It was some time before I recovered strength or spirit to arouse myself.
But for hunger, I might have remained longer in the sort of torpid
lethargy into which I had fallen; but nature craved loudly for
sustenance. I could have eaten my crumbs where I lay, and would have
done so, but that thirst carried me back to my old quarters. It made
little difference where I slept, as I could have fenced myself against
the rats within either of the boxes; but it was necessary to be near the
water-butt, and this alone influenced me in the choice of my
sleeping-place.
It was not such an easy matter getting back to my former position. Many
pieces of cloth had to be lifted out of the way and drawn behind me.
They had to be placed carefully, else on reaching the entrance to my
chamber, I should not be able to clear a space large enough to contain
my body.
I succeeded, however, in effecting my purpose; and having eaten my
morsel, and quenched my feverish thirst, I fell back upon the mass of
cloth, and was asleep in the twinkling of an eye.
I had taken the usual precaution to close the gates of my fortress, and
this time I slept my sleep out, undisturbed by the rats.
In the morning--or rather, I should say, in the hour of my awaking--I
again ate and drank. I know not whether it was morning; for, in
consequence of my watch having once or twice run down, I could no longer
tell night from day; and my sleep, now not regular as formerly, failed
to inform me of the hours. What I ate failed to satisfy hunger. All
the food that was left me would not have sufficed for that; and not the
least difficult part I had to perform, was the restraining myself from
eating out my whole stock at a meal. I could easily have done it, and
it required all my resolution to refrain. But my resolution was backed
by the too certain knowledge that such a meal would be my last, and my
abstinence was strengthened simply by the fear of starvation.
Having breakfasted, then, as sparingly as possible, and filled my
stomach with water instead of food, I once more worked my way into the
second cloth-box, determined to continue my search as long as strength
was left me. There was not much left now. I knew that what I ate was
barely sufficient to sustain life, and I felt that I was fast wasting
away. My ribs projected like those of a skeleton, and it was as much as
I could do to move the heavier pieces of the cloth.
One end of all the boxes, as already stated, was placed against the side
of the ship. Of course, it was of no use tunnelling in that direction;
but the end of the second case, which faced inwards, I had not yet
tried. This was now my task.
I need not detail the particulars of the work. It resembled that I had
executed already, and lasted for several successive hours. The result
was, once again, a painful disappointment. Another bale of linen! I
could go no farther in that direction. And now no farther in any
direction!
Boxes of broadcloth and bales of linen were all around me. I could not
penetrate beyond. I could not make a way through them. There was no
room for further progress.
This was the melancholy conclusion at which I had arrived, and I was
once more thrown back into my despairing mood.
Fortunately, this did not last long, for shortly after a train of
thought came into my mind that prompted me to further action. It was
memory that came to my aid. I remembered having read a book, which
described very beautifully the struggles of a boy, amidst great
difficulties--how he bravely refused to yield to each new
disappointment; but, by dint of courage and perseverance, overcame every
obstacle, and at last obtained success. I remembered, too, that this
boy had adopted for his motto, the Latin word "Excelsior," which was
explained to mean "_higher_" or "_upward_."
On reflecting upon the struggles which this boy had undergone, and how
he had succeeded in surmounting so many difficulties--some even as great
as those that surrounded myself--I was nerved to make a new effort.
But I believe it was this peculiar word, "Excelsior," that guided me in
my after proceedings, for by its most literal sense was I directed.
_Upward_, thought I; I might search upward. Why did it not occur to me
before? There might be food in this direction, as likely as in any
other, and certainly I had no choice, as every other direction had been
tried. I resolved, then, to search _upward_.
In another minute I was upon my back, knife in hand. I propped myself
with pieces of cloth, so that I might work more conveniently, and after
groping out one of the divisions of the lid, I commenced notching it
crossways.
The board at length gave way to my exertions. I dragged it downwards.
Oh, heavens! were my hopes again destined to suffer defeat and mockery?
Alas! it was even so. The coarse, hard-grained canvas, with the dull
sodden mass behind it, answered me with a sad affirmative.
There yet remained the upper side of the other case, and then that of
the biscuit-box. Both should be tried as a last effort, and that before
I could again sleep.
And both _were_ tried, with like evil fortune. Upon the former rested a
case of the cloth, while another bale of linen completely covered the
top of the latter.
"Merciful God! am I forsaken?"
Such was my exclamation as I sank back into an attitude of complete
exhaustion.