faithful beast away from the door?--it moans as if it had some sense
of poor Hector’s misfortune, and will hardly stir from the door of his
room.”
“Why,” said his uncle, “they said Caxon had gone to Fairport after his
dog and gun.”
“O dear sir, no,” answered Miss M’Intyre, “it was to fetch some
dressings that were wanted, and Hector only wished him to bring out his
gun, as he was going to Fairport at any rate.”
“Well, then, it is not altogether so foolish a business, considering
what a mess of womankind have been about it--Dressings, quotha?--and who
is to dress my wig?--But I suppose Jenny will undertake”--continued the
old bachelor, looking at himself in the glass--“to make it somewhat
decent. And now let us set to breakfast--with what appetite we may. Well
may I say to Hector, as Sir Isaac Newton did to his dog Diamond, when
the animal (I detest dogs) flung down the taper among calculations which
had occupied the philosopher for twenty years, and consumed the whole
mass of materials--Diamond, Diamond, thou little knowest the mischief
thou hast done!”
“I assure you, sir,” replied his niece, “my brother is quite sensible
of the rashness of his own behaviour, and allows that Mr. Lovel behaved
very handsomely.”
“And much good that will do, when he has frightened the lad out of the
country! I tell thee, Mary, Hector’s understanding, and far more that
of feminity, is inadequate to comprehend the extent of the loss which he
has occasioned to the present age and to posterity--aureum quidem opus--a
poem on such a subject, with notes illustrative of all that is clear,
and all that is dark, and all that is neither dark nor clear, but hovers
in dusky twilight in the region of Caledonian antiquities. I would have
made the Celtic panegyrists look about them. Fingal, as they conceitedly
term Fin-Mac-Coul, should have disappeared before my search, rolling
himself in his cloud like the spirit of Loda. Such an opportunity can
hardly again occur to an ancient and grey-haired man; and to see it lost
by the madcap spleen of a hot-headed boy! But I submit--Heaven’s will be
done!”
Thus continued the Antiquary to maunder, as his sister expressed it,
during the whole time of breakfast, while, despite of sugar and honey,
and all the comforts of a Scottish morning tea-table, his reflections
rendered the meal bitter to all who heard them. But they knew the
nature of the man. “Monkbarns’s bark,” said Miss Griselda Oldbuck, in
confidential intercourse with Miss Rebecca Blattergowl, “is muckle waur
than his bite.”
In fact, Mr. Oldbuck had suffered in mind extremely while his nephew was
in actual danger, and now felt himself at liberty, upon his returning
health, to indulge in complaints respecting the trouble he had been
put to, and the interruption of his antiquarian labours. Listened to,
therefore, in respectful silence, by his niece and sister, he unloaded
his discontent in such grumblings as we have rehearsed, venting many
a sarcasm against womankind, soldiers, dogs, and guns, all which
implements of noise, discord, and tumult, as he called them, he
professed to hold in utter abomination.
This expectoration of spleen was suddenly interrupted by the noise of a
carriage without, when, shaking off all sullenness at the sound, Oldbuck
ran nimbly up stairs and down stairs, for both operations were necessary
ere he could receive Miss Wardour and her father at the door of his
mansion.
A cordial greeting passed on both sides. And Sir Arthur, referring
to his previous inquiries by letter and message, requested to be
particularly informed of Captain M’Intyre’s health.
“Better than he deserves,” was the answer--“better than he deserves, for
disturbing us with his vixen brawls, and breaking God’s peace and the
King’s.”
“The young gentleman,” Sir Arthur said, “had been imprudent; but he
understood they were indebted to him for the detection of a suspicious
character in the young man Lovel.”
“No more suspicious than his own,” answered the Antiquary, eager in
his favourites defence;--“the young gentleman was a little foolish and
headstrong, and refused to answer Hector’s impertinent interrogatories--
that is all. Lovel, Sir Arthur, knows how to choose his confidants
better--Ay, Miss Wardour, you may look at me--but it is very true;--it
was in my bosom that he deposited the secret cause of his residence
at Fairport; and no stone should have been left unturned on my part to
assist him in the pursuit to which he had dedicated himself.”
On hearing this magnanimous declaration on the part of the old
Antiquary, Miss Wardour changed colour more than once, and could
hardly trust her own ears. For of all confidants to be selected as the
depositary of love affairs,--and such she naturally supposed must have
been the subject of communication,--next to Edie Ochiltree, Oldbuck
seemed the most uncouth and extraordinary; nor could she sufficiently
admire or fret at the extraordinary combination of circumstances which
thus threw a secret of such a delicate nature into the possession of
persons so unfitted to be entrusted with it. She had next to fear the
mode of Oldbuck’s entering upon the affair with her father, for such,
she doubted not, was his intention. She well knew that the honest
gentleman, however vehement in his prejudices, had no great sympathy
with those of others, and she had to fear a most unpleasant explosion
upon an e’claircissement taking place between them. It was therefore
with great anxiety that she heard her father request a private
interview, and observed Oldbuck readily arise and show the way to his
library. She remained behind, attempting to converse with the ladies of
Monkbarns, but with the distracted feelings of Macbeth, when compelled
to disguise his evil conscience by listening and replying to the
observations of the attendant thanes upon the storm of the preceding
night, while his whole soul is upon the stretch to listen for the alarm
of murder, which he knows must be instantly raised by those who have
entered the sleeping apartment of Duncan. But the conversation of the
two virtuosi turned on a subject very different from that which Miss
Wardour apprehended.
“Mr. Oldbuck,” said Sir Arthur, when they had, after a due exchange of
ceremonies, fairly seated themselves in the sanctum sanctorum of the
Antiquary,--“you, who know so much of my family matters, may probably be
surprised at the question I am about to put to you.”
“Why, Sir Arthur, if it relates to money, I am very sorry, but”--
“It does relate to money matters, Mr. Oldbuck.”
“Really, then, Sir Arthur,” continued the Antiquary, “in the present
state of the money-market--and stocks being so low”--
“You mistake my meaning, Mr. Oldbuck,” said the Baronet; “I wished to
ask your advice about laying out a large sum of money to advantage.”
“The devil!” exclaimed the Antiquary; and, sensible that his involuntary
ejaculation of wonder was not over and above civil, he proceeded to
qualify it by expressing his joy that Sir Arthur should have a sum of
money to lay out when the commodity was so scarce. “And as for the mode
of employing it,” said he, pausing, “the funds are low at present, as I
said before, and there are good bargains of land to be had. But had you
not better begin by clearing off encumbrances, Sir Arthur?--There is the
sum in the personal bond--and the three notes of hand,” continued
he, taking out of the right-hand drawer of his cabinet a certain red
memorandum-book, of which Sir Arthur, from the experience of former
frequent appeals to it, abhorred the very sight--“with the interest
thereon, amounting altogether to--let me see”--
“To about a thousand pounds,” said Sir Arthur, hastily; “you told me the
amount the other day.”
“But there’s another term’s interest due since that, Sir Arthur, and it
amounts (errors excepted) to eleven hundred and thirteen pounds, seven
shillings, five pennies, and three-fourths of a penny sterling--But look
over the summation yourself.”
“I daresay you are quite right, my dear sir,” said the Baronet, putting
away the book with his hand, as one rejects the old-fashioned civility
that presses food upon you after you have eaten till you nauseate--
“perfectly right, I dare say; and in the course of three days or less
you shall have the full value--that is, if you choose to accept it in
bullion.”
“Bullion! I suppose you mean lead. What the deuce! have we hit on the
vein then at last? But what could I do with a thousand pounds’ worth,
and upwards, of lead? The former abbots of Trotcosey might have roofed
their church and monastery with it indeed--but for me”--
“By bullion,” said the Baronet, “I mean the precious metals,--gold and
silver.”
“Ay! indeed?--and from what Eldorado is this treasure to be imported?”
“Not far from hence,” said Sir Arthur, significantly. “And naow I think
of it, you shall see the whole process, on one small condition.”
“And what is that?” craved the Antiquary.
“Why, it will be necessary for you to give me your friendly assistance,
by advancing one hundred pounds or thereabouts.”
Mr. Oldbuck, who had already been grasping in idea the sum, principal
and interest, of a debt which he had long regarded as wellnigh
desperate, was so much astounded at the tables being so unexpectedly
turned upon him, that he could only re-echo, in an accent of wo and
surprise, the words, “Advance one hundred pounds!”
“Yes, my good sir,” continued Sir Arthur; “but upon the best possible
security of being repaid in the course of two or three days.”
There was a pause--either Oldbuck’s nether jaw had not recovered its
position, so as to enable him to utter a negative, or his curiosity kept
him silent.
“I would not propose to you,” continued Sir Arthur, “to oblige me
thus far, if I did not possess actual proofs of the reality of those
expectations which I now hold out to you. And I assure you, Mr. Oldbuck,
that in entering fully upon this topic, it is my purpose to show
my confidence in you, and my sense of your kindness on many former
occasions.”
Mr. Oldbuck professed his sense of obligation, but carefully avoided
committing himself by any promise of farther assistance.
“Mr. Dousterswivel,” said Sir Arthur, “having discovered”--
Here Oldbuck broke in, his eyes sparkling with indignation. “Sir Arthur,
I have so often warned you of the knavery of that rascally quack, that I
really wonder you should quote him to me.”
“But listen--listen,” interrupted Sir Arthur in his turn, “it will do you
no harm. In short, Dousterswivel persuaded me to witness an experiment
which he had made in the ruins of St. Ruth--and what do you think we
found?”
“Another spring of water, I suppose, of which the rogue had beforehand
taken care to ascertain the situation and source.”
“No, indeed--a casket of gold and silver coins--here they are.”
With that, Sir Arthur drew from his pocket a large ram’s horn, with
a copper cover, containing a considerable quantity of coins, chiefly
silver, but with a few gold pieces intermixed. The Antiquary’s eyes
glistened as he eagerly spread them out on the table.
“Upon my word--Scotch, English, and foreign coins, of the fifteenth and
sixteenth centuries, and some of them rari--et rariores--etiam rarissimi!
Here is the bonnet-piece of James V., the unicorn of James II.,--ay, and
the gold festoon of Queen Mary, with her head and the Dauphin’s. And
these were really found in the ruins of St. Ruth?”
“Most assuredly--my own eyes witnessed it.”
“Well,” replied Oldbuck; “but you must tell me the when--the where-the
how.”
“The when,” answered Sir Arthur, “was at midnight the last full moon--the
where, as I have told you, in the ruins of St. Ruth’s priory--the how,
was by a nocturnal experiment of Dousterswivel, accompanied only by
myself.”
“Indeed!” said Oldbuck; “and what means of discovery did you employ?”
“Only a simple suffumigation,” said the Baronet, “accompanied by
availing ourselves of the suitable planetary hour.”
“Simple suffumigation? simple nonsensification--planetary hour? planetary
fiddlestick! Sapiens dominabitur astris. My dear Sir Arthur, that fellow
has made a gull of you above ground and under ground, and he would have
made a gull of you in the air too, if he had been by when you was
craned up the devil’s turnpike yonder at Halket-head--to be sure the
transformation would have been then peculiarly apropos.”
“Well, Mr. Oldbuck, I am obliged to you for your indifferent opinion of
my discernment; but I think you will give me credit for having seen what
I say I saw.”
“Certainly, Sir Arthur,” said the Antiquary,--“to this extent at least,
that I know Sir Arthur Wardour will not say he saw anything but what he
thought he saw.”
“Well, then,” replied the Baronet, “as there is a heaven above us, Mr.
Oldbuck, I saw, with my own eyes, these coins dug out of the chancel of
St. Ruth at midnight. And as to Dousterswivel, although the discovery
be owing to his science, yet, to tell the truth, I do not think he would
have had firmness of mind to have gone through with it if I had not been
beside him.”
“Ay! indeed?” said Oldbuck, in the tone used when one wishes to hear the
end of a story before making any comment.
“Yes truly,” continued Sir Arthur--“I assure you I was upon my guard--we
did hear some very uncommon sounds, that is certain, proceeding from
among the ruins.”
“Oh, you did?” said Oldbuck; “an accomplice hid among them, I suppose?”
“Not a jot,” said the Baronet;--“the sounds, though of a hideous and
preternatural character, rather resembled those of a man who sneezes
violently than any other--one deep groan I certainly heard besides; and
Dousterswivel assures me that he beheld the spirit Peolphan, the Great
Hunter of the North--(look for him in your Nicolaus Remigius, or Petrus
Thyracus, Mr. Oldbuck)--who mimicked the motion of snuff-taking and its
effects.”
“These indications, however singular as proceeding from such a
personage, seem to have been apropos to the matter,” said the Antiquary;
“for you see the case, which includes these coins, has all the
appearance of being an old-fashioned Scottish snuff-mill. But you
persevered, in spite of the terrors of this sneezing goblin?”
“Why, I think it probable that a man of inferior sense or consequence
might have given way; but I was jealous of an imposture, conscious
of the duty I owed to my family in maintaining my courage under every
contingency, and therefore I compelled Dousterswivel, by actual and
violent threats, to proceed with what he was about to do;--and, sir, the
proof of his skill and honesty is this parcel of gold and silver pieces,
out of which I beg you to select such coins or medals as will best suit
your collection.”
“Why, Sir Arthur, since you are so good, and on condition you will
permit me to mark the value according to Pinkerton’s catalogue and
appreciation, against your account in my red book, I will with pleasure
select”--
“Nay,” said Sir Arthur Wardour, “I do not mean you should consider them
as anything but a gift of friendship and least of all would I stand by
the valuation of your friend Pinkerton, who has impugned the ancient
and trustworthy authorities upon which, as upon venerable and moss-grown
pillars, the credit of Scottish antiquities reposed.”
“Ay, ay,” rejoined Oldbuck, “you mean, I suppose, Mair and Boece, the
Jachin and Boaz, not of history but of falsification and forgery.
And notwithstanding all you have told me, I look on your friend
Dousterswivel to be as apocryphal as any of them.”
“Why then, Mr. Oldbuck,” said Sir Arthur, “not to awaken old disputes,
I suppose you think, that because I believe in the ancient history of
my country, I have neither eyes nor ears to ascertain what modern events
pass before me?”
“Pardon me, Sir Arthur,” rejoined the Antiquary; “but I consider all the
affectation of terror which this worthy gentleman, your coadjutor, chose
to play off, as being merely one part of his trick or mystery. And with
respect to the gold or silver coins, they are so mixed and mingled in
country and date, that I cannot suppose they could be any genuine
hoard, and rather suppose them to be, like the purses upon the table of
Hudibras’s lawyer--
--Money placed for show,
Like nest-eggs, to make clients lay,
And for his false opinions pay.--
It is the trick of all professions, my dear Sir Arthur. Pray, may I ask
you how much this discovery cost you?”
“About ten guineas.”
“And you have gained what is equivalent to twenty in actual bullion, and
what may be perhaps worth as much more to such fools as ourselves,
who are willing to pay for curiosity. This was allowing you a tempting
profit on the first hazard, I must needs admit. And what is the next
venture he proposes?”
“An hundred and fifty pounds;--I have given him one-third part of the
money, and I thought it likely you might assist me with the balance.”
“I should think that this cannot be meant as a parting blow--is not of
weight and importance sufficient; he will probably let us win this hand
also, as sharpers manage a raw gamester.--Sir Arthur, I hope you believe
I would serve you?”
“Certainly, Mr. Oldbuck; I think my confidence in you on these occasions
leaves no room to doubt that.”
“Well, then, allow me to speak to Dousterswivel. If the money can
be advanced usefully and advantageously for you, why, for old
neighbourhood’s sake, you shall not want it but if, as I think, I can
recover the treasure for you without making such an advance, you will, I
presume, have no objection!”
“Unquestionably, I can have none whatsoever.”
“Then where is Dousterswivel?” continued the Antiquary.
“To tell you the truth, he is in my carriage below; but knowing your
prejudice against him”--
“I thank Heaven, I am not prejudiced against any man, Sir Arthur: it is
systems, not individuals, that incur my reprobation.” He rang the bell.
“Jenny, Sir Arthur and I offer our compliments to Mr. Dousterswivel,
the gentleman in Sir Arthur’s carriage, and beg to have the pleasure of
speaking with him here.”
Jenny departed and delivered her message. It had been by no means a part
of the project of Dousterswivel to let Mr. Oldbuck into his supposed
mystery. He had relied upon Sir Arthur’s obtaining the necessary
accommodation without any discussion as to the nature of the
application, and only waited below for the purpose of possessing himself
of the deposit as soon as possible, for he foresaw that his career was
drawing to a close. But when summoned to the presence of Sir Arthur and
Mr. Oldbuck, he resolved gallantly to put confidence in his powers of
impudence, of which, the reader may have observed, his natural share was
very liberal.
CHAPTER SECOND.
--And this Doctor,
Your sooty smoky-bearded compeer, he
Will close you so much gold in a bolt’s head,
And, on a turn, convey in the stead another
With sublimed mercury, that shall burst i’ the heat,
And all fly out in fumo.--
The Alchemist.
“How do you do, goot Mr. Oldenbuck? and I do hope your young gentleman,
Captain M’Intyre, is getting better again? Ach! it is a bat business
when young gentlemens will put lead balls into each other’s body.”
“Lead adventures of all kinds are very precarious, Mr. Dousterswivel;
but I am happy to learn,” continued the Antiquary, “from my friend Sir
Arthur, that you have taken up a better trade, and become a discoverer
of gold.”
“Ach, Mr. Oldenbuck, mine goot and honoured patron should not have told
a word about dat little matter; for, though I have all reliance--yes,
indeed, on goot Mr. Oldenbuck’s prudence and discretion, and his great
friendship for Sir Arthur Wardour--yet, my heavens! it is an great
ponderous secret.”
“More ponderous than any of the metal we shall make by it, I fear,”
answered Oldbuck.
“Dat is just as you shall have de faith and de patience for de grand
experiment--If you join wid Sir Arthur, as he is put one hundred and
fifty--see, here is one fifty in your dirty Fairport bank-note--you put
one other hundred and fifty in de dirty notes, and you shall have de
pure gold and silver, I cannot tell how much.”
“Nor any one for you, I believe,” said the Antiquary. “But, hark you,
Mr. Dousterswivel: Suppose, without troubling this same sneezing spirit
with any farther fumigations, we should go in a body, and having fair
day-light and our good consciences to befriend us, using no other
conjuring implements than good substantial pick-axes and shovels, fairly
trench the area of the chancel in the ruins of St. Ruth, from one end
to the other, and so ascertain the existence of this supposed treasure,
without putting ourselves to any farther expense--the ruins belong to
Sir Arthur himself, so there can be no objection--do you think we shall
succeed in this way of managing the matter?”
“Bah!--you will not find one copper thimble--But Sir Arthur will do his
pleasure. I have showed him how it is possible--very possible--to have
de great sum of money for his occasions--I have showed him de real
experiment. If he likes not to believe, goot Mr. Oldenbuck, it is
nothing to Herman Dousterswivel--he only loses de money and de gold and
de silvers--dat is all.”
Sir Arthur Wardour cast an intimidated glance at Oldbuck who, especially
when present, held, notwithstanding their frequent difference of
opinion, no ordinary influence over his sentiments. In truth, the
Baronet felt, what he would not willingly have acknowledged, that his
genius stood rebuked before that of the Antiquary. He respected him as a
shrewd, penetrating, sarcastic character--feared his satire, and had some
confidence in the general soundness of his opinions. He therefore
looked at him as if desiring his leave before indulging his credulity.
Dousterswivel saw he was in danger of losing his dupe, unless he could
make some favourable impression on the adviser.
“I know, my goot Mr. Oldenbuck, it is one vanity to speak to you about
de spirit and de goblin. But look at this curious horn;--I know, you know
de curiosity of all de countries, and how de great Oldenburgh horn, as
they keep still in the Museum at Copenhagen, was given to de Duke of
Oldenburgh by one female spirit of de wood. Now I could not put one
trick on you if I were willing--you who know all de curiosity so well--and
dere it is de horn full of coins;--if it had been a box or case, I would
have said nothing.”
“Being a horn,” said Oldbuck, “does indeed strengthen your argument. It
was an implement of nature’s fashioning, and therefore much used
among rude nations, although, it may be, the metaphorical horn is more
frequent in proportion to the progress of civilisation. And this present
horn,” he continued, rubbing it upon his sleeve, “is a curious and
venerable relic, and no doubt was intended to prove a cornucopia, or
horn of plenty, to some one or other; but whether to the adept or his
patron, may be justly doubted.”